Throw Caution to the Wind
by schumie
Summary: Kagome has lost someone close to her and blames no one but herself. When the last person she expects to ask her for help comes to her as a last resort, will she take the chance to redeem herself by helping him? Even if it is for Sesshoumaru?
1. Domino Effect

AN: OK, I've had this idea for a long time. It actually was the other option for how I would write A Twist of Fate, so sorry if you see any similarities. Um, this chapter kind of make a huge flip right in the middle, concerning Kagome's feelings. I might change this when I go over the story again. Tell me what you think or if I should just abandon it. Well, hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own Inuyasha. Is hell frozen yet?

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_*CHAPTER 1*_DOMINO EFFECT

You know how you can tell who a person is by their actions? Well, It's usually a true statement, a good guideline, something predictable. 

Obvious? Predictable? Ha. Right now, I was walking jerkily, my fists clenched tight to my side in compressed balls, my somewhat-existing nails digging into the palms of my hands. I was cursing ever so slightly under my breath, ok, not so slightly. To put it lightly, I was pissed. And it was obvious. You could definitely tell by my actions, and if that wasn't enough, one look at my face would have made the fact undeniable. Ok, so that was predictable. But still.

It just wasn't fair, the hanyou hypocrite! He could yell at me and tell me whenever I should go home, but anytime I wanted to, which was usually for important reasons like a math test or something, it was completely out of the question. No, no, no, he'd gone much farther this time than merely trying to block the well with a boulder (I had put out his back for a week when he had tried that). No, this time he actually had to use his brain. Something very unpredictable for Inuyasha. In short, he'd asked for help. As if my grade point average wasn't as low as Miroku's hand, already!

That's right. Inuyasha, the king of not accepting help from others had done just that. And not only that, but he had asked, get this, _Kouga_ for help. The contradicting freak! He had told Kouga that I, quote, "leave through the well and don't come back for a long time whenever I do. And, someday I might not come back" and that if Kouga wanted to see more of me, he should trample the well. Kouga, apparently after a fair-sized debate, had gone for it. Inuyasha had just gotten the whole wolf clan out there to crush the well to pulp when I had showed up. Excellent timing. Maybe. I recognized what was happening immediately. 

Needless to say, I had Inu Yasha very well acquainted with the ground by the time I was done. Fortunately, all I have to do to convince Kouga of anything is say something nice to him. He had sped off then, but not before promising to come back for me; he had also gotten word of some fight or something that was ready to brew between to important demons, only giving him more incentive to take off. So, after many annoyances, I had managed to save the well and my future self, no thanks to the stupid hanyou. 

How the hell am I suppose to pass my classes with Inuyasha trying to stop me from going home, studying, or doing anything relevant to school? Somehow I had managed to get through to my junior year and was working on my senior now, but that was by pure luck, summer classes up the ass, and a whole lot of "sit's". I have no time to study! I'm horrible at math…I'll never graduate at this rate.

So, back to the main point, I had been very much angry. Inuyasha was pouting on the roof of Kaede's house or getting bandaged up or something. Shippo was with Miroku and Sango, who were off searching for rumors of a shard in the next town; I had declined to the little expedition, do to the opportunity of brushing up on my science notes. I intended to review in utter peace and quiet…at home. 

It was a beautiful night. So I decided I would just have to prove to Inuyasha that I could go through the well whenever I wanted and he couldn't stop me. I would take my stuff while Inuyasha was preoccupied and simply leave. If he decided to make things difficult, I would sit him to Canada. It would be a victory for myself, albeit a small one.

The stars were beautiful, the night air warmer than usual, and the moon was an amazing white orb in the sky, spreading its silver rays upon everything in the forest. The light filtered down through the trees, covering patches of dark earth. Unfortunately, I was too ticked off at Inuyasha at the time to notice any of this. I stared at my feet, watching the black ground so that I wouldn't trip. I guess I was only _too_ busy watching the ground, because, as I walked, I slammed straight smack into something hard and fell backwards.

How stupid. After all, not many people ran into trees. I cursed the tree. It was between me and my victory and it had set me back a full two minutes. Not to mention, now I had to get off my aching butt. 

Damn tree. I stood up wobbily. Usually I'm a big nature-lover. _It's not its fault, the damn weed_. Usually… I looked up at the tree, ready to give it a good kick, but stopped when it looked back at me. Come to think of it, what tree stared back at you? What tree wore a white yukata, haori, thingy and most of all, what tree stared at you with golden eyes. And what tree gave a snort of indignation when you looked up into its golden eyes? Not any that I knew of. _Oh damn._

" Sesshoumaru." I looked up at him, calmly. "Fancy running into you here." _Fancy?!_ "Literally." I added as an after note. I tried my hardest to sound bored. Really all I wanted to do right then was jump into the well, before the guy had a spare second to kill me, and go home. Do homework, I didn't care, I just wanted out of the sengoku jidai. That instant.

"Where is the hanyou." he said, staring straight at me. It was a bit unnerving. Ok, very unnerving, in fact, scary. I mean, the guy was a cold-blooded murderer, right? Should I not be afraid? But I was determined to achieve my small goal. If survival instincts didn't kick in first, that is.

"No clue. Now if you'll excuse me, Sesshoumaru-_sama_, frankly, I have somewhere that I have to be." _And frankly, you're in my way!!!_

A small look of disbelief crossed his perfect, smooth face, hardening into accusation. "Why is that and why do you attempt to lie to me. Lies are wasted on me and they do the one telling them dishonor."

Ok, when he said it, he sounded quite annoyed, but I was just staring at him in disbelief. That was the most he had every talked to, or directed conversation towards me, besides taunting Inuyasha about his weakness for humans-namely me. Second, was he, in a subconscious, mundane way, giving me advice? So, as you see, I had the right to be shocked. And even scared.

"Well, wench." he stared at me coldly. I snapped out of my little drift-off spell immediately and looked at him square in the eye. I now despise that word.

"Probably somewhere in the village, or maybe here in the forest. Don't know, don't care. But I doubt he'll be doing much traipsing around considering I sat the hell out of him this morning." _Not that Sesshoumaru has any idea what I'm talking about.. "_Yeah, I'd say won't be moving much for a good week." Only then did I realize the mistake I had made. I had told Sesshoumaru that Inuyasha was maybe bedridden, therefore vulnerable for a week, _Stupid, stupid Kagome_. But stupid Kagome was countered with occasionally-intelligent Kagome and I thought out a plan. If this guy was anything like Inuyasha, well, never mind. That wouldn't work. If this guy had any sense of honor, which, is a given, this could work. "But if it's the sword you're after, don't embarrass yourself." _Yeah right, what else would he be after?!_

His eyes narrowed dangerously and he advanced towards me.

"I..didn't mean it that way..honestly." I waved my hands frantically, stumbling backwards, but he kept walking towards me. "I meant that, well, since Inuyasha is injured, it's no challenge. No glory. Wait a few days or so, then attempt to kick his ass once again, lose, and come back again later."

Ok, so I hadn't made it any better… His eyes narrowed once more. He stopped, a step away from me, and reached out to me. I almost choked when his hand cupped my chin and he turned my face from side to side. But, much to my relief, all he did was look at me. He stared hard into my eyes, as if to confirm whether I was telling the truth, or maybe just to see if he should waste his time with killing me. Or maybe he was examining me for kidnapping! What if he was inspecting how juicy I was! What if he was going to eat me!! No, that's not logical, I thought. By the looks of it, this guy is clearly vegetarian. I don't make sense when I'm nervous. No even in my own head..

Suddenly, he dropped his hand and stepped back, without killing me, I might add, much to my relief. 

"Girl, you are a miko, are you not."

I didn't see any sense in lying to him; he could probably sense it if I was. "Yep, indirectly a pure bread miko..well, kinda.Ok, not….oh never mind." Today was sooo not my day. Was there possibly any other worse time for me to behave like a complete dolt?! 

Sesshoumaru looked at me, slightly amused. I think he knew how lost I was.

"Indirectly…indeed." he repeated softly, as if to himself, only to raise his head slowly. "I leave for now."

There was a fluttering of white fabric and Sesshoumaru flew away, his words still running through my head. I turned around and could see a blur of red flying towards me, so I jumped into the wells before Inuyasha could get to me.

I had no idea, whatsoever, of what the hell that, with Sesshoumaru, had been. It was scary. But, the part of my mind that is never reasonable kept repeating that it was somewhat interesting. He hadn't killed me, after all.

____________________

Well, well, well. Well, actually, bone-eaters' well, bone-eaters' well. God. Someone stop me.

My little trip home had been a successful one, if you could call it that. I had gotten in a full day and a half, almost two, of studying and tests before Inuyasha had come storming and yelling obnoxiously. Of coursed I refused to return. Unless I could go back next time whenever I wanted, without him interfering (I still had to make up tests and assignments). He snorted, then agreed, dragging me all the way to the well. The well.

Last time I had been on the other side of the well, I had run into, quite literally, Inuyasha's dreaded half brother Sesshoumaru. And I had escaped unmarred. It was quite a bit to take in. Never, not once, had I ever encountered Sesshoumaru where he didn't make an attempt at my life. So, it was a bit disconcerting to think that I had had a short conversation with him. 

I continued on, my usual self in our little group. I hadn't told Inuyasha about Sesshoumaru. Why hadn't I? Well, why should I? It's not like Inuyasha's my father or anything, thank heaven. I had actually forgotten about the little incident until about a week, week and a half later. Inu Yasha had attacked a demon with shikon shards and I had used my arrows to lend a hand. Miroku had mentioned something about mikos and Sesshoumaru's question popped into my head instantly. It still confused me. Inuyasha continued to plague me. We had gotten into a few good arguments over the last couple of days. Each time, I would growl at him under my breath for fighting with me when I had saved his life from Sesshoumaru. Of course, he had no idea that I had done such a thing, but still…

____________________________________

"No way, Inuyasha! I've got tests for the next three days straight! Make-up tests!! Tests I've already missed!!" Inuyasha had growled or snarled, did his dog thing, grabbed me by the arm, throwing me on his back and attempted to take off out of my bedroom window. I felt my back pop when Inuyasha came crashing to my floor as I sat him unmercifully. I thought he'd crash through the ceiling downstairs, hitting the floor that hard. This was getting old. 

"Look, Inuyasha, give me three or four more days, ok."

He had grumbled, but let me go. He was more lenient these days, although he bitched more and more as I left. But I took it as a sign that he cared for me. And that made all the difference, even if he was an immature, selfish, dog boy.

I had worked harder than I ever remembered doing before. I had taken seven make-up tests, three regular tests, and had managed to pass every one except for pre-calculus. Damn math. But, in the end, I was feeling happy and relieved, looking forward to the five day holiday I would spend with my friends.

I packed everything up in my yellow backpack, including a super supply of ramen. I had left a note for Mama, Souta, and Grandpa, telling them that I had left and would be back as soon as I could. I had left the house and, hiking up my back pack once more, jumped into the well. I was enveloped in the soft light and came out on the other side, landing softly, almost losing my balance due to the huge yellow pack. The sound of loud voices ringing out through the air, and I clambered out of the well, spotting Inuyasha and Shippou, both yelling. That's when it happened.

___________________________________________________________________

It had been a short battle.

How had it happened?

I don't know where I was going. It didn't matter. Away. Away was all I wanted. I told them I was going back to my own time for four or five days. They hadn't stopped me, I think they were doing their best to help me.

My mind was numb, no thoughts ran through it, driving me onward, it was only the sheer need. I needed to get away from it. The death. The deceit. I couldn't handle it. The pain. Too many lives taken in this time, too much sadness. All of my friends had experienced it, and now it was my turn. Sango had lost her whole family. Inuyasha, his first love, until recently, and almost all family members. Miroku had lost his father and who knew what other relatives. And Shippou. Shippou. Shippou had lost a mother and a father. And now, I had lost too. 

No thoughts crossed my mind as I ran. I had forgotten everything. Except him. His untidy hair, his cute, odd ears. His beautiful demon eyes that watched everything so carefully. His stubborn and caring ways. The want to perhaps only prove himself. The want to protect his friends.

My pace slowed down to a walk, my hands covering my face. I, a miko, had failed him. I, the one with purifying and healing powers had been completely helpless. And all because I had been three minutes late. I had failed him, one that I loved. Stopping, I took a deep breath, but my whole body shook. I collapsed onto my knees, my fists clenching at the dry earth beneath them. My body stopped shaking and I leaned back against a tree. I gazed up at the little amount of stars I could see from between the swaying branches of the forest. Suddenly, out of my control, tears slid down my cheeks. My body shook with silent sobs. Why had this happened? How did this happen?

I was aware of a presence nearing me. I didn't care, but I wiped my face quickly, ready to face death with a stern resolve, just as he had.

I hadn't expected him. He stared hard at me for a long second, as if contemplating my appearance. A look flashed across his face. I don't know what it was. I hated him. I hated him more than anything for intruding on my mourning. For being there. For not threatening to kill me. For not being predictable.

He walked up to me slowly, sure in his motions, yet a hint of skepticism could be found about him, directed towards me. He walked straight up to me, standing two feet in front of me. His eyes flashed over my face and I found myself burning as he let out a slight scoff. Seeing as I hadn't said anything, he opened his mouth to question my condition, I was sure of it.

"…"

"I don't know where Inuyasha is. Just leave him alone, will you?" He glared at me and I knew he could see the remnants of my tears now. Something passed over his face. But he ignored them, the tears.

"Your miko powers, you are a healer, are you not?"

I was slightly shocked that he had completely ignored the topic of Inuyasha and was inquiring about me, once again.

I nodded dumbly.

"You are experienced then." he asked, but it sounded more of a command.

I nodded once again, stunned for the moment out of my mourning.

He nodded once in response, turning his back to me.

"Come." he took a few steps but halted, seeing as I hadn't followed him. Did he think I would follow him like a dog, without any reasoning whatsoever?

He let out a small exasperated sigh.

"I do not have all day, woman."

I stared at him, defenses building, he courage returning.

"I have no reason to go anywhere with you." I replied. And it was the truth, too. The youkai had tried to kill me and my friends numerous times. If he thought I was just going to up and follow him somewhere to God knows what, without the slightest idea of what he had in store for me, he was deeply mistaken.

"You will come with me. You will learn your place. You will refer to me as 'sama', not as "you", wench." he snarled.

"I will not go anywhere with you without do cause, for, contrary to popular belief, I am not a blundering idiot. Also, I know my place, Sesshoumaru-_sama_.." I spat out in obvious disgust. "and it is not cowering to overzealous taiyoukai. Also, you will refer to me as Kagome. Not woman, not wench, not human filly, and most definitely, not Inuyasha's whore. Now, what do you want?" I had said this all very fast and doubted whether he had even got the gist. The fact was, my anger was only doing a poor job of keeping the earlier tears at bay. The faster I talked, the less likely I was to cry, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Sesshoumaru.

He glared at me, approaching me, ready to grab me by the neck and did so. I hung, suspended in the air by my throat for a minute before he thought better of it and released me. I don't know why, but whatever the reason, I'm sure I love it.

"There is someone under my protection who requires healing." he stated simply.

Suddenly, I noticed the absence of the toad-thing that always followed Sesshoumaru around like a lost, deranged puppy or a horribly disfigured shadow. Had that thing..was it Jaken…. been hurt? No, Sesshoumaru had often chastised the creature with me as a witness. I didn't think that Sesshoumaru would go such lengths for a creature that he thought worthless. So, obviously, I wanted to know who this person or thing was. I wanted to ask him, find out more. Yet, I didn't. The other half of me was still crying, berating myself for not crying enough for my loss. I didn't need anything else to think about. My head was already feeling as if it would crack in half. The half warned me and told me to go home to Momma. She would make everything better.

"Why me?" two sides were battling in my brain.

"I know of you." he looked down at her, unmoving. He had to know at least one other miko. After all, this was Sengoku Jidai, wasn't it? The place had a miko for every mid-sized village. This didn't make sense.

"And why, of all reasons should I help you?" I truly wished to know the reason that he hadn't killed me yet.

He frowned at me. 

"I would return you in three days. Untouched." he seemed to be struggling internally, even though nothing was apparent on his face. " My ward is ill." he stared straight at me, and I could tell that saying those words had taken a lot out of him. After all, I'm pretty sure he is not accustomed to asking others for help. Especially for help for others. " Or I could kill you now." he added in an off-hand way, as if inquiring on the weather. No wonder he never asked for help. Who in their right minds _would_ help him?

Since when did Sesshoumaru have a ward?! I looked at him, shocked, but recovered quickly. Thoughts were racing through my head, sporadically colliding into each other. It could work. Not the him killing me thing, but the me aiding his…ward…thing. If a child was in trouble, I would be the last to back out, even if the child was "under Sesshoumaru's protection".

"So let me get this straight. Your ward is ill? And you need my assistance?" How far could I push him? I needed facts here. Would he admit to needing my aid?

He nodded curtly. "Yes." 

"Just three days?" An expression I could not place flitted across his stoic face. He nodded once more, impatience slowly appearing on the unfeeling mask.

"And you won't hurt me?" I wiped off my face, hoping to clear the shiny trails left from my tears earlier, hoping he hadn't seen.

"Yes." he was growling a bit at me now.

Was I actually thinking about this? Was I contemplating helping the feared, murderous half-brother of Inuyasha? I desperately wanted excuses, but my mind told me that I could do this. So what if it was unexpected or if it was strange and…unforgivable? Things didn't always go as planned. After all, I had accidentally fallen through a well and ended up 500 years before the day I had.

I had nodded silently. I understood now. This was what I needed. I needed to do this. I had not been able to save him, perhaps I could aid Sesshoumaru's….ward.

Inuyasha wouldn't be expecting me for another four days and, to tell the truth, I was dying to see what Sesshoumaru had gone out of his way, to me, for to help.

"So, I'm supposed to trust a youkai who has tried to kill me numerous times. I'm supposed to help you?" My voice came out sounding incredulous. "Help you heal a ward that I have never seen? Do you think I'm crazy!"

He stared at me, as if daring me to go on. A clawed hand moved slowly towards the sword resting beside it.

"All right then. Three days. Let's go." I said, trying to sound cheerful, but, slightly failing. I bent down and picked up my yellow back pack, slipping it over my shoulders. "Well, come on, lead the way, I don't know you to get…hey!" I had stopped short seeing as Sesshoumaru was already a good fifty yards ahead of me, walking silently into the trees. Why had I just agreed to help the ward of Sesshoumaru, let alone Sesshoumaru himself? Why was I following what I considered the most dangerous youkai in the world? The answer was simple yet painfully complex. I didn't want another person to die, Not when they could be saved by me. I couldn't bare to have the pain of a death resting on my shoulders. I wouldn't let an innocent life to be cut short or manipulated again while I could help.

I ran to catch up to him . To put it simply, I cared.

I sneaked a look at Sesshoumaru as I walked. There was complete look of disinterest covering the flawless skin, covering up something else that played in his eyes.

"Who is your ward? What is your charge like?" I couldn't help but wonder aloud. After all, this was an amazing piece of information. Sesshoumaru's ward…

"You will meet her soon enough. Then you may be the judge."

__________________________________________

AN: I know it was short, and probably didn't make much sense, but tell me what you thought. Should I just ditch the story? Edit it? I can almost promise that parts of it ,may very well be changed later, depending on how you guys react to the story. Well, please feel free to contact me!

I reposted this chapter with some grammar checks. Sorry if it fooled anyone!


	2. Antidotes

AN: I'm glad everyone liked it! And I got new readers, too! Well, as for the confusing "who died, what's the heck's happening" thing, I plan to tell you in a couple chapters. Maybe two, maybe even this one, so please be patient. I know the first chapter was disorienting. Also, I am warning you before hand that Sesshoumaru may seem a little OOC. Usually this is uncharacteristic of my writing, seeing as how I am a diehard 'stoic Sesshoumaru' fan. Please bare with me. First of all, I was looking through the manga, and he really does show emotion. Namely hatred for Inuyasha, but still. And most importantly, there are reasons he may be a little more emotional than usual. This will become apparent in the end. I applaud anyone that read this whole AN. Thanks for the reviews!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_*CHAPTER 2*_

A rolling stone gathers no moss. I never did quite understand that. Was moss good or bad? If you are always moving and busy, you don't get all moldy or whatever, right? But if you stay put and calm, life can settle down and things can build upon other things, for instance, moss, right? So what was good and what was bad? Who knows, sometimes I just don't understand old proverbs, maybe because they're just that-old. But, one thing was for sure. At the rate Sesshoumaru and I were traveling, I can guarantee that no manner of living organism would be growing on me any time soon. I pitty the piece of green leafage that was squashed while I was hurrying to keep up with the demon lord's pace.

I had been traveling with Sesshoumaru for a good few hours, straining to stay head to head with him. He walked leisurely, fluidly, amazingly graceful for a full youkai, but his strides were long, and I was randomly sprinting to keep up. I did however, hold his pace for a good while, but he did not suggest a rest, and I did not request one.

Lugging my yellow pack was not a simple task, no matter how often I did it. I wished desperately that I had thought to bring my bike. We could go so much faster. After about four hours of straight walking, I was feeling results, but, I had to admit, this time period was proving a great exercise program. I had been blowing half the other students away in P.E. class and the work was having a great effect on my body.

I had fallen behind Sesshoumaru, giving myself some time to think. I had forgotten that I had promised never to think again. It hurt too much. No matter how much I dwelled on the cause for my walking behind Sesshoumaru at the moment, my thoughts always returned to his "ward" and I could not help but wonder who it was, what it was, or if I could save it. Thus, my thoughts would return to the one I didn't save. If only I hadn't been so selfish and focused on proving Inuyasha wrong….

As amazing as it might seem, my thoughts rested anywhere but where I was now. It pained me to think of those things though, so I adverted my attention to the youkai lord currently strolling in front of me as if it were a totally normal thing for him to be dragging his hated half-brother's wench behind him. Either that, or he had forgotten I was there. I wouldn't have been surprised actually. I hadn't said anything and neither had he. I followed like an obedient dog, blindly being led by its owner. This thought irked me. I wasn't someone to just trail in others' footsteps.

"Sesshoumaru?" I sped up, walking beside him. I glanced curiously at him, but he seemed to be in a nonchalant state. I took his silence as a cue that he was listening. "How far away is your…home? I presume we're going to your home…?" I looked up at his face which was still studying the road beyond as if it were a boring patch of dirt, which really, it was. "Sesshoumaru?" He remained pondering the road, then shifted to the sky, not out of rudeness though. I seriously think the guy was doing some heavy thinking. I cleared my throat. Nothing. Ok, fine. "Sesshoumaru-_sama!!!_" I stood up, yelling into his ear. That was seriously not a good idea.

"You-" he turned, clenching an iron hand around my throat. "Never do that again, do you understand me." he growled, tightening his grip. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at him, but nodded.

He dropped me unceremoniously onto the ground in a heap. I hadn't realized he had been holding me in the air by my neck. "Now what do you want, wench."

I disentangled myself and sat on the ground glowering up at him with utter contempt. Had I not told him before? When I didn't answer he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Get up." he said in a calm voice. Too calm. I continued to stared at him from the ground. "I said get up." he repeated, his voice just as smooth.

"I am not deaf." I replied curtly, but remained there. He started to growl but then let out a silent sigh. 

"What."

"Huh?" I looked up at him, slightly stunned.

"What is it that you want, woman. When a wench like you throws a fit, she wants something." I frowned.

"I would like to be called by my actual name, as I stated before." I said, pushing myself up off the ground. "Kagome. Not wench, woman, anything. Just Kagome." I think he was either really pissed at me or just really tired, but he sighed again, which was, from my experience, very uncharacteristic of him.

"Indeed. Kagome.." he said as if testing it on his tongue. "Very well, but you will also call me by the name that is proper for one of your class to be calling someone such as me. Understood."

I nodded. I really hadn't expected him to agree. More like chastise me or completely ignore me. Just goes to show that people, er, and youkai, are never predictable. I stood and dusted myself off, only then realizing what a state my clothes were in. Positively filthy. Damn. Oh well. Maybe I could have them washed whenever we got to where we were going.

"Um..Sesshou…" he immediately growled at me. "..maru…what? You said-oh never mind. Sesshoumaru-_sama_, where exactly are we going?"

"To my home." he stated, walking off to the west once again.

"Right. Your home." I started off also, jogging up to his side. "Um, if you don't mind my asking, how long will it take to get there?"

He stared straight ahead. "I do mind."

I frowned, thinking up new words to add to an already unpleasant, growing list of adjectives for the dear taiyoukai.

__________

About an hour later, we were still walking steadily onward. I guessed it was probably around two or three o'clock, judging by the sun, but then again, I had dropped out of girl scouts, so…

"We will rest here." the sudden words made me jump. Neither of us had said anything since his last rude remark, and it had been perfectly fine with me. "We will stay here for a short while, then I will take you to the castle.

_Castle? He lives in a castle? Well, then again, he is the lord of the western lands. Why wouldn't he have a castle? _

I had settled down in a matter of minutes, and considering I had no idea of when the next time I would eat would be, I cooked up a cup of instant ramen at record pace. I offered him some, but he stared and scoffed at me. Although, I couldn't help but notice how he was eying all of my cooking utensils with, if it hadn't been masked properly, would have been interest. Apparently this disturbed him, as he took off for no apparent reason into the woods, returning five minutes later, looking somewhat, if he was capable of this, perturbed.

I ate in less than ten minutes and was packed and ready to go in an instant.

"So…" I looked up at him, wondering what he intended to do.

"It will take us another day if we travel as we have been."

"Well, what do you recommend? Taxi or bus, or perhaps I'll just call up my private jet." I mumbled to myself. "It would be best if I could get to your ward as soon as possible, but unfortunately, I'm human. No super speed extras included." then I thought about it "How serious is this illness of your charge's? Sesshoumaru, is it a fatal sickness?" I looked up at him, frightened. I realized that he hadn't even told me what was wrong with this person or thing and I had agreed to help. What if I couldn't do anything?!

"Poisoning." he stated slowly.

I looked at him, shocked.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, we need to get there as soon as possible! Let's go!"

" It will be much faster this way."

"Wha-aiiee!" I screamed as he scooped me up into his arms and jumped into the air. The wind whipped my hair as we flew upwards, stinging my face, but it calmed as we headed west. It felt amazing yet horrible at the same time. I felt as if I were flying, and my stomach had been left behind. I clutched to Sesshoumaru, not thinking of our close proximity. I couldn't care at the moment. I was flying a least a hundred feet off the ground.

I slowly adjusted to the speed and had found an angle of least wind resistence. I don't know how it happened, I'm partly ashamed of myself. Perhaps I was just exhausted, but after a short while, I slipped into the wonderful bliss of unconsciousness.

"_Kagome!" I had just pulled myself over the top of the well, greeted by an orange bundle hurtling itself at me.1_

"Hi, Shippou!" I wrapped my arms around the kitsune, hugging him to me.

"Oi, wench, it took you long enough!" the hanyou scoffed from under the Goshinboku, his arms folded in his trademark position.

"Hi Inuyasha." I smiled despite myself.

"Hey Kagome, guess what!" My attention shifted to the small fox in my arms.

"What?" I ruffled his hair.

But I didn't hear what he was saying. His voice drifted in and out of the background. Something spread over us, casting an ominous, black shadow. Suddenly, I slammed into something.

"Oww…what was that for!!!" I immediately grabbed my buttwhich was now throbbing.

"You were asleep."

"Do tell. So why exactly did you drop me?" I stared up at Sesshoumaru, trying my best to look unfazed. 

"You were not awake…"

"Well obviously, if I was asleep. Astute observation." I cringed, pulling myself off of the ground to what I swear was a pop somewhere in five different spots of my back.

"…And we are here." He walked past me, headed straight in the direction I wasn't facing. There was a beautiful mansion there. Plain in its wooden and stone structure, but elegant. I didn't waste time looking at it though, there would be plenty for that later. 

But, as we were walking, a felt a nagging feeling pull at my stomach. It didn't seem quite right. Then it happened. I felt the pulling feeling. I sensed the presence of a jewel shard. But I pushed it into the back of mind. There would be time for that later, also. In addition to that, I didn't think Sesshoumaru would be interested in such things, and if he were, the more reason to not to mention anything relating to the jewel. 

"Sesshoumaru.." I ran up to him, walking along his side. "How long was I asleep?"

"An hour." he replied deeply.

"Sesshoumaru.." I grabbed his arm. "Take me to your ward right now." He didn't chastise me for ordering him around. Instead, he nodded curtly and entered through the gates and into the home.

I had just entered the door, taking a quick glance around when:

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" the toad-like henchman came hobbling over to his master. I have to admit, I was relieved that there was proof that the toad was not Sesshoumaru's ward. I mean, you never know.

"Jaken, where is Rin.?"

"She,-she is this way Sesshoumaru-sama!" With that, the creature scuttled off at an amazing pace for such an oddly shaped, tubby thing. Sesshoumaru followed at a brisk pace and I kept up. He led me down several hallways. If I was paying attention, I would have realized the place was built like a square, centering around a large garden. But I was merely occupied with the demon lord in front of me. He was, after all, Sesshoumaru. And I was supposed to help him. How ironic.

We went down one more hallway. I nearly slammed into the back of Sesshoumaru as he stopped abruptly, marching through the shoji door on the left as if on a war mission. I followed him in slowly and had to retain a gasp. The room was dimly lit, the windows shut and the light from the outside corridor sent odd painted odd-shaped shadows across the walls. Yet, accompanying the drab lighting, beautiful flowers were everywhere around the room in beautiful, colored vases. It was most odd, but awakening. The contrast of the contents to the attitude of the room. Even dark, it seemed to welcome one such as a child's room does to those with young hearts.

I took this all in within a matter of seconds, turning my attention to the bed beneath a window on my right. Sesshoumaru, leaning against the foot of the bed looked at me pointedly and I approached the blankets. To be perfectly honest, I was a little afraid. I didn't know what the "ward" even was. You can imagine my surprise when I bent over the bed, lifted the sheets, and found the most adorable little girl I had ever seen. A human girl. That was a shock to my system, but I had no time to worry about those things now. I looked to Sesshoumaru who had not moved from his position at the foot of the bed.

"The girl, what's her name?" I asked softly.

"She is called Rin." he stared at the child as if she might just up and jump around any second. I turned back to Rin.

"Rin, can you hear me?" I placed a hand on her forehead. I had been to hot springs cooler. She was sweating a bit, and her eyebrows were scrunched together as if in unimaginable concentration.

Unbeknownst to me, Sesshoumaru had moved to the opposite side of the bed.

"Rin. Wake up." he stated. But I could swear there was something in his voice. Could it have been panic?

She stirred, her face scrunching up more until she slowly lifted her eyelids. I don't know how, but this was already a small victory. The child wasn't gone yet. I still had time.

"Sesshoumaru-sama…!"

"Rin. This woman is Kagome. She is attempting to heal you." His eyes shifted to me. "Please be good for her."

"Ok, Sesshoumaru-sama…" but the girl's eyes had slid closed again, and I felt myself panicking even as she fell into a reassuring sleep. No, I could do this. 

I bent over Rin, checking her pulse and temperature once more, as bet as I could.

"Sesshoumaru, I'll need some water. And my pack."

Sesshoumaru nodded once.

"Jaken."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Have Maki bring water. Have Kaji bring the woman's pack."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama." with that, the toad bustled out the door, disappearing down a hallway.

I leaned over the girl, studying her face, arms and legs for any marks.

"You said poisoning?" I didn't look at him while asking the question, I examined her pulse again. Too bad I didn't have a cell phone that was inter-era serviceable. Then I could just dial up poison control.

"Yes. Poisoning."

"Do you have any idea from what?"

"No."

Now, this created problems. Certain poisons had certain antidotes. I cursed myself for not paying closer attention in health class when we had learned about these things.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I want me pretty rock…and udon…"

"Ok. These symptoms look familiar to me. Hopefully that's a good thing."

"Pretty rock. Udon…I want my pretty rock…"

I pulled back her blankets more. She needed to be cool. Sure, heat would break the fever, but we needed to stop the flow of blood so that the poison could not spread.

Two seconds later, a servant came in carrying a bucket of cold water, a towel, and following her, another servant with my yellow pack.

"Maki, Kaji. Tonight, Rin eats udon. See if you can find the child's damned rock.

I thanked Maki and Kaji, taking the pack, spilling the contents over the floor.

"I know it's here somewhere. Damn. How come there's so many ramen packages?! I shifted through the things, searching frantically.

"Ah-hah!" I pulled out a can triumphantly, setting it by the bed.

I pulled the bucket over to me and washed the girl's body with a cool rag, leaving it on her forehead afterwards. I took out a spoon and filled it full with the medicine from my bag, the very same medicine I used for when Miroku had been poisoned by the saimyousho, those damned bugs of Naraku's. If that didn't work, I didn't know what would. After all, the only things I knew were how to bandage someone and give them the right amount of Advil. Though, I'm learning of course.

With the help of the two servants Maki and Kaji, I managed to get two spoons of the liquid down the girl's throat. Afterwards, I dampened the cloth again and replaced it. I sat down quietly by the bed and watched the raven-haired child take deep, sighing breaths. The girl was absolutely cute. And the way she had said Sesshoumaru's name…what? That couldn't be right. A human girl, Sesshoumaru's ward? I laid my head on one hand, resting on the bed. I was aware of Sesshoumaru still watching me. I had almost completely forgotten that he was present. Obviously, he was very protective of his ward. It wasn't my business. Whatever or whoever Sesshoumaru chose to surround himself with, it was no matter to me. But, I was perfectly happy when I had seen that the girl was a human girl. Maybe it would be good for her to be with Sesshoumaru. Maybe having a child around would soften him up a bit. I reached up, moving a strand of wet hair from the girl's face. She was so innocent and cute in appearance. I could almost tell what she was like naturally. Probably happy, but shy and quiet.

"Sesshoumaru, if you have other matters to attend to…I'll stay with Rin. There's nothing more I can do for her now, just wait, but you can go." I had sensed an uneasiness about him. Perhaps he was mad that he had had to go out of his way to find me, and I couldn't do more, or perhaps, he really did care about the child. More than I would of thought him capable of before.

"I will stay here." his voice came from the corner of the room now. I think he was sitting down.

_Well, _I thought to myself, resting my hand on her forehead, my head on the bed, watching her. _I guess you have to see it to believe it sometimes… _

_____________________________________________

I woke up to a small hand squeezing mine. For a minute, I thought it was Shippou… But when I looked up, it was the small child, Rin, looking back at me with big, puppy dog eyes which were soon consumed by a huge smile, not to mention dark rings.

"Pretty lady was talking in her sleep." she screwed her face up for a second. "Sorry, _you _were talking in _your_ sleep." the girl lay, staring at me as best she could from her reclined position. She looked at me for a second, as if evaluating me. She whispered quietly probably form the weakness, but maybe because Sesshoumaru sat, head bowed. He looked completely and utterly out of it. His chest was barely moving with the freedom of sleep. It struck me as shockingly uncharacteristic. Well, everyone, no matter what or who they are, has to sleep at one time or another, don't they. It's just, well, he seemed so…wrong like that. Yet, the little that he had done in the course of the day had, now that I thought about it, all seemed wrong for him. 

"Your name is Rin, right?" I whispered, smiling.

"Mm-hm." the girl nodded her head once, reminding me of Shippou yet again. I missed him so much.

"Ok, Rin-chan. I'm Kagome. It's very nice to meet you. I'm here to help you get better. Can you help me?"

The little girl smiled up at me with what would have been the brightest smile on earth, if not for the exhaustion that diluted it. "Yes, Kagome-chan!"

"Good! Now first things first. I would really like it if you would try to rest a little. Sleep will help you get better." I adjusted her pillow a little for her and pulled the sheets over her while she curled up. 

"Kagome-chan?" a voice peeped from under the covers.

"Yes, Rin-chan?"

"Are you going to stay here with me?"

"Yes Rin-chan. Now you should get some rest…" I sat down by the bed once again to prove my point. The girl was easy to deal with, cute as possible, and was so sweet to me, someone she had not even met before. I placed my hands on the bed and cradled my head in them. Rin was asleep in less than five minutes, snoring quietly.

It appeared that the medicine I had given her was taking affect and Rin would probably be fine. No lasting damage to think of. It was dark now. I had no idea what time it was.

_Inuyasha was there. Inuyasha and Shippou were fighting. Soon after, in come Sango and Miroku, investigating the loud sounds that echoed through the woods. Inuyasha and Shippou fighting. Then Inuyasha…_

"No!" I shot up, only to stumble backwards, realizing that I hadn't been in bed even.

"You will wake Rin if you continue on in that matter, not to mention my ear drums." a smooth voice spoke from behind me.

"Yeah, well-"

"Who." 

I stood up slowly and turned to face him.

"Who, who?"

"Who was it?"

I looked at him, his golden eyes penetrating my blue ones like cutting through air.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I knew damn well. But if you thought I would go for the demon lord of the western lands knowing much more about me than he already does, you got something coming. Plus…I really didn't want to talk about it. 

He shot me a stoic glare "Tomorrow, breakfast is at seven. Be there." then turned and exited the room. _Crap! What am I supposed to do? Follow him? Stay here? _In the end, I opted for staying there. After all, the peace and quiet of Rin's room as much more enjoyable to dead quiet.

____________________________________________________

AN: Sorry this chapter took so long. It really has nothing worthwhile in it either. Just a slight bit of character building, that's it. Hope that's ok. Next chapter will be more promising, but I don't know when that will come out. You see, I'm actually attempting to plan this story out.

As for who died, one or two of you figured it out. As for how they died, details may come soon. I will explain who died next chapter though. Also, I'm sorry if this story is hard to understand or a little bit off, but this is my first time writing in first person.

Well, please tell me what you think! 'Till next time!


	3. Reliving

AN: Ok, first of all, after the first chapter, I realized I had kind of…boxed myself in. So, to make it short, I've almost completely changed the whole storyline. It's not bad, I just decided to have other things happen. Because of this, I've found that my plans for the first part of the story story focus more on what happens in general to Kagome, and less than on the Sess/Kag relationship than I had originally planned. I will though, work out a way for the two to come closer. I mean, how can I resist a little Sesshoumaru x Kagome action?! How could anybody?! Heh heh, long chapter…

Disclaimer: I don't own them. You know who I'm talking about. You know, those characters. But, I do own those other original characters. You know. The ones that show up in three of my stories. Yeah, those ones.

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_*CHAPTER 3*_RE-LIVING

Some people don't believe in miracles. And I can understand that. In fact I understand completely where they're coming from. When people think of miracles, these days, they believe miracles to be, more often than not, related to religious happenings. But what if miracles are just things that would not normally, under the circumstances, usually occur. What if they are freak happenings. Like 'wow, I just missed getting run over by the Hell's Angel on that bicycle' or 'I just missed being decapitated by that septic tank that flew over my head'. Ok, those aren't great examples, but still. What if miracles are just accidents or something, like a little kink in fate? 

Would Sesshoumaru's last-second asking me for help and me accepting be considered a miracle. Or even more, me actually helping Rin live? I don't know. No one does. And I'm ok with that. But sometimes fate is plain screwed up. It may have its best intentions in store for you, but often in takes the scenic or very bumpy road to get you there.

Rin, thank the gods, was getting better, and quickly. By the next morning, her temperature had broken, her pulse was back to normal, and she was sleeping soundly. I love modern medicine. I had stayed by her all night, watching her sleep. Now I had slowly let the light into the room through open windows. It was amazing what a difference it made. The flowers littering the room in their mocking vases joined with the new found light, creating a splendidly warm and cheery ambiance compared to the once sullen room.

I sat, reading my history book, studying for the test which, thanks to much experience in Sengoku Jidai Japan, I already knew most of. That didn't happen too often. But I studied anyways. I was, after all, on my way out of high school. I had curled up in a corner with the book and was dropping in and out of sleep, my body playing a kind of hide and seek with my brain, trying desperately to stay awake. I don't think I had gotten more than three hours of sleep…

There was a rustle of bedding and I heard a small yawn. The covers moved and I watched as a small hand emerged from the web of cloth, like a clueless baby spider. There was a faint whisper.

"Kagome-chan…are you awake?" It sounded so cute, the way she said it. As if scared that by talking the world would be sucked into oblivion.

"Good morning, Rin-chan." I said, placing my history book to the side and pulling myself up. The girl seemed so shy and only too…cute. That's the only way I can describe her. Absolutely cute. Her hair was pulled off to the side in a half ponytail and was disheveled, yet beautiful and shiny. It fell a little ways past her shoulders, not far. She looked to be about ten years old, but was small for her age. She had big, puppy dog eyes that looked at you and made you feel like you were the only thing in the universe. I could already tell she had a happy and quiet demeanor.

"Oh good! Kagome-chan is awake!" I nodded and walked over to the bed. I assumed that the quiet girl would be too drained to get up for a while. I sat down beside the bed, responding to the great smile she was giving me.

"Kagome-chan?"

"Yes, Rin-chan?" I turned my full attention to her, smoothing the bed sheets.

"Can I ask Kagome-chan a question?"

"Of course." I gave her my most genuine smile, wondering what the quiet little girl could want from me.

"WhydidyoucometohelpRineventhoughRinnevermetKagome-Chan before?WhydidSesshoumaru-samaleave?HowoldisKagome chan?DoesshehavefamilyandfriendslikeJakenandSesshoumaru-sama?IsKagome-changoingtostaywithRin?"

I should have known. Quiet and shy. Right. Ha. I'm not always the best judge of character, but I know when I see a pure heart.

I stared at the girl in wonder as she remained perfectly silent, waiting for my reply. How on earth had she gotten all that out in one breath?! It wasn't possible! But, despite my overwhelmed feeling, I laughed. For the first time in days, I had truly laughed. Sure, this girl wasn't the quiet, shy thing I had expected and sure, I didn't know any thing about her. But she had trusted me from the beginning and I realized later on that day that I was slowly falling in love with her. Her spunkiness and lively character was not what I had suspected, but I loved it nonetheless, if not more for it. She asked me so many questions, I soon found that I was learning things about myself that I had never known.

At about noon that day (she had woken up very early) and repeated doses of medicine, she was looking so much better that I couldn't help but be proud of myself. So, when she practically worked herself into a anxiety attack, begging to go outside "It's ok if Kagome-chan comes with Rin, right?", I couldn't resist. After all, she seemed to be nearly back to normal. Not that I knew what normal was for her. Heck, I didn't know anything about her. I just adored her.

So, when the toad sidekick of Sesshoumaru's was out of sight, I hoisted the girl up on my back, which was not an easy thing, mind you; ten-year-olds are heavy, and headed into the halls.

"Ok, Rin. We have to be very quiet so no one will hear us." I whispered, trying to plaster the best Mission Impossible look on my face as possible.

"Yes!" she squirmed, rearranging some of my vertebrae.

"Um…Rin-chan…do you know _how_ to get outside.

"Oh, it's quite easy, Kagome-sama." a voice spoke in a soothing voice from behind me. I must have jumped three feet, even with Rin on my back. It was the servant from the day before. Maki…I think.

"Oh, um, if it's not too much trouble, could you show us how to get to the gardens.

"Of course. Although Sesshoumaru may not approve of Rin being outside so soon after her sickness, I say what you did for her and I think a breath of fresh air would be good for both of you." she smiled a happy smile, her eyes squinting, laugh lines bunching at the corners. She looked like the picture perfect grandmother. Her silver hair was tied in a long braid that hung to her thighs and she wore a loose fitting kimono of blues and grays. Her eyes were a light blue-white as if all the color had been drained out of them, yet held a friendliness to them that I could not explain. I immediately took comfort in the woman, well, demon, I guess. She reminded me of a happy Kaede and my respect for Kaede seemed to seep into this woman too.

"It's this way…" she turned left down a hall and walked onward. I followed, scooting up Rin every so often when she began to slip down. "It's really quite a simple house." Maki was saying happily as she turned another way. "The whole house basically centers around the various small gardens. You'll get used to it once you're here for a while."

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to tell her that I was leaving the next day. I didn't want to tell Rin. 

We were just making another left when I felt the sensation nagging at my stomach. I sensed a jewel shard. It was unmistakable. What was I supposed to do? I could go search for it, but I had no business sneaking around Sesshoumaru's home. But then again, what would you call what me and Rin had been trying to do? But still, was Sesshoumaru even aware that there was a shard near? Was it his? What would he be doing with a shard? After all, he didn't need a human arm to hold tetsusaiga anymore, right? After all, he had toukijin… _What am I supposed to do?!_ Then I figured it out. It's not my problem. Not at that moment anyway. Right now, I should be focused on Rin. After all, I couldn't just throw her down and bolt off, could I? Perhaps I'm being a little dishonest. The truth was, well, I was tired of the whole shard thing. I wanted a small break, that's all I asked for, and it had literally offered itself to me. To go outside and not be worried about attacking demons or looking for pieces of the shikon no tama. To sit down and watch Rin. That's all I wanted at that moment. Perhaps that was a little weird of me. But it wouldn't be the last of weird changes.

It turned out that the castle I guess you would call it, did primarily center around a large garden which seemed to be in the very middle, a courtyard, of the whole establishment. Maki led us out of the corridors and into the garden. I was immediately fascinated with it. Beautiful plants and trees that I had never seen covered the landscape along with artfully placed stones and soft green moss. There was a patch of grass beneath what looked like a willow tree who's braches dipped softly into a koi pond. Japanese maples lined beautiful white stone walls and multitudes of fruit trees spotted the garden. It was breathtaking to see the least. And, that was only part of it. The entire grounds around the castle had been made into one large castle also.

Seeing as how Rin would hyperventilate if I didn't put her down soon, I kneeled down, letting Maki help her slide off my back. After a moment, Maki excused herself, saying she would have Kaji come for us when tea was ready.

For the next twenty minutes, Rin pulled me around the garden showing me every single detail she could, all presumably from memorization. _Future Botanist in the making! _For a girl that had just been deathly sick the night before, she wasn't looking to bad, especially considering I was having a harder time keeping my eyes open than she was. She had though, I reasoned, gotten quite a bit more sleep than me and I did carry her some of the time.

After my very spirited tour de la garden, Rin took me out a bit farther to what seemed to be a large meadow that had been incorporated into the castle grounds. There, I sat in the tall grass, making flower chain jewelry for the toad servant, Jaken. Most of the time though, I dedicated to studying every move the child made, her expressions, and infectious smile. I knew Sesshoumaru to be a, well, from experience, a heartless, cold bastard, yet he kept this young girl around and even called her his ward. But, I had to admit, for once I understood why the demon lord was doing something.

Rin had just relayed to me the time that Ah-Un, Sesshoumaru's dragon had sneezed when she gave it a daisy necklace and had sent Jaken, who was riding onto its back "SPLAT into the tree" in front of it. A very loud "SPLAT". "And Jaken-sama didn't stand up for a long time, and when he did, he wobbled like this." Rin did an uncanny impression of one of those weighted, blow up punching bags that rock back and forth, finally falling backwards and returning to the clover bracelet she was constructing.

I can't explain it, but a happy, easy feeling came over me, sitting there, talking to Rin. I didn't even know if the little girl had a last name, but I enjoyed her happiness so much, I didn't want to leave her ever.

"Rin-chan…why do you stay with Sesshoumaru-sama?"

The girl looked up from the stems of the small white flowers like lions' tails between her fingers.

"Oh!" she exclaimed happily. "Rin-I- was hurt by the wolves and Sesshoumaru helped …me… He fixed Rin even when she was broken!" She added with a triumphant smile as if that explained it all.

So Sesshoumaru had saved her and now she was living with him. It seemed sensible enough. But not for Sesshoumaru.

"Where is your family, Rin-chan?" I questioned, knowing I shouldn't go there, but so interested.

"My family is all gone now. My mommy and Daddy are gone, but now I stay with Sesshoumaru-sama and Sesshoumaru-sama protects me!"

"Oh. That's great, Rin-chan!" I watched he face shift back into a great smile. She held up her flower bracelet for me to see and I critiqued it playfully. The girl was nearly ten, yet acted still very young. It was a refreshing change.

I held up a small necklace which she immediately loved and I tied it around her neck for her, admiring her new look as I stood back.

"Kagome-chan?"

"Yes, Rin?" I set back to work creating another necklace of grass and clover.

"Can I call you Nee-chan?" the girl looked up at me, eagerly waiting for a reply

"I would be honored if you called me your sister." I smiled graciously. Rin shouted happily, ran around once, then collapsed again, back to the flowers.

"What do think you are you doing." a smooth voice called from behind. I recognized it at once to be Sesshoumaru.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!" Rin jumped up and ran over to the taiyoukai. For a moment I thought she would throw her arms around him, but she stopped and just beamed up at him as though his very presence was a joyous occasion.

"Rin, go pick flowers by that tree with Jaken. I believe he is hiding over there, camouflaged in the green grass…" he patted her head once as he said this, the whole while, his eyes never stopping there mission of boring into my soul.

"Ok!" she said, giving me an almost, if I'm not imagining it, knowing smile, than running off. I could hear "Jaken-sama!! Where are you Jaken-sama! Let's pick flowers!" as she bolted towards a row of bushes.

"Again, what are you doing." 

"Well, we were making jewelry for Jaken-sama until we were interrupted." I looked at him pointedly.

"Is that so?" he cocked an eyebrow at me. There was a sort of interrogating air about him always. As if he was waiting for me to screw up like he expected. Or like I was nothing compared to him. Both were probably true.

"Well, you see," I hated how I had to explain myself to him. _He wants explanations, I'll give him one. _"I thought that this shade of green on the clover flower stems would match beautifully with Jaken-sama's natural coloring and perhaps accentuate his better features." I knew that he had wanted me to tell him why I had taken Rin outside without permission or even why I was outside in his garden without permission. But still, I thought that my cover was pretty witty myself.

"Indeed." he said in a half bored tone. But I could swear I sensed an underlying humor there. 

"Well, Rin was a lot better, almost perfect, and she was dying to go outside. You know, that girl won't stop talking for a second about something she wants to do." I said, smiling.

"I am aware of this."

"Oh. I mean, of course you are. After all, you do watch over her, don't you." I more mumbled to myself than told him. I stared out after the girl who had been so sick the previous night and was now galloping around, chasing a toad youkai. It was odd, I had to admit, that she healed so quickly and so well, but I wouldn't complain. If she died, I would have to start over again all from scratch. The pain, the guilt. This girl was becoming, unconsciously, my sign of salvation. 

"Do not get involved with Rin." The smooth voice sounded cold now.

"What?"

"Must I always repeat myself? Do not get involved with Rin. You will most likely never see her again, and I do not wish her to develop a relationship with a human who travels with Inuyasha.

"What are you talking about?! It's not like I choose to be with Inuyasha!" Ok, so that was a bit of a lie, but still… "The girl obviously needs friends! A toad with a flame-throwing stick isn't going to cut it for a decent companion for a little girl. And you, from what I've seen, you don't pay half as much attention to the girl as you ought to and you're never around! You spared her some time when she was deathly ill, sure, but that's not nearly enough! She needs someone!" I was mad now, I was taking it as a personal insult. How could he refuse the girl a friendship? How could he refuse me one! He didn't control over our lives! Well, I don't know about Rin, but he damn well had no control over me! 

Why was I arguing? I couldn't be the one to help this girl. That would mean staying with her. And Sesshoumaru. And I had the shards to look for and Inuyasha. I couldn't do anything more for the child than what I had already done. Perhaps there was nothing I could do. I had saved Rin, so why wasn't I satisfied with leaving it at that?

I stared at the ground, then up at Sesshoumaru. A flicker of shock had shot across his face followed by anger after my last words.

"Do not speak of what you know not, girl! Rin is in fine hands with Jaken when I am gone. She needs no friends. Rin is not weak like you humans." his eyes were narrowed, and he growled out the sentences in between.

"How can you say that! Us humans! Have you forgotten Sesshoumaru, that Rin is a human too?! Humans need care and love. We die without it!" I realized my voice had risen again, along with my body. I was standing face to face with him, glaring into his eyes as best as I could, him being so tall. I realized that this was probably not the smartest position in the world and adverted my gaze, but kept it narrowed, nonetheless.

"Can't you see…" I felt the unforgiving pull of a shikon shard somewhere near, but tucked it into the back of my brain as an issue to address later. It obviously wasn't going anywhere. "she adores you, Sesshoumaru. She idolizes and cares for you above all else. She sees you as her father figure. She loves you." I said whispered, self awareness spreading through me. I was certain of so much after spending so little time with them, I felt as if I understood Sesshoumaru's household to an enormous extent. Just listening to Rin rant and rave about 'Sesshoumaru-this and Sesshoumaru-that' was enough to justify my argument.

"I came for you to help heal Rin. It is not your job to criticize the way I relate to Rin. She is not your responsibility, no matter how you would like her to take the place of the fox child. Because he is dead is no means for you to tell me how to care for Rin. You are not her guardian. You would do best to leave Rin out of the matters of your friends. She is not a mere replacement for a hole in a human's life."

I stood, gaping at him. He-he… "How?" I managed to squeak before my stomach churned.

"How, what. How did I know about the kitsune? It was obvious. His smell was no where to be found, and you acted as a mother would who had just lost a child. It was plain enough to read on your face."

I stood, unbelieving. Flashes of Shippou came back to me in a whirl. His bright smile, cute ears, messy hair. It all came back to me and I realized Sesshoumaru was right. All of my memories corresponded or showed similarities to my moments with Rin. Perhaps I was just playing out my fantasy with Sesshoumaru's ward. I felt empty and guilty consecutively. But Rin was more than a three day attempt to replace Shippou. She was like a much-needed wake up call of the world to me. I cared for the little girl, no matter if her father was Sesshoumaru or if he wouldn't let her get close to me.

"Why do you care for her well-being?" his voice snapped me back into attention. He reached down, a hand under my chin, lifting my eyes to his. "Why do you care for someone you have just met."

My heart was pounding out of anger than seemed to screech to a halt, jerking me with it. 

"I care for everyone's well-being, Sesshoumaru. Especially childrens'. They do not need any more scars of life than they already have. Too many have lost too much in this time. Rin deserves all of the care she can get. You don't know when you may lose her." my voice was steady now, betraying the feeling that was wellling up inside of me. I couldn't help but remember Shippou. He had, in essence, been my son. our eyes locked. I didn't blink.

He stared at me for a long while, examining my eyes and face, searching for falsehoods, but I believe he didn't find any, for I held none. After a while, the hand under my chin dropped to his side. He turned back to the castle half way, and said, without looking at me directly, "I will take you back to your companions today." I nodded silently. I didn't question why then and not the next day, After all, this was only my second day, but Sesshoumaru had said he would have me back within three days. That required travel time, and that didn't mean I stayed for exactly three days.

In a disturbing way, I didn't want to leave. I liked the home and I liked spending time with Rin. But what was there to do? I couldn't hang around Sesshoumaru's home all the time, and I didn't belong there. I really didn't.

I watched as his figure disappeared into the walls of the castle then went to join Rin in making a small flower ring.

_________________________________________________________

"Don't cry, Rin-chan. I'll try to come see you whenever I can, that is," I looked to Sesshoumaru. "If Sesshoumaru-sama allows it. Ok? Don't forget about me!" I waved at the small girl while Sesshoumaru and myself set off on our trip.

I had spent the rest of my time at Sesshoumaru's home that day playing with Rin and mocking Jaken. It was almost as if I were on vacation while I was there. I was able to forget the things that had been previously haunting me, if only for a short while. But now, it was merely and hour away from sunset and I found myself traveling in a dead silence that seemed to scream at me to make conversation, scuff my shoes on the ground, anything. I personally didn't mind so much, but the silence was a bit disorienting and, frankly, a bit creepy. But so was my traveling companion. Finally, I broke.

"Sesshoumaru-sama…why did you take in Rin?" It was a reasonable question. After a few minutes of no repsonse, I wasn't expecting one.

"When Inuyasha first discovered the scar of the wind and attacked me, I was…incapacitated for a short while. During this time, Rin came upon me and tried to save me. Rin's father and mother are dead, presumably killed. After I fully healed, her village was attacked by wolves. She was attacked also, but, for training purposes, I revived her. She accompanies me now to choice locations."

For some reason, I knew it was hard for him to tell me this. Perhaps it was the fact that he had been handicapped by Inuyasha's attack, or the fact that a human had tried to save him, but either way, his honor was at stake, and from what I know, Sesshoumaru is very keen on honor. Perhaps it is his nobility. I don't know why he saved Rin, but I think it ignited a change in how I saw the demon. Maybe it made him a bit more human.

The rest of our travel was for the most part in silence, excepting the travel by air times when I would mutter nervously under my breath and cling to Sesshoumaru's armor. I would ask the occasional question which would be occasionally shot down. Yet, he must have answered every question he deemed worthy, as he would, very occasionally reply. Even if it was only with an acknowledging grunt or an answer. 

For some reason, I found this to be a big step. I had, somewhere in the back of my mind, come up with this absurd idea that I would get to the demon lord, make him as possible to actually tolerate as I could. Perhaps it was just the beginning of an idea, but I prayed it stay that way. Why go on a conquest for the impossible? I would probably never speak to him one on one again anyway, unless he was threatening to kill me while fighting with Inuyasha. Why should I even care if he was the biggest stiff I had ever met? Why should I want to make him more approachable? But, even more, why did I think it was possible?

"We are near that part of the forest." he stated, landing suddenly, yet smoothly on the grassy ground. I guessed he was referring to what Kaede had dubbed Inuyasha's Forest. The familiar feeling, the familiar look of the trees. The way the light filtered through them exactly as I and always would remember it. For some reason, it made me sick. The known. The predictable. Hell, it didn't matter. It's not like I had anywhere else to go, and I was betting that Inuyasha was getting suspicious even if I had told him I wouldn't be back for three days. I wouldn't be surprised if he was about to hop through the well to drag me back.

I nodded after he set me down (we had flown a good half of the way, much to my chagrin) and went to leave, before remembering something.

"Thank you Sesshoumaru…sama."

He said nothing, just stared at me, as if asking if there were anything else that might be worth his time.

"I was wondering…" I looked up at him; I was tired of playing the subservient Kagome. "I know you and Inuyasha don't get along…" I huffed, what an understatement. "but if you're ever around, and Inuyasha's not, I would love to see Rin. You don't have to come, or I can come find you, but I really would enjoy seeing her." I smiled at him, to aid my point further.

He stood, looking at me for a moment, considering what I said then nodded curtly.

"You do know she can not replace the kitsune."

My face dropped, but not to sadness. Instead, I was thinking.

"I know. You're right. But I'm not looking for a replacement. I'm looking for a friend." I beamed up at him. "You don't know how annoying it gets traveling with an pervert monk, a woman that won't admit her feelings for the pervert monk, and an immature dog demon. Sometimes a pure, happy person is a very valuable thing. And a relief."

I was amazed, but he nodded knowingly.

"Inuyasha will come, and I have important matters to attend to." Sesshoumaru said, looking at me pointedly, but not pushily.

"Right. I'm sorry. Thank you for letting me stay at your home. I know I was probably a nuisance." I looked up into his golden eyes and for a moment could swear there was something slightly different in them. Who knows.

He looked at me, his eyes burning into mine. I have to admit, it was very uncomfortable, but I held the gaze none the less. After a moment, he turned around.

"You saved Rin." he said, without turning around and disappeared, headed north.

I know this sounds odd, but I was pleased with what he had said. In his own way, I think that was as close to a thank you I would ever get from Sesshoumaru, and that proved very satisfactory. Hell, the fact that he hadn't killed me was satisfactory.

I sighed and took off into the forest, letting my feet carry me along the so well-known path. What had truly happened? I had just had the most controversial three days of my entire life. I had been asked, by Inuyasha's cold-blooded, murdering brother, to come to his home and try to heal his ward, which turned out to be a little girl. But not just a little girl, a human little girl. I had immediately loved the girl and had stayed for two more days in the murderer's home. I had had, get this, decent conversations, though few in number, with the lord of the western lands, none other than the cold-blooded brother. And, on top of it all, he would allow me to see his ward again.

I walked through the quiet forest, contemplating excuses just in case Inuyasha had gone back to my time to find me. _Let's see. I…was sick. No, I would have been home if I was sick.. I…had to go to school…no, it was the weekend… Hojo asked me out….yeah, that just might work! I was on a date! The loser couldn't find me, 'cause I was busy going on a date to the movies! _This proved fine. That way, I had a liable excuse, I was gone from my house. And, I could see if Inuyasha would get jealous. _He's so cute when he's jealous! He sits there and pouts like a puppy. I wonder if Sesshoumaru would pout like he does? _I caught myself there, shoving that thought out of my mind, instead focusing on my surroundings. I should have been very near Kaede's village by now. But, I didn't feel any closer.

The trees were taller here than I remembered. The forest ground was wilder, but very patchy in some spots and the tree tops blocked the light's passage into the area. Everything seemed a bit darker for it. I wondered where I had gotten to. Had Sesshoumaru dropped me off at the wrong place? No, he knew where he had found me, he wouldn't purposefully leave me in the wrong place, would he?

I didn't know where I was going, but continued straight on. If anything, I could always turn back the way I came and try to go from there. The only problem was, I didn't know where I had come from.

I continued on, monitoring carefully each step I took. It seemed as if the woods were only growing darker. An unsettling feeling was developing in my stomach as I wondered just where I had taken myself. Then, to my utter relief, I heard the flowing of water. It could be the river near the village that Kaede had taken to me the second day of my life in the feudal era. I ran towards the sound, hoping with all my heart that I would recognize it. I didn't want to admit it, but my instincts were kicking in. Reason was beginning to present itself to me. I had no protection, no weapon, and I was lost.

I ran, bursting out of a line of trees, to discover a narrow river flowing beside a rocky edge. I looked around, but could not recognize the area. However, attempting to calm myself, I kneeled by the river washing myself. When I did find Inuyasha, I couldn't have the scent of Sesshoumaru lingering on me could I. I spent a few minutes, rinsing myself. I didn't want to think about it, but I was in a bad position. It was nearing five 'o' clock. Wherever I was, I would have to get out of there soon.

I stared into the water, attempting to scour my brain for any navigational related topics. I stared at my reflection absently, when something orange streaked by behind my reflection. I turned sharply from the water's edge to see something disappear behind the rock wall. 

My curiosity getting the better of me, I walked towards the stone, only to find that it wasn't just a wall of rock. There was a wide cave cut out of the side that continued on into darkness. I don't like caves.

Then I heard it. The unmistakable sound. Disobeying all instincts that were screaming at me not to follow, but to go on searching for Inuyasha, I stepped inside the entrance of the cave, a cold feeling of resoluteness taking control of me without my consent. My feet were carrying me forward and my head was concentrating on what I had seen in the water's reflection. 

As I continued further into the cave, I strained my eyes against the growing darkness. I could hear scuffling noises, echoing off the walls. I went on, one step at a time, my mind bent on finding what it was I had followed. I held my hands out in front of me, to stop in case I ran into a wall, but my feet caught on something and I came crashing down onto the floor of the cave. 

"Oww.." I moved, rubbing my scraped knees and elbows. I went to stand up and as I did so, a blinding blue light filled the cave, bringing out the forms of jagged rock walls and the shiny liquid upon the floor where I had fallen. I looked up, covering my eyes only to gasp.

_This can't be…this isn't possible! _Reason fought a fruitless battle with my senses. _There's no way. .. Oh my God!! It is! It is!!_

I choked, finding my voice.

"Sh-Shippou?"

__________________________________________________________________

AN: Ok, how was that? Slight cliffy, eh? Heh heh. I love cliff hangers! So I assume you all know now who it was that Kagome couldn't save. And now, he's back! Well, please tell me what you think. I know this chapter mostly focused on Rin and Kagome's relationship, but I have reasons for that. Also, this story is based on Kagome. It will tell what Kagome feels and what happens to her. It's not a Kagome in love with Sess story. It's a what happens to Kagome and what builds a relationship between Kagome and Sess story. BTW, I'm sorry if this seems a little off. It's my first time ever writing something completely in first person. Also, if Kagome seems a bit edgier, it's because she's older, wiser, and has been through a lot. Well, please tell me what you thought!


	4. Hook, Bait, and Sinker

AN: I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story! This chapter is meant to be a bit disorienting from Kagome's point of view, but I don't know if it will turn out that way or not… Well, please review. Oh yeah, it you like this story, feel free to spread the word. Hint hint…

Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha and co. I would not be sitting here, fantasizing about Sesshoumaru. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is by Lewis Carroll.

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 4_HOOK, BAIT, SINKER

There are moments where everything seems surreal. Everything around you doesn't seem quite right, like it could be fake, but your mind yells at you and tells you to wake up to reality which is what you're seeing. No fake backdrops, no actors waiting to spout their well-rehearsed lines. That this is reality, no matter how odd is seems. Has that ever happened to you? Well, what was happening to me at that moment was...exactly opposite. My mind was screaming that what I was seeing couldn't possibly be true. Inconceivable. Yet, my heart was singing so loudly, yearning for what I was lookinh upon. It was so busy rejoicing that its laughter blocked out the sensibility of reason.

There was no way that he could be standing there before me, glowing in the bright blue light. Yet, at that moment, it seemed so possible, almost obvious that my Shippou was standing there before me, his hair, eyes, and clothes exactly the same as I remembered so precisely. 

They were Shippou's eyes, it was Shippou's hair, and Shippou's blue flame of foxfire. My mind went completely numb, so that I might quell the screaming inside that so objected to what I was seeing. I was consumed hungrily by a fast happiness that spread throughout my body. So, when his arms opened wide and that all-too-familiar, huge smile spread across his face, I lost control. I ran towards him, not caring that he was not running towards me. His arms were outstretched and asking for me. That's all I needed.

Perhaps if I had been in a right state of mind, I would have realized that his clothes were no longer stained red and the bruises were gone. Perhaps I would have thought that someone had took him in and taken care of him. And that would have been just fine with me. 

I ran towards him, towards his happy, blue light, my arms now outstretched also. It seemed as if it took me an eternity to reach him. With each step I took, he seemed to move away half a step. It was of no matter though. All my thoughts were on reaching him.

When I came within three feet of him, my knees hit the ground softly and I flung my arms around his small body. I hugged him tight to my chest and stroked his hair and I could feel him smiling against me.

"Shippou…" I realized that tears were making their treacherous paths down my cheeks, falling into Shippou's autumn colored hair. I hugged him tighter to me, my senses bombarding me with insulting reality checks. I didn't feel the change right at the time. Who would have wanted to?

I shrieked as I felt the tug of muscles. The body under my hands was slowly giving way to something much larger. My arms were slowly forced apart as a well-defined body shaped itself under them. I pulled back in shock, unable to comprehend what had happened. The small body of Shippou I had been hugging had changed within my arms to the size of a full gown man. I watched in horror as Naraku materialized in my arms. I screamed and launched myself backwards, looking on in horror as he rose. I panicked, crawling backwards on my hands and knees, only to jar my body against the cold, rock wall. Damnit!

I watched, petrified as he approached, stopping short of two feet away from me. My unarmed, shaking me. He let out a small chuckle that would have sent Kikyo back to the grave. Somehow, this brought me back a bit. Should I let him be amused? Let him play his little games? Like hell I would. To throw in a bad cliché, I wouldn't go easily. I sat up and back on my knees, looking up him.

"I hate caves." I stated plainly. My eyes locked on his. "Dark things, 'ya know. Always shady. Never good things, caves. Always hiding something, looking ominous. But you know, sometimes there's nothing to be scared of. Sometimes they're just hollow holes, playing the part."

I believe for a mere nanosecond, he was confused. I don't think he was expecting this response. It made me a bit more brave and as a result, I decided to test him. I stood up, taking a step closer to him. This really put him off balance, I believe, if only for a moment. I made my face as placid as possible, borrowing a 'Sesshoumaru face', and stared at him with an unwavering stare. "One could almost compare them to …you…" I smiled at him, but not my normal smile. No, I did my best to imitate the smiles that he, Naraku, was so found of.

"You know…just a hollow thing, playing the part of the enemy. Really, you're not all too much to be afraid of. Predicting as hell, if I say so myself. Set a trap, attempt to turn people on themselves or others. Set a trap, attempt to kill. Never succeed."

So what if everything I just said went against what I thought. I let the smile spread across my face. I had him, I had made Naraku contemplate his position. He was silent for a minute longer, then took a step forward, leaving barely a foot between us. I insured that my stare didn't waver, but neither did his. This time, he smiled back, his red eyes glowing in the darkness.

"Ah, but you are wrong. I am not that easily figured, Kagome." His voice sounded odd, more hallow than normal and it seemed to die in the cave, not bounce back at me. In a fast but fluid motion, his arms wrapped around me and his hand covered my mouth. I tried to scream, but I felt my body go limp. I fell to the floor with a painful thud, my chin connecting with the stone for a mere second. I winced, but could not move. I looked up to see him kneel down towards me, then passed out.

_____________________________________

When I awoke, I had no idea where I was and I felt as if someone had thrown me down the rabbit hole in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I had had the estranged sensation of falling slowly while I slept. My body seemed to be a step behind me, still drifting down and my brain was working overtime to catch up with what had occurred. I tried as hard as I could to make sense out of what happened, but kept drawing blanks.

I had no idea where I was. I assumed, wherever it was, Naraku had taken me there. Hmph. So, the white rabbit was a demon dressed in a white baboon pelt. I could have laughed if I had known where I was, why I was there, and how I was going to get out. If I had known. But for the moment, my thinking was restrained and I focused on my surroundings. I would have been simple to see where I was, except for, well, I was nowhere.

Sure, it doesn't seem possible, everything has to be somewhere or else it doesn't exist. But, I assure you, I was nowhere. My surrounding were completely and utterly dark. For a second I imagined this might be how it looked inside Miroku's kazana. A complete void. There was nothing. No walls, no sky, no building, no cave, just…black. And empty, cold black. And it was the most terrifying thing in the world. Nothingness is not something human minds process easily. We do not take pure black lightly. Imagine, a room with no ceiling, no walls, no windows or doors, and no furniture. Complete emptiness.  
_Welcome to Wonderland._ I thought silently to myself. _Now how the hell do I get out?! _I thought it quietly, only to realized it echoed into the immense blackness and was swallowed whole. My thoughts echoed, but did not bounce back to me, only farther into the dark. How was it that my thoughts were spoken out loud?

Then, in the corner of my eye, color appeared. I turned sharply only to gasp in relief. Inuyasha was walking towards me, Shippou beside him. I was saved! Naraku had been dumb enough to leave me alone for a while, and now Inuyasha had come. Everything would work out. I rushed towards Inuyasha, never being happier to see him. We could leave before Naraku returned. But, we had to figure out a way to escape.

"Dumb girl, you still haven't figured it out yet?" Inuyasha stopped short and 'feh'd with contempt. I ran over to him and the kitsune who jumped into my arms. I held him so tight, I almost suffocated him. I squeezed him to me, thinking how relieved and utterly happy I was that he was there, only to have my thoughts broadcasted throughout the darkness.

When I released Shippou, he jumped from my arms and I immediately grabbed Inuyasha, hugging him with all my might.

"Inuyasha…I was so scared!" I felt traces of tears in my eyes. "I was lost and I went in this cave and-" I buried my face in his chest, trying to subdue the tears I knew were coming. "-and Naraku showed up and he took me here. I was so afraid…" I pulled back, looking up wildly into his golden eyes. He blushed slightly, but pried my arms off of him.

"I'm glad you're ok, Kagome, but you know what Kikyo will think if she sees us like this. I can't make her mad again…"

I was utterly shocked. What was he talking about?! What on earth was he saying?!

Inuyasha seemed to catch the odd look on my face, as he elaborated.

"Y-you know how she gets. She's already jealous of you, Kagome. I don't want you on her bad side. I can't protect you against Kikyo." he hugged me swiftly. "You know I can't protect you anymore."

I was certain I would die. Did he know what he was saying? What was going on? I turned to Shippou, hoping the wise child would know what was occurring, but I pulled back with a sharp pain to the chest. There Shippou was, standing there, with an expression filled with more anger than I had ever seen. I took a small step towards him, but he growled in his small voice, his tiny razor fangs presenting themselves dangerously.

"Shippou…what's going on? What's wrong?" Inuyasha seemed to have disappeared momentarily, taking something with him.

"Why did you, Kagome? Why did you let me die!!" His eyes had turned startlingly black. As far as I could see in the dark, they had lost all color. "I loved you, Kagome. You were like my mom. How could you watch me die!"

I stumbled backwards, scrambling for a hold on something, but ran into nothing. Just blackness. What was going on?

"Shippou, I-I-I tried, I tried so hard. You were already gone. I-I-couldn't revive you. You-you left." I tumbled over my words, sobbing sporadically in between each attempt. I backed away again, but made no progress. There wasn't anywhere to go. Tears were leaking slowly at the corners of my eyes, stinging them.

"If you hadn't been fighting with Inuyasha and didn't go home, we could have sensed the shards the demon had. We wouldn't have been ambushed. If you had came back earlier, you could have healed me. Your stupid pride killed me, Kagome. I thought you were my friend…" Shippou was advancing towards me now. I backed up slowly, discovering that my body was trembling. I stared at him in disbelief. Quite suddenly, he seemed three times his size, looming over me, even though he only came to my knee. His eyes seemed more purple than blue in the dark. There was a red quality to them. He was angry at me, he wanted revenge. And he deserved it. It was all my fault. There were so many things I could have done to help him.

The whole while, my mind was screaming that what I was seeing was not reality, but the rest of me was numb. All these things, they could happen. They did or they would. It was my fault Shippou was dead. My mind didn't register that he was standing there, talking to me. This wasn't right. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't. There was nothing I could do…it wasn't my fault… For some reason, my mind flashed back to something Sesshoumaru had said, about Rin not being able to take Shippou's spot. I knew this was true, but I could not take Shippou's spot either. Shippou was dead, there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't swap places with him. And his death, wasn't my fault. I hadn't meant for any of it to happen. It wasn't supposed to.

"No…" I said quietly. "no, no, you're wrong. I tried so hard. I miss you so much.." I stopped and took a step forward. "I'm so sorry, what you've been through, Shippou. You're so strong…" I opened my arms, starting to kneel in front of him. He was slowly disappearing, wisps of him being blown away. "I miss you so much…" Tears that threatened to leaved their watery trails down my cheekbones made my face cold. I wrapped my arms around his disintegrating body.

"It's your fault, Kagome. Now I have to leave everything…" and he disappeared, following Inuyasha into the darkness.

___________________________________________________

I was visited once more by Shippou, followed by Inuyasha. The game was identical. Shippou would berate and grind my mind with his accusations, Inuyasha numbed my heart with his deadly devotion to the deceased miko. I had already gone through it all once, yet my mind treated it as if it were a completely new assault on it, and it hurt. It hurt more than the first time.

I lay in the darkness. Even though he was not present, I had grown to feel Naraku's presence constantly. It never let me alone and grew stronger with the visit from the things that haunted my imagination and memories.

There were brief instances where I was hallucinating. I thought I saw Sango and Miroku fighting softly. But they must have been illusions, for even they did not speak to me. Sporadically, I would get quick, panicked images of the two flashing through my head, but they were never long enough for me to assess a degree of danger or problem.

I don't know how long I was in the black. I drifted in and out of consciousness, fearing the ghostly apparitions of my friends that were so true, yet such plain lies.

Then, I was lying there, I don't know what on. I guess the floor of the blackness, but you couldn't see it. I caught a bit of red out of the corner of my eyes and turned to see Inuyasha standing before me, a solitary look on his face. I turned back around, knowing this was just another trick. I didn't want to go through the shock of hearing him say something traumatic then disappearing again.

"Are you ok, Kagome…?" he said my name slowly, sadly. I couldn't help it, I had imagined this tone so many times in a 'I love Kikyo' sentence that would sentence me to my depression. I had imagined how it would sound, so many times, Inuyasha confessing his undying love for Kikyo to me. My rejection. I straightened up a bit.

"Kagome, let's go. I'm sorry you were stuck here for so long." I was a bit surprised to say the least. I turned around again, wondering if by some miracle, this was the actual Inuyasha. I stood, silent, gazing at him, expecting him to dissolve into thin air, but he didn't.

"C'mon, Kagome! We gotta get out of here before Naraku gets back."

I really am not sure, but something broke in me then. Sure, my mind was half aware that the Inuyasha I was hugging now and staining his red clothing with tears was only a sad, false imitation of the hanyou that I held so close to my heart. But it didn't matter. It looked like him, sounded like him, felt like him. I think I was delusional. It was inconsequential that he was only a lie. I pulled close to him when his arms finally wrapped around mine. I buried my face in his red haori, denying the blackness the sight of my face. I stood like that, buried against him, I don't know how long. For some reason, all this was and had been real. I realized sadly that…

"Won't Kikyo be mad if she finds us like this, Inuyasha? We should go." I began to pull away, but he only pressed me harder against him in a hug that would have been the most enjoyable thing on earth except that I kept worrying Kikyo would walk in any minute and be mad at us both.

"It doesn't matter what Kikyo thinks."

I shut my eyes tight against his words.

"Kagome, Kikyo is past saving. I can't do anything for her, and she can't do anything for me. I don't love her." his voice cracked a bit, perhaps tension. " But you…"

I felt his hand under my chin, tilting it up. I didn't open my eyes. I was scared.

I felt breath on my face, an oddly warm breath in the cool dampness of the cave.

"You…" his whispered "..can find me the jewel shards, and I…" I almost yelled at him. The shard collector. That's all I was. Except, I never got a chance to yell, because I felt his lips close over mine. Mouthing against my skin "I love you." I gasped and the lips turned up in a smirk, before pressing against mine harder, demanding reaction. And, after a moment, I gave it willingly.

He pulled away from me, but pulled my body close to his, my head against his chest. I wished the darkness would go away so I could see him better. See what he was thinking.

"Once we get out of here, we'll go collect the shards." his voice changed subtly. I'll forget about Kikyo, and maybe, you can stay with me…" I rested my head against the silk clothing on his chest, taking in the feeling of the well-muscled body. Silk? "Can you tell me where they are, Kagome?" I should have known right then. "The shards? We can go collect them right away. The others are waiting for us." His voice had become deeper, smoother.

Realization spread through me like a fresh wave of shock. Everything erased. The blackness was sucked away, leaving me in what looked similar to the cave I had been in so long ago.

"Do you really think I'd fall for that, Naraku?" I growled, pushing my hands against his chest, attempting to separate me from him.

"You're stronger than I thought. But, I would have broken you if it had continued just a bit longer, and you are aware of that. Doesn't it scare you, Kagome?" Arms wrapped tighter around me, holding me to his body. "Imagine that, being broken by your own thoughts." he mused quietly. "I never knew silly little mikos thought about such traumatic things. And to think half of it your mind made up…to think all I had to do was play the parts of your companions." he lips brushed against my ear, sending chills down my spine all the way to my feet. That meant…I had kissed Naraku. I felt sick. 

I could feel him smirk against my ear. 

And I had enjoyed it. Even kissed him back.

I felt even more sick.

"Now tell me, Kagome, where are the shards he gave you?" Naraku had loosened his grip, and I took advantage of it, forcing him away from me. Well, myself away from him. Sure, I admit, I was scared. Who wouldn't be, facing off against Naraku who had killed more people than I had ever met, set up Inuyasha and Kikyo and basically everyone else in the entire world, and, on top of it all, wore a giant, white baboon pelt. That was just plain damn freaky. But, I don't buckle easily. Especially when I don't know what I'm being questioned about.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." I stated, nice and clear. I didn't back up this time.

"Ah, but you know quite well, don't you? After all, he owed you."

"I don't know what the hell you're saying." I said calmly. "Who?!"

"No matter how much it is a blinder for him, his pride would not let you walk without payment. Sesshoumaru owes his ward's life to you. And what greater gift than to give you something you have been searching for? Where are they, Kagome?" 

I just stared at him like he was absolutely insane, which I don't doubt he is. I realized my thoughts were no longer echoing around me. That was reassuring, I guess. It gave me a little more protection than I had been allowed in the blackness. Silently, I wondered where that had been. He smiled, as if he knew something I didn't. I hate it when people give you that look.

"No matter. Perhaps you will tell me, perhaps not. But in the end, I come out ahead. After all…" he reached into his shirt, bringing out something that glistened in the dark. I gasped at him, unable to maintain my mask of indifference. "I now have the shards that belonged to you. They'll make a nice addition to my little collection, don't you think?" He smirked at me, holding the piece of the jewel up to his face and inspecting it.

"You…" I growled, sounding almost like Inuyasha would.

"I had heard that it grows more beautiful when tainted with evil, but I did not know to what extent. It is beautiful, more beautiful than I have ever seen it. It is lovely, don't you agree, Kagome?" He looked at it once more, admiring the purple tint it had taken on and the dark glow it emanated. "But perhaps it is more beautiful than ever, for it passed from such a pure and beautiful person, such as yourself, to…me." His smirk spread to an all-out smile, albeit a very scary one. My cheeks burned red from embarrassment or anger, I don't know which. 

I put my head down for a second, than looked up to question, but he was walking towards me now. I noticed how smooth his gait was. He almost seemed to glide and in the dim light, his skin seemed an ethereal white, giving him an unearthly appearance. His dark hair was almost darker than the cave that held us and it contrasted so with his white skin, if he weren't evil incarnate and my worst enemy, I might have thought him beautiful for a second, perhaps even gorgeous. But, I wouldn't go that far. 

I just stood, eying him carefully. After all, where was there to run to. The answer- I had no clue. As far as I knew, we could be in the same cave I had first entered, or we could be in some hideout of Naraku's across Japan. Although, I would bet Naraku didn't usually lower himself to using caves as hideouts. He much preferred castles…

"But you know, Kagome. I will collect all of the shikon no tama. Whether you decide to tell me right now, or not. It will happen. So, why not just make it easier on both of our parts, and tell me where the pieces Sesshoumaru gave you are."

For a second, I was mad at Sesshoumaru. Even Naraku had given him more credit than he deserved. The guy hadn't even thanked me, well not in so many words, let alone give me shards of the jewel. Yet, I was thankful of Sesshoumaru's arrogance at the same time. What I didn't know, I couldn't tell Naraku. I scoffed. Like I'd tell him even if I did know.

"Kagome. Think this over. You can tell me where they are, and I, in turn, will not have to kill your friends later to find them. Or, you can keep your secrets, I can kill your friends, and you can remain with me to aid me in finding the rest of the shards."

I almost had to laugh. The guy had obviously gone through some planning.

"Tell me, Naraku." I smiled at him happily. "What would happen if your little plan were to fail. Say, maybe your hostage didn't know what you had counted on… Would you keep pressing her until you finally realized what an idiot you are for making assumptions? I may know where those shards are…or I may not. Do not assume for a second that Inuyasha's half brother is a generous, I know that from experience. He's nearly killed me..oh…six..or is it seven times. He will not merely give something of value away. Yet, I suppose if you were to do something that was beneficial for him, he might reimburse you…" I have to admit, I was proud of myself. I had given him absolutely no answers in my winded speech. If I knew where the shards were, he wouldn't go after Inuyasha and the others. But if I didn't, he was stuck. I smiled to myself. The ever-scheming Naraku hadn't schemed quiet well enough it seemed. "I guess you've been relying to much on rumors. Truths are always hard to separate from rumors."

__________________________________

I ached all over. I had been bound with rope by a very angry Naraku after his return and interrogation. It was true, he had been counting on me. But for once, I didn't feel sad that I had let someone down. Hell, if I hadn't been kidnapped by the bastard, I might have enjoyed his small defeat. I knew nothing, no matter how hard he tried to break me. And believe me, he had tried. After assaulting me mentally and, to my great pleasure, failing, he had turned to physical assault. My body was covered in small cuts and dried blood. You know, old blood tends to turn a brown color. Odd, isn't it? Not that his physical abuse was the only thing attacking me. I felt that if I were to be kept there any longer, I'd go insane. And, slowly, I think that is what was happening to me. In my mind, Inuyasha had ditched me for Kikyo and was even nervous to be seen around me, Shippou haunted me constantly, blaming me for his death, a blame which had taken me days to even get the slightest bit over, and now it was back. And, I was stuck with Naraku. And by the looks of it, he intended to keep me for a while. There's only so much a person can handle.

_________________________

I didn't move, even as I was aware of the presence in the cold room. Naraku had taken me somewhere in my last fainting spell (from loss of blood) and had apparently moved me to a castle without my being aware. The floor was cold and hard. There was a stillness in the air, a stillness that I feared and treasured. And then I had felt his presence. He came every day, at least I think everyday. I had no way to tell time. 

I felt a shape move next to me and was flipped over onto my back by a hand grasping my shoulder. It wasn't comfortable. I kept my eyes closed, willing my mind not to create the mental picture of him in all his beauty and evil. A hand brushed strands of hair out of my eyes. It would have been a comforting gesture if they hadn't been so…not cold, but not warm, as if devoid of life. I felt like the hand would suck my life from me to make up for its own nonexistent one. Not unlike Kikyo, I thought coldly.

"Kagome, I'm giving you another chance…" I kept my eyes closed, attempting to block out his voice. See no evil, hear no evil. "Kagome, open your eyes." It wasn't necessarily said like a command, but he said it in such a smooth, cold way that it sent shivers down my spine. I opened my eyes. After all, what good would it do to act like he wasn't there? It hadn't gotten me anywhere, but still, silently, I wished that if I just ignored him, he'd disappear. "Tell me where they are, Kagome." I kept my mouth clenched tight as if he might try to pry it open. Speak "You know, you aren't protecting Sesshoumaru or the child, I'll get to them eventually." I almost gasped. I hadn't even though of that. What trouble would Rin be in if Naraku were to attack Sesshoumaru's castle. I knew Sesshoumaru was strong, but no doubt, Naraku would go ready for battle and have plenty of extra minions to do his bidding. I found myself worrying that the stubborn youkai lord might not be able to hold up. I would have to get to those shards first, once I escaped from Naraku. I wouldn't let anyone harm Rin. Or, for that matter, her father figure. She need him too much. 

I said nothing. Speak no evil. 

"so it is…" The way he said it scared me out of my wits. As though somebody had just proposed something at a tea party. He said it quietly, as if pondering to himself how to destroy the world on a free Sunday afternoon. 

He rose and pulled me up into a sitting position, my bonds still restraining my movement. I sat and looked up at him, wondering what he was thinking.

"So, perhaps my plan so far has, shall we say, not been profitable.."

"Failed. Miserably." I helped.

"Yes, well.." he glanced sideways at me, and started to pace around my sitting form. "So, one might ask, what should one do when their hostage knows not of what you desire, but may still prove a useful.." he smiled wickedly at me "…hostage for future reference. Do you seek another that might contain the information? Do you kill the dangerous hostage? Do you keep her until she breaks apart? Well, what would you do, Kagome." He stopped behind me and I could feel him smirk at the back of my head. "What would you do with a beautiful hostage who can not be saved. Would you throw her out to the wild or kill her? After all, she may have many uses." He sat behind me, but I refused to turn and look at him. Suddenly I was aware of the sharp cold of steel on my shoulder, pressing over a previous wound that had just started to slowly heal. "After all, you're friends will not take you. You know that. You think about it constantly now. You are useless to them, just as you could be to me." He made a quick slash and the cut on my shoulder opened up, larger than before. Blood was creeping down my arm, but I refused to let the tears in my eyes escape. I was feeling dizzy, the lack of blood taking its effect.

"But what is to become of a hostage that one has come to find intriguing. You're very, intriguing you know, Kagome." He whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Why kill you, now that I finally have you? Why throw you out when I have collected my obsession? Why not take advantage of this situation that has been so generously bestowed upon me? Why deny myself what I want?" his head bent over and his arms encircled me, supporting me dangerously. I had no clue what was happening. What this another illusion? Some sick trick of the mind? His head bent over my back, his midnight, waves of hair falling over my shoulder. I recognized the feeling of skin against skin as his mouth covered my throat hungrily. I was in a state of shock. Everything seemed to be whirling around me, making my stomach turn and my eyes widen.

I barely felt him remove his lips from my neck. I could just make out him saying something before I passed out, falling against his body.

"Kagura." he hissed. "you didn't hold him back."

___________________________________________________________ 

AN: So, yeah. Ok, that was all a little abstract. Sorry if it didn't flow very well or was too repetitive, but that was kinda supposed to happen. Kagome's going through a lot of crap in this chapter, but she's strong. Some interesting things are and are going to happen to her. That includes some mixed up feelings and odd revelations. As for happy endings (which so many of you have asked if this would have) I don't know about happy, per say, but at least you know Kagome doesn't die. After all, she tells part of it in past tense.

If you guys don't like this chapter, tell me and I'll try to rewrite it. I don't think I like it too much anyways…I didn't proof read it at all. Please tell me any mistakes. Please review and tell me what you think!

~cloverX


	5. Reunions Plural

AN: Thanks for all your reviews! Sorry this chapter took so long! Because of that, I'm not even proofreading before I update! To tell you the truth, I don't really know how I'm going to do this chapter, but please hang in there with me. The tone seems to change smack in the middle, sorry about that. But there's a reason for it. I also think I reverted to my old writing style towards the end, and I don't like it, but tell me what you think! ^^ Enjoy!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 5_REUNIONS PLURAL

I dreamt of nothing. No accidental, naked appearances in front of the school, no fall to my death from a high cliff, just nothingness. I think that, if I were a psychologist, I would put myself out of a job. Any psych would have a field day with me. Imagine, a girl that thinks she travels to sengoku jidai constantly and helps fight demons run loose in the feudal age, all the while attempting to piece together a magic rock. I couldn't imagine an encounter with a shrink now. 

To hell with the lot of them. 

Ok, that was mean. But it's so true! I wonder how many of those 'strange fantasies' their patients describe to them so willingly, only to have placed in a manilla folder with the symptoms, are actually true? Who knows? Certainly not the psychologists. I often wonder if they are the type of people that dreamed of unicorns and super powers when they were smaller. It doesn't seem they would, but everyone was a child at one point or another. I was too.

And now, this child was trapped in a nightmare that only children could think of; adult minds would dismiss such things. An enemy with power beyond reckoning, held hostage by this powerful, not to mention sexy enemy. And I was, apparently, beyond saving. Hah. That would turn any shrink into a believer. 

How long had I been there? Three, four days? Inuyasha would be looking for me. Somehow, this wasn't a comfort. What if Naraku was using me as a lure for Inuyasha? What if, without my purifying powers to help set him back, Naraku had attacked my friends? Would Inuyasha even worry about me or would he give up after figuring out that I wasn't in my time? The evil aura that was always berating my senses had seemed to grow stronger. I slapped myself as I remembered that Naraku had gained possession of the shards I had been carrying. Had Naraku gained the powers of the piece of the jewel that had been near Sesshoumaru's castle, too? Inwardly, I cringed. Was Rin alright? _Shit! _I cursed silently. Sesshoumaru had told me that he had business to attend to when he dropped me off. If Naraku had attacked… I hoped to everything holy that Sesshoumaru had been and was home at his castle with Rin.

I had been bound at the hands and feet and was now leaning against the back of a wall, not much different than I had been for the last…who knew how long.

Naraku had not been to visit me for quite some time. Part of me held the wanton wish that he had had an accident. Something unplanned. Inuyasha had found him and with one quick slice of the tetsusaiga…or he had slipped in that baboon pelt and fallen to his untimely death amongst sharp, jagged rocks. It was possible. And at this moment, my mind held on to any possibility as if it were bound to happen, as if I would be let loose, Naraku tired of me, and I could simply walk out of wherever it was he had taken me. But I knew this couldn't happen. Yet, if Naraku's plans were to 'break me' as he said, he had made a fatal mistake.

_"Kagura. You didn't hold him back." _

He had given me hope.

_"You didn't hold him back."_

That meant something had not gone as planned. Someone or something had not been suppressed, and could be heading to where I was at that very instant. Kagura, that wind witch bitch had slacked off, and if my guess was right, Naraku was feeling a bit uneasy.

Someone was coming to where I was. Inuyasha, Kouga, hell, even Sesshoumaru, anybody would be fine with me at the moment. Anybody that could possibly get me out of there.

But, how would they know where I was. I was inside wherever Naraku had taken me, who knows where in some random castle he decided to murder the occupants of and dwell in. In all of our confrontations, we had never once gone into one of Naraku's castles, excepting when Sango and Miroku had gone in to search out Kagura once. But at that time, they had been in plain sight. I could be in some shed, a bath house, who knows? Certainly my rescuer wouldn't. I started to panic.

I tried to rise, rubbing my arms against my bonds, skin burning as it met the course rope and unforgiving metal. I pulled as hard as I could against the rope and chains, but they did not slip. I felt stinging and warm liquid run down my wrists and pool in my hands. I wasn't getting any where fast and I knew it. My struggling had reopened some off the previous wounds Naraku had made and I was now bleeding quite freely. Amazingly, I seemed to be partially immune to the stinging.

________________________________________________________

I felt as if I was sitting on rock, not a wooden floor. It was cold and dark. I had sat, bound, against the wall for what seemed like hours, shifting my position every so often so that I might hear outside happenings better and to keep my left butt cheek from dying on me. For the first hour or so, I had been listening as attentively as possible, my ears ringing with every single crack or rustle. Not that it really mattered all that much. Wherever I was, it was not near a large and densely populated location. Slowly, my hope began to falter in the breeze.

My perception of time was completely lost, but I knew it had at least been half a day since Naraku had said those last words and I had fallen unconscious. Whoever had been coming must have been silenced by Naraku or one of his underlings, along with my wish for rescue.

As I sat there, a feeling of confrontation washed over like a flash, only to disappear and come back stronger. Someone was coming and I could feel their energy fighting the dark aura that Naraku had put over my current holdings, crackling against the poisonous shouki of the despicable monster. That meant that one of Naraku's enemies were coming. I strained my hearing even more, trying desperately to catch even the hint of voices in the god-forsaken place. And I heard it. A voice yelling, calling out. And I felt it. A presence that I knew so well. Suddenly something gripped me tightly around the shoulders and I felt the earth around me shake. Everything around me dissolved into nothingness. I could hear the yelling, the calling, louder.

__________________________________________________________

My body was being shaken and gripped tightly. Sharp nails dug into my skin.

"Kagome! Wake up! Kagome!"

The voice was so close to me now. I jarred myself awake, my eyes snapping open.

"Kaogme!"

_Inuyasha….?_

My body was still being harassed with shakes and strong hands. Something cold splashed over my face.

"I-Inuyasha…" I stammered. 

"Kagome…are you alright?" There was concern in his eyes like I had never seen before. He cared about me, he really did. I felt so happy, but then….

"I-I'm fine. I-Inuyasha…" I didn't want it to happen, I prayed that it wouldn't. I distanced myself, knowing that at any moment he would shift into the form of Naraku. That I could not deceive myself again. Suspicion clouded my mind. But, I was so happy to see him… "H-how did you find me?" I stuttered. I had thought that no one would know where I was or how to find me in the fortress of Naraku. Inuyasha would never have thought to look there for me.

"It's been three days! You didn't come back and you weren't in your time. I asked that old crazy religious man and he said you didn't come back home, so I came to find you."

I blinked incredulously. "Three days?"

"Yeah. Three days. You said you would be back in three days and you weren't!"

This wasn't right. I had been under Naraku's watch for at least three days myself, and I was sure of it. My sense of time wasn't that thrown off. Maybe not three, but at least two days, and Sesshoumaru had brought me back on the third. That meant five. Five days, I would have been gone. This didn't add up.

"How did you find the castle?" I asked, looking up at him. This was most definitely Naraku playing a trick. He was trying to trap me, the bastard, and I wasn't about to fall for it again.

"Castle? What the hell are you talking about? There's no castle. I found you in that cave over there, all messed up on the floor, unconscious!"

Only then did I realize my surroundings. I was lying down besides the bed of the stream that I had found outside of the cave.

"No…castle…?" I looked up at him with confused eyes. Was this true? If this was another of Naraku's tricks, why had he moved it outside, where I could escape. I scanned over the Inuyasha in front of me. He had the tetsusaiga at his side. His ears, face, body, clothes…all exactly how they should be. But that wasn't saying anything. "Inuyasha?"

"What, are you blind, wench? Why do you keep asking who I am?! And what were you doing in that cave?" 

I heard shouts from the near forest. Shouts that sounded like Miroku and Sango. For some reason, that confirmed that my suspicions had no base. This was Inuyasha in the flesh.

"Inuyasha…" Suddenly, tears were threatening to run down my cheeks and I flung my arms around him. "I'm sorry….I…" I buried my face into the rat fur haori. No silk, just Inuyasha's trademark fire rat fur. My eyes stung and I hated them for doing so. I didn't want Inuyasha to see me weak, but I couldn't stop.

I felt a hand pat my head awkwardly and I heard Inuyasha say in a somewhat panicked voice "It-I guess it's fine if you didn't come back right away. We can survive, it's just-it's not your fault-it's ok-"

I squeezed him tighter, taking a giant breath. I pulled away from him, wiping me eyes with my sleeve.

"That's not it…I-I lost the jewel shards…"

"YOU WHAT?!!!!"

_________________________________________________________

"Hmm. I see. That is a confusing and foreboding story, Kagome." Miroku though, his arms crossed around his staff, his eyes closed, and eyebrows knit together. "This does not bode well, I would say."

"Are you sure that's what happened, Kagome-chan?" Sango questioned quietly. I nodded, silently, observing my companions. Did they really believe me? Did they think that the shard detector had finally gone off her nut? Would they trust me anymore. Or, moreover, could I trust them. "I agree, this is a bad thing to happen. You're lucky Inuyasha got there when he did." I nodded once again at Sango, then turned to Inuyasha. He was looking at me as if I had just fallen out of the sky.

"Are you sure you're telling the whole story." He continued to stare at me, his arms and legs crossed in his trademark position, sitting on top of a rock.

"For the fifteenth time, YES!!" I yelled at him, nearly blowing him off his little mountain. Sure, I hadn't told them the details of my hallucination nightmares (that was what they were, right?) but I had given them the most of the main details as I could. I hated feeling like I was being scrutinized by my friends.

"Maybe she hit her head on the stone wall in the cave. That would explain why she passed out, anyway." Inuyasha mumbled under his breath.

"I DID NOT HIT MY HEAD, YOU IDIOT!! HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THE FACT THAT THE SHARDS ARE MISSING, EH?!" 

Inuyasha looked taken aback, but pissed. I had made my point.

"If what Kagome says is true, we must be wary, for it would seem that Naraku has gained more power." Miroku stated, still deep in thought, though I thought I could see his hand twitching towards Sango's direction.

"Yeah, and him having all our shards doesn't help now either, does it?! No, that couldn't have anything to do with it!" Inuyasha retorted, glaring at me. I turned my head, chin up.

I huffed angrily. "Will you shut up! It's not like I meant to fall into a trap and be held captive by Naraku! And it's not like we're completely lost, anyways. There's at least one shard by Sesshoumaru's castle that I already know about!"

I realized my mistake too late.

______________________________________________________________

Two days later, Inuyasha had made up his mind to head towards the western lands, for all of us. The weather was beautiful. The sun shone warmly, but a slight, cool breeze graced our faces from time to time. The forests and roads seemed to be infused with the smell of cleanliness, pure and simple, yet elegant. It was weather to defy weather. Technically, it should have been starting to transition into fall, but the grasses and trees were green and flowering. The perfect day. I hated it.

We would, if I was correct, be nearing Sesshoumaru's home within two hours at the least I am not one to be easily unnerved, but I couldn't help having a slight feeling of anticipation. I had cared and looked after Rin, not to mention I had grown very fond of the young girl. And then there was Sesshoumaru, even. Even though I had not interacted with him much (ok, hardly at all), there seemed to be something deeper about him. A sort of secret elegance, one not expressed in his looks, and a somewhat…morose…apeal. He was conflicted about many things, I could tell, though God knows what they were. He had let me stay in his house for three days, completely undermining all of my previous assumptions about him. Perhaps it was just because he needed my aid, but I wasn't about ready to bust in there and steal something from him. Well, not happily. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that we were dealing with jewel shards here, I would have down right refused to go along with Inuyasha. Seriously, for some reason, this completely irked me, to no end. And that bothered me. 

But, it wasn't just my morale seeping in. Sesshoumaru, no matter how I wished to believe he may have changed, was still the deadly half-brother and enemy of Inuyasha who had tried to kill us numerous times. Sneaking into the grounds of his house, or even his house, could prove deadly. But, somehow, this didn't seem as foreboding as it once did. Perhaps because I had been there already?

But all of that still didn't cover up the fact that the demon lord still scared the hell out of me. If Inuyasha hadn't bugged me so much about it, I would have ignored him. And believe me, I tried. It had been enough that I knew there were shards somewhere around Sesshoumaru's home. The fact that I had been there was an overdose. Miroku, being perceptive as he is, I believe noticed, but said nothing. In his rush to get to the shards, Inuyasha had overlooked that fact and hadn't questioned me. I was overly thankful for his one-track mind.

We took a break not too much later, by Miroku's suggestion.

"If we are to encounter your brother, we will need rest, and, something that we have not discussed, a plan." The monk was much wiser in his years than Inuyasha who was at least..probably…oh hell, at the rate demons age, hundreds of years older than Miroku. I mean, by how it sounds, he was pinned to a tree for fifty years and looks exactly the same…

"I don't think we need to worry about running into Sesshoumaru-sama…he had business out of the area to attend to." I said quietly. Miroku raised an eyebrow and Inuyasha almost gagged.

"How the hell do you know that?!"

"Naraku told me." I lied. I was getting good at that. But it scared me that I did it so willingly, so easily.

"Really? And did he tell you the weather forecast for today, wench?!!"

"Inuyasha…"

"What?!!"

"Why don't you sit down. Go sit by Kirara, there's a nice rock there. Perfect to sit on. Looks as if it's been made to sit on. I think I'll sit down myself."

"Kagome.." Miroku said, an uneasy smile on his face. "I assumed this break was to rest, not injure each other…"

Inuyasha cussed at me from a ten foot hole.

"Of course, you're right Miroku. Why don't you sit down by Sango."

"WENCH!!"

"Oh, sorry, Inuyasha." I said offhandedly. 

"Now, Inuyasha, I believe we should at least come up with something that resembles a plan. We must establish some degree of tact against your brother." Miroku sat besides Sango and Kirara, thoughtfully, as Inuyasha pulled himself out of the ground, still cussing, and flopped down on the ground, arms crossed.

"I agree with Houshi-sama." Sango nodded. "Kagome…do you have any ideas? Did Naraku tell you anything else?"

"Um…not really. All I know is that there are probably about two jewel shards somewhere around Sesshoumaru-sama's castle-"

"Sesshoumaru-sama?!"

"Why don't you sit next to me Inuyasha?"

"MwitHmph!"

Half an hour later, we were no more rested than we were (my apprehensions had multiplied, even) and we had concluded that since we were not aware of any special entrances, that we would just have to confront Sesshoumaru, as it were, and ask him for the shards. Yep, just prance up to his door, knock, and "Hi, Sesshoumaru, I was just wondering if you could give us those super-magical shards that are around here somewhere. Sorry to bother you, but we're kinda in a hurry". Yeah, that would work great. Well, I guess Inuyasha could always fight him for them. Tact.

During the whole debate, I hadn't said anything. For some reason, my friends didn't seem as close right now. I was the only one who really knew what was going on. And, I think underneath, I was still suspicious of them. I know it's horrible but I had seen basically all of my friends turn into my worst enemy within the last week. How could I be sure that this wasn't just another trap set up by Naraku. I know, it's ridiculous, but you would think the same thing if you had been in my position. But, there was no time to dwell on that now. We had climbed over a grassy hill, and the castle was now in sight, exactly as I remembered it in its simple elegance. I sighed inwardly. That meant that Naraku hadn't attacked and that, hopefully, the occupants were safe.

Miroku sighed. "It's as well. Perhaps…we should have Inuyasha remain behind?" He turned to me and Sango. I restrained a scream of "Duh!" and remained silent. Sango looked as if she would agree, but decided against it.

"I would, on any other occasion agree with you, Houshi-sama, but if we do encounter trouble, we may need Inuyasha's strength."

"As always, dear Sango," Miroku approached her softly. "You are most insightful…"

"Pervert!"

Some things never change, despite what happens.

"Well, now that you've all settled whether I will be GOING with YOU, let's get the hell there!" Inuyasha placed his hand at his side, ready to draw tetsusaiga, and marched off towards the giant wooden double door, that I couldn't help but admire since I was not in a dire rush this time. Yeah, just walk up and knock…

*Bam Bam!*

"Sesshoumaru! Open the door!"

_Oh, gods._

Inuyasha pounded once more on the door, and I tried my best to hide behind Sango and Miroku. Perhaps I could duck into a bush before they went in. No, they would need me to detect the shard, which I was just beginning to sense at the edge of my mind. I could have sworn there was one somewhere outside of the castle and inside, but now I could only sense one inside.

"SESSHOUMA-!"

I jumped, my skin crawling, as the door opened slowly to reveal…Maki.

"Ah. Her eyes peered up at Inuyasha. "You must be Sesshoumaru-sama's half-brother, Inuyasha."

"Damn right, baa-chan, now-"

"Ah!" the old youkai's eyes lit up brightly. "Kagome-sama! You've come back, how wonderful!" Maki opened the door, showing the great entrance hall. "What brings you back to us?" she smiled, bowing lowly.

"WE-" I cut Inuyasha off immediately. Someone had to plan, I guess it would just have to be me.

"Well, you see, I-I came to visit Rin-chan and make sure she is doing well. But I also have other business to attend to."

Maki, smiled, as if she knew something I didn't and stood out of the doorway.

"May my companions enter also?" I didn't want to intrude forcefully. That was Inuyasha's way, not mine.

"Of course, whatever you wish, Kagome-sama." she bowed deeply once again. " I am sorry, but at the moment, Sesshoumaru-sama is out. But he should be back within the day and I will fetch Rin-chan."

The old youkai's perceptiveness unnerved me, but I couldn't help smiling at her, nonetheless. And it relieved me that Sesshoumaru was currently out.

"Maki-baachan?" I stopped the woman as she was leaving.

"Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"I would like to look for something that I may have lost. Is it all right if we look around?"

Maki paused for a second. Then, with a glint in her eye, "Of course, Kagome-sama." She bowed once more and left us, setting off down a corridor to the right.

Our group seemed to let out a huge sigh.

"How-"

"Not now, Inuyasha. That way, I think." 

"Sesshoumaru's house is quite spacious." Miroku commented. "Excelent style, so unlike his bro-"

"And you know what, Miroku?" I cut in, heading left. "From what I've heard, it all centers around a great garden."

Miroku raised his eyebrows and I motioned them on, Inuyasha taking the lead.

We walked down corridors, sometimes doubling back, the shard pulling on my senses. I had to follow hallways, not just make a direct cut for it like I had always been able to before. 

It was amazing, really. The castle was so beautiful during the day, with natural sunlight casting its glance upon the hallways through paper screen doors and a periodic window. I wondered if that was usual of this time period. Most houses didn't have windows. 

Seconds later, the pull of the shard had increased and I found that the surrounding appeared to be familiar. I stopped shortly, whispering to Inuyasha. I turned to a door on my left, recognizing immediately where I was. I was standing outside of Rin's bedroom.

_This can't be right! Why would there be a shard inside Rin's bedroom? Did Sesshoumaru give it to her? Did he give it to her to guard while her was gone? _It was probable. I almost cursed him for placing her in such danger. Shards drew demons. The lord of the western lands ought to know that. Still..

"It's in this room, I can feel it." I said, reluctantly.

Inuyasha drew tetsusaiga and it transformed soundlessly. 

"Wait, Inuyasha. Let me go first." Inuyasha looked at me like I was crazy. "Please?" I begged him. "Just let me." I couldn't have him bursting into the room, sword drawn, if Rin was in there playing. That wouldn't be good at all. I didn't want to scare her. I loved the little girl, and to have her be scared of me would…I just don't think I could handle it.

I pushed in front of Inuyasha, and taking a deep breath, slid the shoji door open, revealing the room that I knew so well. The sun was filtering in and there were new flowers placed in various vases all throughout the room, giving it an almost glowing appearance. The colors seemed to bounce off the wall, radiating from the be-sparkled blossoms, poking out from under handfuls of accidentally picked weeds. A small Yukata was thrown across the end of the bed, it's blue obi laying carelessly on the floor. It only served to add to the messy, welcoming essence that was Rin's living area. But, the best thing of all was not something standing in front of me, adding to the room. Rin was gone, thankfully. It would make it so much easier to do what was needed.

"It's in here somewhere…" For some reason, I couldn't pinpoint it. Something else seemed to be intruding on my sense. I ignored it and bent down, picking up the tossed-away kimon, searching beneath it. Nothing. The others were mumbling, while the search drawers quietly, questioning looks on their faces, but said nothing. I know they were wondering why there was a child's room in Sesshoumaru's home. 

"Nothing."

"Nothing in the dresser." 

"Kagome, where the hell is it?!"

"I-I don't know, Inuyasha. Just look."

My companions made a checklist, rummaging through Rin's scarce belongings, but I noticed that each one, excepting Inuyasha, was carefully replacing everything as they had found it. Good. I folded the Yucatan properly and placed it on the edge of the bed along with the obi which I picked up off the floor. I started to search under the bed, but, again, something was pulling on the edge of my mind. I opened a closet that was bare except for two or three yukatas and kimonos. I sighed, searching the floor. Perhaps..the flower vases? Maybe she picked it up on accident while picking flowers.

I headed over to the drawers to check the nearest vase when the sudden quiet of the room and my companions struck me. I turned slowly, afraid that I would see Rin there, a look of confusion plastered on her face as Kagome-nechan searched through her room. But instead, I found something much worse standing in the doorway, scrutinizing me.

"Did you find what you lost." the cold voice said, chilling me to my bones.

"Not yet, Sesshoumaru-sama." I stated truthfully. 

_______________________________________________________________________

AN: Well, what did you guys think? I personally hate that chapter, but it's required to move the story on. Do you think I should revise it? Did things move to fast? Please tell me. I was kinda stuck. I sure am making Kagome jump through hoops! But you haven't seen the least of it yet, just wait. It gets a lot more interesting. Anyways, I would like to thank my mom for helping me with this chapter and at least the next two to come. They're sure to be pleasers. BTW, this will eventually take on a bit of Sess/Kag action. I wouldn't do anything else. Well, besides Kag/Nar. I just love evil guys. Especially hot evil guys. Next chapter: Kagome gets herself into more trouble…by apologizing? Anywho, please tell me what you think and send any suggestions. Talk to ya next time! Peace!


	6. Attempts

AN:Hey everybody! Sorry this took so long! I'd like to thank you all for your great reviews! They're what keeps me going..oh, and chocolate. Anyways, hope you like this chapter, 'cause I don't know about it. It moves kinda fast, but tell me what you think. Hope you enjoy it. Took me freaking long enough…

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 6_ATTEMPTS

It's the sad fate of beautiful days to end in misery. The more beautiful something is, the more disastrous it's end. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. The farther the aspirations, the more painful the failure. Murphy's law: anything that can go wrong, will. Murphy's law is really just an explanation of life in the end. Bitter.

It had been a beautiful day. Perfect, norm-defying weather. We had entered Sesshoumaru's castle in a painlessly easy way. Beautiful day. I had found the location of the shikon shard. Beautiful day. We were close to running, without confrontation, with the jewel shard. Sesshoumaru showed up. Ugly, ugly day. What did I expect? No more, no less, to tell you the truth. I knew it was too good to be true. Over the last week, I was used to things being to good to be true. Or too bad to be false.

I should have been prepared for any occurrence, I should have known Sesshoumaru would show up at the least opportune moment. After all, I had felt him coming. That nagging feeling I had had in my stomach….yeah, that. In truth, I knew it could happen and in a way, I was ready for it. I just didn't know how to deal with it.

"Did you find what you lost." 

I knew, right then, that we were in trouble. Best be courteous. After all, from what I have learned of him, if there's one thing Sesshoumaru has, it's honor. Or ego. Best to play along with it, whatever it is.

"Not yet, Sesshoumaru-sama." I dusted off my uniform. I don't know why I still wear the damn thing anyways. I've long grown out of it, and my new class's uniform had slightly different variations. Damn nostalgia. It's not like it's the most practical thing to wear while traipsing about feudal Japan.

I glanced back up at him quickly, waiting for him to say something, do something. Chastise me for betraying his hospitality to use it for my own good, or kill me for trespassing in his home. But, technically, I hadn't trespassed. Maki had let me in. Still, that gave me no right to be in Rin's room without permission, searching through the cute girl's things. I held my breath, waiting for him to do anything.

But he didn't. He stared at me, a piercing, angry stare that seemed to burn me from the inside out. It was as cold as ice yet burned my very soul into ash. His gaze shifted to Inuyasha and the others, then back to me. I don't know what he was thinking, and it didn't really matter as long as he didn't kill us, but for some reason I wanted to know what was behind those eyes. Did he hate me more than he had before? Did he think me weak and easily influenced by Inuyasha and my companions? I couldn't stand his accusing gaze.

"Sesshoumaru-sama…"

His glare narrowed even more, if possible, but still maintained a bored quality. _Dangerous._ I thought.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I-we-didn't-oh hell." but I was cut short as he appeared before me in a blink of an eye, a large, striped hand clenched around my jugular. Inuyasha made to lunge, but came to a sudden stop with Sesshoumaru's words.

"A step, and I kill her, brother." It was the calmest, most deceiving voice I had ever heard. It did not serve to sooth my pounding pulse as my face paled under his grip with his demonstration of my position. "You.." he held me off the ground, his nose inches away from mine, his eyes boring into mine.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!" A shrill, happy voice rang through the room as the form of a small girl came into view, followed by the toad, Jaken, huffing and puffing to keep up. Sesshoumaru, who, I swear closed his eyes for a split second, dropped me almost instantly to the floor. "Kagome-nechan!! Ne-chan came to see me!" Rin ran around Sesshoumaru's legs and dropped to the floor to give me a hug. She squeezed tightly whispering how glad she was to see me, but was called back by a single bidding from Sesshoumaru.

"Jaken."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Take Rin."

The toad looked at his master in confusion.

"Where shall I take her, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Take Rin…now." he said with a finality that none would question. Sesshoumaru turned back to me and my companions.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama." the toad spattered quickly.

"But, Sesshoumaru-sama! I missed Kagome-nechan!! Why can't I play with her?"

"Rin."

Rin dropped her head and followed the toad grudgingly out the door. She looked back once and waved to me. I picked myself off the floor, waving back, mouthing that I would come back and she smiled, bopping Jaken on the head and taking off down the outside hallway.

I stood motionless and was very thankful for once of Inuyasha's decision to not make a huge fuss. Heaven knows that wasn't what we needed. Perhaps Inuyasha knew he didn't stand a chance against Sesshoumaru in his own home. Maybe he had died standing there, before he could talk. Whatever the cause, I was thankful (not that I would want Inuyasha to die). This was something rash actions and words would not settle.

Sesshoumaru gazed at me as if I were scum on his immaculate armor that he needn't dirty his hands with. Now, I know he had good reason to, I don't blame him, but I myself can get heated about some things, and people looking at me lowly is one of them. I glared back, then, and smiled a small, soft smile. It worked. He obviously was irked. I had given him my 'knowing smile'. The one that Inuyasha always yelled at me for because he thought I knew something he didn't. Rash actions. Right.

Sesshoumaru turned to Inuyasha, but I had the distinct feeling it was directed towards me the most out of all of us.

"Inuyasha. You and your companions will leave this castle and never come back." He paused, shifting his gaze silently between all of us. " If I encounter any of your little faction again, whomever it is will not live. This is to be understood and heeded." With that, he turned his back on me and my friends. Standing in the doorway, he took one last glance back at me. "I believe you know the way out." With that final word, he disappeared from the room, leaving a somewhat shocked, burdened group of shard hunters to ponder his actions until they realized it was not smart that they remain there, and we ran the hell out of the castle as fast as their legs could carry us. 

__________________________________________________________

Once we were out of the castle as quickly as possible, courtesy of myself, we slowed to a mediocre walk. Not one of us had spoken a word to each other during our departure, but now that we were out of the castle and at least three miles away, we gained our voices back. I was the last person who wished to talk, but I could not partake in the deathly silence.

"Well, that was…odd." I said in a counterfeit happiness. It didn't have the effect that I had hoped for. My eyes dropped to the ground. "I'm sorry, everyone. I didn't mean to put us in danger like that."

Sango walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Kagome, we were fully aware of what could happen. Don't be sorry. In fact, be happy that we got away so easily." She squeezed me once and turned to Inuyasha and Miroku. "Perhaps we could find a good camp spot early if we continue for another hour or two." Miroku agreed. And Inuyasha nodded, being his uncharacteristically silent self. It unnerved me a bit. I mean, to not have Inuyasha teasing me or yelling at me constantly, it seems like something is missing. Something is lacking.

After walking for what turned out to be three more hours, we found a small spot by a river bed and made camp for the night. I had difficulty falling asleep. The look on Sesshoumaru's face. Completely unreadable, yet so transparent. Hatred. He hated Inuyasha, he hated me. I, in a way, felt like I'd betrayed his trust. Now he would probably never let me near Rin again. I sighed inwardly, and turned over for the thirtieth time that night. It was my fault, all my fault that we had narrowly escaped the anger of a very powerful youkai, and hadn't even gained a jewel shard. And now, it was like we were tagged. If any of us ever encountered Sesshoumaru again, he would kill us. Not that that was any different than it had always been before.

I slept uneasily all night. Insomnia seems to be a growing monster.

__________________________________________________________

The next day turned out no more leads and we were almost worse than where we had started off. Naraku, with the new-found powers of my new-stolen shards, had put up a barrier that none of us could sense. His miasma was utterly blocked and we no longer received "there is an evil aura over the mountain" clues from villagers, although we were pointed in the direction of a very fine ramen restaurant. No body felt odd, there were no surrounding black mists, no demons part raining from the sky that usually signaled Naraku's presence. It seemed as if he had just….vanished. With our shards.

We, having decided to leave the last town we had visited, considering the lack of anything that held our interest, made camp about ten miles from the small town in a forest to the south of Kaede's village. It was the night of the new moon and I believe we were all a bit anxious, but I was unable to sleep for other reasons. My earlier-mentioned insomnia was kicking in again and I was having a difficult time just trying to clear my mind. Too many things to think about. Sure, there was Inuyasha's time of the month when we were all in a little more danger, but there was also the topic of Naraku's growing power and seemingly clean disappearance, not to mention the added threat of Sesshoumaru's promise to kill any of us if he ever saw us again. Things were just going peachy, weren't they?

I pulled my sleeping bag up a bit, willing the warm weight of the cloth to help me in my sheep-less counting, and turned over on my side, facing the fire. I watched the flame simmer, flame upwards, sending out bright stars of sparks then retreat, only to do it again, accompanied by the melody of crackling and burning wood.

I peered over at the base of the tree where Inuyasha was currently resting, looking up at the sky overhead. I almost jumped when he turned to look at me. _Right. He doesn't sleep during the new moon._ I sighed.

"Kagome, you should be sleeping." He looked at me worriedly, scanning my body as if I might have an injury.

"Inuyasha, I am fully aware of that. Unfortunately, my body isn't."

He "keh'd" and turned back to watching the sky.

"Inuyasha…" I unzipped my sleeping bag, crawled out and walked over to the tree, wrapping the blanket around me. "Can I sit with you?"

"Keh. Like I care what you do."

"Thanks." I slid down next to him quietly. For a long time, neither of us said anything. I followed his gaze up to the night sky and peered on in wonder for a while, then though of something.

"Inuyasha…"

He grunted and I took that as an acknowledgement.

"Why have you been so quiet lately. It's not…like you. You don't talk to Miroku, Sango, Kirara, or…me.."

"What's there to talk about?" he turned his head away, apparently fascinated with the pitch black around us.

"Ever since we left Sesshoumaru's castle, you've been acting strange. What's wrong?"

"Who are you to talk! I'm acting strange? Since when do you know Sesshoumaru's servants personally, play with that human kid of his, and call him Sesshoumaru-_sama_?! What the hell is going on. What _went _on? When the hell did you two get so familiar?"

I giggled, but covered it with my hand.

"Inuyasha…are you…_jealous_?"

"J-Jealous? Why the hell would I be jealous of Sesshoumaru?!"

"Don't ask me, I don't know to the minds of inu hanyous work."

Inuyasha was obviously flustered now.

"You still didn't answer my question. How did you guys come to such close terms?!"

"Easy. The reason I know of Sesshoumaru's servants are because Rin has told me of the in the course of her fast talking when I ran into her at a village once. I didn't know she had belonged to Sesshoumaru, but she said she was being taken care of by a nig, strong demon lord in the west and she showed me a picture she had drawn. One of Sesshoumaru and the ugly toad…thing. And one of two of his servants…Maki and Kaji I think. I only assumed that the servant that we met must be Maki. I can put two and two together. And as for the Sesshoumaru-_sama_, if you were in a position where you and your friends could be killed at any second, it would be smart if you treated the possible mass-murderer with some respect. Tact, Inuyasha. Common human sense. Perhaps that's the problem."

Inuyasha didn't growl and retaliate like I though he would. Instead he glanced at me and said in a cautious tone. "Sesshoumaru isn't someone that anything should take lightly, especially humans. You and everyone else are in danger now. We can't not notice Sesshoumaru. If he were to come tonight…"

I leaned my head against his shoulder and felt him tense slightly. "Inuyasha, don't worry about it. We're all here and ready for anything at any moment….well, mostly anyways, and we can look out for ourselves and you. You don't have to worry, you're not alone anymore." Inuyasha's body relaxed and I leaned into him, using his shoulder as a pillow. I gazed around the campfire at my friends.

Sango was asleep on the extra blanket I carried with me, Kirara curled cutely in a petite, fluffy ball by her head. The cat demon was an amazing creature. The cute little pet was also a brave, strong, dependable warrior, I thought. And her master was a brave, strong, and dependable warrior also. And one of my best friends. Miroku, despite his worldly…hobbies, was a trustworthy, amiable companion who was humbled by his slowly deteriorating amount of time on this earth yet still retained a positive outlook. Then there was Inuyasha. Inuyasha, the first person I had first fallen in love with. The person that had held my heart in love for so long and now held my hand in an amazing friendship.

But the truth was, I loved all of them. And Inuyasha was right. There were too many dangers for them at the moment. 

I made a decision right then and, falling victim to the warmth and security Inuyasha provided, fell asleep, my head on his warm shoulder.

____________________________________________________________

A week later, and no signs of any jewel shards. We had chased a rumor far to the east on an old man's hunch. The search had not been productive at all. We had followed the rumor with hope that it would prove more than a rumor and relief that we would not be heading west. I think, inwardly, we were all relieved that our travels would not take us west. West was the domain of Sesshoumaru-sama, the great Inu youkai. The great Inu youkai meant death for our little band. It hovered over us. There would not be much more time before Sesshoumaru wished to battle his half brother once again for the tetsusaiga, which would put us in direct proximity with the demon who claimed he would kill all of us if he ever smelled us again.

I felt nothing but absolute guilt. It was my fault. I should have just left the fact that there was one or two shards at the castle alone and let it work itself out. Now, because of me, and my stupid presumptions, we were just waiting to get ripped to shreds by Sesshoumaru at any given second.

After the weeks fruitless search, I told Inuyasha I would be going home for a while. He protested, as usual, but with a little more anger and less enthusiasm than I knew of him.

I sighed to myself. Eventually, our travels would have to take us near there. Perhaps….no. I needed to take care of it by myself. Now. I couldn't stand watching my friends rest in anticipation, always on the alert. I had made my decision a week ago and I would follow it through like any respectable miko who cared dearly for her friends.

At about ten in the morning, I was completely packed and ready to leave. I had told them that I would be gone on vacation with my family for a week or longer, at which Inuyasha instantly threw an absolute tantrum…just after asking how what a vacation was and how many days were in a week. But I would have none of it and told him that I needed to do this. After all, I had been spending hardly any time at all back home. The feudal age was sucking away my life. It sounded like a reasonable excuse, and it would have been, had it been true. If I was to do what I was currently set on doing, I could not have Inuyasha around, distracting me and messing everything up. I just hoped that he wouldn't go to my time, looking for me.

I hugged Sango and Miroku (while slapping away a wandering hand) and told them I would return sooner if possible. I shouted a goodbye to Inuyasha who was skulking in his tree, acting as if he were asleep, and headed off towards the well. Every two minutes I turned to see if Inuyasha was following me, ready to pounce and break the well before I could hop down it. I was relieved that I couldn't sense him anywhere near. I was thankful for my growing powers even if I was a bit scared. They were useful, even if they were unknown and I fear the unknown. It's a normal human reaction to fear what we don't know. But it's not a normal human reaction to come with miko powers included. Just an extra bonus, I tried to assure myself.

I looked left and right once I got to the well. I took out an old change of clothes and threw them down the well just in case. I seriously doubted even Inuyasha was that dumb, but maybe it would convince him that I had entered the well if my scent was in it. Who was I kidding? I knew what I was going to do was idiotic and there was a high possibility of me not making it through with every piece intact. Still, I had my purifying arrows, and, if I do say so myself, I was becoming a formidable opponent when it came to fighting demons. My aim had improved immensely. I even practiced sometimes in my time, when I wasn't busy studying.

I put my pack down and pulled out a pair of tennis shoes. After all of the hiking around we had been doing, I had wised up and brought the tennis shoes along with my regular shoes. I swapped them quickly and placed my black shoes in the yellow bag. Sighing heavily, I hitched the backpack up a bit and continued in the way west, hoping to all things mighty I would be able to find the damn place. Sesshoumaru's castle.

________________________________________________________________

Going on the third day, I began to sympathize with early explorers who had had to trek across vast new territories. By the time I was done with this, I'd be able to make my own map of Japan, I though blandly. _Yes, and here's the tree that I sat by while going to Kaede's village after the attack by that brown oni… and here's the village where I met the little girl who was obsessed with dolls that had grass hair…and here's… _Heck. I had spent so much time in feudal Japan, I felt as if I should know it inside and out. _So why am I practically failing my history class?! _I thought bitterly. The only things I got right had to do with Japanese mythology. Go figure.

Three days. I had only encountered one demon who had come across me on accident. I had easily put it to rest with one shot. I was thankful for once that I was not in possession of the shards. The jewel attracted danger and that was most certainly what I was not looking for. 

I rested by a stream, washing my hands and face in the refreshing waters. I had taken care to pack extra food for my little trip, but I hadn't planned on it taking that long. I ate a little bread and packed up, taking to the road once again.

As far as I could tell, I was three days into it and nothing looked familiar. Flying with Sesshoumaru had been much more easier. In fact, I had slept some of the way. It had taken a day and a half at most. Now, I was double that time and didn't seem like I had traveled half the distance.

This was beginning to look like a stupid idea. No, now an even more idiotic idea. I had been traveling for three days, was exhausted and moody. Not to mention, by the time I got back, assuming I did, it would be at least a week, probably more. Inuyasha might go to find me. I would have to hurry…or I could just turn back.. _No. I can't do that. My friends are in enough danger as it is. They don't need Sesshoumaru after them because of a mistake I made. _ I walked on, my legs screaming at me in pain. My back was aching and I was beginning to regret not bringing my bike. Why had I not thought of that. Stupid Kagome. I slapped my forehead repeatedly, but stopped immediately when I felt the faint tug of a shard. That only meant one thing. I was near Sesshoumaru's home.

_"Oh, hi Sesshoumaru? How are you today? Fine? Good. Well, you know how you said you would kill me and my friends if you ever met us again after we sneaked into your home, tricking your servant, and scavenged through your ward's room? Yeah, well I was hoping you could just maybe see past that. You know, just forget about the whole thing…" _Oh, yeah. That would work wonders. I sighed and hunched my shoulders. I had been lucky enough to find the castle without getting myself killed. I had been unlucky enough to find the castle without getting myself killed. It worked both ways, really. Perhaps Maki and Kaji would be there and I could just have them relay the request to their master when he came home. Yeah, that would be good. If I wanted a quick death.

I neared the edge of the forest and clamored up a small hill._"Hi, Sesshoumaru, DON'T KILL ME!!! Um..yeah… _I stumbled down the hill, following my feet, a growing pit devouring my stomach as the massive achitecture loomed over me. _"I'm really sorry about what we did and all and I was wondering…." _I raised my hand and knocked twice. _"I you would, in your kindness, be able to forgive us for taking advanta-"_

"What are _you_ doing here, human?!" a small squeak rose from somewhere near the floor. I stared down absently and almost died when I realized that Sesshoumaru's retainer was standing at the giant wooden door, looking at me like the toe jam between his nasty green appendages. I stared at him blankly. How had I gotten to the door like that? Or more importantly, what was I supposed to do now? I should ask for Sesshoumaru.. _No..don't be stupid, you must not show up suddenly and ask him for this. Tact, Kagome, tact. _Something I felt that I was supremely lacking in at the moment.

"Hello…"

"Jaken-sama to you, ningen."

"Jaken…sama…is Maki or Kaji near? I need to speak to them."

The toad squaked a humph and glared at me suspiciously. "Why would a pathetic human wench like you wish to do with my master's most trusted servants?"

I was in no mood to put up with an ugly, talking reptiles crap.

"Haven't I already said that. I want to speak to them!" I could feel my miko energy pulsing through me, a warning to be taken. Jaken, he calls himself, got the clue. "So if you wish to keep you body how it is, unpurified to smithereens, I would suggest you get them!!" Jaken looked utterly afraid, standing stock still in front of me. Now he was blocking my way. " Today, Toady!" The toad scampered off faster than I would have thought him capable.

I stood in the grand entrance hall, surveying my wondrous surroundings. Large, intricate tapestries and scrolls hung from the walls, depicting beautiful mountainous landscapes and enormous, awe-inspiring, pure white dogs. The crescent was evident in all decoration, a common theme of a great line of heirs. 

I had completely gone over the furnishings of the entry way and was currently ravaging my mind for possible things to say to the great taiyoukai Sesshoumaru. I was scared out of my wits but I almost wished he would just show up so I could get it over with.

"Where the hell is that disgusting toad?!!" I grumbled none-to-quietly under bated breath.

"I do not appreciate you referring to my servants in such ways." a cold, smooth voice announced calmly from behind me. "And did I not warn you that if I saw you again, I would kill you? Humans are such stupid beasts…"

I whipped around so fast I almost lost balance, coming face to chest with the very person I had just been dreading. I took a skittish step backward, enabling me to see his face.

"Sesshoumaru..please…before you do anything..will you listen to me for just a minute?" I almost pleaded. It made me sick. Pleading for something was totally not a Kagome thing to do. He stared me down cold.

"Give me one good reason why I should not just kill you right now. I gave you warning that was beyond fair."

"No! I mean, Yes! I mean…I dropped my head to the floor then cast it quickly back up, my eyes meeting his scrutinizing stare. Suddenly, my anger and will came back to me in a flood. I held my head up high, gazing directly back at him in the same manner. "What I mean is that you may kill me, but do not kill my friends. It was my fault that we came here. I told them about…well, never mind, that doesn't matter…I led them here without thinking twice, I took them to Rin's room. If blame is to be placed, place it on no one else but me. Please understand, I take full responsibility for my friends' actions. They were under my influence. Please, do not go to kill them without thinking. If you must kill someone, kill me, but don't hurt my friends. I'm sorry for what I did, I really am, and, I'm not asking you to dismiss me that easily, but please try to forgive me…" I took a deep breath, steadying myself for what was to come. He didn't say anything, just looked at me with a calculated stare, almost too calm for my tastes. It was an odd stare. No hate or malice. Maybe anger and something else, I couldn't tell.

Then, I almost jumped when I swear I heard the smallest of sighs escape his lips. But, it must have only been my imagination, for a second later, he had reached out and grad my hands harshly. He held them in his, examining them wordlessly. I couldn't help my heart rate rising. I could feel my face turning pink, the warmth spreading across my cheeks.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I squeaked uneasily.

"You are strong enough, for a human woman. I have decided. He dropped my hands unceremoniously and narrowed his gaze once again. "I agree that what occurred is completely your fault and yours alone. Therefore, you will pay for it." I shivered expectantly for my death sentence. Would he kill me now or later? "I will not kill you, that is rash. Instead, you will make yourself useful. I loyal servant of mine, Maki, has fallen somewhat ill. In the place of your friends' lives, you will remain here, in servitude. If you object to this, then I will kill you, and eventually Inuyasha and all of your companions. The choice is yours. I will kill you before you leave." 

With that, he turned around gracefully and walked off, rounding a corner to the right, disappearing completely from view.

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AN: What'd you guys think? I may repost this with some variations. Man do I put Kagome through some crap. I'm glad I'm not her. Then again, she gets to serve the honorable, and oh-so-sexy Sesshoumaru. Heck, I'd put up with all of it, just to change his sheets… ^^;;; Anyways, I now have over 100,000 words logged on ff.net!! Celebrate! Yay! So, anyways, hope you guys liked the chapter, please review and send any suggestions. Next chapter: Kagome works her butt off as the new servant in the house of the western lands. But, hard work can form bonds…

Oh, yeah, thanks to my muse, the literary landwhale for all of her help and musiness. Well, see you all next time. Oh, and I plan to make this story between 10 and 15 chapters long. No longer. I know that's not much time for relationships to bloom, but that's how life is. See ya next chapter!!


	7. Insight

AN: Hey there everybody! Thanks for all the great reviews and support. For those of you that don't know, I'm now posting this story and some of my fanart on Mediaminer.org now too, so thank you to those there that support me. Well, this chapter is completely different than I had first intended, but…interesting nonetheless. Please tell me what you think and give me any suggestions. On to the chapter!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 7_INSIGHT

Cinderella is a fairy tale. A fairy tale that not many know the real version of. Sure, we all know the happy fairy tale with singing mice, prince charming, and a lovable, fat godmother, but the real version written by the Grim brothers was not so fairy-tale like. In fact, the stepsisters, upon the arrival of the prince that was searching for the foot to fit the glass slipper, the two women cut off pieces of their own feet to accommodate the glass slipper, wrapping them to stop the bleeding. At least, that's what I heard.

It's not like I was working like a slave. I was not being bossed around by two evil stepsisters, heck, I wasn't even being bossed around by Sesshoumaru, but I was definitely doing my fair share of work. I had been assigned a room in the southern part of the castle by Sesshoumaru, hadn't talked to him sense, and was currently working with Kaji, cleaning and taking care of things in the vegetable garden. 

Contrary to what I had first thought, Sesshoumaru had more servants than I was aware of, though not many. Maki and Kaji seemed to be senior to all the others. Jaken was, as I found out, not a typical servant, but more of Sesshoumaru's retainer. I would sometimes see him throughout the house, but he always seemed to be waddling off hurriedly, extreme concentration and purpose to his movements. In addition to these three, there were two or three other servants that worked in the castle and two ground's keepers, but they lived in huts in the forest and I usually would not see them.

With Maki's slight ailing, I was given her jobs, bringing in food to the kitchen, though I never saw what was cooked for Sesshoumaru. Maybe he doesn't eat human food. I also did base cleaning. But, all in all, I couldn't complain too much. Maki and Kaji were very polite and reassuring to me. The other servants were also rather accepting of me. 

I had been there for a week now and had come to appreciate what I had always taken for granted that my mom would do for me-cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. I was also amazed at the efficiency and sharpness with which everything was done. The motto of the servants, I had soon learned was not 'seen but not heard', it was 'not seen and not heard'. Apparently, they were all too low in status to be in the presence of the 'mighty Lord Sesshoumaru'. Either that, or just too afraid. Though, I had the feeling that some of them just preferred not to be in his scrutinizing, silent company. I don't blame them and I was relieved that I had yet to see the ice prince since being assigned to his service, yet, it bugged me in a way. I had been working in the house of someone who had placed me in servitude, and I presumably followed his orders every day, but I never saw him, not once. For some reason, though I don't know why, I got the distinct impression that he was purposely trying to evade me, though I have no idea why he would have reason to. Technically, I should be the one trying to stay away from him.

I had also been bestowed with the blessing of Rin, who followed me constantly, asking questions that I thought Sesshoumaru must not waste his time with. I believed that Jaken saw this as a blessing, for he would take off as soon as he saw that Rin was going to find me. I have to admit, the little girl's incessant chatter could get a little nerve-wracking, but I was thankful for the company and the cheer she seemed to bring with her everywhere she went, which was, undoubtedly, wherever I was. She reminded me very much of Shippou, but I wouldn't let the memories of him depress me. After all, they were such good memories. But, I have to say, I was thankful when Sesshoumaru had sent Jaken after Rin for some reason and I had momentarily been relieved of the small girls ever-present…presence.

"Kaji, how is Maki?"

I was hanging out laundry with the old youkai. She was about my height, perhaps an inch shorter, but strong and stout. I guess she was a bit younger than Maki, considering her hair was not completely silver, but black with gray streaks. It was actually quite interesting to look on. Her features were not as rough as Maki's even though Maki had that sort of grandmotherly, homely glow about her that Kaji did not exude as much of. Kaji always wore gray, but was a bit more energetic and yet somehow managed to contain a glimmer of wisdom in her facial expressions.

"She is not worsened nor restored. She just remains how she is."

"Oh…I'm sorry.." I got the distinct impression that Maki and Kaji were very close. Perhaps they had been or still were best friends. It seemed that Kaji was somewhat down with Maki not around, but she continued on as if not even the apocalypse could stop her.

Kaji shook her head silently as if disagreeing with my thoughts, but answering my previous question softly.

"There is no reason to be sorry. It is not your fault, it is the fault of time. Maki and myself are not that young, Kagome-sama. In fact, I've already live probably eight or nine times what you ever will, not that I'm saying that's a good thing and nothing against the span of human life. I always wondered if humans might value life more, considering they live so much less of it, but I wouldn't know. But that's besides the point. Maki is reaching the higher end of her years and it is taking effect. There is nothing you can do about it. Do not worry yourself over it, Kagome-sama."

I thought about what she had said for a minute, neglecting the basket of sodden cloth that awaited its emptiness. A thought stuck me and I berated myself for not thinking of it much sooner. Perhaps I was afraid to.

"Kaji, I'm not too experienced, and I've even been labeled as a slip of a miko before, but I would like to try to heal Maki if she has an illness that is curable."

Kaji picked up her empty basket and walked towards the door to the servants hall way, the hallway that led to the kitchen, laundry room, and various other mandatory rooms for the servants to properly run the house. It still amazed me that a group of only five or six servants could run the entire house. It was… substantial in its volume and took me quite some time just to get from one side to the other, and I had been shown the very first day all of the ways through the house.

"That would be kind of you, Kagome-sama, just kind. I appreciate your concern for my sister." Kaji smiled warmly at me before sliding the door open with her foot.

"Your sister?"

Kaji nodded, her back to me and sighed, but turned and glanced at me. 

"It is a short story, so I guess I can tell you. When we were young, or younger I should say, Maki was supposed to come work in servitude at this castle, a great honor for any youkai, but I didn't want my sister to leave me. Inutaisho was generous and allowed me to accompany Maki and we came to work for Inutaisho-sama. Lord Sesshoumaru has been kind enough to keep us around, despite the fact that we're nearly useless for physical work now. He hasn't separated us or sent us away. And frankly, I wouldn't want to go. Maki and I enjoy our lives here. We've worked for this family for many centuries now and it is an honorable and good, no matter how misdirected, house. It's, in a way, become our adopted family."

"Oh…I see." It made perfect sense, yet didn't. It seemed that everything surrounding Sesshoumaru didn't seem to make sense anymore.

"Um..Kaji…I have one more question.."

"Ask away, Kagome-sama."

"Um.." I hung up the last piece of cloth and picked up the basket, joining her before the door. "Why do you still call me Kagome-sama, even though I'm a servant now?"

Kaji smiled warmly at me again and sighed.

"That's quite simple, Kagome-sama. I met you as Kagome-sama, not a servant. You are a wonderful girl and I have no qualms calling you by that title. Besides…" she walked through the door, squeezing the basket through the narrow space with expert practice. "Sesshoumaru-sama told us to do so."

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Two days later I was dragging my feet along the hallways, paying no attention to walls in my way, seeing as I ran into three of them, not even being able to pay Rin the usual amount of attention she seemed to require. But I had come to find that the small girl was more insightful than I had originally thought. I guess she picked up on my lackadaisical mood and decided to go play somewhere, Jaken trailing along behind her, only to come back once, her small hands presenting me with her famous 'pretty rock' as a cheer-up present. But, as soon as she had come, I had felt the unmistakable presence of a jewel shard and was distracted from Rin's cheerful words as she held out what I made out of the corner of my eye to be a dirt-covered rock. I scanned the area, hoping for some faint sign of where the shard might be located, straining to see the bright pink glow that was so familiar. Rin had stopped talking and was smiling.

"Thank you Rin, it's beautiful. Will you put it in my pocket for me?" She had said something else and I felt a small weight tug at the bottom of my pocket, but I was busy surveying my surroundings. Rin ran off once again and I stood, looking for any signs of renegade demons with jewel shards, but I could not see any shards anywhere. I could feel the pull of the jewel, it was definite, but I could not locate it. There wasn't time for that at the minute anyway. I watched Rin run a few circles around Jaken and sighed. I was feeling so utterly drained…

The reason for my energy, or lack thereof was that I had used it all the night before. Keeping my promise to Kaji, I had examined Maki's condition and attempted to heal her. Amazingly, it seemed as if she had come down with some sort of youkai flu, which, as I learned, is very uncommon. I guess youkai not only have super senses, but super immune systems too. So, I did everything I could remember my mom ever doing for me, which was hard by the way, considering I very rarely got sick, not that my classmates would know that. Grandpa comes up with the most embarrassing illnesses… but that's besides the point. Maki, grudgingly mind you, told me her symptoms. Fever, aching, and vomiting. I must say that I am proud of the fact that I immediately recognized the sickness for what it was-the common flu. But, in the feudal age, the flu must be treated carefully. It can be a deadly sickness, unless you just so happen to have a yellow back pack filled with medical supplies from the twenty-first century. How convenient. So, I grabbed some Tylenol for the aches, a wet cloth for the fever, and told her to 'get everything out of her system' even if it meant via vomit. I had Kaji bring her water constantly and told Maki not to eat anything until she was better. She accepted my suggestions graciously and thanked me.

Twelve hours later, Maki's vomiting had stopped but her fever remained and she was aching worse than ever. She lay in a cold sweat, tossing and turning and mumbling something under her breath. It scared me, it really did. I had sincerely thought that my previous treatment would have helped her recover fairly quickly. When her breathing became labored, I turned to my lineage, hoping for help. If I could sense the shikon shards and fire a purified arrow, why would there be a reason for me to lack the most important miko power-healing? So, not knowing what else to do, I bent over Maki's bed and whispered to her, telling her what I was going to try to do. She didn't respond, only tossed around more, so I took that as consent and placed my hands on Maki's burning body, one over her forehead, one over her stomach and concentrated, sending all my power into my hands and, hopefully, into Maki.

I felt my way outside, a cloth with tied ends in my arms. Jaken had sent given me orders and I was to try to find a special herb or something that would be an ingredient in tonight's dinner and carry back some wood for a fire. I guess the Ice Prince was cooling off, I sniggered to myself. I guess I was supposed to find this special flower that was actually an herb in the woods, because Jaken had described the flower to be in shaded spots, most likely under trees. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns, but I was barely managing to keep my eyes open, not to mention finding a tiny flower among thousands. I stumbled past the tree line surrounding the castle, scanning the brush for the little plant. Perhaps this would be a good time to locate the jewel shard that I was constantly aware of now. 

I wondered absently why Sesshoumaru trusted that I would not run away, as I ducked, nearly hitting my head on a tree branch. I couldn't remember feeling so drained since…well, probably when I had had the soul sucked out of me by Urusue to bring Kikyo back or by Kanna's freaky mirror, following Naraku's orders. It hit me once again how norm-defying my normal life had become. What junior at any high school could say that she had had her soul sucked out…twice? Did fate like to screw me over or, what? In the last month, I had lost Shippou, saved the life of Sesshoumaru's _human_ charge, and been kidnapped by Naraku who had then stolen all of the shards I had been carrying with me. Now I was out looking for some stupid flower for one of the servants of Inuyasha's hated half-brother. Can you say change, much?

I stumbled about, looking for the blasted flower, and scanning for any faint glimmer of a shikon shard. Suddenly, a glimmer caught my eye, and right by a bush with blue flowers too! I dropped some previously gathered firewood and ran around a clump of bushes only to stop immediately. I had almost fallen into a giant hole in the ground. I sighed, then looked at the hole. I estimated its width across, guessing about….fifteen feet. _Why me_? There was no way on earth I could jump that. Heck, I could barely jump rope, not to mention a giant crater in the earth. So, I skirted around the edge, being wary of the crumbling dirt sides while muttering. _Why in the hell would there be a giant crater in the middle of the forest. Who on earth put these damn forests together! One has a god tree where a half demon was pinned and another has a freaking Grand Canyon right in front of where I want to be!_ I cursed silently as I finally made my way around the edge and brushed my way through the various fauna of the forest over to the bushes I had seen. I bent down, snatching a branch with five or six blue flowers and, yes, red thorns (not a very natural combination, mind you), shoved the branch in my cloth sack/sling and fumbled through the thorns, looking for any glint of pink aura I could find. I crawled along the edge of the giant ground pit, digging through leaves and branches. Finally, something near me caught my eye. I reached forward to part the branches obscuring my view, only to retract in horror. The fattest worm I had ever seen was wriggling out of the ground, it's fat body snaking its way into the bushes. I caught my breath, just barely retaining a scream. I shook my head and put my mind to it. I could do this. It was just a worm. I could do this. 

I reached for a stick and prodded the squirmy beast, attempting to push it aside, anything. It wriggled and curled around the stick and I held back another gasp. I poked and prodded until….squish.

"EEEEWWWWEEYYYY!!!"

The stick poked through the fat belly of the creepy crawler and I flung it aside with all my might. I sat, panting in short breaths. _That was the most disgusting-_

I froze immediately. Either I was very cold suddenly, or the ground was shaking way too much. I clamored to my feet, swaying from side to side as the shaking grew stronger. I looked around me, searching frantically for the cause of the earthquake, only to notice that not to many other things were feeling the impact. About a hundred feet away, trees were resting, unmoving. I took the hint and turned my back to the way I had come, making a beeline for the still area. I stumbled forward suddenly as the ground only feet behind me seemed to crumble and churn. I dashed as fast as I could until I reached an area that was not quaking like the San Andreas fault line and tuned around only to gasp in horror and…disgust.

A giant worm, the size of a school bus was slithering its way out of the giant hole I had nearly fallen into only minutes ago. It's fat, slimy body seemed to ooze out of the dirt, knocking down a few trees that were in close proximity. I ducked behind a tree watching in utter terror as the giant creepy crawler slowly made itself an obstacle in my only way back to the castle.

I almost cursed like Inuyasha. Great..just….great. A giant _WORM YOUKAI!_

I squinted my eyes, wishing upon everything that a giant can of insecticide or insect poison, anything, would appear. But, it wasn't just that fact that the giant, writhing body of a fifty foot tall worm was blocking my way back, but also, seconds after it had completely unearthed itself, it turned straight in my direction.

_Oh hell._

It seemed to pause for a moment, waving there in the air before making a sudden dive at the clump of trees where I was hiding. I screamed and jumped out of the way, barely missing being knocked in the head by a crashing tree.

_I thought worms didn't have eyes!!!!_

Then it hit me, the worm youkai must sense the jewel shard. It must be searching for it. But then, why was it following me?!

I jumped into a patch of thorny bushes once more, barely missing the giant insect's..?…swinging tail as it continued to mow down five more trees. I landed hard in the dirt, something biting into my hip. I looked down and rummaged through my clothes only to pull out the rock Rin had placed in my pocket earlier. The dirt-covered, ugly, glowing rock. Glowing?! 

Realization hit me like a two-by-four. The shard I had been sensing all along hadn't been in the forest, it had been in my own pocket, covered in dirt and mud. I hit it on the hard ground and a chunk fell off, revealing a piece of shiny white, confirming my theory. I went to pocket the rock once more, only to have it jerked out of my grasp as the ground shook once again. I dived for the jewel shard. I wrapped my hand around it only to let out a shocked scream as something wrapped its body around me.

My lungs felt as if the would burst with the pressure pressed upon them, as a fleshy tail lifted me up into the air. I kicked and hit, only to have the slimy worm tail grip me tighter. I coughed and sucked in air as the youkai compressed itself around me more and more. My breathing was completely halted and I gasped for air, only to realize that the attempt was meaningless. Something snapped and I tried to scream in pain, only to be met by silence when I could take in no air. I clenched at the jewel shard as I felt as if I could feel myself breaking like a toy in a careless child's hands. The trees around me turned gray and the ground black. My vision was blurring and darkening. I coughed once more, choking for air. My sight had just about left me when there was a sickening ripping sound and I fell to the ground in a heap, a piece of worm tail still snaked around me.

My eyes wide open, I gasped for air like a fish, striving to live out of water. I breathed in the cool air, sucking in its heavenly refreshment. After not even a moment, I began to kick and pull, disentangling myself from the giant tail of the slithering youkai. I stood up quickly, backing away from the lower half of the worm that was still squirming. I looked up in shock to see a white form, about twenty feet away, barely visible in its speed, darting elegantly back and forth as the other half of the worm fell in pieces to the ground. I stared in awe as the tall form of Sesshoumaru landed smoothly on the ground in front of the convulsing pieces.

I stood, rooted to the spot, my fingers clutched around the shard. Thinking better of it, I placed it quickly in my pocket, not wishing to answer any questions at the moment that the taiyoukai might have. I glanced at the ground. After having just saved me from a giant worm, I didn't think Mr. Terminex would really like to hear from me any time soon. I shuffled around, picking up my sack and the bundle of wood I had collected. If he didn't want to talk to me, if he was disgusted at having to save a mere human..his servant nonetheless, then I wasn't going to argue with him. I was tired of arguing. I just wanted peace. I didn't want to deal with demons, I didn't want to deal with jewel shards, and I most definitely didn't want to deal with Sesshoumaru.

I placed the sack over my shoulder and turned around to face him anyways. There are some things that need to be done, whether we like it or not.

"Thank you…for…what you did." I didn't think he would like to acknowledge the fact that he had just saved a human. "I guess I'm even more in debt to you now." I turned and walked on, only to stop when he replied. I expected him to berate me for having been foolish and having been weak enough to nearly be killed by such a low youkai. I hadn't expected him to say what he did.

"I was not aware of the presence of that youkai. I am aware of all youkai in my territory. I make it a priority. I am updated constantly by more sources. Apparently, they are now unreliable." 

I turned to him slowly. I didn't want his 'sources' getting flamed for what I had done. He'd probably kill them or something.

"It's understandable, though. I mean, after all, it was just a….worm." I smiled slowly. "Just a worm…how pathetic. Even most humans would be smart enough not to get squeezed into pulp by a giant worm. Worms are generally harmless, right? And they're usually underground." I inhaled sharply. My chest felt as if it had been stabbed multiple times and it was difficult to speak. "So it's understandable that your resources may miss something like that. It's my fault, not any body else's." _I seem to be saying that a lot lately…_ I mused quietly. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

I turned to leave once more, but was halted once again by his smooth voice. The voice that promised painful death. Beautiful death. He was like beautiful death.

"Understandable…yet unacceptable. It is my duty to know the goings on of my territory. No youkai passes without my notice. To have one so close to my own home… I must rethink those who I place my trust in. You have helped me acknowledge that. As for the incident, do not let it happen again. I will not always be available at hand or willing whenever you wish to face off with youkai. You are my servant and you are indebted to me. If you die, it will be a dishonor to your debt."

I grumbled quietly. It wasn't like I went looking for giant creepy crawlers to battle against every day, but I nodded curtly and he turned to take his leave.

"Um…Sesshoumaru-sama?"

He stopped and turned to face me, his movements sharp, yet fluid and smooth.

"Why do you let me out of the castle? Aren't you afraid I'll run away to Inuyasha?"

A strange look flitted across his face then disappeared as fast as it had come.

"You have taken your position so that your companions may live. If you were to leave, it would cost them their lives. You do not seem to me to be one that would do such a thing."

"How do you know? How do you know that I wouldn't just leave and tell Inuyasha everything that I have discovered about where you live, who you care about, so that he could use it against you?"

"Because." he turned, walking past me, in the direction on the castle so that I was now only talking to the trees in front of me.. "That is something Naraku would do. And, considering your late dealing with Naraku, I do not believe that you would be inclined to do anything that he would."

"My…late dealing…Oh! You! Why did you-How?!" I whipped around, staring accusingly at his back, only to be struck by an odd thought. _He has beautiful hair.._I noted absently and very out of place.

"Like I said, I have resources."

"You were the one who dropped me off-"

"I have noticed that Rin has taken to you."

I stopped instantly, wondering if he would tell me off again for being close to his charge. Would he tell me to stop talking to her?

"Are you educated.." he paused for a second. "..Kagome."

"What do you mean?" it was so odd, hearing him say my name. It sounded so important, so regal, coming from him.

"Do you know how to read and write."

"Yes…" I answered warily, wondering if lords in feudal Japan had secretaries.

"Good. I have decided that you will be Rin's tutor, considering the repairing state of Maki. You will give Rin lessons every afternoon. Since she is returning to health, Maki will do the chores you will be missing. I hope you are well-informed. I will no longer have a child running around my home, that is unable to spell her own name. You will be moved to a different room. In every other aspect, your job has not changed. And," he paused one last time. "one of your right ribs is cracked. Kaji will take care of it."

With that said, he left towards the castle. I followed half way until I found what looked to be good kindling. I collected a few more pieces of wood and headed back to the castle, my energy seemingly somewhat returned to me, along with a stabbing pain in my ribs that wouldn't go away.

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AN: Well, that turned out to be a bit longer than I intended, but that's never a bad thing. I really am not sure about this chapter. I mean, the whole worm thing and all. Bet you guys weren't expecting a worm the size of a school bus, but it was needed for some Sess/Kag interaction. Well, I'd really like to know what you guys think about it. Anyways, next chapter, some bonding will be done and Kagome takes a trip that starts a lot of commotion.


	8. Kagome: Renaissance Teacher

AN: First of all, sorry this took so long. I kind of wrote myself into a corner for a couple of days and as a result, the chapter is different than what I had planned, but hopefully not in a bad way. Second, thank you to those of you who review. I'm glad that somebody out there thinks this story is ok. Third, I want to thank those that have reviewed on MediamMiner.org. As and apology, this chapter is about fifty percent longer than usual. It's not as much action oriented. There's a lot of relationship building.

Well, hope you guys think it's ok. Hopefully Sesshoumaru isn't too OOC.

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 8_

KAGOME:RENAISSANCE TEACHER

There are some quotes I have been able to apply to many things here in feudal Japan. For instance: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist." I can't express how accurately that describes our good 'ol friend Naraku. His evil influence was unmistakable, yet he could disappear at the merest whim, and half of those under his power would never know he existed.

Then there's that old line "Nothing is as it seems." I know, a bit cliché, ok, very cliché, but it still works. For instance, I became best friends and fell in love with a half dog demon who had supposedly murdered many people and was evil's incarnate, having killed the priestess he had loved and demolishing her village. Although he can be know for his ire, and is somewhat standoffish, I can tell you that he's no psycho mass murderer who can't control anything, let alone himself, just because he has a demon streak. Well, half. And then, there's the big one. Sesshoumaru. Worshipped and feared Lord of the Western Lands. The taiyoukai to beat all others. A merciless god, I once heard him called. An angelic devil with a taste for brutal, slow death and mutilation. Beware, the one who crosses his path. Yeah, right. The guy was just virtually an over-stuffed, egomaniac, stick-in-the-mud, puppy. And who knows how old he is.

Ok, that may have been a little presumptuous, but really, I began to learn a few interesting things about Sesshoumaru, from a number of different sources. For instance, he wasn't a mass murderer whenever he felt like killing something. In fact, the only time he killed was when threatened. Anyone in the feudal age would do that. Heck, if I were in danger…well, let's just say I don't hesitate to fire those arrows. And, I have to admit, he's not too merciful (I mean, look at where I was, a servant to him, but at least he hadn't killed me) and he's definitely not gracious, and I guess if you didn't know him, you could possibly think him the devil reincarnate, but he was a quiet, thinking, and not to mention, a very handsome devil at that. Beautiful death. Describes him perfectly.

It was my second week working in Sesshoumaru's citadel. After being bandaged and treated for my cracked rib or whatever it was, I continued on with my chores, but the manual labor was eased up with the full recovery of Maki, which I was very proud of, by the way. I gave Rin lessons during the afternoon, sometimes ate lunch with her, and even put her down for an afternoon nap, if necessary. Needless to say, I was absolutely in love with the girl now. In fact, I liked all the people in attendance there. Maki and Kaji were kind, grandmotherly figures to me, and reminded me much of Kaede. They introduced me and gave me helpful hints. The other servants were also kind and would show me the ropes willingly. Heck, I was even getting to respect the toad thing Sesshoumaru toted around with him, seeing as how he took good care of Rin when I was not with her, no matter how much he may gripe about it. He was always with her. Personally, I think the reptile was developing a soft spot for children, not too unlike his master.

Then there was Sesshoumaru, himself. It seemed as if he had swayed from his avoid-Kagome-mood a bit, for I would occasionally see him around, whether writing a letter, studying maps, or merely walking about the castle. And, get this, he actually acknowledged my presence. He would stop momentarily and inquire about Rin's progress. He would even occasionally ask about my conditions. It was odd, to say the least. Odd that he would so quickly accept my presence. But then again, I was just another servant to add to the small population of the castle. And castles need to be tended to. But, it was also odd, about Rin. From what I had previously learned of Sesshoumaru, he despised humans, even loathed them, yet he kept one as a ward. And, I think, he really grew to care about my little Rin. Who couldn't? If anyone could turn a stone youkai to mush, it would be her. Her happy, gap-toothed smile, spindly, fast-paced body, the way she was so accepting. It's no wonder she had somehow snuck through the cracks of the stone lord's heart. For, I'm sure that's what had happened. Sure, he didn't read her bedtime stories or kiss her goodnight, but he watched her with the concerned eye of a father, allowed her to accompany him, and even handled her incessant chattering, every once in a while, answering one of her many questions. As far as I was concerned, the Ice Prince was hooked. Only, he didn't know it. Or chose not to recognize it. Just the fact that he hadn't killed her yet was enough. If only he could realize it, or would chose to.

"Kagome-nechan. Like this?" Rin held up a piece of parchment with covered with sprawled handwriting, repeating the kanji of her name over and over. I took the paper from her and scanned over it.

"Yes, much better, Rin. You've gotten a lot better." I handed it back to her with an approving smile. "Write it for me three more times, please. Let's see how good you can make it." 

"You'll see, Kagome-nechan! It will be great!" She plopped back down at the short desk (a small table that Jaken had put in the study/library for Rin to use. My ribs were hurting, so I sat down in the corner. She began writing again, attacking the page with an energy I wished I could only have for my math and science tests. Speaking of which, I was going to be so far behind in my summer reading. Thankfully, we were, I calculated, still in vacation time. School wouldn't start back for another…dang, I forgot. Not that it mattered much. The chances of Sesshoumaru letting me go back for school were very slim. I mean, very. But, maybe if I did everything right, he would let me go back and see my family, if I were obligated to stay in the Sengoku Jidai period for a long time. I was attempted to let out a 'Feh' , Inuyasha style. If I had thought Inuyasha was stubborn about letting me go back to my time, I couldn't think how Sesshoumaru would handle it, especially since I was his servant. He would probably just kill all of my friends I had ever made in the old era.

I snapped out of my little reverie and looked over at Rin, who was busy working away, but now had smudges of black ink across her face.

"Rin, did you finish?" I bent over the girl and looked at her work. I had to stifle a giggle.

"Yes, Kagome-nechan. I finished it all, but I got bored, so I drew a picture. See, there's Jaken-sama…" Rin pointed to a round ink ball/glob with a pointy nose and ears, laying flat on the ground, with what looked to be daisy flower shapes on his head. "..he tripped." she explained insightfully. " And here's me! I was picking flowers. See, I gave Jaken some. And here's Sesshoumaru-sama." The unmistakable form of Sesshoumaru was standing stiffly, Rin not more than what appeared to be a foot away from him. "And here's you, Kagome-nechan!" Rin pointed to a rather odd portrait of me, standing next to Sesshoumaru, looking as if I were holding his hand, and watching Rin. I looked happy.

For some reason, this picture hit a nerve somewhere and I wanted to cry and smile at once. Rin had drawn me looking so happy, but how could I be that way if I didn't have my friends or family with me? I couldn't be satisfied here forever. And it suddenly hit me that I very well may have to be. This revelation washed over me like as if I had been doused with ice water. Why was I there? Why me? What if I never saw my family, ever, again…

I stopped myself, shaking my head, and plastered a smile on my face.

"I love it, Rin. It's beautiful. I really like Jaken. He looks very real."

Rin giggled, then turned to me happily. 

"Could Kagome-nechan write Jaken-sama's name right here and Sesshoumaru-sama's name right here, so I can see what they look like?"

I nodded and wrote the names carefully in Kanji as best as I could.

"Oh! Don't forget Kagome-nechan's name. Right here!"

I smiled and labeled the stick figure miko with such a happy face. It didn't feel like me, but it made me smile for some reason.

"Wow! The names are pretty, Kagome-nechan!"

I stared down at the picture quietly. Next to Sesshoumaru's name, mine looked so plain and empty. His was elegant and dignified, even in writing. I sighed, realizing how utterly opposite two people could be, even in names. Sesshoumaru was the epitome of stoic and calm and I was a mood-swing infested, very 'spirited' girl.

"Yes, they're all very beautiful names..but I like Rin the best."

Rin smiled broadly and studied the parchment one more time, before attempting to reproduce the symbols.

"Rin, is it ok if I keep this picture? I like it very much, it's beautiful." I didn't want anybody else to see it. I didn't want anyone to think that I could be happy without my family and friends. I didn't want to think I could be happy without them. I shouldn't be, definitely not in Sesshoumaru's home. I would throw it away as soon as I could. 

Rin nodded and smiled once more, but asked if she could keep it just a little while longer, again pointing out the fact that "Sesshoumaru and Kagome-nechan are happy watching me and Jaken. Kagome-nechan didn't leave. She stayed with Sesshoumaru-sama and me and Jaken and she was happy."

I sighed and decided that it would be time to teach her how to write her numbers.

_______________________________________________________________

An hour and two bottles of spilt ink later, I decided it was time for a break. I watched Rin complete her sentence, making one last stroke, before putting the brush down and calling to me across the room.

"Kagome-nechan, I'm do-ne!" she sang out enthusiastically. I grinned and took the piece of parchment she held out willingly. I gingerly eyed it, scanning over the different kanji, not paying attention to what was written, but examining the symbols for accuracy, then handed it back, glancing into her eagerly awaiting.

"Hmmm. Well…" I scratched my hand nonchalantly. "I guess….it's wonderful!"

Rin squealed with delight and hugged me. "Kagome-nechan! That's mean!" she laughed cheerfully. "Is it really good?"

I nodded seriously. "Amazing. You're doing very good for only having lessons a couple days.

"Only three days, Kagome-nechan!"

I nodded, thinking about her statement. _Only three days…_ How long had I been there, at Sesshoumaru's citadel? Did my family think I was dead? What about Inuyasha and the others? It seemed like such a long time.

"Kagome-nechan…are you ok?"

Rin's cheerful voice broke my mental retreat and I snapped back to the present.

I plastered a smile on my face, the smile I had learned to perfect over time. It was my smile for when Inuyasha would leave without telling me, only to come back an hour after I had seen glimpses of Kikyo's soul stealers floating above the canopy of the forest trees. It was the smile I lay across my face when Sango fell into memories of Kohaku and her family. It was the smile I spread over my features when Miroku tried to hide the fact that his kazaana was ripping wider apart. It was the smile that graced my features when Shippou would call out for his mother and father in his sleep. It was the smile of lost things, of pain and regret. It was a smile I learned to live with and learned to love, because I could always turn to it when no other expression would do.

I picked up Rin with a swing of my arms and she squealed in delight, clutching at my neck. I had grown stronger since my travels in the past era.

"Would you like to go take a bath, Rin? I know I stink…and you…ewww." I held my nose with two fingers.

Rin giggled and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the makeshift classroom and into the hallway.

"Great!" I exclaimed. I needed some form of relaxation, even if I did have Rin there to hinder it. "Now, where's the bath again?" Not to mention, I needed her. I needed her.

"Kagome-nechan, you're so funny." She giggled and pulled me onward. 

"You know me so well, Rin-chan." I smiled at the small hand grasping at my arm. She was so young, yet so old for her age. I often had the feeling that she knew more than I could ever imagine, more insightful than I ever would have guessed. So why, in my late teenage years, did I not understand half the things she did? Perhaps it's not age, but perspective and experience.

The baths in Sesshoumaru's castle would, technically, not be considered _in_ the castle. To my utmost enjoyment, the first time I had gone looking to wash the disgusting grime that had overtaken my hair, I had not discovered baths, I had discovered _baths_. No, no wonderful inside gazebo tub in a room full of native plants and waterfalls. No, instead there was an astounding hot spring on the castle grounds within walking distance, surrounded by native plants and a waterfall, without the limitation of a room. Utter bliss.

The sun hanging low in the sky. It would be dark in..an hour and a half, maybe two, I estimated. We could not be long or we would miss dinner. Not that I would be spending two hours at the hot springs, even if I didn't mind the prospect at all.

We found the edge of the water easily, with Rin in the lead. I carried two towels in my arms, along with the ends of my shampoo.

"Ok, Rin, let's go!" We stripped out of clothing and I jumped in. Rin debated the water where I treaded, waiting for her, before sprinting to the other end and wading in.

"What's wrong? Scare?" I chimed happily. I swam over to her and splashed her lightly. She grinned and flung her hands at the surface of the warm water. In less than a minute, we were engaged in an all-out splash fight.

It's difficult to say who won, considering we both collapsed about the same time. Rin flopped down, the water coming up to her chest.

"Oo. Look at the pretty rock, Kagome-nechan!" Rin pointed enthusiastically at a rock near me, resting at the bottom of the spring.

"It's beautiful Rin. Why don't you get it?"

Rin looked at the rock, then me, an odd expression coming over her face.

"What's wrong, Rin."

"Um…I…"

"Don't tell me you can't swim?!"

Rin wrung her hands then looked up, staring at me softly.

"You mean Sesshoumaru hasn't taught you?" I was scandalized. I positively loved swimming. How could he not teach her. Then again, I doubted if many people in the feudal age knew how to swim. Some villagers had though I was a water kappa when I had jumped in and saved the drowning boy. Perhaps it wasn't a common thing to know. And, even so, I didn't think Sesshoumaru would be the type to teach anyone anything. 

"Fine then. I'll just have to teach you."

Rin looked up, her eyes shining, the grin on her face spreading like a disease.

"Really?"

"Sure, come on! I picked her up as best I could and carried her out deeper into the spring.

"Ok, now lean back. Don't worry, I got you, my hands are under your back. Ok…good. Now stay still and look up at me, ok?"

____________________________________________________

Thirty-five attempts later, we had made good progress. Rin was kicking right and I had taught her how to float. Now all that was left was the not-drowning-every-time-I-let-go-of-her part. Progress.

"Great. You're a very quick learner, Rin. Can you show me how you float one more time?"

Rin smiled and nodded, literally throwing herself back in the water. She held her breath, pinching her nose and lay as still as possible, something not easy for such an energetic girl. She maintained the position for a whole six seconds than gasped, flipping up, and nearly going under. 

"Great job! I'll teach you how to tread water next time so you don't sink every time you move. But, now, if you ever fall in, you know what to do. Just put your head back and float."

"Thank you, Kagome-nechan! Can we do it again tomorrow? I want to swim like you!"

I smiled happily and splashed her once. She giggled and threw her hands out to block it, retaliating quickly after her defense. Once again, we found ourselves in an ugly war of who would be last to be waterlogged. Rin, despite her lack of swimming talent, I must say, is a hardcore splasher. I laughed a playful, evil laugh, splashing then going in for a tickle. Rin squealed under my tickles and squirmed, laughing louder than I had ever heard her. She gasped in between laughs, begging me to stop and hurling small threats of revenge back at me.

"Kagome-nechan!*giggle* Stop! *giggle* I'll *giggle* get you back, Kagome-nechan!" Rin hollered, coiling away from my flying fingers. I laughed once more, allowing her a breath then going in for the final attack.

"I was under the impression that baths were not a task that required half of the day."

I froze instantly, hands outstretched in front of Rin who had stopped also, only to brighten up immensely.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin jumped out of the spring and grabbed her towel. She threw it around herself and then went to throw herself around him, but stopped short, content just to grin at him. "Kagome-nechan taught me how to float!" she beamed. "She's going to teach me how to swim, because she says you're too stubborn, or you don't know how, but I think you would teach me, so I think you don't know how to swim. Do you want Kagome-nechan to teach you too?"

I cringed, the amount of embarrassment only too evident on my face. But, it was true. I had said it to her when she had asked why Sesshoumaru hadn't taught her.

"She said that. Indeed?" He looked over to me. A me that I just realized was completely nude under the water. I automatically sunk underneath, up to my neck. I decided it would probably be better if I just kept my mouth shut about the demon lord in future situations.

"It's true. I mean-I did say it." I knew he would be mad at me for talking about him like that and I mentally reprimanded myself..numerous times.

"That was very presumptuous of you to say." I cringed. Where was my lady etiquette? That had died a long time ago. Probably due to my travels with a horny monk and adolescent demon dog. "However, in this one instance, you seem to be correct."

I think I had to hold my jaw out of the water. I gaped at him. Had he just said I was right? Had he just admitted that he didn't know how to do something? Woah. Progress.

"I-I-"

"Does your offer still hold?"

"I-well, you see, I never actually said-"

"If not, than say so. Either you will show me, or you will not."

I was still in shock. Was he asking me to teach him how to swim?! This couldn't be right.

"Uh-well-I-I guess I could maybe help you a little…"

He stared straight at me, searching my eyes as if looking for the grave of my father that would hold some powerful ladle that could spoon out a hundred cups in one scoop. My father had been a very good cook.

"Very well. Tomorrow you will give Rin her lessons, teach her, then I will come to learn how to.." he rolled off in thought for a second "…swim."

This was a little much. Wasn't this out of character for Sesshoumaru? I mean, I know he asked me for help with Rin and all, but that was because she was dying. Now he wanted _me _to help _him_ swim. I suddenly got the image of Sesshoumaru splashing around in the water like a chicken with its head cut off, hollering 'help meee…I can't do-glub glub' as his head sunk underneath. I almost had to dive underneath the water to cover up my laugh. That was completely _not_ Sesshoumaru. A new, more accurate picture formed in my head of Sesshoumaru, stock still and silent, sinking under the water with the most dignified look I had ever seen on someone about to be drowned. I had to hold my stomach to keep the peels of laughter in. Ok, in reality, the situation was a lot uglier and a lot less comical, but perhaps I could help water it down a bit.

"Um, why don't I just teach both of you at the same time?"

He shot me a don't-question-my-actions glance but sighed and responded.

"I am occupied until the later parts of the day. I will not have available time on my hands.

So much for that. I had hoped that by having Rin there, things could maybe..not be as intense or something. Or maybe I wouldn't half to talk to him. Oh well.

"Um, ok. But, if you don't mind me asking, why do you want to learn how to swim?"

He merely looked at me as if I was just a tree in front of him.

"Why do you choose to teach Rin?"

Well…I….because. That way, if she ever fell in a river or something, she could swim safely to shore. And because…it's just fun."

"Then I do not need to answer your question. Dinner is prepared. You were late and Jaken was unable to find you. Do not leave without alerting another member of the household. I will not have you wandering around without my awareness. Is that understood?" He sure changed the subject quick enough, but I nodded, not feeling up to a fight after two splashing fights and a tickling war. My ribs were aching anyway. "Come. You are already late for dinner, do not delay more. Jaken is waiting at the forest edge." I suddenly realized that I had dragged Rin with me back into the forest, where I had just been attacked by wormzilla not more than a week ago. I was so dense sometimes. I hit my forehead once, but shook out of it. Rin snatched up her clothes, the large towel wrapped around her like a cloak, and ran off ahead to find Jaken.

Sesshoumaru turned to me.

"That includes you."

"A very unclothed me, I might add."

"I am not dense."

"And a very pervy and very _here_ you."

"You are mistaken if you think I would be tempted to look at you. You waste time with your decency, Kagome."

"And you waste time if you think I'll get out of a hot spring naked with you staring straight at me!"

He sighed and tuned his back to me.

"Very well. Hurry."

I scrambled out of the water and snatched up my clothes. Making sure that his gaze was directed elsewhere, I crammed on the kimono given to me, not checking twice over my clothes before turning back to him, only to see that he was still staring into the woods.

"Ok. Let's go." I was in a bad mood, to say the least. I was not looking forward to giving swimming lessons to the taiyoukai lord of the west. I stomped off, Sesshoumaru following behind me. Almost as if the wind had blown through lazily, a small sound reverberated from behind me. I stopped dead and turned around to stare at Sesshoumaru, pissed. _Did he just…laugh at me?! He had better not have! But..why on earth would Sesshoumaru laugh at me? He doesn't laugh. Ergh! The jerk!_ I glared up at him and snapped a "what was that?!" at him in the most condescending of tones. He merely gazed at me, but I could swear there was some foreign expression that had flashed in his golden eyes that I was not used to seeing. 

"I know not of what you talk about." he replied stonily. 

I huffed and continued on till we reached the citadel. I brushed through the large doors and headed straight in the direction of my room, only to nearly barrel head first into Maki.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Maki!" I bent over, helping her pick up a few loose items that had fallen to the floor.

"Nothing to worry about, Kagome-sama. Where were you going in such a hurry?" she inquired, stooping over as well and picking up a radish.

"I was just heading for my room…how are you feeling lately, Maki?"

"I'm fine, Kagome-sama. Never felt better, thanks to you. You really are a kind soul." I blushed a bit and told her it was nothing while placing the last vegetable in her satchel. 

"That's great, Maki! I'm glad to hear it. Make sure you take care of yourself, though." Remembering the words of Houjo, I told her to eat well and get enough sleep. She promised she would and I continued on down the hall.

"Kagome-sama." Maki called. I turned around, questioningly.

"Hm? What is it, Maki?"

"Your kimono…perhaps you did not take too much care in your hurry…" She looked pointedly at my back and I twisted my head so as to see better.

"Oh…" My face must have shamed tomatoes around the world, with the temperature rising in my cheeks. "Er…thank you…Maki." I looked down again. The entire back portion of my kimono was caught and folded under the hastily tied obi, exposing my backside which wasn't covered by undergarments.

I moved quicker than Inuyasha could block a well, rearranging my kimono and obi, this time flawlessly. I thanked Maki once more and continued on to my room.

_So that's why Sesshoumaru was mocking me! And he walked behind me that whole time! Geez, he's worse than Miroku!! _But, that seemed completely out of place for Sesshoumaru, heck, he probably hadn't even noticed. But then why was he laughing? I could fell my face flush. That wasn't something Sesshoumaru would not do regularly. Things were getting awfully difficult to understand. Sesshoumaru was getting difficult to understand.

______________________________________________________________

If you thought you had problems, try being a servant, tutoring an overactive eight-or something-year old, and teaching the kid and her psycho demon lord guardian to swim on top of it.

School lessons were going well with Rin. She had a knack for spelling simple words, apparently having been taught very, and I mean very basic kanji and letters. She was also quite good at math, unlike me. To tell you the truth, I was actually a bit jealous, it came to her so easily. She was an eager pupil, though her attention span was about as small as Miroku's sense of purity. Needless to say, her studies were going along well and I was proud. I found that when she understood something or was really good at something, it felt like a victory for me too. Maybe I would go into elementary school teaching if I ever got back home. If.

Needless to say, I had been a bit, nervous, ok, very much so, at the prospect of teaching Sesshoumaru, lord of the western lands, enemy of my friends, and all together ice prince how to swim. I mean, come on. I had the right to be a little bit finicky. But, in the end it really hadn't been that bad, if you set aside the fact that I had been extremely embarrassed.

I had just finished going over how to do the right arm stroke with Rin and was wrapping up our session (if that's what you want to call it) with an intense competition of who could squirt water the farthest with their hands (a neat trick my mother had taught me while I was very small). I was just about to fire what I knew was the winning shot when I was coarsely interrupted.

"I was under the impression that lessons were for teaching. They are normally a productive thing, are they not?"

I looked at him blankly, then at Rin and a smile cracked as I splashed her once more.

"Ok, Rin. You heard Grumpy-sama! It's his turn." All I could do from breaking down was to make this as tolerable as possible-even if that included humor.

Rin giggled and we both got out of the spring, me following her, as I had fished out some old clothes from my pack that I brought that might be acceptable to swim in. The events of the day before did not need repeating. I'd be damned if I gave Sesshoumaru swimming lessons in the nude. And Naraku would be pretty cold after he died, seeing as hell would be frozen over.

I helped Rin dry off quickly and she scurried off to meet Jaken. I watched her leave, ready to give anything to have her turn around and come back. Already, a dead silence had assumed its position between Sesshoumaru and myself. If there's one thing I can't stand when I'm nervous, it's dead silence.

"So!" I turned to him, a smile molded on my face. "Ready?" 

Sesshoumaru looked at me dully and nodded. I hopped in the spring, relishing the warmth it brought to my abused body. After a couple of seconds, I turned around to see Sesshoumaru, standing exactly where he had been. He hadn't moved an inch and wasn't any closer to explaining the reason for it by his own will.

"Um." There was a problem here. "How exactly am I supposed to teach you if you don't get in the water?" I guess my tone of voice must have been a bit accusing, for he retaliated calmly, yet successfully.

"I don't recall ever asking you to teach me."

"Eh?" Was all I could say. What was he talking about. Oh, how he could make me feel like the most stupid thing on earth with just one sentence, a talent, that.

"I merely asked you to show me. Demonstrate. I do not remember asking you to instruct me on anything. I will watch you."

I think I almost had a seizure. He was just going to sit on the side and watch me swim?! How annoying! How embarrassing! How…freaky! Well, at least it would be easier than actually teaching him, although a bit degrading. The damn stick-in-the-med lord wouldn't accept direct help from anyone, the stubborn…but he had come to me and ask me to help Rin. Whatever.

I let out a sigh and nodded.

"Ok. What do you want me to show you?"

"Swim."

"But-"

"Swim."

_Me Tarzan, you Jane._ _What on earth does he think he's doing? There's no way this is going to work._ I let out an exasperated sigh and dove into it-literally. I swam around, at first conscious that he was watching my every move, but after a while, the smoothness and warmth of the water set in and I found myself enjoying my swim. I relaxed and focused on nothing but swimming. It was wonderful at taking things off your mind. Just focus on breathing, the strokes coming naturally. I was a wonder of a stress relief. I hadn't realized how much time had passed by until I had dove underneath by the bank of the spring only to have a hand dive in and lift me up by the arm. I nearly screamed, but realized that it was only Sesshoumaru.

"That is enough for today." he stated cooly. I nodded, still a bit embarrassed at the degree of my undress, but nowhere near that of the day before. I grabbed a towel and my pack as he stood.

"I have other things to take care of. You have other duties to attend to also." With that, he took off in the opposite direction of the castle and I marched my way back through the grounds, shivering and wet-headed.

After that was over, everything seemed a bit easier than it had the day before, though the absence of Sesshoumaru had considerably declined, putting me just a bit more on edge, as I would find myself running into him more and more. Each time, he appeared either very engaged in his thoughts, or gave me the oddest, most disorienting looks, would say maybe a word, then disappear around a corner. This irked me a bit, but otherwise, everything seemed perfectly fine, for being a servant and tutor in the house of a great demon lord. Things were running fairly smoothly.

Rin had done a more than good job on her classes and I finished all of my chores earlier than normal, so, deciding to relieve Jaken from the flower weave he was momentarily forced to tolerate, I suggested that Rin and I go pick flowers than get an early start on swimming. She had nearly jumped with happiness, but out of the corner of my eye, I witnessed that Jaken's happiness was even more evident as he scurried off. I could almost swear he gave me a small bow of gratitude before his green, bobbing head disappeared.

I didn't think it was possible to find a being more hyper than Souta after the time he had eaten five boxes of candy as a small child, but Rin put that to test. I had never seen a child so full of energy. She flitted in flashes from flower to flower, to the occasional weed, presenting me with whatever she thought "looked pretty". I couldn't help but smile as I watched her. Seeing as how she would pull up the entire field if I did not intervene, I decided to show her how to make flower chains which, I may say, was the most genius thought I have ever come up with. I watched her, bent over her small, white flower chain, tongue poking out of the side of her mouth with concentration.

"Kagome-nechan." she picked up another small flower, tying its green stem around that of another flower.

"Yes, Rin-chan?" I added another link to my own bracelet, admiring the tiny pedals of the light pink flowers I had found. Small, yet beautiful and strong. I was amazed at their durability.

"Are you going to stay with me and Sesshoumaru-sama and Jaken-sama forever?"

I paused, gazing down at my half made bracelet of blossoms. Continuing with another link I replied-

"Forever is a long time, Rin-chan. No one can promise forever. But," I set aside the flower chain and moved to place her in my lap which she did happily. "I will stay here with you while I can. I won't let you be alone, Rin-chan."

Rin smiled happily.

"Kagome-nechan! It's done!" She held up the flower chain for me to see and I complimented her craftsmanship. She clamored out of my lap and stood up. "It's for you, Kagome-nechan." She placed the small chain around my neck. I couldn't help but notice the similarity of my flower necklace and Inuyasha's rosary. They both kept their wearers in check, unable to abandon the people around them. I blinked once, wishing the stinging to go away, and it did. Rin grabbed my hand and pulled me forward.

"Come on, Kagome-nechan! Time for…swimming lessons!" I grabbed my yellow pack which held swimming attire for both of us and all the other normal commodities and we headed towards the spring, our feet steeping in the same rhythm.

Great job, Rin-chan! Are you ready to try it with my help?"

"Yes, Kagome-nechan!"

I leaned Rin forward, supporting her stomach with my hands as she kicked and paddled with her feet and hands, nearly surpassing mach three in doing so. As she began to slow down, I released her, holding her in my arms, rested against my hip. Rin was gabbering on about something a hundred miles an hour, but I was distracted when I felt something pull at my senses. Realizing what it was, I turned back to Rin and listened to the rest of her story.

"Rin-chan, I have an idea, you want to try it?" Rin smiled and nodded enthusiastically. "Ok, good. Get on my back and hold on tight. When I tell you to hold your breath, take a deep breath and hold it in, ok?" 

"Ok, Kagome-nechan." Rin grabbed my neck and hoisted herself up. She was so small, but still a fairly large weight for me. I adjusted her a little bit than, shouting "Here we go!" I dove out into the middle of the spring. I circled it and small around. After a few minutes, I told Rin to hold her breath, and I dived underneath, towing her on my back where she dug her knees into my ribs (which were still sore by the way).

Feeling the effects and strain of carrying a girl around, I stopped and swam Rin over to the side of the spring where she sat on a rock that was partially submerged. 

"That was fun, kagome-nechan!"

I joined her moments later, leaning back on my elbows to rest a while. I wondered silently whose idea it had been to put springs on earth and why they weren't worshipped every day. Rin kicked her feet in the water, causing ripples to slide through the clear surface. I looked on with partial interest, the way water moved so smoothly still somewhat captivating, even after all the years of being by it.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, it is not polite to merely stand back and eaves drop. "I drawled in a mock-polite tone. "Especially for such a long time. Join us if you want to, or go on your way, but it's freaky having you just standing back there."

He didn't move.

"I don't appreciated taking orders from a _human _ woman, a servant, nonetheless, in my lands, on the grounds of my home."

For some reason, the fact that Sesshoumaru would call someplace a home struck me odd. I had never really thought about it before. Having a place he would take comfort in just seemed so…un-Sesshoumaru. Oh well, that's off topic.

"Then don't take the orders, just follow them." I replied snidely. "And this _human _woman is also the woman who just so happens to be the human who is tutoring your ward and even showing you," I poked him in the chest for emphasis. "_ yourself_,how to swim." I smiled triumphantly and he snatched my hand in his, shocking me a bit. I stared down at our hands, his nearly devouring mine in size, then at his his face, confusion written across mine. It was his turn to smirk.

"Except for the fact that I know how to swim."

I snatched my hand away, a bit irked.

"You mean you knew how to swim the whole time?!" I could feel the pink seeping into my cheeks.

"No, but I do now."

"You can't be serious." I said in a dead tone. Who did this guy think he was-some god or something? Just 'cause he has a good body and gorgeous features and is a killer fighter-literally-doesn't mean he runs the universe. He's not some superman. Correction, super youkai. Wait, damn. That would unfortunately go against the whole taiyoukai title, wouldn't it. Ok, I was just backing myself into a corner. But still!

"Ok, fine! Let's see what you can do! But, keep this in mind, I really don't feel like saving anyone today. Performing CPR would put a damper on my good day." Though, I really doubted he had any clue as to what CPR was. Whatever. I didn't feel up to explaining it, and he didn't ask. I huffed and plopped down on a rock at the edge of the spring, crossing my arms and staring daggers into the water. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the movement of white fabric, but paid no attention.

"If you continue to stare at the water like that, it will freeze." his calm voice sounded from somewhere to my right.

"Then it'd be just like you.." I muttered under my breath and looked up to glare at him, only…I never got that far. It's really hard to glare when your eyes are wide open and your jaw is hanging down a foot. Perhaps when I had said he was gorgeous it had been…a bit of an understatement. Not only did he have the male model features, but he had the body to accompany it. I'm not one to go into details or a faint when I see a guys body, but, well, I guess I had never seen such a…nice…body. Sure, Inuyasha definitely had nothing to complain about, but he's only a hanyou. Take something almost twice as strong and..well, I'll let you have fun. So, needless to say, I was a tad bit shocked. And, I was even more shocked when the gi pant thingy he wears started to come off.

_Oh hell, I'm too young for this!_

"Put..those…back…on…this instant!!" I hollered, my eyes squeezed shut, my hands against my head.

"I do not understand how it is acceptable for a female to swim nude, but for a male to do so is unacceptable."

"It's not unacceptable, it's just-no."

There was a rustling of fabric.

"Indeed. You may open your eyes now."

Waiting a second more, I opened my eyes once again, still caught by the flawlessness of his skin and how smooth it appeared. This guy…what was the term my friends used, oh yeah…this guy was ripped.

In a moment of realization, I slapped my forehead. Why was I thinking these things?! What about Inuyasha? I loved Inuyasha and that meant not gaping at some other guys chest. But then again, a part of me argued, it's not like Inuyasha and I were going out and it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong, just looking at a guy shirtless. No big deal. _Think Inuyasha thoughts. Think Inuyasha thoughts._

I snapped out of my reverie quickly when he slipped into the water. He stood, the water only reaching his upper stomach, gazing at me intently.

"W-what?" His looks disturbed me sometimes. Ok, all the time, but whatever.

"Are you not going to insure that I do not drown? You seemed concerned earlier."

I huffed. Really, the guy was impertinent.

"I-I wasn't concerned. I just don't want you to die or anything."

"Concern."

"For Rin. If you died, she would be lost."

"She would have Jaken."

"Jaken can barely take care of that two-headed dragon. Rin is twice as tiring."

He paused slightly for a second as if calculating, then replied slowly. "She would have you."

I was slightly shocked, to say the least, but overcame It quickly. "I won't be here forever. I can't take care of a child, my life is too dangerous."

"The life of a servant, to dangerous?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Oh go stuff yourself." I mumbled, hopping in the water after him. "Let's see if you are as great as you think."

Without a word, Sesshoumaru slipped silently under the surface of the water, diving towards the center of the spring where he proceeded to swim with perfect, calm strokes until he had conquered the length of the spring five times. His motions were fluid, yet calculated and had a certain beauty to them that I longed to possess. It wasn't fair that a man could be so beautiful and move so beautiful. And that damn hair of his. He probably didn't even wash it and it was at least twenty times better than mine. I just wasn't natural.

When he stopped five feet in front of me, I looked up, startled.

"But-how-you only watched me one-"

"I am a fast learner." he said quietly, brushing strands of wet silver behind his pointed ears. He looked like some mythical creature. Well, by my time's standards, he was some mythical creature, but that just goes to show that maturity does not always mean wisdom.

"That's a bit of an understatement."

__

He nodded once and turned, presumably to take another little dip.

__

"Sesshoumaru-sama." He stopped, his smooth back and shoulders glistening with surplus droplets of water. "Why did you say that Rin would have me?"

__

He stood for a while and I was beginning to think he wouldn't answer me. A slight breeze blew through, causing the part of me that was out of water to shiver and give me goose bumps. He stood motionless, then turned around slowly, wading towards me through the water, his silver hair pooling out behind him on the azure surface. He stopped, a mere foot away from me. He gazed down at me, his eyes easily searching my face without moving. His demeanor and very presence was calm. He was like a natural sedative until you realized that he could kill you with the flick of his wrist.

__

"I have observed your maternal behavior around Rin enough to make the assumption that you would not leave her for ill. It is not your character. She reminds you too much of the kitsune you miss and the only time you smile is when in her company."

__

I stared at him in shock. He knew this? What, had he been making observations of my interaction with Rin? This was crazy. He was crazy. And he was right. I didn't want him to know this. I didn't want him to know anything about me.

"How can you be so sure? You don't trust me."

__

I think he may have sensed my confusion, for he continued, stepping closer to me, his face mere inches from mine.

__

"The picture that Rin drew. You know of it."

I nodded dumbly, his close proximity making me antsy and retarding my reactions.

"Rin does not lie or deceive. She is honest and hopeful and is rarely wrong in her observations. If I were to leave her, Rin would be happy with you."

"Even if I do like Rin, don't you dare plan on dumping her on me. Sure, if you were gone I think she would be responsible enough to deal with it, but she would never choose to leave you for me. She loves you, gods help her. You aren't…planning to get rid of her are you?"

He said nothing, just stared at me, that piercing, judgmental stare that was so personal. 

"Somehow she's found, if any exists, the good in you. I would take Rin if it was required, and I would watch over her carefully, but she needs you. And you need her."

An odd look flitted across his stone features and he leaned down, his face by my neck.

"I was beginning to fall under the misconception that you were smart, somehow different from other humans, but you are all the same." he breathed in my ear, causing an extreme case of the chills on my part. His hand rose up to cup my chin. "Do not speak of that which you do not understand." His voice cut through the air between us. It was cold and hallow. He was mad. He had no right.

__

"I understand one thing-you don't know what you have until it's gone."

"Less is more." He seemed to shake himself out of an immense inner turmoil, pulling back, his hand leaving a tiny trail of warm red on my cheek, after his claws. Inuyasha never would have been so careless. But perhaps Sesshoumaru

Suddenly I found myself sickening at the sight of Sesshoumaru, his cold demeanor and stoic mask suddenly appeared idiotic and childish. His calm perfection so opposite of that which was his half brother's. A half brother that I loved and missed. 

I discovered in that minute that I hated Sesshoumaru. I hated him for putting me there in the first place. For trying to hurt my friends so many times, for having a jewel shard in his home which it was my duty to come collect, for making a fool out of me, making me into a servant so that I may save my friends (since he threatened them to begin with). It all fell back to Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru had caused so many trials for us. Sesshoumaru had left me in the woods when I became lost and was held by Naraku. And Sesshoumaru…was the only stable thing that I had at the moment. It was a maddening and disorienting thought. He hadn't betrayed or deceived me in my hallucinations while under Naraku's influence. He was always the same, cold exterior of a person, fiercely loyal to those like Rin, who mattered to him. He was completely different than Inuyasha, yet, the same. He was a cold being and a literally perfect killing machine, yet honest and loyal. He would not leave that which was important to him.

As quickly as my hatred had formed for him, it washed back away like ink on paper.

AN: Well, that was interesting…and almost pointless. I really don't know if this story is headed in the right direction. It looks like the story will be at least a chapter longer than expected, but that's good, right? Again, sorry it took so long and I didn't get a chance to proof read it, so….

To answer a question, yes this story does deal with a Sess/Kag relationship, but I have yet to decide how far it will go. 

Well, Please tell me what you guys think. I would like to aim for twenty reviews before the next chapter. Please give me any suggestions you might have. Next Chapter-somebody comes for Kagome. More relationship building (but always in unique ways), and an accident that Kagome may never live down. Assuming she even remembers it. Catch you all next time!


	9. Still They Stand

AN: Hey there everyone. Thanks for the awesome reviews on FF.net and MM.org. I'm sorry this took so long, but, again, I've got myself in a mess. Sesshoumaru may seem slightly OOC in this chapter, but bare with me here. Also, Sesshoumaru, as you may have figured out, has both arms. Just pointing that out. I also attempt a rather weak sort of poem thing. It's lame as can be, but makes a good point/symbol. Also, keep in mind, this story is not going to be twenty chapters long, so yeah…enjoy!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER9_STILL THEY STAND

Things don't always turn out how you want them to or how you expect them to (which can be two totally different things, I might add) and sometimes they don't turn out how they should, either. It's really just hit and miss. For instance, I never dreamed that Shippou would be killed. I never expected that I would end up tutoring Sesshoumaru's little human girl. And I wasn't ever supposed to even end up in the damn Sengoku Jidai in the first place. Or maybe I was.

Victim of odd circumstances, most definitely. Victim of a twisted and warped fate, perhaps. Victim of choices and decisions, we're all victims of those. The point is, we can't control everything that fate or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, decides to dish out to us. The only thing we can control is how we deal with the moment and what we make of it.

At the moment, I was screaming.

And swooping in on the foreign object.

When I realized what it was, an exasperated sigh ran through my body. My head moved back and forth in the all-to-familiar actions of one who is tired of dealing with things over and over again. This was way more than I had ever bargained for.

"I know I said that Rin doesn't get enough protein, but this IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!" I swooped in on the pot for another assault, brandishing the ladle like a shark net. I found what I was looking for and lifted it up, out of the huge boiling pot. "I know Rin may be a very enthusiastic, ok, rabid eater, and Sesshoumaru may have made you responsible for her health, but self-sacrifice isn't needed for her nutrition at the moment, Jaken. Save it for the Donner party."

I fished out the dizzy and somewhat unconscious toad, placing him on the table. "It's a good thing I came in to store up these herbs for Maki, otherwise we'd all be…" I squirmed, my face distorting in horribly-hidden disgust "frog leg stew for dinner." I shook him off, sending splatters of stew base and pieces of daikon radish all over the countertop. I placed Jaken in a wash bin and poured cold water over him, waiting for the coming response.

He twitched for a second then sputtered, ridding his lungs of stew, his eyes growing even larger than normal as he mumbled curses about human spawn and psychotic children.

"Let me guess, you and Rin were playing hide and seek again and you fell in." Jaken looked at me as if I were mad, but the look slowly melted away as he observed his stew-sodden shape, and it mutated into a look of thankfulness that took over immediately. I nodded, deciding that I had had enough fun with him. He scurried off, out of the door by the cooking pit, his squat green form disappearing from sight.

It was going to be a good day.

_______________________________________________________

I had continued with Rin's schooling and swimming lessons and was proud to say that she was making wonderful progress in both areas, but her guardian, it seemed, had given up the swimming lessons he had commissioned. Perhaps because he already knew how to swim. Whatever. All I knew was that after his odd behavior at the spring, I had almost twice as much work and I had seen Sesshoumaru a grand total of one time since then, on which he had completely given me the cold shoulder. Once again, I got the distinct feeling that he was avoiding me, though I have no clue why. Don't get me wrong. I could care less if I saw him, but for him to ignore me when I did see him, well, that was just wrong. Rude jerk. But maybe his actions were freaking him out a bit too. I mean, do taiyoukai just suddenly flip out in hot springs all the time? Ok, maybe flip out wasn't the right diction to describe it, but he definitely wasn't acting like himself. Maybe he was sick.

_Oh no._ I thought. _If he's sick, he'll never admit it to anybody! The stubborn idiot is probably sitting in his room, dying of a fever or something, and nobody would know until the servants sucked up enough courage to enter the room when it stated smelling like a rotten corpse. _The feudal era does wonders for your imagination. 

With that thought, I ran to one of the gardens where I knew I would find a servant. Slamming four shoji doors behind me as I went, I got to the last door that led outside. It occurred to me that perhaps I was overreacting just a teensy bit because I hadn't seen him for three days. Maybe he was just really busy, perhaps he had gone off on some sort of business. I mean, Sesshoumaru does not seem like the type to be lying prostrate in bed with strep throat. Heck, I betted that he had never been sick in his life. He was a youkai after all, but then again, Maki had gone ill, why couldn't he? I decided that I would check up on him if the other servants didn't have news, but slowed down as I ran towards the garden.

Sliding the door shut behind me slowly and quietly, I descended the few wooden steps and headed towards the vegetable garden. There, hunched over a row of green plants was Kaji and another younger youkai servant that I had met, named Fumie.

"Kaji, have you seen Sesshoumaru-sama the last few days?"

Kaji pulled up a plant, roots and all and brushed the dirt off.

"Hmm…now that you mention it, I don't recall seeing him…is something wrong, kagome-sama?"

N-no. Nothing's wrong. Do you know where he is?"

Kaji placed the plant in a cloth bag with other previously collected and dried plantation.

"No, but I would venture to guess that if he has not left, he is in his room or study."

"Really? Great. Uh..where is that?"

Kaji smiled at me kindly and nodded.

"Fumie, will you escort Kagome-sama to Sesshoumaru-sama's quarters?"

"Sure, Kaji." Yu finished, gathering her bunch of uprooted vegetation, brushing her dirty hands off on her simple kimono. She smiled and told me to follow her. We went by the kitchen where she dropped off the food then I followed her through the house in what seemed suspiciously like a circle.

"Um…Fumie?"

"Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"If you ever need a clean kimono, you're welcome to help yourself to mine. Sesshoumaru seems to have given me quite enough."

"I could never do that, Kagome-sama. Those are for you alone. But…thank you very much. It means a lot to me that you would offer such a thing."

"No problem! I'm not that into clothes anyways.

"Oh. Is that common, where you come from?"

"Wha-what? Oh no, it's not like I walk around nude whenever I can, or something. That would be-"

"Foolish? Unacceptable? Something you would do?" a smooth voice offered.

"Yes, foolish or even-Sesshoumaru! You scared me!" I ran up to him, unconsciously checking over his physical condition, placing a hand on his forehead then grabbing his hand, searching for a strong pulse.

"May I enquire as to what you are doing." He looked slightly putt off and I could tell he had no idea what I was doing in the least bit, or why I was accosting him.

I froze, realizing what I was doing, but I didn't drop his hand. Instead, I studied it as if it were my safety net, something to focus on besides his face, while mine was turning pink.

"W-well" I stammered, turning a brighter pink. " you see-"

"Kagome-sama was worried about your health condition, since she had not seen you for several days. She wished to confirm that you were in good health. I believe she is checking your pulse." Fumie looked back and forth at us then seemed to think she had said something wrong. " Um, yes, so here's Sesshoumaru-sama! Looks like Kagome-sama has found what she was looking for!" I was thankful to Fumie, but worried too. I knew that tone of voice. It was the voice I used right before jumping into the well.

I blushed a blush that would shame Elmo.

"Heh, heh. Thanks, Fumie. That about sums it up…heh heh." a drop of sweat was beginning to take shape on my brow and Fumie slipped away before I could call her back or make an excuse to join her. I didn't want to be alone with the Lord of Bored.

"My health is as good as ever, thank you." I looked up at Sesshoumaru who gazed pointedly at the wrist I was still clutching.

"Oh. Sorry."

He slid open a shoji door and it seemed I was meant to follow him, so I did accordingly. We entered what I could only presume to be a study. Scrolls and even what seemed to be some very old books lined the room on shelves, the occasional burnt or yellow sheaf of parchment resting between texts. There was a low table with many papers spread over it in a disarray of organization. It looked positively cluttered, but on closer inspection, letters were in numerical order, separated into categories of senders, or in order by date and purpose. What did I expect? A brush and a partly-filled sheet of paper lay like musicians' instruments, waiting to be picked up and made to sing. This, I guessed, was Sesshoumaru's office. 

It was decorated scantily besides the shelves, with barely even a hint that someone ever occupied the space. The shelves that housed the magnificent books were made of a dark wood that matched the table and there were four red cushions on each side of the, what I now guessed to be, desk for Sesshoumaru's study. 

He motioned for me to sit down and I did. He found the half-filled piece of parchment and dipped the brush into the black ink. He moved the sleeve of his haori back with one hand while writing with the other. He was left handed, I observred. Funny, but that's kind of what I expected.

Not wanting to pry, I glanced quickly at the paper, taking in the smooth, sure strokes of his writing. Mine paled in comparison, the jerk. Not only was the writing for his name nicer, and his hair more beautiful than I could ever make mine with all the hair supplies of the twenty-first century, but his hand writing was a hundred times better too.

Slightly disgruntled with it all, and getting bored with his lack of participation, I glanced once more around the room, finding one more article of decoration. On the wall to my right, was a hanging scroll. I got up and moved across the room, knowing he wouldn't even notice. It was odd, being anywhere near him, and he was odd. But, who was I to judge?

Wind beats

Assaulting the mountains

Still they stand

A poem..not a haiku…maybe. I rebuked myself for not paying more attention in language class. The poem was simple, yet complicated. Somehow, this explained a lot of things. Somehow, a few things fell into place after reading that. Complicated, yet simple. I understood Sesshoumaru a little better right then, I think. 

I rose to leave, knowing he wouldn't protest like Inuyasha would, knowing he wouldn't come after me like Inuyasha would. And I was ok with that. Sesshoumaru wasn't Inuyasha, he was Sesshoumaru. And always would be.

I turned from the hanging scroll and walked to the shoji door. 

"Where are you going."

I was actually quite surprised he said anything at all. I thought he had forgotten I was there.

"I'm leaving you alone, so you can work."

"That is not consistent with your enjoyment in annoying me. You came to find me, what did you want."

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead and rotting since I hadn't seen you for three days. Fumie told you that already."

"Perhaps I merely did not wish to speak to you."

"Perhaps.." Normally, this would have started me off into one of my yelling fits, but I didn't feel like fighting then. Perhaps I was just a little tired, perhaps I figured it was useless anyways. After all, he wasn't Inuyasha. " perhaps you didn't." I opened the shoji door. It slid smoothly and silently, yet seemed so much harder to open then all the others.

"I have noticed that Jaken has seemed to have taken to you."

I turned and smiled weakly.

"I helped him out of a couple hot situations, that's all." 

"I see." He returned to the parchment which was, undoubtedly, far more interesting than myself. I meant to leave, but stood there, merely looking at him. Sure, I couldn't know if he planned to kill me any second. I was useless to him anyways, yet he seemed unsure also. Stable, but unstable. Silently, I wondered if he knew this.

He looked up from his work.

"What else did you want?" he asked, sounding, ineffectively, annoyed.

"Sometimes wind shapes stone."

I smiled meekly and turned, sliding the door closed behind me. I headed towards the garden to finish my chores alone or hopefully with Maki or Kaji, someone who was comforting. It was a relief to be out of that study. On the whole, the atmosphere was quite gloomy. Made me want to go to sleep. 

______________________________________________________

I usually woke at sunrise like clockwork now. I would perform my chores and teach Rin, then watch over her for a while. Then perhaps I would have an hour before bed to read or something. It was a pattern. Humans are creatures of habit.

I remembered my friends and family every day, but refused to think about them for too long. If I focused on the tasks I had to do at hand, I could almost forget that I was working for someone I was supposed to hate, my friends were probably searching for me, if they hadn't given up, and my family was probably beginning to think that I had either ditched them for five hundred years or was dead. Hopefully Inuyasha had gone to talk to Mom. Silently I wondered if my life would ever be normal again. But then, when had my life ever been normal?

Today I had woken up earlier than normal in a cold sweat, pieces and pictures of a disturbing dream floating in and out of my mind's sight. It was a common thing now, to dream of Shippou dying and my other friends morphing into Naraku as I hugged them. Even though I denounced psychologists earlier, if I ever got out of the place, I would be in some serious need of one. Or maybe two.

Seeing as I had woken up early, I decided to make use of my time alone. I got up, arranging the blankets on the futon in an orderly fashion. I dug through my yellow pack, or what was left of it, and pulled out a blue skirt and one of my favorite tops that had a cute picture of a whale with four fins, crawling on land. Even though Sesshoumaru had supplied me with plenty of new clothes, I much preferred my old favorites. I brushed my hair quickly and headed for the garden and some blessed, and, might I add, well deserved, peace.

Somehow, I found myself in the flower garden. I sat down on the earth, not minding if my skirt got a bit dirty, next to a rose bush, which I found odd. Did Japan have roses during the warring states era? I had always assumed they were imported from western Europe later on. It seemed odd that there would be a plant there that I had supposed the people of that time didn't even know about. 

It was a beautiful plant. It's leaves were green, its stalks healthy, and its blossoms possibly the most amazing I had ever seen. A light violet with pieces of white interwoven. It was the most gorgeous rose plant I had ever seen, delicate, yet strong and healthy, but so very out of place. It didn't belong there amongst the native flowers. Yet, despite its awkwardness, it had taken root and was prospering like no other plant in the garden. It was a beautiful plant, yet a glaring intrusion amongst the others. I loved it even more.

Perhaps I could learn to deal with what I had been given, perhaps I could learn not to hate where I was and what I was doing. Maybe I could even learn to enjoy it a little. After all, I had Rin there and nowhere else. But I missed my friends and family so much… And yet, when I thought about them, I thought about how much I wanted them to survive and didn't want them to have to fight. And that required my presence and hard work at the home of Sesshoumaru. I would learn to live.

I felt him before I saw him. He approached silently and I might not have ever known he was there if I hadn't been able to sense him. He stood for a second by me and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. As if coming to a conclusion, he sat down quietly next to me, his movements deaf and his eyes trained at the horizon. I turned to glance at his white form, then returned to my observations of the rose bush.

We sat for a long time, saying nothing. But, for once, it really didn't bother me. It was a comfortable silence. Like with friends and family. I think just being around the stiff-as-heck Sesshoumaru was starting to mellow me out, heaven forbid. I don't think I'd be able to cope with myself.

I was surprised when he spoke first.

"It was a gift to my mother from the continent. A friend of the family returned with it and my mother planted it there."

I nodded. But, why was he telling me that? Sesshoumaru did not seem to type to go on some recollection of the past story at a mere whim. He seemed much more private.

"It's beautiful." It was all I could say.

"Yes, but it doesn't belong here."

I smiled softly.

"You're right, but still…it knew that it had to keep living, and look at it now. Even if it doesn't belong, it's done its best to survive and stay healthy."

We were silent again, an activity filling the air as if we were both thinking about this deeply.

"Sesshoumaru, why did you make the offer to me. To not attack Inuyasha if I would become a servant of your house.?"

He was silent for a second then turned to look at me sincerely, his eyes diving into mine.

"That is simple. Good servants are hard to find these days."

I growled. He was messing with me. I frowned and glared at him. He cocked an eyebrow then sighed. It was a barely audible sigh, but still I had heard it.

"Without you, my brother is lesser than when in your presence. You are a drive for him, a resource for strength and perseverance because he is so emotionally attached to you. He is not a danger to me when he is alone."

"Oh." I averted my eyes. There were flecks of yellow within the petals of the roses, hidden among the purples and white.

Again I was surprised when his smooth voice broke the silence.

"Why did you agree? You faced me many times with Inuyasha. Why did you remain here to stop me from attacking him when you had held me off so many times before?"

"I was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of my friends having to fight. One less battle is one less battle." I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my chin on top of them. Suddenly, I felt weakness wash over me in a lukewarm wave. Tears began to form and sting at the corners of my eyes. They spilled out silently, rolling down my cheeks in warm droplets. I wiped them away; I didn't want Sesshoumaru to see me crying, especially when there was no apparent reason to.

He did not look at me, and I was thankful, although I know he saw my tears or could at least smell them. Perhaps he was trying to be considerate, or maybe he thought me weak because of my momentary break down. I scrunched my face up, willing the last of the tears to disappear. 

Why was I the one to fall through the well. I was useless. I couldn't even protect my friends, let alone myself. I had basically abandoned my family that was probably waiting to see if I would be home for dinner, five hundred years in the future. I couldn't protect any one. Was this the only way I was any good to anybody? Serving in Sesshoumaru's home to save my friends instead of fighting with them? Was this the only place where my presence made a difference? I wanted so bad to wake up in my bed and discover it was all just a dream. 

This wasn't my life. I was going to high school and lived with my mother, grandfather, and little brother. I had normal friends. I had a normal life. I never asked for this, not that I would have it gone in a flash. That's why a dream would be perfect. You can remember a dream, though it's not real. And, most of all, you can chose what you want to remember.

I felt something cool run against my cheek. I leaned into Sesshoumaru's hand, taking comfort in the soothing feeling and temperature that came from it. My mind was a mess, five different parts screaming five different things at one moment. I cringed as my skin suddenly stung and I felt warm liquid slide down my cheek. Not tears. 

"Why-"

Sesshoumaru ran a finger across the slice he had made in my skin. He brought his finger up to his mouth and smelled the blood then licked it off his finger. I watched, in confusion as he did these odd actions. I felt as if someone had taken a hammer to my brain.

"You look human, smell human, and taste human. This is human blood. It is my experience that humans are not perfect. Do not berate yourself for your faults. They are what make you who you are. Learn to live with them and utilize them to your advantage. They can become powerful tools if wielded the correct ways." His voice was cold and smooth, the ever present monotone. Yet, in this case, it was comforting. Something stable.

"Thank you." I sighed, realizing how foolish I had probably seemed. I flopped back, gazing at the sky that would soon be lit by the first rays of the sun's rays, spreading out like the fingers of Midas, to cover everything in gold. Sesshoumaru rose gracefully and looked at the rose bush as if contemplating its existence.

"Why did you remain with my half brother. You never left him, though you were attacked many times. Why did you stay by his side?"

I sighed, one obvious reason coming to mind. Though, it seemed so less obvious the last few days.

"The same reason why you keep Rin. You said it yourself, Inuyasha needs me. And…he's my friend. A very good friend, and friends don't abandon friends."

"I do not keep Rin around because she needs me."

I sighed and rose to a sitting position, then stood to brush myself off.

"Of course not.." I whispered softly. "You love her." In a flash, five fingers were around my neck, claws digging into my flesh.

" Again you speak of what you do not understand. I do not need your wise comments, woman." I glared at him and his fingers tightened. So we had reverted back to woman and wench, had we? I was annoyed.

"The mountains may not be moved by wind, but their faults may be shaped by it."

Sesshoumaru's claws dug deeper into my skin, only to loosen. His hand dropped down to his side and I gasped, my hand rubbing my throat.

I wasn't done. "Sesshoumaru, you can deny it all you want. Sesshoumaru, Rin may be strong, but she needs your attention. Why do you think she attaches herself to myself of Jaken? She needs your attention and you need hers!"

In a flash, he was inches away from me. He grabbed my shoulders, his claws drawing blood, as he glared at me, a look of absolute hate in his eyes.

"How dare you presume to tell me what I need." he growled savagely. Suddenly, his grasp tightened and he pulled me against his body, and brought his lips down forcibly against mine. I gasped and he took advantage of my surprise to deepen the kiss. My entire body went limp and my mind refused to function. It drew a blank then everything seemed to fly into action at once, sending my mind reeling off. Twenty different emotions fought to preside over me. I stood, limp in his grasp. My body worked to do anything, say something. I managed to move my lips ever so slightly against his. With a jerk, he pulled back as if snapping out of a trance. A look I had never seen flitted across his features then disappeared immediately. 

I stared at him, completely shocked, then turned. Suddenly, I found my voice. Then only thing that would come out, the only thing I could think of to say.

"I'm sorry."

He seemed to stiffen at my words.

"There is work to be done." he said, calmly and brushed past me, back to the castle his presence fading away. Whether it was missed or not, I don't know. My mind was too busy doing a good impression of tapioca pudding to notice.

I stood for a minute more. The sun had peeked out and its golden orange beams lingered on the forests, touching the tops of the trees and outlining them in gold. Everything was beautiful. Almost fake. So beautiful, and I didn't understand why. Why did the sun take so much care in covering everything with a golden blanket? Why was the moon so cautious when folding the speckled sheets of the sky over a sleeping earth? Nobody cared anyways.

My fingers rose and grazed the cut on my face lightly. It had stopped bleeding.

That night, I dreamt of Inuyasha. I was being held and comforted by Sesshoumaru. He was whispering something to me and hugging my body to his, trying to comfort me. Then Inuyasha appeared with a smile on his face. He told me how happy he was that I was alright and, while wiping away my tears, told me that Sango and Miroku were waiting and Mom had cooked Oden for all of us. Sesshoumaru's form vanished into the air around me.

_______________________________________________________

I refused to dwell on what had happened with Sesshoumaru. It meant nothing to him and I convinced myself it meant nothing to me, so I blocked it from my mind and shoved it in another corner of my subconscious that would need some serious vacuuming after I was through with all this stuff. Yet, it wasn't easy to forget. Since 'The Incident' as I had named it in my mind, things had been strange. I no longer doubted that Sesshoumaru avoided me, giving me more work than ever to keep me going constantly. When I did see him, he would either refuse to acknowledge my presence, or stared at me to such a degree that I would blush and turn away, or turn red with annoyance and storm off. Sure it had only been two days, but I wasn't stuck on it, so why should he be? He did kiss me after all. Egotistical jerk. Maybe some things are genetic, I observed.

But, other than the lord of the house I was currently a servant of completely ignoring my existence, everything seemed fine. Rin hadn't been mad at me for breaking her rock, though she liked it more when it was covered in dirt. But that was a good thing. Then when I would take it, and I eventually would have to, I wouldn't be parting her from something she liked deeply. I don't think I could do that to Rin. Heck, I'd have a hard time parting with Rin, on that note. The little girl just kind of grew on me, you know. Perhaps that's what happened with Sesshoumaru. Maybe he just needed something in his life that was actually happy some of the time. I mean, with his attitude, and traveling around with that constipated toad would put a bit of a damper on your range of emotional feelings. Maybe Rin added a little variety to his life, although I'm not saying he would readily accept it or enjoy it. 

I wondered how much my attitude combined with Rin's put him on edge. He was probably ODing on giddy personalities. Maybe that's why he was acting so strange. Or maybe, as I didn't doubt in the least bit, I just didn't understand him yet. Though, I think I was slowly deciphering him. I don't know. He is complicated. Everyone is complicated. We all have our stories and our reasons. They are ours, and ours alone. They make us who we are. Sesshoumaru isn't the only one that must have a background that would make him what he was.

Even Inuyasha is complicated. At first, I thought I had him figured out right away. Egotistical, ignorant, annoying. But, as I found out, he has his reasons. Reasons like the heart-breaking incident with Kikyo. Reasons like growing up, not belonging anywhere. I wouldn't challenge his reasons. Ever.

Silently, I wondered what Sesshoumaru's reasons were. What was his story? I know that being the lord of Saigoku must require his stoical demeanor. He could not be seen as weak, or enemies would take advantage of it. But then again, he could just be, and always have been, a plain old stick in the mud. Rethinking the matter, I found it highly possible and more than likely. I sighed.

I wondered, if I was to remain in Sesshoumaru's home the rest of my life, would I become like him? I realized that I missed my family more than I ever had my entire life. Maybe…no. There was a better chance of Miroku turning gay. I would just have to cope.

________________________________________________________

"Kagome-neechan? Do you have a family? Where's your mommy and daddy?"

Rin sat, imitating my strokes, copying them messily onto a piece of paper. She looked up at me with big eyes. The ones that you couldn't say no to. The one's that reminded me so much of Shippou. 

They were innocent enough questions. She deserved a reply.

"Yes, I do have a family. I have a great mom who is very understanding. My Dad is dead, but he loved us very much and I think about him a lot. A have a grandpa who is really into magic and charms. He's very…different but tries his best to help people. And I have a little brother who is just a bit older than you. His name is Souta and he likes to play a game called Soccer. He helps me a lot. I love all of them."

"Where are they?" Rin put the finishing stroke on the symbol for kokoro-heart.

"They're very far away. But I don't worry about them because I know they are ok and they have each other." I picked up an extra brush and twirled it in my fingers, flashes of my family running through my head like an ancient slide show.

"But don't you miss them?" Rin looked at her parchment, a frown appearing on her small features.

"Yes." I sighed, but managed to rustle up a small smile. "Very much."

"Oh." Rin looked at the paper, as if judging it and finding it not to her standards.

"But..I have you, Rin. And you make me happy."

Rin turned from her paper and smiled a huge, genuine smile that almost made me shield my eyes, it was so bright.

"Yep! Kagome-neechan will always have me and Maki and Kaji and Jaken and Sesshoumaru-sama! Oh! I know, Kagome-neechan!"

"Hm?" I set down the brush and looked at her, inquiringly.

Rin abandoned her work and I cringed as the ink pot was knocked over, the ink dripping over the table. She ran over two me and wrapped her small arms around me in an embrace that would have left Inuyasha choking for air.

"We can be your number two family! Kagome-neechan can have two families and she will never be sad!"

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her messy black hair. I don't know how long I hugged her for before I was brought out of my thoughts by Rin's voice.

"Kagome-neechan, why are you crying?"

The black ink spread over the parchment, covering the strokes that formed the word tamogachi-friend. The writing melted away, swallowed by the black. 

___________________________________________________________

I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. Man, what I would give for some Clorox! Hadn't these people ever heard of Downey? I must have been working on that single piece of cloth for and hour. The brown-red simply refused to come out. I wiped the sweat off my brow, thinking that there was no way in hell anything was worth what I had been going through. Ok, so that's not true, but still.

I bent over the wooden wash barrel, wringing out the white silk haori. I examined it and mused that it looked better than it had twenty minutes before. I set it in a basket to be air dried outside, along with the gi that were considerably cleaner than their matching top.

"What on earth is this stuff anyway, Maki? How can a demon lord get so dirty. I thought Sesshoumaru was a bit of a neat freak."

Maki shuffled over and picked up the haori, examining it then placing it back in the basket. She raised an eyebrow.

"That is blood, Kagome-sama." she muttered offhandedly.

I choked for a second.

"Oh. I see." It wasn't a huge deal. Sesshoumaru had probably killed some poor youkai and inadvertently ended up with a piece of it on him.

Maki nodded and returned to her work load, humming something softly.

"Is it…Sesshoumaru's blood? Or another demon's?" I asked thoughtfully. Somehow, he did not seem like a bleeder to me.

"Yes."

"Oh. Don't be too vague."

Maki sighed and dropped her item of clothing into the wash bucket.

"It is probably not my place to tell you this, but today Sesshoumaru had a ….visitor of sorts."

Immediately I thought of Naraku. He must have injured Sesshoumaru during a fight. How could he! First he hurt my friends, now he was attacking my new ones. Damn him to hell, the….yeah.

"Oooo…" I fumed, my fists clenched at my sides. "How dare that monster show up and try to kill everyone I've ever known!"

"Kagome-sama, I think there is something you should know. It was-"

"Heh heh heh! Did you hear, Baa-chan?" The equivalent of my science project about green mold walked down the hall towards us in all his toady glory that is Jaken. "Sesshoumaru-sama drove away that bastard half brother of his in minutes! Inuyasha was gone and couldn't come back if he wanted to! Lord Sesshoumaru gave him the lesson of all time! Serves him right!" The toad paraded around triumphantly as if he had had some major part in the battle.

"That's great, Jaken-sama." Maki said weakly, obviously painfully aware of me by her side. "But really, is that any way to treat family?"

"Who cares. It was that lowly hanyou Inuyasha! It matters not!" he croaked what I was sure was the last time he ever would because, before I knew what I was doing, my hands were around his throat.

"Inuyasha was here?! What did he want? Is he gone?! Where is he?!" I jumped up, shaking Jaken by the collar of his robes.

Jaken eyed me warily then scoffed.

"Put me down, human!"

"And here I thought we were on an actual name basis. Tell me where Inuyasha is!!" I growled at him so deep that I even scared myself. Jaken looked slightly shaken, but turned his head away and scoffed.

"Heh. That worthless hanyou? He's long gone by now! My maste-"

"Oh." I dropped Jaken and he hit the floor in a disarray of green and brown. I slumped to the ground, my feelings of hope completely dashed by the words of one reptilian youkai. "Alright." I put my hands around my knees and drew them up to my chin. "Do you know anything else?"

"I was busy, tending to Ah-Un but I was there to see Sesshou-"

"Thanks. That's enough." I sighed, turning back to my work, but thought deeply while performing my tasks.

I decided then that I would go to Sesshoumaru and ask him. Perhaps the chances of Miroku becoming gay aren't too small after all. Yeah right. I'd just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it.

_______________________________________________________________

"Argh! What is wrong with you people?!!"

Since I had discovered that Inuyasha had come and left the day before, everyone was avoiding me. Maki and Kaji were "trying to give me space", Jaken was nowhere to be seen (went to the closest village), and Sesshoumaru…well he hadn't shown up at all, but what's new, and Rin had gone with Jaken. Everyone had successfully escaped my wrath. That was, until….

"Hey Fumie, Wakiko!" I called, waving at the other servants. I had finished my work early since Rin wasn't there to teach, and those two still had work to do. "Want my help?" Fumie and Wakiko looked at each other warily then turned back to me.

"Thank you, Kagome-sama, but we're perfectly fine on our own." Wakiko smiled at me unconvincingly.

"Yeah, if you're finished, why don't you rest a bit? You've seemed…tired lately."

_Tired?_ _Well that's a nice way to put it. _I thought grudgingly.

"Yeah, sure. Good idea. Rest." I turned away and could feel their eyes watching me nervously until I turned down the nearest hallway. I could almost smell their relief. Did they all know about me and Inuyasha? Was I that obviously on edge? I had snapped at Jaken, but that's only normal..for anybody. Well, whatever. One thing was for sure though, I wasn't about to rest right that moment. No way. While I was on my adrenaline rush, complimentary of a sleepless night and giant headache, I was going to get it over with.

I wanted to know. Wanted to know why Sesshoumaru kept me there when it would be easier to just kill me and not have to worry about breaking a promise by killing my friends. I wanted to know why he chose me to teach Rin. I wanted to know why the hell I wasn't with Inuyasha right that second! Why had Inuyasha left? Had Sesshoumaru tricked him, told him I was dead? Had he said he had no idea where I was? Sesshoumaru should have gladly given me up.

I stomped, in what can only be described as psychotically, down the halls, the ground almost shaking under my feet. I think I saw a mirror crack and a picture fall down somewhere along the way.

"Alright." I shoved the shoji screen open with enough force to split a rock. " I want to know why Inuyasha is gone and I am still here!!!" I slammed the door shut behind me and it collided with the wall, rattling like crazy. " I want to know why no one bothered on telling me personally that Inuyasha had come!! Why the hell am I still in this place!!" 

I screamed at him. He was the problem, not me. It was suddenly all his fault. All his fault.

"What--Sesshoumaru? What happened?!"

Sesshoumaru sat, glaring at me from his desk, his haori draped lightly over his shoulders, bandages wrapped tightly around his torso. They were slowly turning a rich, deep red. He looked at me as if I were the devil reincarnate, obviously ordering me to leave, but I defied the expression and moved to sit next to him.

"What happened, Sesshoumaru?"

"Leave me." he bit out coldly.

"But, you're bleeding! What happened?"

Suddenly it came to me. I didn't need to ask him. I inhaled sharply. The bloody shirt that I was washing…then Jaken told me about Inuyasha.

"Sesshoumaru…" I reached out a hand, but he growled and his body jerked slightly backwards. "Did Inuyasha do this to you?" I reached out and my hand grazed along the bandages. Sesshoumaru growled even deeper at me and I realized what I was doing was dangerous, that it was like messing with a cornered, wounded dog, but it escaped my attention at the time.

"I said leave." It was more a feral growl than an order now.

"Why did you let him do this to you?"

"It is nothing. I have work I must attend to, Kagome. I will not ask you to leave me again." It was threatening, but somehow the fact that he said my name put some humanity back into the growl that sounded so like a beast.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me how and why this happened and you're now longer bleeding buckets. Where should we start?"

"Do you treasure your life, wench?"

My hands went to my hips and I plopped myself down more comfortably. There was no way he was about to boss me around. Not after avoiding me for a week and giving me extra work. If he thought-

"Inuyasha came, searching for you. He left. It's over." his tone was that of a warning, but I'm renowned for brushing warning signs aside.

"Gee. Don't put in too much detail. We'd be here all day." I looked at him, utterly underwhelmed.

Sesshoumaru sighed and looked as if he came to terms, deciding he wouldn't decapitate me right then and there.

"As I said, Inuyasha came, searching for you."

"And…?"

He looked at me dispassionately. "He accused me of kidnapping you."

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth, although he does not deserve it. I told him that you were staying here of your own free will."

"You What?!!" _Oh gods! _ I thought hopelessly. _Inuyasha is bound to take that the wrong way!_

"Need I repeat myself, human?" he looked really disgruntled. Really.

"No. Anyways, what happened."

"Inuyasha.." at that Sesshoumaru chuckled, albeit a deep, dark chuckle, but a chuckle nonetheless. "accused me of being a..I believe it was…fluffy, white, kidnapper of a bastard. Really, the hanyou has no imagination."

I stared on in horror as a small smirk crossed his face.

"And you two fought?"

"Inuyasha fought. Thus…" He gestured to his ever-reddening bandages. I gasped again, the sight only too familiar, with all the damage I had seen on Inuyasha.

"Why didn't you fight back? You're so much more powerful than him." I moved, untying his bandage. I discovered a box of wrappings nearby, presumably from earlier usage. I unraveled the white gauze bandages slowly, pressing a cloth over the wound. He paid no attention to my ministrations, merely allowing me to continue. It looked like it would heal quickly, but he was still bleeding quite profusely. I washed it quickly, my hands almost working subconsciously from years of practice.

"Because I made a promise not to hurt your companions as long as you kept your end of the bargain. If I were to fight, Inuyasha would have sustained…significant injuries." 

I stopped momentarily, nodded, then grabbed fresh bandages. It was really amazing that he was letting me do this. My anger seemed to simmer as I took care of his wound. I wrapped the material around his chest with some difficulty, but eventually managed.

"Because" he grabbed my hand which was tying the bandages, pressing them against his chest. "you are here."

My face began to burn. I nodded, but he still held my hand against his chest.

"Um..I need to finish…" I looked pointedly at the cloth wrappings and he snapped out of wherever he had been, dropping my hand wordlessly.

I finished tying the bandages and placed the leftovers back in the box by the wall. I turned back to him, two more matters needing to be attended to, now that he wasn't bleeding everywhere.

"Sesshoumaru, I have two things I want to ask you." Why not be frank? It takes less time. With Sesshoumaru, less is more. Well… "First, I wanna know why you've been avoiding me!" My old spark was back and wasn't about to be pushed down again until I got the answer out of him. "I can deal with the extra work, but I can't deal with people purposely avoiding me!" I marched back over to him and sat right in front of him, pushing the table away easily. I stared straight at him. "I can handle all that stuff, the work and…what happened that one day…but I don't appreciate people completely refusing to acknowledge my existence. I may be a servant here, but I'm a human being also. I deserve recognition!"

Sesshoumaru stared straight back at me, unenthused and uninterested, but replied despite it.

"You are a human. Humans are weak. If I am constantly being shadowed by a human woman, it may be interpreted as a weakness. You are a weakness."

I scowled at him, my awareness of him in all his glory demon-ness and me in all my "pathetic humanity" ever increasing.

"I see. Then, perhaps, since I am such a weakness, you could allow me to go see my family for a day, considering my weak human self would not be missed."

He eyed me warily, the appraising look only too familiar now. I smiled, mockingly, yet as prettily as I could.

"I can not permit that." He pushed me aside easily and went back to his work on the desk.

"Why not?!"

"It is a matter of position."

I was really mad now. I got up and walked to the table. I slammed my hands against it, almost cracking it.

"What do you mean matter of position?! I need to see my family!!" I was steaming mad and on the verge of tears. I was nearly yelling in his face, I was that close. This was no way to be in front of Sesshoumaru.

"You are free to leave any time you wish, but our bargain will be broken and you may not come back."

I couldn't believe it. It was right, but I needed to see my family so bad. I was going crazy, thinking of what they might think happened to me. I missed them so much, and my friends.

"I understand. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'm going now." I turned to stand up, but Sesshoumaru's hand caught my wrist and held me in place.

"Why did you change my bandages?"

"Second habit, I guess." I looked at the wall, not wanting to see his face.

"It is rude to ignore those addressing you."

"Well you're just rude altogether."

"Do not jest with me, Kagome."

"I don't _jest_ with anybody, Sesshoumaru-_sama_."

Sesshoumaru growled deeply, a growl I hadn't heard before.

"Look at me when you are spoken to."

I glared at the wall then turned to stare him in the face, only to be taken back instantly. His eyes were a deep golden color that literally astonished me. They were absolutely amazing. And they were staring directly into mine.

He stared at me, a spark of confusion cracking his stoic mask for a mere instant. He rose up until he stood over me. His hand let go of my wrist and my arm fell to my side. A clawed finger raised and traced along my jaw line, sending shivers down my spine. The whole while, my eyes were locked with his, an almost hypnotizing beauty to them. His claw stopped tracing my jaw and his hand cupped my cheek, the warmth of it surprising me.

"You are not a normal human, Kagome." He whispered in my ear, my whole body shaking with the chills running through it. "Inuyasha will come back for you." His lips brushed against my ear and I knew what was coming next. He was going to-no, Inuyasha would come for me. I pulled away and Sesshoumaru's hand dropped instantly from my face.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go finish my duties. And…I expect I'll have some more in addition, tomorrow. I-he-" I sighed, my tongue betraying me, twisting in knots. I turned, but stopped when I opened the door.

"I hope you heal well. I suspect I won't be seeing you for a while, what with you being so busy." I forced a smile on the room before turning to the door again.

"Kagome. I can not allow you to go off to see your family." was a cold statement from the Sesshoumaru, already back at the desk, going over rolls of parchment.

I nodded, not expecting any more than that result.

"And Kagome. Double lessons for Rin tomorrow."

I nodded and slid the door shut, hoping that he would avoid me again…for the rest of my life.

__________________________________________________________________

"Come and get me, Kagome-neechan!" Rin sprinted off across the meadow, her head bobbing up and down, barely visible above the grasses.

I bent over, almost hyperventilating. I clutched at my chest, wondering how on earth it was humanly possible for something so small to have so much energy. She was literally bouncing off the trees. Literally.

"Ouch!" She fell backwards into the grass.

"Rin! Rin!" I ran to her as fast as I could, only to jump back when she suddenly popped back up out of nowhere.

"Come on, Kagome-neechan! Come catch me!" She ran off and almost disappeared in the fauna.

I almost fainted.

I wondered why on earth Rin had been put with me for not only her study period, but for the whole day. Not that it really I didn't enjoy spending time with her, mind you, but every time I finished one of my jobs, she immediately wanted to play. It wasn't a bad thing…it was a tiring thing. But, otherwise, I couldn't complain. She occupied herself when I was busy with various games such as a makeshift version of fetch where she would throw a stick…and go run after it. Needless to say, she provided plenty of entertainment.

But her running off was not a laughing matter…until I would find her. Then it would be a tickle war.

Somewhere I heard her voice, calling for me to follow her.

I ran towards the trees, my breath catching in my chest, feeling slightly dizzy. Something was wrong. I watched her form disappear as I chased after her, the flowers seeming to stretch out before my eyes. I ran in her wake, hoping that I could catch up to her. It seemed like the surroundings were dulling somehow. The flowers were moving like phantoms. Something was very wrong. I slowed down then stopped and slumped against the nearest tree. I clutched at my chest to assuage a sudden feeling of constriction that formed. Breathing became tedious as my chest was squeezed from within.

"Rin?"

There was a rustling in the bushes near me and I turned, the trees blurring into one dark shadow.

"Rin?" I called out again, a bit quieter as a form appeared slowly in the corner of my vision. I wavered and lost balance, slumping to my knees. The ground shifted and staggered before me, forming a nauseous sensation in my stomach. The quiet shuffle of ghostly footsteps. White feet.

"Rin…Sesshoumaru…" I muttered, the words barely escaping my lips. A dull haze seeped out from me and the white face stepped closer.

I collapsed to the ground, all colors seeped from my sight and I could no longer feel the ground beneath me. The haze coming from me was fading slowly.

"KAGOME-NEECHAN!" I heard the shriek come from somewhere and nowhere. The word formed on my lips.

"Run…" I could feel her leave, hear a muffled pounding from the ground as her feet thudded against it when she ran. It disintegrated along with my sight.

"Just me…. Right, Kanna?"

Somewhere there was a vibration, barely felt before all left.

Silence is like solitude, sightless is lonesome, unfeeling is isolation. Fright. And release.

AN: Ok, to answer a few questions….As for Shippou's death, I really haven't decided if I'm going to explain it. I think it might have a greater effect if you did not actually know what happened, but you could read Kagome's reaction. After all, that's the important part now. As for a lemon, you'll have to go somewhere else. I have nothing against lemons, in fact I sometimes enjoy the more mature nature they add, but I can not do a lemon the appropriate service. In other words, I can't write them, but I may eventually work on my citrus skills. So do not count on any lemony goodness, but know that it is a possibility. Depends on where I want their relationship to go. Oh, here are some vocab words.

Haori-as far as I know, the type of top/shirt/Yucatan thing Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha wear. (the white tope with red flower pattern) Might be a hakama though. ???

Gi -the type of pants Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha wear

Saigoku-the western lands (Sesshoumaru's territory)

Baa-chan-grandma (basically)


	10. Amnesiac, Attack!

AN: Thank you for over 100 reviews! I'm not quite sure who got the lucky number, but if you know who you are, tell me! Also, thanks to one of my reviewers, I learned that Sesshoumaru's pants are actually called nu-hakama, not gi as I had read in a different fic. Sorry 'bout that. Second hand info, you know. Well, I'm really sorry this took so long to get out. I kind of wrote myself into a corner and had to find a way out of it. Don't really like the chapter, but tell me what you think. ^^ btw, just ignore the title. I was hyper.

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 10_AMNESIAC, ATTACK!

Like getting run over on a one way road, by a car traveling the wrong direction. Irony is an interesting thing. Sometimes it sparks necessity and forces us to live with what we hate or fear. Sometimes is causes a small problem to turn into a catastrophe. Or sometimes it's just there to provide a little humor in our lives. Whatever the cause, after this, I would curse irony momentarily, for the rest of my life and with all my soul, then decide it was really Fate's fault. Unfortunately, I discovered that those two things, my life and soul, are governed by irony, and a very good base of psychotic fate. Screw fate and irony. I know that they were plotting together to bring me down. It was obvious, with what I had been through in the last..oh…month or so. Yeah…reeeeaaaalllly funny, Irony. Ha ha. 

I dimly began to become aware of something. Myself, I think it was, but I wasn't sure, as she seemed to be momentarily out on a lunch break. There was a low, incessant buzzing in my ears and my ribs felt as if they had been broken. 

Driving a red Ferrari at 150mph down an empty road, crashing headfirst into a brick wall, then topping it off with a major hangover afterwards . That's how an adult would describe the way I was feeling.

I slowly came to realize that the incessant buzzing in my ears was the low hum of murmuring voices coming from somewhere that I could not recognize, seeing as I had no idea where I was, myself. And I later came to know that the reason my ribs had felt like they had been broken was, simply, because they had previously.

I felt drained, tired, nauseous, yet empty. I became aware of a tingling sensation in what I discovered to be my fingers. I attempted to wiggle them, succeeding, yet drained from the effort as if I had just ran a 30k race, only to lose horridly.

I became aware of the increasing volume of the low chatter. Voices talking. Women it sounded like.

"Yes, the lord's marriage went through, though I do not know if he is happy. He is a demon after all, and she a human. He will outlive her by many years and they will have hanyou children. A hanyou heir is a serious thing indeed, and something that he does not like to think of." 

I could barely decipher what was being said and hardly believed it at all (hanyou?), yet my ears did not generally let me down. I tried to move, to open my eyes, so that I could see the two conversing.

"Yet, there seems to be a touch of love in their relationship. That should help things along. Personally, I think it is a great advance, bonding between youkai and human. Eventually, it will be our only way to survive." 

Perhaps if I could open my eyes, I could ask them what I was doing there and what had happened to me. 

" If only others could follow the example. It's a pity it's still seen as such a disgrace among so many…they are blinded by their so-called 'honor'".

They had stopped talking now and I could hear rustling movements near me as someone pulled back then tucked in the sheets around me, making it even more difficult for me to move my fingers or any other part. Oh well, best to take things in stride anyways. I had to open my eyes.

Though they felt like weight, I somehow managed to lift my lead eyelids enough to see straight in front of me. I was in a room. I was, I assumed, laying on a bed. There was a bustling, and then:

"Kagome-sama…thank goodness, you're awake! Oh how wonderful! Kaji, tell Jaken to alert Sesshoumaru-sama of Kagome-sama's waking." she called out, then came to the side of the bed and rested a wrinkled, yet supple hand on my forehead. "I'm so glad you have woken, we were all very worried about you. Sesshoumaru-sama and Rin will be pleased to know you are conscious."

I blinked and coughed, gaining control of my vocal chords once again. 

"We were all very worried about you, Kagome-sama."

I warmly smiled at her caring actions as she squeezed my hand and pressed a wet cloth to my forehead. Her face was somewhat wrinkled, but her old eyes shone like stars.

"Um…who are you?" I managed to say before passing out into unconsciousness.

__________________________________________________________________

"No, she did not remember me. It's a good thing it didn't go any further. If she lost all memory with that, think of what a second more could have done to her…"

There was a low murmuring, a male's voice, I thought.

"I think it would be best not to rush her into anything at the second. Let her take everything in stride. She may not remember you either….I don't believe so…..bit of amnesia….no, she's been sleeping the whole time, not that you can blame the child….yes….."

The voices again. The one that I could make out, I recognized from my previous wakening. The other was too low for me to decipher, but now I was sure that it had belonged to a man. I didn't want to open my eyes. The man's voice faded and I assumed he had left. A woman's voice came, a new one, and joined the first in conversation. Their voices became louder and I heard a door slide open. The women came in my room, but I made no attempt to open eyes or let them know I was conscious.

"It's very odd, really. Why do you suppose a detachment of Naraku would be in the woods. Especially around the citadel. Naraku knows Sesshoumaru is a formidable foe." The younger, newer, of the voices murmured.

"Perhaps Naraku sent the detachment, knowing that." I heard water being poured somewhere next to the bed on which I slept. I suddenly realized I was thirsty enough to drink a whole well dry.

"What do you mean, Maki?" the younger voice sounded higher, I could hear a tint of panic in her words.

"Perhaps it was not a coincidence that Naraku's attachment ran into Kagome-sama and not Sesshoumaru-sama. Perhaps Naraku _sent_ the detachment to get rid of Kagome-sama. In the only way he could make sure she never returned."

The other one gasped lightly and I listened, confused, for any more details, but none came. There was a sloshing sound then water dripping. Suddenly, something cold was placed on my forehead and I couldn't help but shiver.

"Maki! I think Kagome-sama moved! Yes, her breathing has sped up! Kagome-sama? Can you hear me, Kagome-sama?"

A hand took mine and squeezed lightly. It was the older woman with the grandmotherly voice.

"Kagome-sama, if you can hear me, try to open your eyes.

I didn't want to. My eyelids were heavy…and, to tell the truth, I was a scared. I didn't know these people. I didn't know where I was. Was I in the hospital? Was my family ok? I didn't know what had happened. Were these people nurses? Then why were they calling me Kagome-sama? I didn't want to know the answers. I just wanted to wake up and be at home…but…I realized that I didn't know where my home was. Or if I even had any family. It was like being stuck in a black void, completely unaware of…everything. And incapable of ever being aware.

"Kagome-sama. Please. Wake up."

It was the younger one now. The wrinkled, warm hand that held mine squeezed once again. What if these people were my family? What if they were my friends? Even if they were only my nurses, they were bound to know something that I didn't.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

"Kagome-sama!"

The first thing I noticed was the blinding brightness of it all. Light streamed into my vision like a flood breaking loose from a dam. For a minute, I was completely blinded by sight.

I blinked and slowly the light simmered out and darker shapes materialized then gained form. Two women were bending over me, earnest expressions of worry on their faces. My eyes fluttered, finally staying open despite the weight my eyelids seemed to gain.

"Oh how wonderful, I will fetch Rin." one of the faces left my area of sight.

"Not yet, Fumie. Give Kagome-sama a little time." The face of an elderly, yet warm-looking woman spoke and the younger one reappeared, a happy, homely look to her. I stared at the ceiling which their faces were blocking from my view.

"Should I inform Sesshoumaru-sama, Maki?"

"Not yet. Time, she needs time."

I had no clue who these women were or who the people they spoke of were. And at the moment, it was all to much to take in.

I shut my eyes once more. I took a short, deep breath. I noticed that my chest ached ever so slightly. I kept my eyes shut, just wishing that I could go back to sleep, something that I knew. I lay like that for a few seconds, just everything away. The light, the room's ceiling, the two women.

"Where am I?"

I could feel the young woman on my right shift happily.

"Kagome-sama, you're-" the other one silenced her.

"You are in the citadel of Sesshoumaru-sama, the lord of these lands, in saigoku, of greater Japan. You might remember it as the sengoku jidai."

"I don't remember it." I lay on my bedding, knowing that I was in some sort of nightmare. Knowing that I should know who these people were and where I was and why I was there.

I sighed quietly.

"Who are you?"

This time, the younger woman replied, hastily, stumbling over her words.

"This is Maki and I am Fumie. Earlier, Wakiko was watching over you. And Kaji will be coming in soon to take over for Maki. We are servants in Sesshoumaru-sama's castle."

"Ok." I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling. Plain wood ceiling. But beautiful nonetheless, with dark, rich wood that seemed to either shine but perhaps that was because it soaked up all light around it.

"Kagome-sama…you have been through a great ordeal. You are in a weakened state right now. Please, drink some of this." water was handed to me and I drank blankly until the taste registered in my stumbling brain, and I proceeded to gulp down the liquid avariciously. I finished and the cup was taken from me.

Finally gaining some strength and wit about me, I gazed around me slowly, taking in the sparse, yet elegant decoration. The room was beautifully simple. I liked it. Though it didn't seem like I would decorate something that way.

"Is this…my room?"

"…yes…it's your room…Kagome-sama." The older woman seemed to say cautiously. 

I finally turned my full attention to the elderly lady with such a soothing voice.

"I don't remember…"

"I know, Kagome-sama, I know and I'm sorry, but it will come back to you."

"I guess it will, won't it." On looking at her face, I noticed something did not seem quite right about her. "Your ears…they aren't human ears."

"You're quite right, Kagome-sama. Quite right. You see, I-" but she stopped, her words fading softly on her tongue. "If you will excuse me. Fumie, attend to Kagome-sama's needs."

Fumie…was it?…nodded understandingly and Maki left the room quietly, slipping just outside.

"Now, Kaogme-sama, do you wish to dress, or perhaps eat, or perhaps-"

"I'm fine, thank you Fumie."

Fumie smiled nervously, as if she didn't know what to do from there on.

"Anything you need-"

"Why do you call me Kagome-sama? Why not Kagome?"

"Because Sesshoumaru-sama gave all the servants the order to call you Kagome-sama, of course. But I have no problem…"

Sesshoumaru-sama? That was, undoubtedly, the master of the house. So why did they call me, and no one else excepting Sesshoumaru-sama by the title of sama?

"…I always liked you. You are so kind to everyone, you…" the servant continued on.

There were voices whispering outside of the door to my room. I recognized it now. It was the same people as before. Maki, the old woman, and a low, smooth, male voice.

"Everything…she will be of no use…"

"She'll recover, Sesshoumaru-sama, it will just take time."

"I can not afford to have a woman governing half of my home, that can not remember where she is."

"We would do best to use patience, Sesshoumaru-sama. That is something in which you always excelled. We cannot merely throw Kagome-sama out in the cold with no memory of who or where she is. It would be murder."

"…"

"Just give her some time, Sesshoumaru-sama. I'm sure she will recover fully if treated correctly."

"You say she has gained consciousness?"

"Yes, but she doesn't remember anything. She will most likely have no idea of who you are. Only give answers to questions she asks. She may be overwhelmed easily."

There was a sliding of the door as it opened once again and I shut my eyes, not wishing to meet any other imaginary people until I had woken up. And, if by some sick twist of fate, this wasn't a dream, I didn't want to meet whoever it was anyway. They would just have to wait. Unfortunately, in my vegetative-like state, I wasn't about to tell this person that. I was more inclined to lay with my eyes closed and play dead. Real courageous, wasn't it?

The closing of a door, footsteps, almost too light to hear, a rustling of fabric. I could feel the eyes upon me. I could feel someone watch me from across the room. I was tired and I hurt all over. I just wanted this person, no all of them, to leave me alone and go away so I could wake up from this nightmare or peacefully learn to cope with it myself…by sleeping the effects off.

It must have been two minutes. Two very uncomfortable minutes where I tried to hide the fact that I was there, tried to blend my black hair into the white covers of the background, and wished with all my might that a tightening in my chest that came over me within the first minute, would leave me in peace to figure out just where exactly I was. The presence of this person, watching me, was weighing heavily on me.

The door slid open and shut smoothly in one movement. I was left alone.

No voices conversed outside of my room.

_________________________________________________________________

"They were happy even though he was a demon lord and she only a human….I didn't know about it either…It's really quite sad, what happened. Very sad."

This time, I was prepared for the flood of light that came with open eyes. I squinted slightly, but opened my eyes as soon as I was thinking clearly. I guess I had somehow worked things out in my sleep…such a wonderful thing. Though too much of it does result in lost opportunity… I wasn't surprised to hear the women's voices. In fact, I rustled just a tiny bit, the only amount I felt capable of at the time, to let the know I was awake. I'm not one for really spending too much time alone. I like having people around, but don't get me wrong, I treasure my time where I get to think clearly. It's good to have a balance of both in your life, you know.

The door slid open and the old servant, Maki, walked in, followed by a new younger servant.

"Ah. So you're awake, are you?" Maki smiled at me grandmotherly and I couldn't help but think that she reminded me of somebody. I just couldn't remember who. "Kagome-sama, this is Wakiko. She is also a servant here. She will help you around when you need it."

Wakiko smiled at me, fidgetting nervously, until she suddenly lunged at me and gave me a big hug. She pulled back instantly, looking as if she had committed some horrible crime.

"Please forgvie me, Kagome-sama. It's just, we were all so worried about you!" She wrung her hands nervously. I managed a sincere smile, nodding.

"Don't worry about it. I'm glad. At least I know that you didn't hate me. If I can't remember anything, that's a good thing to know. I guess we were friends?"

Wakiko nodded nervously.

"Yes, you were always very kind and I enjoyed having the honor of accompanying Kagome-sama with her duties. You-you may call me Waki, if you wish."

I smiled despite myself.

"Thank you, Waki. Kagome is fine for me."

"Oh no! I couldn't call you that! Sesshoumaru-sama ordered-"

"It's ok, Wakiko. Would you fetch some water for Kagome-sama?" Maki offered, halting what I could tell was going to be an embarrassing conversation.

"Y-yes! Of course! I will be right back!" With that, Waki scampered out of the room. Maki watched her go, then turned back to me.

"You are very well-liked here, Kagome-sama. I hope in time you will come to remember those who liked you so." She walked to my side and rearranged my blankets. "Do you think you could sit up?"

I nodded, and slowly rose, propping myself up on my elbows. Maki grabbed an extra blanket and put it behind me, propping my body weight up against it. I watched her movements, interested. They were smooth and deliberate. Stable, I could tell she was the stable one. Probably the head of the servants. I smiled in thanks.

"Maki, may I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Kagome-sama." She walked about, pulling out items from a yellow sack on the floor near a chest. It looked so familiar. _Well, duh_. I thought stupidly. _I've probably used it a thousand times and just don't remember it_.

"Well, I noticed that your ears…they're different."

Maki stopped and looked at me questioningly.

"Well, what I mean is…what exactly are you? You all have ears like that and I don't."

"Hm." The old woman chuckled softly. "I should have known that would not escape your attention. You see, I, and all the others in this household, excepting the child, Rin, are youkai. Demons."

I think my mouth was resting against the bed beneath me.

"You-"

"Yes, we are demons. But don't worry, we won't eat you." she smiled warmly. "…yet." she laughed as if this was the funniest thing in the world and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Ok, so let me get this straight, I'm in sengoku jidai, in the castle of a demon."

"Not just any demon. The taiyoukai, lord Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Right-the demon lord-"

Then it hit me. What the servants were talking about earlier. It all made sense.

"Maki-"

"Kagome-nechan!!!" I was cut off from my train of thought when the door slammed open and a blur came rushing past Maki. In the blink of an eye, the life was being squeezed out of me as a small child attached herself around my middle. "I missed you soooo much!!" The tiny voice squealed enthusiastically. "Jaken-sama said that I had to wait until Kagome-nechan was awake to see her, and I heard that you were awake, and I yelled at Jaken-sama and called him a toad, and I ran and told Sesshoumaru-sama, but hesaidhealreadyknewthatyouwereawake, soIrantoyourroomreallyfasttoginfyouand-" She took a huge gulp of breath. "You're awake! Are you all better now?! I was really worried 'cause that scary girl with the mirror was standing by you and you looked really sick. Jaken-sama said we could play when you were better. But only after 'Rin did her work'. But I did do my work! See!" With that, she held up a ravaged piece of parchment with messy words in hiragana, katakana, and some slightly more sightly kanji. "So if you are all better, we can play and you can teach me against instead of Jaken-sama!"

Her eyes darted here and there, then she crawled up, sitting next to me, and whispered quietly in my ear. "Jaken-sama stinks. He smells like icky stew." she confided cautiously. She nodded once, as if confirming it, then grabbed my hand. "Come on, Kagome!"

At this point Maki stepped in.

"Rin, Kagome-sama must be very tired from being sick. Maybe you should give her a little longer to get better."

Rin nodded, but looked slightly dejected.

"So. You must be the favorite Rin that everyone talks about!" I smiled down at her. "You're very cute, you know that?"

Rin looked up at me, a smile on her face.

"Silly Kagome! Of course Rin is Rin!"

At this point, Maki stepped in again.

"Rin..when Kagome-sama was sick, she lost a lot of her memory. She can't remember a lot of things. She couldn't remember me or Wakiko or anybody."

Rin turned to me with huge eyes, a look that almost made me laugh.

"Really? Did you forget everyone, Kagome-nechan?"

"Everyone. Even myself. I'm sorry that I can't remember you Rin. But I'll be better real soon and then I will remember everything. I promise."

"Great! Don't worry Kagome-nechan! I'll help you remember!"

"Thank you…Rin-chan."

Rin smiled so bright, that I thought I would have to shield my eyes.

"See?! You already remember what you call me!"

I smiled at her warmly. The little girl was so cute. Memories tugged at the edge of my mind, but none would come. I would have to be satisfied with re-meeting everyone.

"Rin, I have a good idea. Why don't you pick Kagome-sama some get well flowers?" Maki suggested offhandedly.

"Oo!" Rin's eyes lit up amazingly. "I'll bring you the prettiest flowers, Kagome-sama!" With that, she rushed out of the room and I couldn't help think that perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as I thought it was. I only wished every one else I was going to meet would be like her….only…a little less energetic.

I sighed, exhausted, but somewhat energized-does that even make sense?-and feeling a little bit…relieved, was it? There were a few servants who seemed to be good friends, and an adorable little girl with the most infectious smile ever. Now I needed to…

"Maki-bachan?" The name suddenly came as if it belonged and it suited her well, I thought. She reminded me of a kind grandmother with laughing eyes.

"Hm?" She looked up from a chest that she had been rummaging in.

"Would you tell me where I can find….Sesshoumaru-sama?" I hoped with everything that I hadn't said his name wrong as I lifted the sheets off my body and turned slowly to sit on the edge of the bed.. It would be bad if I called the lord of the house the by the wrong title. Especially for me…

With relief, I found that Maki's eyes lit up and a warm smile emerged on her face. She really was a lovely old woman.

"Are you sure you wish to see him so soon, I know that-?"

"I guess if I should see anyone, it should be him, right?" I made to stand up, but suddenly caught a wave of dizziness and decided to sit down for a minute before daring such an arduous task as standing. "Do you think you could help me get dressed?"

Maki looked at me questioningly, then concerned.

"I don't think you should be trying to go anywhere today, Kagome-sama."

"Maki, how long have I been in bed?"

Maki thought the better of it and replied "Days."

"Well then, I think it's time that I got out, don't you?" Feeling a little more…whole, except for a splitting headache and a throbbing chest. I also managed to find a large scrape on my leg, but that didn't really impair me at all, so I ignored it.

Maki brought over some clothing and laid it on the end of the bed.

"I'm sorry, but your old outfit was ripped in several spots, so I gave it to Hideko, the seamstress of the household. Well, she's not a seamstress, but she's the best with a needle, so she is the designated seamstress for wear and tear. Sesshoumaru-sama has a professional make his clothing. So, I'm afraid this will have to do for the moment."

She came over to me, steadying me as I rose to my feet. She watched my every movement as if I might suddenly tumble over to the floor. I caught the look and decided to offer her some relief.

"I'm not going to die this moment, Maki."

"No," she smiled warily "I don't believe you are, Kagome-sama. "Let me help you."

Ten minutes later, I my old clothes had been disgarded into a heap on the floor and I was wearing what looked like, a brand new kimono. It was gorgeous, to say the least. Shades of blue and green everywhere, with silver threads accentuating the shapes of clouds that they formed.

"Wow…" I looked down at myself and my mouth dropped.

"You love lovely, Kagome-sama."

"It's-it's beautiful!"

"And it's yours." she smiled happily at me. "It's very befitting for you, kagome-sama."

"So, you never told me where I could find Sesshoumaru-sama…"

Maki sighed, but smiled.

"Most likely in his study, at the moment. I suppose you will be needing to know where that is?"

I smiled and did the best impression of a clueless child that I could muster up. Maki laughed and continued to tell me how to get to the study from my room. After thanking her for everything, I set off.

____________________________________________________________________

_Oh great._ I thought dismally. _I wonder it I was this bad with directions before or if my short term memory was trashed too._ I was lost, to say the least.

Wandering aimlessly. You know, most people would consider wandering aimlessly a waste of time, and I would have to agree with them, but wandering lost is something completely different. I guess I had gotten distracted and missed a turn…or two, but, in turn, I was receiving a non-guided tour of the house which was…absolutely beautiful, to say the least. The center courtyard was astounding and it seemed that the whole castle was built around it. I made a mental note to explore it later.

I wasn't paying much attention, examining a certain view of the garden while turning a corner…

"AAAAIIIIEEEE!!! GET AWAY! BACK!" There was a hideous creature standing before me, green skin and protruding eyes.

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" It yelled back. A hideous, green-skinned, protruding-eyes, _talking_ creature!

I kicked it with all my might. It yelled.

"What do you think your doing, human!!" The creature was rubbing a lump on its head, where I had kicked it, that was the size…of its head. Wait. Was it his head? Whatever. I struggled, rising to a sitting position, then rose to its feet, propping itself up on some staff of sorts. I stood gawking at it. It was small. It was ugly. It was, as I found out three minutes later, called Jaken.

"So you're the Jaken-sama Rin was talking about?"

"In the flesh!" The creature squawked highly.

"And what nice flesh it is…" I mumbled. 

"What was that?"

"What? I didn't say anything."

The creature stared at me beadily with his bulging eyes. Was that even possible? Well, he was doing it.

"So you say that you are Sesshoumaru-sama's second hand? Do you think you could take me to him?"

The creature eyed me warily.

"Sesshoumaru-sama is busy at the moment." he concluded sharply, head in the air.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I take one moment of his time. Lead on!"

The creature seemed to waver for a moment, but thought the better of it and headed down the corridor that was to our right.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, blah blah…I blah blah…Sesshoumaru-sama, blah blah."

That's what the way the words that the creature leading me sounded as I attempted to figure out just what exactly he was. Perhaps some weird, ancient, dinosaur reject? A lizard? Finally I settled on a pigeon-toad-alligator-cross and left the topic alone.

"His study is right down that hallway. The door on the right. I leave you here human, I have important tasks to fulfill." he croaked importantly.

"Thank you, Jaken."

Jaken turned to leave, but I called out to him.

"Oh, Jaken, you smell like stew. Just thought I'd let you know."

He disappeared around a corner murmuring something about devil spawn and human children.

I continued down the hallway until I was standing in front of the appointed door. Suddenly, I couldn't find the will to go through it. I didn't want to meet him yet. I couldn't handle it, not after forgetting everyone. I wondered if he was upset at my memory loss or if we had even spent any time together at all. Relationships around this household seemed odd.

I found myself to be extremely nervous. Extremely. But it wouldn't do to have someone come by and see me just standing outside of a door, so I sucked in all my courage, refusing to let even a sliver slip from my grasp and knocked lightly on the door. 

For a second, there was no answer and I almost took that as an immediate excuse to run away as fast as possible until a voice sound from inside.

"Come in."

It was a cool, smooth voice. Gave me the chills. I couldn't just run away now though. He was expecting someone to be there. It was impolite, not that I really cared. So I reached out and slid the door open softly and entered.

I walked in slowly. A man was sitting at a table, glancing over rolls of parchment, his face semi-covered by a veil of _silver?_ hair. Beautiful hair, I might add. For a split second, I was extremely jealous. But I got over it.

"What is it that you need? I am occupied."

I remembered the conclusion I had reached earlier after piecing everything together. I had the right to see him. I didn't need a reason. Still, the guy was intimidating.

"I wanted to apologize for being…out of commission for so long." Ok, so that was stupid phrasing, but it's hard to come up with something spur-of-the moment. 

I really didn't think he would say anything; he seemed the silent type, or maybe just a workaholic. But he glanced once more over a certain paper then laid it down upon the table and rose his head to look at me.

I was immediately taken aback. I was so startled, I almost tripped. He was…gorgeous. Long silver hair as mentioned before. A perfect, inhumanly perfect, face. Pointed ears that only served to accentuate. And two red stripes on either cheek and a blue crescent moon on his forehead that functioned to direct attention to his most amazing feature-gold eyes. Beautiful, deep, _golden_ eyes. He wasn't a human. I knew that, but it still did not provide cushion for my surprise.

I stood, shocked for a moment, but regained my composure quickly.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, I know you're busy. Please forgive me. I-I'll go now." I turned around quickly, hands on the door at an amazing speed, but I stopped dead as the voice that I had heard but not matched to a face until moments ago, called out to me calmly.

"You do not remember me." It was a statement, not a question. I turned around slowly and took a step towards him, studying his face.

"I-I'm sorry." I whispered. "I know I should, but…I can't remember anything. Please don't take it personally." He was the last person that I needed to be angry or upset with me. That's not how those type of relationships should be.

"It is nothing." he replied stonily.

I walked over softly and stopped on the other side of the table, in front of him, to gaze at him. I didn't know how I could forget such wonderful eyes. I didn't want to forget them again. I memorized every detail as best as I could, only realizing that he was staring at me oddly. 

"What are you doing?" His voice was smooth and calm, yet hollow. This guy was one tough cookie. I could tell by the way he acted. Too reserved, too calm.

"Trying not to forget." I had let so many people down, made so many people worry and work just so that I might hopefully regain my memory. I wanted so badly to remember the taiyoukai in front of me.

He looked…was that startled?…for a fleeting second. His eyes widened barely noticeably, but I caught it. Was I doing something wrong?

I bowed my head sadly. I needed to talk to him. After all, he was…

"I know that I've caused a huge inconvenience to you and the others, and I don't remember anything I did before, but…" I raised my head resolutely and stared into his golden eyes. "I'll try to be the best wife I can, for you, Sesshoumaru-sama."

I waited, on nerves' ends for his reply. What would he say? Would he want a wife that could not even remember him? He stared at me, an emotion that seemed foreign to him flitted across hit face then vanished as if it were not allowed to be there. His gaze penetrated me. I felt like he could read my thoughts and see into my soul. It was too much to handle at the moment. I gazed around at the décor of the room. Books and parchment on shelves. A scroll hung on the wall to my left. I read it carefully, deliberately.

Wind beats

Assaulting the mountains

Still they stand

Anything to forget the amazing, cold eyes staring straight at me. 

Finally, I turned back to him, unable to find anything else to focus on. He was still looking at me as if I were a foreign item, which I might have been. I couldn't remember.

"Nothing will change because of your loss of memory. You will be informed of the necessities by Maki or Kaji. I am busy. Find something to occupy yourself, I am busy. Rin will resume lessons immediately and I expect advancement. See that she is kept out of trouble. Now if you mind, I am busy."

"As you have told me twice." I hissed bitterly. This man was nothing. He was beautiful, sure, but he was tactless with his words to me, and as stoic as a dead ancestor. I was married to a…grade A jerk. Great. My first hope that he would be a romantic, loving person was smashed to pieces by my first impression of the ice block Sesshoumaru-sama. "I'll leave now. I won't bother you again." I walked back over to the door. "And Sesshoumaru-sama, sometimes wind shapes mountains. Just thought you should know."

I turned and opened the door rather too quickly and it slid shut with a snap behind me, without looking back.

_____________________________________________________________________

So I was an amnesiac with an ass for a husband. Swell. Could it get any worse? I hardly thought so.

"How long have I been here…with Sesshoumaru?"

Kaji thought for a second, pressing lightly on my ribs to assess the amount of remaining damage. I had been somewhat…surprised when I had learned that I retained the injury after fighting a…giant worm. That was just a little bit strange. But, maybe it was an ordinary thing for me. Maybe I was a warrior or a demon exterminator that rove the countryside, fighting monsters and liberating small children from their evil clutches. Brilliant. I'm sure that was _exactly_ what I did everyday.

"Two and a half moons, I believe." Kaji finished and smiled. "You're healing wonderfully, Kagome-sama."

"Only two and a half months? Oh, thanks, Maki. Maybe that's why he's such a jerk. Still, it doesn't justify his total emotional constipation."

"Months? Who are you speaking of? I am sorry, Kagome-sama, but I believe you have lost me."

I laughed lightly. 

"I guess I really wasn't making sense, was I? Sorry, Kaji."

"No harm done. Now who were you speaking of as being…"

"..emotionally constipated? I was talking about Sesshoumaru. It means he doesn't show emotion. Or doesn't even know what it is."

"But you have barely met him, Kagome-sama…"

"And…"

She sighed heavily. "You are completely right."

I smiled triumphantly.

"Thought so."

I rose to a sitting position and re-tied my kimono. I was, once again, wearing one that looked as if it belonged on a queen. I sighed. This all seemed so wrong.

"Kaji…what happened when I forgot everything?"

Kaji looked at me, as if wondering whether it was worth it to tell me. She sighed. "I will need Maki's help, I am not aware of all that happened." Kaji sent for Maki and not three minutes later, the old youkai woman was standing at the edge of my bed.

"Is there an emergency?" She asked, slightly out of breath.

"No, Maki. Kagome-sama wishes to know what happened when she lost her memory."

"I see." Maki sat down, folding her knees under her and Kaji and myself joined her.

"I don't suppose you remember anything about a certain hanyou named Naraku, do you?"

_Naraku.._ The name struck fear in me. I could not remember it, but it seemed very familiar, as if I knew to be cautious of it.

"I'm sorry…"

"Very well. I might as well just start by telling you what I know of Naraku…."

An hour later and many questions from me, I was educated on the evil deeds of the hanyou, Naraku, and how he had sent his detachment to destroy me.

"And Sesshoumaru….saved me?"

The two elderly youkai nodded in response and I sat, torn. He had seemed so emotionless, so uncaring of others from his demeanor and attitude. He had been cold with me, as if we were strangers or enemies, yet, according to Maki and Kaji, he had saved my life and soul. Had I been left there, my entire soul would have been removed from my body. I was confused about him more than ever. He was a cold lord…who saved people. How did that work?

"Um…before I forgot everything…did Sesshoumaru ever love me?"

Maki and Kaji looked at each other, a hidden doubt and worry in their eyes.

Kaji was the one to speak up.

"We are unsure of Sesshoumaru-sama's feelings for you, Kagome-sama. But we do know that he respected you for your help and aid. As for his feelings, only he knows."

"Oh. Ok." So it was like that? We lived together, shared a promise, and didn't even love each other. Not exactly what I wanted, but what else was there? I couldn't remember anything. "So I'm an amnesiac with an ass for a husband who doesn't even love me. And on top of that, I have some psycho named Naraku after me. Perfect." I rambled on under my breath, but loud enough for any that cared, to decipher.

"What did you say, Kagome-sama?"

"I have a psycho named Naraku after me. Perfect."

"No…before that. About Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Oh. That." I blushed slightly, but got over it. No need to edit what I said around them but still…it was their lord. Oh heck. Who cares.

"I have an ass who doesn't even love me, for a husband." 

Maki and Kaji turned to stare at each other, an uneasy expression on their faces.

"What? What'd I say?"

Maki and Kaji continued to look at each other, confusion and worry evident on their faces.

"What's wrong?" I asked them worriedly. I couldn't helped but be a bit freaked out. They didn't answer me for a second, but then-

"Nothing, Kagome-sama. It is nothing. We did not mean to worry you. Please rest. Rin will be up shortly to talk about lessons and I assume that you will be dining with she and Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Sure, whatever. Gotta face the ice prince some time." I nodded dumbly, completely aware that they were keeping something from me, but completely not feeling like playing twenty questions.

"Kagome-sama, you should not be so disheartened!"

"What, does he transform into Mr. Personality at dinnertime?"

"Of course not! But you are reverting back to your old use of odd words. That means you are remembering more!"

"What do you mean, odd words? They're perfectly normal where I come from..or should I say when? Whatever. I still don't want to talk with Icicle right now. One meeting today was enough, even if he is my husband, no, especially if he is my husband…"

"Ah!" Maki clapped her hands merrily. "You remembered that you are from a different time!"

"This is wonderful progress, Kagome-sama, and in such little time!" Kaji added, a smile of her own to add on to Maki's. To me they looked like two very very overgrown kids at a candy store, after hearing their mom say they could have anything. It was cute and endearing. They were like my loving godmothers or something. Always there for me, and always encouraging.

I sighed, but couldn't help feeling a bit more at ease. At least I wouldn't have to put up with that toad thing at dinner.

_______________________________________________________________

I drifted in and out of a dream state that consisted of static and gray everywhere. Somewhere there was the hum of conversation. It registered in my ears, but I heard nothing of it. I felt mind-numbingly ignorant of everything around me and, boy, was it a relief from anxieties I was beginning to feel building up.

"I think it would be best to let her think what she thinks. Let her remember things on her own. Everything will clear up eventually. We should not force thoughts on her at the moment."

I faded in, then out again with the dying of the voice and the coming of another. Why was I so tired?

"Entertain her memories or what she pieces together…"

Now the warm, womanly voice was fading too. But I wanted to hear it. I actually wanted to wake out of my dream-state-stupor and hear what was being said. I was slipping back into the fuzzy grayness of sleep, but willed myself out of it, unfortunately too late, as both voices fell and the conversation died on my ears.

I sat up on bed, realizing that I was expected for dinner. _______________________________________________________

I fell on my bed with a dejected flop. Dinner had been….a catastrophe, to say the least.

I felt very alone. And absolutely retarded. Not two feelings that are a good match. Heck, they're not even reasonable. I wanted to forget. For once, I just didn't want to know. I wanted to push aside that night's happenings and store them somewhere far away…like perhaps where all my other memories were currently hiding from me….

"Sorry I'm late. I guess I lost track of the time and fell asleep." Rin and Sesshoumaru (after he was such a jerk, I decided Sesshoumaru-sama was too good for him) had already started their meal without me. Rin smiled happily; children are quick to forgive, but Sesshoumaru hardly gave me a glance. In fact, I don't think he did.

I took a seat by Rin and a servant hurried out, carrying a tray of some very delectable looking eatables. Yes, I start to talk like that when I'm half insane from starvation. I hadn't realized how hungry I was, but now that I gave it some thought, I had barely eaten anything in…days. So, after inquiring about Rin's state of being, I turned to my rice, soup, and something else I couldn't identify. It wiggled oddly when I poked it with chopsticks. But anyways. Well, after eating my rice, I was just about to set in on the soup when something hit me and I simply could not bring myself to eat it. It disgusted me, so I turned to the unidentifiable substance. Sure, it wiggled and giggled like some freak science experiment, but it actually tasted ok. Bland, but tolerable.

We ate in complete silence for a whole ten minutes before-

"Kagome-nechan? Are you gonna give me and Sesshoumaru-sama swimming lessons again? You promised you would teach me!"

I glanced questioningly at Sesshoumaru then turned to Rin.

"If I promised you I would teach you, then I can't just go and break that promise, can I? I just hope I can remember how to swim. You may have to teach me, Rin-chan." I smiled at her and she giggled loudly, her ponytail shaking.

"What about Sesshoumaru-sama?!" she giggled happily.

I looked at Sesshoumaru, not ready to believe that I had actually given him swimming lessons. That was just too much. Imagine me "now stroke, stroke, stoke, ok, flip turn", while Sesshoumaru avidly followed my every instruction. I barely knew the guy, but I was certain that would never happen…ever.

"Eh heh heh…"

"It is not necessary." Oh, so it was alive? I thought that which we knew by Sesshoumaru was dead, considering he hadn't spoken one word or even really appeared to have moved at all.

"What?"

"I have already learned how to swim. It is not necessary for you to instruct me any further." Ok. Solves that. Wait. I actually taught him how to swim? He actually let me? Ok, whatever.

"Ok then." I continued my intake of food and Rin asked to be excused so that she could 'go play with Jaken', which roughly translated to 'go torture Jaken'. She was given permission.

I sighed deeply. It was just me and the stone prince now. I could feel the excitement emanating from the very environment of the room. I continued eating and Sesshoumaru continued staring. It was unnerving to say the least, not to mention very annoying.

"Are you done gawking now?" I stopped mid-bite, casting an accusing look his way.

"Have you quite finished stuffing your face?" I swear his voice could drive you mad. It was too calm, so much that it almost drove me crazy. Like Chinese water torture. Sure it's just drops of water, but after a long enough period of time, those drops drove one to insanity.

I nearly growled, but stopped myself, deciding better of it.

"Nope. Not yet." I continued eating with renewed vigor, smiling happily the whole while. "You know…I hadn't eaten…in, like, days…" I didn't bother trying to clarify what I was attempting to say between mouthfuls. "and whoever cooked this…they should have a shrine set up….just for them…" I smiled especially brightly, making sure that he caught every fake second of it.

"The crudeness of humans never ceases to amaze me." Sesshoumaru stated blandly, not even blinking the whole while. Was that a smirk? This guy was purposefully messing with me.

"Right. And the number of jerks there are in the world never ceases to amaze me." I grumbled in response, wondering if our relationship had been like this before I lost my memory. Seeing as this guy didn't seem like the type to back down, I figured it probably had.

There was a tense silence for a while again, but neither of us would rise or leave; it was like a test of wills now. Somehow, out facetious conversation had turned into a battle of sorts. If I was to be the wife of a cold, bitter demon lord, I wouldn't buckle easily. But I didn't like the silence either. It was too intense. He was too intense.

"I remembered some things lately…" I set down my chopsticks neatly, gazing at him as if he weren't there. An eyebrow raised, but he said nothing, the expression on his face as blank as always, yet more so. As if he were trying to make it blank. I wondered whether this guy would be awesome at poker or not. If he were playing a stranger, he would be damn near unbeatable. Yet I felt as if I could somewhat read him already. He appeared simple in his stern ways and calculating stares, as if he were too predictable, yet his eyes sometimes betrayed different feelings. Like an expert artist painting white. It appears just plain white when looked at from a distance, yet upon closer inspection, one sees that really the white is made of reds and blues and greens and is really not white at all, but a mesh, a beautiful chaos or different hues.

I took his silence as a sign to continue.

"I remembered that I'm not from around here, not even from this time. It didn't really surprise me…" I wondered if I should go on. I figured, throw caution to the wind, what could he do to me? "I remembered that I have a family. A mother, grandfather, and brother." I looked to him and I think he nodded very subtly, indicating that I was correct in my statement. "Did you know about them?" he didn't answer. I didn't know how to interpret this. I was confused and slightly angered with his noncompliance. "Can I go see them?" He studied my face for a moment more, then looked away, beyond the shoji doors, to the garden.

"And do you recall how to get to your so-called time?" It was a challenge. He knew that I didn't know and he was playing with the fact. I suddenly felt like a mouse being toyed with right before he was about to be eaten.

"No, but-"

"Then why would you even ask such a question?" he mused, as if talking to himself, his voice was so low. "And even if you were to go see them, why should I let you, and why do you think they would wish to see you?"

"When I remember-I want to see them. I have a feeling I haven't seen them for a long time, and I want to remember everything about them, even if they don't wish to see me."

"When you remember…?" It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was implying. I couldn't take much more of this. This was ridiculous. I wasn't about to sit there and play twenty questions with a crazy demon lord who only responded in more questions. I slammed down the cup my tea had been it and rose to my feet quickly for being dressed in such constricting clothing. I was mad. What had I done to deserve this-this-

"Yes, when I remember." I stated as calmly as possible, but could barely retain the growls that were rising in my throat. "Or perhaps you would prefer me to stay this way, as a mad lady, that way I won't remember that I'm your wife," I was losing the battle against myself. I was yelling at him now. "or so you won't feel as obligated to just _try_ to be somewhat kind to me! Would it kill you to merely say, 'how was your day' or 'have you recovered who you are?! I'm lost here! I have nothing to go on except an emotionally constipated husband who refuses to acknowledge that I even exist, let along have a decent conversation with me!!" To put it bluntly, I was pissed. All the anger that I had pent up inside of me. The frustration with my amnesia, with myself. It was slowly leaking out in very concentrated dosages. I hadn't meant to tell him how lost I felt. I didn't want anybody to know that. I didn't want him to know anything else about me, about the way I felt, so instead of bursting at the meal table, I stormed out in a fluster of silk, not bothering to look back at him.

I ran to my room and tore off the kimono, grabbing what Maki had told me were my clothes before I had come to stay in Sesshoumaru's home. I threw on the white long-sleeved shirt and green skirt, automatically feeling the tinniest bit more relaxed, but still ready to bite off the head of anyone in my near proximity. I exited my room, slamming the door and headed off, without thinking twice. I passed a room and entered it in an heated daze, snatching a bow of a wall and the quiver full of arrows hanging next to it. I stormed out of the room and headed down a hall way, I don't know where.

Not more than three minutes later, I found myself in the garden firing arrows rapidly into an unsuspecting tree. I stringed the arrows, pulled them back and let them go, watching them glow with a bright fire before hitting the tree with a sickening crack or thud, then would repeat the procedure in less than a minute. Twenty minutes later, my anger seemed to have spent itself and I flopped down on the dirt, tired and wary, only then realizing that warmth was spilling from the edges of my eyes then cooling as it slipped down my cheeks. I gave up and lay there, motionless.

Besides, I was out of arrows.

I ran a hand across my cheek and looked at the glistening liquid on the tips of my fingers as if it was more precious than any silver or gold and more foreign than anything I had ever seen. My face dried, the warmth turning cold, then disappearing completely. I stared above me, unaware of what I was seeing until a small light traveled across my plain of vision. It was a falling star. I made a wish. To know where I belonged.

_______________________________________________________________

I gazed quietly, realizing I was looking at a rose. The only rose in the entire garden. I wondered silently why it was there. It stood out, alone, yet more beautiful than anything else. But on closer inspection, I saw that the petals were old and browned about the edges. It was still beautiful, but in an ugly, sad way.

In my daze, a picture came back to me. It was a picture of Rin, Jaken, Sesshoumaru, and I. I could make out the details, but we were all standing together, and it was roughly drawn. Another picture came back to me too, but I did not recognize the people in it, who were smiling happily. They were strangers to me.

________________________________________________________________________

AN: Wow. That was the longest chapter so far. And yet, nothing really important happened. How sad. Oh well, it was kind of a mandatory chapter. Boy, do I feel sorry for Kagome. Wait, I'm doing all this stuff to her, I don't feel sorry. 

Anyways, to answer a few questions, 1.) No I do not have a day of the week when I update. Like I'm that organized, feh! 2.) I hoped that I explained Kanna well enough for this story, if not, email me and I will explain her further.3.)As for the whole idea of Sess reviving Shippou with Tenseiga. First of all, Shippou's been dead for a long time. I don't think you'd want to revive…that. ^^;;; Not to mention, that would probably too much for Kagome. I'm not that evil. ^^ Thanks a bunch, everyone! I absolutely love reading your reviews! Please tell me what you think! They remind me why I'm doing this… 

Nu-Hakama-Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's puffy, MC Hammer pants

Next chapter: Kagome learns to cope with Sesshoumaru's household-again- but Sesshoumaru is a different problem. Will it be different this time around with no old memories of death attempts? And what's this? Well, there has to be _some _quirk to being married, right?


	11. The Bumpy Skin of Love

AN: Thank you for all of your reviews! Now, to answer even more questions: No, Kagome and Sesshoumaru are not married. Kagome puts pieces of conversations together from before she lost her memory and what the servants were saying afterwards and comes to this conclusion. Maki tells Sesshoumaru not to tell her she is wrong, it may cause damage. Secondly, I don't know how far the Kag/Sess relationship will go. You'll just have to find out, hopefully you aren't disappointed.

Also, Sesshoumaru may do some things that are a bit OOC. Sorry, please just go along with it…please review!

This chapter is dedicated to J.R. who I wish I could have know better. 

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 11_THE BUMPY SKIN OF LOVE

Imagine if you forgot everything, erased every major memory from your mind. Wouldn't you feel somewhat…vulnerable? You would just have to trust everything anyone told you and make guesses without any base of knowledge. It made me feel helpless, like I couldn't do anything for myself. And then pieces began to come back in broken fragments, to haunt me when I would have thought they would help and relieve me. Along with the memories came an stable feeling that perhaps I did belong on this earth, but there also came unsettling feelings. Not miserable, just unsettling, and I didn't know why. Like the flashes of memory, flashes of feelings were suddenly making their presence know in a burst of emotion that would sustain or cripple me for a moment before passing. I don't know what the significance was. Perhaps I was remembering past emotions. Perhaps I just had a bad case of PMS. Either way, it didn't really matter. Not to anybody, not to me.

Rin had come out, perhaps searching for a play mate, but had apparently held back on that idea when she saw me laying there in the garden. I probably looked scary or sad. Either way, she abandoned any thoughts of play she might have had and instead merely handed me a rolled up sheaf of parchment, told me that it was a present for me, smiled, and left. Sometimes it amazes me when I think of how perceptive she was for her age. 

It took a moment for her visit to even sink in. I left the parchment tied up, resting on the damp earth besides me, to open later.

I lay there, gazing at the rose with its backdrop of the night sky. The days were shorter now. It seemed as if I had just come out, only to be greeted by the depth of stars and inky black. Or maybe I had just been laying there for too long. Needless to say, I was getting a bit cold, but hadn't really noticed it. I hadn't even noticed he was there until there was a rustling of fabric and the presence of another body, standing next to where I lay.

"It was a gift to my mother from a traveling friend of the family's. It's from the continent. She planted it there, and it has remained there since then. I am inclined to believe that it is the only one in these parts." He was speaking about the rose. Somehow, his words struck a cord.

"You've told me this before, haven't you?" I remained staring at the flower and the sky. It was funny how if I focused on the flower, the sky became blurred and if I directed my attention to the sky, the flower became merely a shape blocking out a section of the heavens. It's funny how we can only concentrate on one thing without something else lacking. I tried switching between the two.

"Yes." His replies were always so short and curt. Yet, I envied him. To make your point so directly that everyone understands in the least amount of words possible. I was tired of the way everyone else dressed things up. Even though it was usually nicer or more polite, it was wasted effort to make something more than it is.

"Why did you tell me again?" The top three leaves and petals shifted slightly in a breeze, creating flowing shadows on their surfaces.

"Because you want to remember."

Suddenly I felt my interest in the rose wane, and I turned my attention instead to a nearby plant only to realize that it was part of the rose bush as well. I had been too intent on the one blossom that I had not realized the rest around it. There was a bloom on another branch of the bush, surrounded by thorns, yet still growing beautifully. I rose to a sitting position slowly, still fixing my gaze on the bush, yet searching it now, for more signs of new life.

"Sit down?" I moved over slightly, making space for him. I hadn't expected him to actually sit next to me. More like make some degrading comment on how dirty I was, then leave in all his high glory. Instead, he removed his swords and took the place next to me. We sat for a while like that, just the two of us. And, amazingly, it was comfortable. I wasn't bothered by the silence. It was warm and wrapped around us soothingly. Yet, I wanted to know about him.

"She must have been beautiful." It's ironic how I wanted to know about him, when hours before, I didn't want him to know anything about me. I still didn't, really. But he was different. I guess even I can be a hypocrite…

"They said she was the most beautiful lady in the lands." I wondered if I dare ask, why he had relayed what others said. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear.

"Do you think she was beautiful?" I glanced at him, taking in his profile for a mere second. He was beautiful.

"I can not say. She died when I was young. I do not remember her."

I hadn't expected that. So he couldn't remember either?

"I'm sorry. I know she must have been beautiful." He glanced at me questioningly when I said this, but did not comment. Why had he told me this? Was he this open with me before my accident? I couldn't help but think that he had not been.

"But you know…there's something we have in common. I remember about my family. I lost my father when I was young also. I can't remember him, but I know he must have been a wonderful man. I can feel it. I guess all things leave behind some lasting impression. Maybe it's not the memories that are important, but how you want to remember them."

I sighed, then moved to get up and turned to him. I looked at him intently, wonderingly, letting my gaze linger, then dropped it. He, as if understanding, nodded once. I rose, took one last look at the sky, and left to find my room and the sleep that called to me from within it.

____________________________________________________________________

The night before, we had met an understanding. We had excepted each other's presences and perhaps found something we held in common. I didn't dwell on the fact, but took a minor comfort in it as I went to my task of educating Rin in lessons and swimming. I have to admit, I enjoyed the time spent with her as I only allowed myself to focus on her and the lesson at hand. It worked like a charm to get things off my mind.

Out of nature, I had begun to help Maki, Kaji, and whoever would let me, with daily chores such as cooking, cleaning, and the laundry. Whatever to occupy me. I found that these daily tasks brought back memories more easily. While cooking lunch with Fumie one day, I got a sudden vision of myself settled over a pot that was heating on a campfire, a container that read Cup-Man in one of my hands. I had decided that it must have been food I had eaten before living with Sesshoumaru. I doubted I would be squatting over a campfire, as the lady of the Saigoku. Yet, the memory brought a fond warmth, like it was something that I did daily and it brought me calmness and the base happiness of something familiar. These memories etched themselves in my mind, as if I were determined not to lose them again, which I was. Even if I wasn't sure I'd like what I'd find.

Maki and Kaji had pronounced me fully recovered, putting aside the minor amnesia detail. I was back to normal health according to them and I found myself willing to agree, seeing as how I felt ten times stronger than I had when I first came to in this blank new life. Although, I had been feeling better for a few days now, but Maki and Kaji would hear none of it until they were positive I had recovered. In their terms. I was relieved, to say the least, that I felt more…sturdy and I believe the servants were also, since they no longer had to wait on me hand and foot. It was nice to be able to dress myself, you know?

Since our conversation in the garden, I hadn't seen Sesshoumaru except for breakfast one morning and he was leaving just as I came in. I greeted him as warmly as I could. After all, I should get to know the guy…again. He had nodded curtly then continued on. I made a mental note to get up earlier. There was no escaping me. He could run, but he couldn't hide. I was the huntress and he the prey. Bwa-hahahahahah! Ahem. Sorry.

Anyways, lessons with Rin were positively draining. And rewarding. I found that the happiest flashes of memory came when I was around her. Sitting there, watching her chew her lip as she practiced the correct strokes for the particular symbol I was teaching her, I wondered what exactly her relation was to Sesshoumaru and myself. She obviously did not have the attitude of Sesshoumaru, but certain things aren't passed down by genes. And she certainly didn't look like him. And she most certainly was not a full demon. She called me Kagome-nechan but a part of me couldn't help quell the nervous voice that commented on how much we looked alike. Perhaps Rin really was my little sister and Sesshoumaru took her in with the marriage to me, as part of the deal. Maybe he adopted her. No, that was insane. He wouldn't. Simply not in his character. And then there was that other possibility. _That_ possibility. I had heard of ladies of stature not wishing the amount of children they had to be known, considering the young age of most of the ladies of court. Was it possible that Rin was my…oh no. Ooooh no.

I busied myself with reading a scroll that was conveniently within reach.

__________________________________________________________________

Nothing is sure in life. Everything is a variable that may morph on whim into something completely contradictory. Nothing is secure, nothing is sure. Except for my love of hot springs, that is. It seemed that the devotion to my hydrogen and oxygen molecules would and will never waver.

So what if Rin was tiring, Sesshoumaru was incapable of emotions, and Jaken….was Jaken? I'd get used to it. Well, I had better get used to it. And I had the hot springs!

Somehow, Rin had managed to manipulate our afternoon situation so that we were out playing in a meadow near the castle instead of practicing her reading lessons. And, Sesshoumaru was there too. There were a few things wrong with this situation. 1.) I was playing with Rin as opposed to teaching her. 2.) Sesshoumaru had actually come with us….and Jaken. 3.) Sesshoumaru was not opposed to me playing with Rin as opposed to teaching her. Was that confusing? 4.) Sesshoumaru was there. I hardly ever saw him, especially during the afternoons. He seemed to be taking a break. That was reason number five.

"Jaaaa--keeen!!!" Flowers. Rin. Jaken. Rin chasing Jaken. Jaken running from Rin and flowers for dear life. Or pride. Wait, what pride? Jaken, pride? Hah.

Personally, I was relieved. She had just about exhausted my energy storage. Now she had the amphibian to chase after and _hopefully_ to entertain her for, oh, the next twenty years. I plopped down in the long grass next to a rock that Sesshoumaru was currently sitting on, not caring about my beautiful kimono, not caring that my hair fell lose as I hit the grass. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Whatever. Sesshoumaru had been watching Rin dully, an odd look on his face. One that I noticed he only dawned when around Rin. It was almost curious, maybe even caring. Maybe. 

I decided that this would be the best time to ask him some questions, considering Jaken was currently getting a daisy weave. I sat up quickly, snagging my kimono on a rock. I let a few words spill that I knew I had not taught myself.

"I was not aware that ladies of court knew such words." There was a hint of amusement in his voice that, oddly, suited him, yet enraged me quite successfully.

"I can only imagine that I was influenced by those that surround me." Not that I really believed he would ever say such words. In fact, I couldn't recall ever having heard them before, but, as we know, that's not saying much…

He did not say anything for quite some time, then-

"Are you implying that I taught you such vulgarities?"

I folded my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, watching Rin happily as she proceeded to accessorize Jaken's clothing with some tiny blossoms. Well, they were rather plain clothes, after all. All that brown and green really did make him look like a big--yeah. That's very unlady-like. Not that I care what's lady-like, but even I have my lines to draw.

"Me? Implying that? Why would I imply such a thing? You haven't given me any reason to think that you would do something like that….that I can remember…" I smiled happily up at him. I realized then that I actually had a little bit of fun with out verbal combats. Especially when I won. Small victories, but victories nonetheless.

We sat in silence for a while, watching Rin and Jaken's humorous actions, well, Rin's humorous actions to Jaken. Despite all his bad assets, the toad-thing provided some good humor. Like a comic relief in some manga or movie.

"Sesshoumaru…?" Rin had now stolen Jaken's staff of heads and was running around happily, Jaken chasing after her, cursing children. Sesshoumaru didn't say anything, but I took that as a "go on". It's not like I wouldn't have anyways. "Rin…how is she related?"

I thought I saw him sigh, but it might just have been my own breathing.

"Rin was orphaned. I found her and took her on as my ward."

I was shocked, to say the least. "Really? That's so…sweet! No, that's great!" 

Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow and looked at me as if I were mad.

"Sweet?"

"……sorry." I couldn't help but laugh, though. The look he gave me was actually, yes, amusing. This only made him give me an even more perplexed expression. I continued laughing, almost rolling on the ground. He turned to watch Rin again.

"Whew…sorry, it's just that…I'm relieved." I moved a strand of hair that had been misplaced, out of my face.

"And why would that relieve you?"

"Well, Rin looks so much like me that….I thought that….maybe.."

"I see. No. Rin is not related to you in any way that is evident."

"Well, that's a relief right there! I mean, who would want to have a child at an age like mine?"

"Most nobles would have three or more children by now."

I think I almost choked to death. That's right. People married so much younger in older times…but, then why…"

"Sesshoumaru, can I ask you something?" He didn't say anything, but turned to look at me. I felt like I would turn to stone under that gaze. No, like ice, frozen but able to melt back when the time came. He was like medusa. A hot, male, medusa. "Well, have we ever…..did we ever…you know….have we…"

"Speak your mind, woman."

"It's Kagome. Not woman. I'm Kagome, your wife, remember?" I pointed at him accusingly. Suddenly something seemed out of whack. But then I knew what it was. Rin was no longer chattering on to Jaken. She was making a bee-line for me. She tackled me with an amazing force, hugged me a thousand times, then ran off again, proclaiming "Kagome-nechan is Sesshoumaru's wife! RIN HAS A MOMMY! KAGOME-OKASAN!" She disappeared in the grass, presumably dragging Jaken along with her as if she had never been right in front of us.

"O…k…" I sat, still getting over my shock.

"No…" Sesshoumaru stated. I turned to look at him, still slightly disoriented.

"Wha-"

"We have not." he turned away, his eyes seeing more than mine could of the grass in which Rin had dived. But it didn't look like he was seeing the grass.

"Oh. So that's how it is?"

"How what is?"

"Our marriage. It's one of _those_." I quirked my eyebrow, feeling slightly disgruntled.

"Stop your ridiculous jabbering. It is not one of _those _marriages." It looked as if he were battling with himself over something, finally reaching a conclusion two minutes later. It was if he were going to make a comeback, but had thrown it aside at the last moment. "You had a…"condition". It was not a good idea at the time. Then you were attacked by Naraku's detachment and rehabilitating. You know the rest from there."

I gawked at him.

"…..c-condition…?"

"Did you not hear me correctly the first time?" He looked at me and I could swear on my life that he was wearing the most serious about-to-laugh expression ever shown to the world. I paled.

"C-condition?"

"Condition." He nodded solemnly. I felt faint.

"I see. That's the reason for the separate rooms…" Sesshoumaru said nothing, instead gazing on as a wind shifted the nearby forest trees. _He looks like a god with his silver hair blowing softly about him like that_. I couldn't help but think that I was a very lucky girl for a second. Or a very unlucky one.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. I promised Wakiko I would help her with the laundry." I murmured as I stood up, very well flustered. I called a "see you soon" to Rin and started for the castle, only to halt when he called after me.

"Does it bother you, Kagome?" I didn't turn around, afraid I would burn him with the redness of my cheeks. I couldn't help but imagine how good my impression of the Kool-aid man must have been.

"I doesn't matter to me. It's your castle." I mumbled hurriedly and ran off, blushing even more profusely.

________________________________________________________________________

Ok. So I lied about the whole helping Wakiko thing. In fact, she had insisted that I _not_ help her until I was completely rested, which I was, but she would hear none of it. It was wrong, I know, but what Sesshoumaru didn't know didn't hurt him. I ran straight to my room.

After all, as much as I wasn't too keen on the whole being married young thing, I ought to be the best wife I could.

I stood, staring at myself in the mirror, wondering what on earth could possibly be wrong with me. There were no obvious physical problems. I had gone over my whole body, looking for anything, but the only evident inconsistencies was the cracked rib, which was healing steadily. What on earth could be wrong? I had checked everything. I stood, nude, in front of the mirror, positively perplexed. There just wasn't anything wrong…unless….eep. He didn't mean _that_ type of condition, did he? I swallowed weakly, staring at my reflection which had turned ghostly white. Well, I had to know. Maybe it was something that I could actually see or find and possibly fix. Ughh. This was sooo not cool. I gulped and looked down at my body. Oh hell. It was my body, nobody would know if I tried to figure out exactly what was wrong… I gazed downward, gathered my courage…and couldn't do it. Maybe it was something I missed earlier. Like a broken rotator cuff or something. Yeah, a cracked shoulder…

I was just going over my body for the third time, feeling for bruises, fractures, lumps, anything. I passed over my face, neck, and shoulders, working my way down once more. I winced. Maybe it was breast cancer that made it so I couldn't do certain activities or something. Ok, naïveté, or maybe just denial, but still…I checked them out.

"Human, you are not where you should be now. Sesshoumaru-sama ca--" Jaken stopped mid way into my room, gawking at me, horrified. I stood, frozen, my hands in a very inconvenient place at the time. He stared at me, shocked, I looked at him, petrified. Jaken's face turned dark red, contrasting with his green skin, giving him the appearance of a Christmas ornament. The staff in his hand shot fire off to the side.

"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"ACCKKK!!!" he screeched as I lunged toward him. I swung my leg and hard foot collided with lumpy head. He went soaring out of the room, slamming into the hallway wall opposite of my door.

"HENTAI TOAD!!!!!" I screamed at him, slamming my door shut without looking twice at the green pile on the floor. 

I slumped against the door, panting hard, trying to get a hold of myself. What was that?! _What the hell was that?!!! _

After a few moments, I collected the pieces of my brain, and the tiny slivers of my pride that might have still remained. That was embarrassing, that's what that was. Completely, utterly…embarrassing and wrong. I sighed heavily and dressed myself, feeling that perhaps I could do without the married life, or the company that came with it, but feeling altogether better than I had three minutes earlier. After all, it's best not to dwell on these things. I would just hunt Jaken down and threaten to pop his overly bulbous eyes if he so much muttered a word about that incident. Yeah. I could get over this. Maybe. After all, I had gotten to kick Jaken into a wall and watch him slide down… I just had one question.

"Why me?"

______________________________________________________________________

"Because Jaken is such a….fine…specimen of….er…yeah?…youkai. He is very -did I mention the castle is great?-also faithful-almost to a fault-and very…green. "

Her eyes lit up like glow in the dark tennis balls, yet the light only lasted a second. Yep, that was the only way to describe them. 

Her. I had never thought that it was perhaps even possible, never even dared to enter my mind, that there may be another creature like Jaken. And a female one at that. I had just figured that something that stupid could only be male.

"And why should I be concerned as to who this… 'Jaken' is?" Oo. Even a girl(?) with..umm…physical attributes such as hers could play hard to get. Way to go!

I had been bathing in the hot spring and was heading back towards the castle, through the woods, when I had sensed a small youkai and run into the girl toad youkai (?) traveling to the north. I know it's wrong, but immediately, after my initial astonishment, that is, I thought 'Jaken-be-gone!!'. 

"Well, you know, he's kind of lost on his own; he could use a friend. Someone who might understand him better. And, I hope this is not presumptuous of me (_big word, way to go Kagome) _but he's…the same type of youkai as you, and to tell you the truth, I've never seen another besides Jaken until you came along. I just thought that you two might hit it off, seeing as how he doesn't relate to others too well. Don't get me wrong, he's not mean or anything, he's just…short-sighted sometimes _and just short in general _because of mistreatment _let's leave out the kicking him into the hallway wall, shall we?_. Since you're traveling, I could hire you for a few days to work as a servant. You could leave whenever you wanted to. And I'd pay you for the work you did. Travelers can always use money, right?"

"And you think since we are the same type of youkai, that we'll just hit it off, do you?"

"Well…yeah." I smiled uneasily. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to send Jaken away or get rid of him, I just wanted to get him off my back. He had taken to trailing me around. At first I thought it was because of the show he caught the previous day in my room, and I had delivered repeated kicks to the head every time I saw him, but then I caught on and figured that he had been told to follow me around. I had only barely escaped him to take a bath in peace. 

But, at the moment, it didn't seem my 'hook Jaken up' idea was working. 

She eyed me warily, and here's a piece of advice, you don't ever want a toad youkai eyeing you. It gives you the creeps, they're so big. The eyes, I mean. She seamed to be measuring me and I smiled as friendly as possible. I thought she was going to scoff and leave any second.

"I may leave whenever I chose?"

I nodded too enthusiastically.

"Very well then."

I think I jumped three feet in the air. I grasped her hand, shaking it madly.

"This is awesome!" She looked at me as if I were positively insane.

"Great…this is great!" I beamed. She nodded in comprehension and I set off, leading her to the castle, and inevitably to the pint-size P.A. known as Jaken. 

Operation 'Hook Up Jaken' in progress!!!

_______________________________________________________________________

I had successfully kept Kero, as I found out the female toad youkai's name was, away from the eyes of Rin. With the abuse she laid on Jaken, Kero would leave with a jump if Rin got hold of her. So, she served as a new maid for me. She would lay out my clothes, make my bed, and help Fumie and Wakiko with minor chores.

Despite her hard exterior, she got along almost immediately with the other servants, who all shared the pride of a hard job well done. She was a hard worker, proud of her work, and made sure even the smallest things were done perfectly. I couldn't help but wonder if she had been in a similar job before. She had looked slightly worn, but I assumed it had been from traveling. Maybe she needed this job more than I had initially thought. So, so far, in the previous two days, Operation HUJ, as I started to call it, was rolling in perfect motion. The only problem, Kero hadn't even seen Jaken yet. Silently, I wondered if the whole thing would fall to pieces when she saw him. But I reassured myself that he wasn't….that bad…unless he opened his mouth. But, I hadn't had too much time to dwell on the subject, because their meeting came and it was unplanned and definitely unintentional.

To tell you the truth, I had kind of kept Kero away from Jaken up until this point, thinking it would be better if she got to like the castle and other people first. So, I was a little surprised to hear it when Kero told me she had met the toad of the hour.

She had merely been bringing some water to the castle from a nearby river as a favor to Maki, and had run into Jaken. Quite literally. It seems that they were both engrossed in their duties. They had both almost cursed each other out when realization hit. According to Kero, Jaken had just sat there and blinked wildly like she was a ghost. Kero, having a job to finish, got up and grabbed hold of the buckets. Jaken finally snapped himself out of it enough to stand, but thankfully, had been too speechless to say anything. Kero had waited, but nothing came. He had then muttered something about a job Sesshoumaru was waiting for him to complete and had scurried off.

Kero had seemed a bit doubtful. I thought it was fantastic. The fact that she hadn't run away at the first sight of him, was more than I could hope for. Operation HUJ was progressing wonderfully.

______________________________________________________________________

"But the cat had fallen in love with the mouse, even though he was sup-su-"

"Supposed."

"Supposed to eat her. He could not eat the mouse and let her go free."

"Wonderful job, Rin! Your reading's come along so far already. I'm very proud of you!"

Rin glowed happily and scanned the pages of the book again. I had found the childrens' book in the yellow sack and assumed that I had brought it from my time, seeing as how the only other reading material in the castle was yellowing, cracked rolls of parchment. Rin seemed to prefer the colorful pictures in the books I procured to those weathered papers and I don't blame her at all, though I made a mental note to read some of them sometime when I got a chance.

"Do you think Sesshoumaru-sama would be proud of Rin?" She asked me with a cheerful sincerity that seemed to have a saddening effect on me. All she really wanted to do was make Sesshoumaru proud. Something it seemed that could not be done. He would never give her the excess of emotion and encouragement that she needed. He couldn't. I smiled sadly, wishing he could give her that one thing without losing so much. She needed it so much.

"I don't know, why don't you ask him yourself?" Rin looked at me, confused, so I nodded my head towards the doorway where I had sensed him for the last two minutes. It was odd, how I just knew when he was there. I had started to refer to it as my spider sense. Yes, many things about my life 'in the future' had returned to me. But hardly any about my life in feudal Japan had returned, so I didn't have any explanation for my 'spider sense'.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!!!" Rin flew towards the youkai lord, and screeched to a halt right before him, not giving in to the wish to hug him which I could tell she was having a hard time holding back. "Rin read a whole book to Kagome-okasan! Do you want me to read to you too, Sesshoumaru-sama?" She smiled off as the words fell in a tumble out of her mouth.

Sesshoumaru looked studiously at the child and placed a hand on her head.

"Not now, Rin. I must speak with Kagome." Rin nodded furiously, smiling, and skipped off, calling back a thank you for the lesson. Perhaps she didn't need Sesshoumaru's excess attention. Perhaps a nod was all she needed. I smiled. I called after her and gave her the book 'to read to Sesshoumaru later'. I wasn't going to let him skip out on his promise, even if Rin did not need his constant attention. Rin ran off, presumably to be a hindrance and altogether bother to Jaken or to scout out the newest flower patches. I watched her go and turned to Sesshoumaru, who was gazing at me as if he did not know what to make of what he saw. I found it kind of amusing, really.

"You wanted to talk about something?" He nodded curtly.

"There is a new servant in the citadel." I nodded curtly at his statement.

"I brought her here." I looked at him, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. I hadn't even thought that Sesshoumaru might have objections. Really, I hadn't even thought about it at all.

"She was not approved of by myself."

"You know, your right. She was approved of by me." Just because he was the guy, it didn't mean I would have no say in things.

"I am very precise about who works within the castle. I can not have mere travelers in my home. It is a precaution I must take."

"I understand that, but I assure you she will be no trouble. Just trust me on this, Sesshoumaru. It's something we need."

"We do not need another servant in our castle."

I slapped my head in defeat. For being such a smart guy, he sure was dense.

"Trust, Sesshoumaru, we need trust."

He did not say anything for a while and I figured he was debating what the most painful way to get rid of me would be, but even he can be surprising.

"I've seen Jaken with her often."

I couldn't believe it. I had won. He had changed the topic, he would let her stay. And, if he saw Jaken with Kero, then….

"That's wonderful!" I exclaimed happily. My plan was working.

"I do not know what you are scheming, but do not let it interfere with the goings on of this castle."

"Of course. That's a given. All I plan to do is stir things up a bit. You know, add a little spice." I smiled mischievously at him and he quirked a single eyebrow but nodded once and turned to leave.

"Also, Rin should be taught useful knowledge, not romantic fairy tales. No good will come of them, they are useless in reality." I disagreed with him soooo much there. After all, in the future, demons were considered things of fairy tales and myths, but I really didn't feel like arguing, so I growled and let it slip. 

He opened the door soundlessly and stepped out. I ran after him and called out to him in the hallway.

"Sesshoumaru…" he stopped and turned gracefully, his hair catching glimpses of light. Man was he gorgeous…but that's not the point. "You said 'our'."

He looked at me with an expressionless mask that seemed to be molded and fit for every opportune moment.

"I do not know the logic of your outburst."

"You said 'we do not need another servant in our castle."

He looked at me strangely, an air that I could not define.

"That's all. Just wanted to tell you." I walked back to the door, opened it, and slid it shut, leaving Sesshoumaru with a hardened, puzzled expression in the hallway. That was a thing I never thought I would see on Sesshoumaru's face.

I sank down, back against the door, a pleased smile rising on my face. I got up and walked over to the mythic romance novel I had found in the yellow pack and started reading the day before.

______________________________________________________________________

I jerked up, my heart fluttering madly. Dreams about people that I could not make out, but I could tell that I should know. There was a light but firm knocking on the wooden shoji door. At first I thought I had dreamt it also, but the door shivered slightly under impact. I sat up, realizing I must have fallen asleep reading on my bed. I moved the book away and rose tipsily, rubbing my bleary eyes. There was the knock again, more deliberate and quick.

"Hold on, I'm coming! If it's an emergency you should-oh." I had slid the door open and looked out only to see no one. Then I looked down. "Hullo, Jaken." I slurred a little with sleep. "This better be good…" He squawked then stuttered, trying to tell me something.

"I-well-I-and Kero-she-well, I kind of-" he tumbled over his words awkwardly. "I made a-I-"

"Jaken, something happened with Kero, didn't it?" Like I said, I had just woken up. Madame Obvious here.

He nodded, his wide eyes bulging.

"You did something stupid, didn't you?" He nodded, once again, his head down.

"Jaken-" he looked up at me, not knowing what to expect. "Are you asking me for girl help?" He nodded weakly. I cracked up. I laughed the hardest I had in a long time for a good minute, but stopped at the horrified look on his face. "Alright, alright. Don't worry, Jaken. I'll try to help you as much as I can, since I was having a bad dream anyway. But mark my words, next time you wake me up when I'm sleeping, I'll make you wish you were being the frog leg main course at dinner, you understand?" He squeaked a small comprehension and I stepped aside for him to come into my room.

He stood there, in the middle of my floor like a helpless child. I motioned to my bed and he scrambled on top of it and took a seat at the end, looking as if he very much didn't know what to make of it. This enough was a major sacrifice for me.

I climbed in bed, pulling the sheets over me, trying the best I could to stay awake and warm at the same time. He sat there for some good time, staring at his feet which barely skimmed the ground. After a good five minutes, I cleared my throat.

"Tell me exactly what happened." Jaken blinked, the dove head first into his story.

Fifteen minutes later, I sat there, shocked, yet smiling. Jaken looked at me pleadingly for any help I might have to offer.

"Jaken…what color is Kero's outfit?" Jaken looked puzzled, but told me every detail of Kero's daily dress, to the stitch if I remembered correctly. "Jaken, tell me what she looks like." Again, Jaken looked disoriented, but prattled off everything I could have noticed and more, describing her like a priceless piece of art.

I sighed and smiled knowingly. Jaken waited. But I don't think my reply was what he was suspecting.

"Well, you really messed up this time." I smiled happily and Jaken looked horrified. "But…you ramble on like a blithering idiot, know everything about the way Kero looks, and have even memorized her daily work routine. Jaken, there's some good news and some bad news…" I must admit, I was having a ball going on like this, but it was a mean thing to do. "The bad news is that you've hurt her pride a bit, and a woman's pride is something not easily mended." Jaken sighed dejectedly and probably would have left right then if I had let him. "But the good news is that…you are totally in love with her.." Jaken looked horrified, but then seemed to understand. "…and if that's true, you'll find a way to fix this. It may not be easy, but you can do it."

Jaken was silent. He slid off my bed and paced my room. I almost had to laugh, the look of stern concentration on his face was so humorous. Finally, he looked up determinedly. 

"Is there anything that could….help?", he croaked. I smiled. Guys were always looking for the easy way out of things. But poor Jaken, he had no experience in this field whatsoever. Well, not that I knew of or could remember. I didn't really want to think about it, but still.

"Well, almost all girls like gifts. And-and poetry! Write her a song or a poem! She'd love that!" I rose out of bed and nudged him along out of my room. "I know you can do it! Just tell her what you feel, go for it, and don't let anything stop you!" with that, I shoved him out of my room, slid the door shut, and fell back asleep.

_______________________________________________________________________

For the second time, I was woken up by a small movement beside me. Something prodded me in the back.

"Jaken, if you-oh, Rin-chan." I turned over fully to face the small girl who was curled up beside me. "What time is it, Rin-chan?"

"Rin just went to sleep a little while ago…but I woke up." There was a nervous air about her and it frightened me.

"What's wrong, Rin-chan? Did something happen?"

"Rin-I had a bad dream…" she muttered, burying her head in my covers.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she shook her head 'no' and I let it be.

"Kagome-okasan?"

"Yes, Rin-chan?"

"Can you read me a story?"

"Of course." I stood to get a book, but she pulled one out from behind her. Well prepared, I guess. It was the one about the cat and mouse. I could tell it was one of her favorites. So, I read to her. Twice and a half times, in fact. Half way through the third time, she was sleeping soundly. I thought about letting her sleep in my bed, but thought the better of it, seeing as how I didn't know how early I would be getting up. So, I mustered up all the strength I could and carried her, ungracefully, I might add, to her bedroom. I laid her down gently and tucked her in. I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face and kissed her cheek then left, closing the door softly behind me.

Considering it was already probably and hour past Rin's bedtime, I figured I would skip dinner, or what remained of it, and just turn in for good. I got to my room, changed into actual sleeping clothes and picked up my book. I read at least two more chapters before falling asleep. I was uncommonly tired that day.

As fate would have it, and only have it that way, I was woken again by a weight resting on the other side of my bed, causing it to sink and myself to roll ever so slightly in that direction. I yawned tiredly. Interrupted sleep is not the same as uninterrupted sleep, not by a long shot.

"If it's Jaken, come back in the morning, I'll help you then. If it's Rin, go get your book and I'll read more to you and you can just sleep in here with me. Unless it's an emergency, if it's anyone else, you are either an idiot for waking me up, totally clueless to how mean I can be when woken up, or a downright pervert for being in my room and on my bed not to mention." It's true, I said this all very sleepily and I don't think anyone would have taken it into consideration or even understood it.

The weight shifted as the person laid down.

"And if it is the lord of the house?" a smooth, deep voice inquired.

I fell off the bed. And it hurt, too. My heart stopped, then seemed to start up again, full throttle. And my breathing, well it couldn't even be considered human. But I regained my composure in record time, pulse almost back to normal.

"I said anyone else." I stammered nervously, pointing a shaking finger at him.

"Very well."

"Why aren't you leaving?" I asked nervously.

"I am not just anybody else. And as you said before, it is my castle."

"And so humble, too. My, the egotism is so thick you could cut it with a knife. What do you want, Sesshoumaru? If it's nothing, then let me get my sleep. I'm cranky without it."

"Humans sleep too much."

I sighed inaudibly and gave in, clamoring back into bed and pulling the sheets tight over me. I had found by then that he was not a person to do anything other than what he wished. So, hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Just for the records, I hate that saying.

"I happen to enjoy sleep and use it as an energy source." I replied haughtily.

"It's a weakness. And lost opportunity." 

Now, I know I shouldn't have taken it that way, but he was laying on my bed in the middle of the night. Any normal girl would have taken it as a double entendre. Especially a married one who had yet to…ahem.

"If you want to tell me something, tell me then let me loose opportunity." For some reason, after saying that, I felt like a bad wife. Sure I would let a child and a toad servant bother me, but my own husband was out of the question. Guilt trip, majorly.

He was silent for a moment as if considering this.

"You did not come to dinner." 

Oh hell, this guy was impossible!

"Astute observation, my lord." I sneered, unable to hide the facetious side of me.

"I thought so too." This guy was aggravating. An impossible husband. But in a way, kind of funny, in his own, very messed up way.

"Well, then, now that we're over that, is there anything else you would like to tell me? Perhaps comment on the fact that my hair is black or that the sky gets dark as it gets later in the day? Or perhaps how grass is green."

"Not during winter."

"My goodness. Another amazing observation. Ladies and gentlemen, stand back! I give you the man that doesn't miss a thing. Captain Obvious." I muttered drowsily without looking at him.

"Another observation, if you have no objections?"

"Fire away" I nodded sleepily.

"I have noticed that you are sleeping alone." With that, the covers were pulled back slightly and I felt him slip under the sheets and then they pulled back up to cover both of us.

I thought I was dying again. I almost had a panic attack. I almost screamed that he couldn't be there, that he was not allowed. I almost did, but realized that he had every right to sleep in a bed with his wife. I sighed, beaten at the moment. I should be the best wife I could, and that meant getting close to the person I would spend the rest of my life with. I curled up on my side, careful not to touch him, but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body.

"You are very perceptive, you know. Although, a bit behind. You see, I've been sleeping by myself for at least the past two weeks." I pulled the covers up higher around my neck, hoping he would forget I was there.

"A problem, that is. But one easily dealt with." I stiffened considerably, but realized that I must learn to deal with it. I hardly ever saw Sesshoumaru during the day, so perhaps if I slept in bed with him, I could use that time to learn about him. Just not that night. I was far too tired.

But I, despite my worries and doubts, would try to be the best wife I could. And that, like I had said earlier, required patience and trust. 

I turned and edged over in bed, so that my head rested against the side of his shoulder. He, in turn, tensed and I was happy to see I was not the only nervous one, despite his calm façade. Ok, maybe I wouldn't go as far as to say he was nervous, but still.

I slid my eyes open and looked at his face. His eyes were closed and he looked like a living marble statue, each feature etched out in perfect calm. I knew he was awake, I sensed the uneasiness that he would never show to the world, ever. I smiled slightly and closed my eyes.

"Some problems seem easier than they are." I muttered, finally falling into an uninterrupted sleep.

_______________________________________________________________________

I slapped my forehead. Hard.

He had to be joking, right? I stared at the back of the small toad-alligator-pigeon-cross of a youkai who was marching proudly away down the hall. I promised to never critique anyone for their writing again. Ever. I mean, for a midget toad who could barely avoid squawking when he talked, it wasn't horrible, but man. Man. I mean, man. But, well, each to his own guess.

I had listened to Jaken compose the poem he had somehow managed to scramble up for Kero in that lumpy head. It went something like this…

How green your speckled skin does shine

How much your yellow eyes do bulge

I wish your oily hair were mine

Along with your perfect, webbed toes

Forgiveness is what I ask your beauty

For I am not but a humble man

And your fragrance, so rank and fruity

Makes one's stumpy legs forget to stand

You do not know your smile is smooth and sleek like oil

And I forget my words and thus my manners

As my temperature rises, forming great green boils

Opposed to your beauty which looks as if you'd been at the tanners

So I beg you do me this one favor

And stay your rightful malice

As I have but one request more

To one last time see your slimy bodice

Ahem. So, yeah. You get what I'm saying now? Well, I wouldn't exactly call it Shakespear, but I have to give him credit for trying. But you can see how I was kind of stuck when he asked my opinion.

"Do you think she'll like it?" He asked earnestly, his bugling eyes almost bugging out of his head.

"Uh, well, to tell you the truth, I find it utterly disgusting…" the bulbous orbs started to water as he tried to look dignified. "But-" I added quickly "in that really sweet kind of way. I'm sure she will be able to appreciate it more than I will…" I grimaced. What was I supposed to do? Write a poem for him? Oh no, I've seen that trick. Eventually the chick finds out that the person really writing the poems and speeches isn't who she thought it was and is terminally pissed. She usually ends up with the humble quiet person who wrote the mush and I didn't really think I would like the attention of a female toad youkai. I don't think I need to list the reasons.

So, with a quick motivational speech-I'm not one for speeches-I sent him on his happy little way, but not without giving him a nice bouquet of flowers to give to her. I figured that even if the poem was a bust-which it probably would be-he would have the flowers to fall back on. The damn toad didn't know how lucky he was to have me helping him.

"Good luck! Bonzai!" I cheered, shoving him out the door to where I knew Kero would be working. I sighed and leaned against a wall. Man, what a weird race. Take Kero's name for instance. Just plain weird. And, to me, it sounded more like a guy's name, but who knows, maybe toad youkai are asexual. Yeah right. The way Jaken reddened up when he saw me standing there in my room…no way. And, on top of the whole weirdness, they just looked plain…odd. Were they really toad youkai? Now that I thought about it, no one ever told me any different, I had just made assumptions. What if they were some warped, early relation of Godzilla or something? Oh boy. Overactive imagination.

I left the door heading for the garden, actually somewhat nervous for Jaken. But I got over that. It didn't take me long to find what I started to call 'my spot'. Even if I had been there only two or three times, no one else usually was there unless they came to get me. My spot in the garden was the one by the rose plant that Sesshoumaru's mother had planted. I liked it, for some reason, even though I'm not a huge fan of roses. I had other 'my spot' places, too. Like the hot springs. Unless I was teaching Rin how to swim, which she was learning very quickly I might add, I was usually the only one that used the pools. Mighty shame, but it only meant…more for me! 

Did I mention the roses were white?

I sat down on a bench that I had found nearby, where the rose bush was still in sight and I could also scan a much larger portion of the garden. It really was breathtaking. It amazed me that something so beautiful and alive could live in such a place and have such a master. Sesshoumaru seemed so…cold. But, last night he had slept with me. I found it odd and slightly disturbing. Perhaps what I had said to him before had struck something. It was almost like he was trying to comfort me. He wasn't there when I woke up, of course. But this was a thing that needed time. And adjustment, for Sesshoumaru. The fact that he had just been there was enough. I just wished I could find out why he was so standoffish. Speaking of which, he had basically ignored me all of today. I didn't mind though. There was only so much a person could take of Sesshoumaru in a certain amount of time.

Did I mention that Sesshoumaru's nu-hakama is white, too? With a red, octagonal red pattern with flowers? Just thought I might not have. Odd, isn't it?

I was just beginning to settle in and enjoy my surroundings.

"Ah…finally…peace and quiet." I sighed, taking in a deep breath.

"Kagome-okasan!!!" It was Rin. I sighed, taking in a deep breath.

I prepared for impact as she flung her arms around me, tumbling me to the ground, straight off the bench.

"Hello, Rin-chan."

"Oh, Kagome-okasan…" she took a deep breath and I knew an entourage of words was coming. I knew Rin that well by now. I sighed, taking in a deep breath. "Ifoundthisbeautifulflowerplaceontheothersideofthecastleandpickedaprettyflower,butJakenyelledatmeandsaidIcouldn'tpickflowersfromtherebecausethoseflowersareforthegarden,buttheirsopretty,Kagome-okasan!" Don't try to make any sense of it. I didn't. Well, I did, but I was lost about half way through. She held out a flower to show me. Was that a poppy, I thought. That's odd. I remembered poppies not being overly common even in modern Japan. But it was beautiful. This amazing hue of golden orange that looked as if it had been born from the sun and fallen to take root in the earth. A golden poppy. Magnificent, really.

Did I mention his eyes are golden? But they're more of a yellow golden, as if they had just swallowed up the sunlight. They had this piercing quality that made you feel as if you were being watched my a hawk who considered you prey, but they also seemed to let slip a flash of emotion every once in a while. That must be the sunlight escaping every once in a while, I mused.

Rin handed me the flower and I took it appreciatively.

"Well, Rin-chan, it does seem like a waste for no one to see such beautiful flowers, but maybe you should listen to Jaken for now. You can ask Sesshoumaru about it later, ok?"

Rin smiled and nodded, then dragged me off to play, but after half an hour I told her it was time to do her studies. She whined and fussed but I promised to read her her favorite cat and mouse story, _and_ do the voices for each character. She squealed with delight. Lessons were easy that day.

We had just finished lessons and I had decided to take Rin swimming to see if she could do it on her own. We were walking out towards the woods, this time with me carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows. Sesshoumaru had mentioned that I was a capable archer and made me take them with me when I left the castle. I had agreed to this grumpily, wondering if I would remember how to shoot a bow. He had looked as if he would smile.

"I know from first hand experience that you are more than capable." I hadn't asked what he meant by that and he hadn't told me. So me and Rin were-safely- heading towards a welcome bath when I hear someone clearing their throat. I turned around to find Kero standing there, gazing at the ground.

"What is it, Kero? Is everything ok?" I gazed at her, wondering how Jaken had scored on his repentance.

"Yes, but may I talk to you, Kagome-sama?" She had been surprised to find that I was the lady of the castle, but hadn't had any qualms at all and was more pleased that I had asked her to work for us, because of it.

I turned to Rin and asked her if she would go back to my room and get some soap; I had forgotten it, while I talked to Kero. Rin nodded and ran back into the castle. I sat down on the grass and motioned for Kero to do the same. She sat down, rather gracefully, at my side and twiddled her thumbs.

"What is it, Kero? Is something bothering you?" she shook her head and told me what had happened between her and Jaken. I sympathized with her and tried to get in an encouraging word on Jaken's part, but she wasn't finished, and I knew she wasn't.

"Then earlier he came to find me, to ask me to forgive him." She fumbled around, straightening her brown kimono, which was already pressed as flat as possible. I smile. It was so…cute.

"And…" I pressed on lightly.

"He wrote a poem…"

"A poem! That's wonderful! I didn't know Jaken had it in him." But I stopped when she looked a me, tears starting to make their way down her face. _Oh no. The poem was a complete bust!_

"It was beautiful…"

I almost choked. And she proceeded to relay it, word for word back to me.

"That-that's great, Kero! How romantic! He must really like you!"

"Do you think so?" she asked, pleadingly. I smiled.

"Sure thing!"

"Well, he did bring me this bunch of awful weeds that just smelled hideous, too, but the poem was beautiful. He asked me to go to the swamp with him sometime. Do you really think he like me like that?" I almost face faulted.

"Of-of course! Why else would he go through so much trouble? This is fantastic, Kero! But…what did you say?"

"I said I'd think about it."

"You wha-! I mean, of course you did. It's logical."

"Do you think I should go with him?"

"I don't know. Did you forgive him?"

"After a poem like that, how could I not?"

"Of course. Well, if you like him I think you should give it a shot, Kero. This is wonderful. This is more than I could have asked for. Definitely give it a try! You do like him, don't you?" She studied for a while and answered that she wasn't sure. Well, I couldn't have that, so I decided to use the same trick I had on Jaken.

"Kero, what color are Jaken's clothes? Can you describe them to me?" She didn't question me like Jaken had, just spilled it out right away, down to the last detail. "Describe him to me." She did, adding way more than needed. "Kero, I've reached a conclusion."

"What's that, Kagome-sama?"

"You totally like him. Beyond like. Hell, you just described Jaken in more detail, from memory, than I could ever try to." _Or want to.. _"There's no getting around it, you like him. Give him a chance, I think you'll be glad you did." 

She looked up at me and smiled widely. At least, I think that's what it was. I smiled back happily. Rin wasn't back yet so I asked her how she was enjoying work around the citadel and was pleased to hear that she had nothing but nice things to say about all of the servants. In that way, she was different from Jaken. Maybe she could humble him a bit…

Minutes later, Rin was back, barely touching the ground as she hopped over to us. She looked inquisitively at Kero for a second. Then seemed to understand.

"Kagome-okasan! Jaken is getting married to girl her!" I guess she hadn't given Kero a good look when I had asked her to go back to the castle. My, how that little girl loved to jump to conclusions. Needless to say, Kero was a bit redder at Rin's assumption and continued to change hues as Rin carried on about all the little Jakens that would be running around. It was damn near hilarious. And scary. 

Kero made up a good excuse and dismissed herself after a few minutes of Rin's insinuations, so Rin and I headed back towards our original destination. Hot springs!!!

I probably have, in fact, I'm pretty sure, but did I mention that the reflection of the moon on the surface of the hot springs is exactly the silver-blue color of Sesshoumaru's hair?

_______________________________________________________________________

AN: Hey everyone! I'm sorry this took so long. I was on vacation in Mexico and didn't have much time to work on it. Also, side note, Kero's name means "Ribbit" like a frog noise, I think. Don't ask. I was tired and didn't have a Jap/Eng dictionary handy. As for what Jaken did, I didn't feel like making something up at the time. Maybe I'll write it later. Well, what'd you think about the chapter? Kind of odd, huh? Well, please review! 

Next chapter: Maybe some _more_ trouble for the group, Kagome and Sesshoumaru get a little closer, and whatever else I feel like throwing in.

Oh, and in case you didn't catch it, my new email is 

cloverx@sbcgloabl.net

As for the update notification list, I'm sorry, but I lost everyone's addresses when my dad changed the internet, so if you want to be notified when I update, please send an email to me!

See you all later!


	12. Shapes of Clay

AN: Hey there everyone! Man, I love some of your guys' reviews! The Jaken remarks were quite entertaining. Well, I'm thinking one more chapter. I mean it. Not very much longer! I'm just gonna wing this chapter! Like always…If you haven't caught on, I write this AN beforehand and the ending AN afterwards…that's why I never know what's happening. ^^;;; Warning: a tiny bit of suggestive stuff. Be advised if you're really, really young or really immature. Wait, you'd probably enjoy it even more. Whatever. Oh, Sesshoumaru may be OOC, sorry, but work with me. Well, please tell me how my next improvisational chapter turns out and review.Thanks!

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 12_SHAPES OF CLAY

Like clay in a potters hands, we are shaped. We are not born exactly as we will always be, physically or mentally, or personally. We are not slaves to genetics, it is the experiences, ordeals, people, how we effect those people, and emotions we encounter along the path of life that determine what type of person we will be and what type of person we are. There is potential for greatness, aptitude for evil, and more than a chance of mediocrity. How we chose to live our lives establishes which values we will take on. We are but clay in the hands of potters, our own hands.

At the moment, I was looking as if I were made out of clay, or mud, to be exact. Sticky, wet mud.

"Damn puddles!", I cursed quietly. It had been raining steadily for twelve hours and had just let up about an hour before. Thus, the mud puddles. As if things weren't messy enough…then life had to go and throw small, dirty things like that at me. There I was, just minding my own business, deep in thought, strolling back to the castle after a nice bath, when "SPLOOSH!" Face-first in a mud puddle, kimono completely ruined. And Sesshoumaru had given it to me, too…it was absolutely gorgeous, made from fine red silk with black embroidered lilies. It was an amazing piece of clothing and here I had gone and positively wrecked it. Real funny. I felt awful, remembering the nostalgic look that had crossed the face of Kaji as she gave it to me. It had probably been something very special…and I had ruined it. _But red really isn't my color,_ I shrugged. 

"You can't do anything without making a splash, can you?" the voice I knew so well in its mockery by now. The stone jerk, the stoic arse wipe, my husband. Irony! Here I am! And…did he just make a really lame pun?

"Thank you." I snapped, while flicking chunks of mud off my obi.

"Glad to be of service." he said offhandedly.

"You know, you're not helping the situation…" I replied sharply.

"But of course." The edges of his lips twisted up in a mocking smirk that made me want to see how nice his hair would look caked over in mud. It was aggravating, to say the least, how he could make such an infuriating experssion seem so intriguing and…sexy? Ughh. I held up a hand from my sitting position in the mud puddle, squinted one eye and placed the view of his face between my index finger and thumb, bringing them together. I did this for some time.

He had a placid look that hinted at a sighing confusion, placed over his features. He looked at me as if I belonged in an asylum, which I may…

"What, may I ask, are you doing." he droned smoothly.

"Squishing your head." I replied with a look of happy concentration, once again imagining my fingers compressing his face in my minds eye.

He stared at me.

"Entertaining?"

_Squish your head, squish your head!_

"Very."

"Indeed."

He stared at me some more. I squished his head some more. After another minute, I gave one more, extremely compressing and satisfying squish and dropped my hand back into the mud.

"Relieved?"

"Quite." I replied smugly.

"Very well. If you are through-" he started out, taking a step towards me.

"You know, you can be a big jerk sometimes."

"-I have duties to attend to-"

"An egocentric nit-picker."

"-and you have lessons to teach Rin-" he reached down and grabbed my hand.

"An overbearing hypocrite."

"-which she must finish before lunch-"

"An altogether supercilious ninny."

"-so I would suggest that-Ninny?" he paused and eyed me warily.

"Ninny."

"Ninny…" He arched an eyebrow, then his whole face went utterly blank. He gave my hand a gigantic tug and I went flying out of the mud puddle, right smack into his chest. Something that I don't believe he had planned for. 

I slammed into him with all my body weight, which was very uncomfortable, I might add, especially when he fell backward, taking me with him, into another mud puddle. It took a moment to regain myself from shock of the fall and the proximity of his body but when I did, I immediately sputtered, spitting the brown mud out of my mouth and clamored off of Sesshoumaru's chest. I spared him a malicious glance and saw that he was lying there, his eyes closed, a most stern look on his face. If I didn't know, I would have said he had been surprised, also.

"Woman, you will be my undoing." I thought I saw him give a small, exasperated sigh, but who knows…

"If you don't kill me from under-stimulation first." I stated plainly. "Now I'm even muddier. Swell."

"You are not the one who was submerged in a pool of mud, with a person's weight on top of you." He commented dryly.

I sighed. "Yeah, but you must have, what, five hundred of the same outfit? It's all you ever wear, anyway. Just put on number three hundred and twenty nine. But you know…" I tapped my chin with a finger as I moved to sit up, successfully smearing mud across the bottom of my face and splashing my other hand in the brown ooze. "…you're right. This puddle is much deeper…"

I was going to need another bath.

____________________________________________________________________

Rin had easily passed the swimming standards. I guess, on the sly, she had convinced Fumie or Wakiko to go with her to the springs and watch over her as she practiced. I was extremely proud of Rin when she stroked her way back and forth across the large span of the hot spring. And she did it with amazing vigor, happiness, and devotion, too. I was very please, for, I started to feel that any achievement of hers was a joyful event for myself. Yet, I couldn't help but feel slightly downcast that she had asked others to watch over her as she practiced. But my resentment was short-lived because she announced her accomplishment as a surprise for me. She had worked extra hard for me. I felt…so proud. It was beyond rewarding. I felt like a mother might feel when her child got their first 'A' on their report card. And I realized that perhaps that was exactly how I felt. Perhaps I had taken it upon myself to be a makeshift mother of this adorable little child. And you know, I had no qualms. If this was what motherhood was like, perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing at all. I love Rin with all my heart.

Her studies were going extremely well, also. And she hardly ever talked in the third person…although it was really cute… Her math skills were amazing for one her age and her read…well, she gobbled up books like a favorite candy. And I could relate. Books are a delectable thing, a thing one must taste as many varieties of as possible. With each book, your knowledge and learning expand like the pallet of a fine wine connoisseur. I was thrilled for Rin.

As the days slowly drifted by, Jaken and Kero became what I would formally label 'an item'. It was almost impossible to separate the two. They just kept "bumping into each other"-wherever they went. Whenever they went. Jaken had even lowered himself to help Kero with her servants' tasks, an amazing feat for the high and mighty hopper. I was tremendously happy for the pint-sized pair for they both seemed very happy-I can't imagine how Kero could, but she most definitely was. It was a great advancement for both of them, and it kept Jaken out of my hair. My plan had more than worked. Once again, I felt extremely proud of others' triumphs. It's really something to have a hand in a successful something.

Speaking of advancements, the King of Cold seemed to be defrosting. The sleeping arrangements remained the same. He slept in my bed with me. He had slept with me for a couple of the previous nights or so and I had grown to actually taken comfort in his warmth and snuggled up to him unconsciously on a number of occasions. I had awoken with his arms wrapped firmly around my middle. I hadn't moved. I pretended I was asleep until he had woken. It was comforting.

And now, Sesshoumaru could actually be seen around the castle, doing various lordly things. I didn't ask. Wasn't sure if I wanted to know. But, most of all, he just seemed…more at ease. I had actually managed to get a smile or two out of him, amazing as that may seem. A daring feat, I assure you.

On Sesshoumaru's wishes, I had started to train with the bow and arrow. I found that I quite enjoyed the exercise. It calmed my nerves and produced something to focus my energy on…quite literally. It hadn't taken but a half an hour with a bow in my hand, for me to start glowing with energy. At first, I was freaked out. Down right scared. But, wouldn't you be kind of worried if you started to glow a radioactive pink? My point, exactly. So, after realizing that there was no logical explanation for this phenomenon that would reassure me that, no, I was not Godzilla's long lost niece, I ran straight to Kaji. Kaji told me to go to Maki, she new more about these things, and Maki tried to convince me to go to Sesshoumaru. I downright refused. What if this was the "condition" he had been talking about?

After a long sigh, Maki assured me that it was not a condition or ray-dee-u-active chemical effects, but that I was a miko. A pretty shocked miko. I, naturally was a little disbelieving, but Maki assured me, telling me short details of a time when I had healed Rin, partially with the healing aura of a miko. I had been shocked, but I generally take things as they come, and that's what I did.

So, now I trained outside of the castle on the edge of the forest (plenty of trees for targets-remember, do not do that at home-only you can prevent forest fires), and found that I was actually a fairly decent archer. My reflexes were fairly slow, but my aim was true. After that, I practiced with the bow whenever I had free time, which still wasn't very often, but possible.

It was probably a good thing, too. Fate had finally equipped me for something, thank you, it sure took long enough. In fact, if the earth-shaking pounds had come a week or two earlier, we'd all be in a lot more trouble than we were.

I was sitting in the library, actually, finally getting around to reading one of those old scrolls that I had been eyeing warily the last, oh, couple of weeks. I had been afraid I wouldn't be able to decipher any of it, but it was a surprisingly easy read, very enlightening, and fairly interesting too. Why was it so interesting? Well, for three reasons. 1.) It was a myth, a fairy tale. 2.)I showed an uncanny likeliness to the book which Rin so enjoyed, about the cat that can not kill the mouse because it falls in love with it, although it was much more detailed and sophisticated, of course. 3.) It was a myth, a legend, fairy tale. 4.) It was in Sesshoumaru's library.

Ok, so that's four reasons. Did I mention it was a romantic fairy tale…in Sesshoumaru's library? In fact, the very same one he berated me for reading to Rin.

I was just getting to the ending where the cat sets the mouse free, Rin's favorite part, when I fell over. At first, I thought I had just maybe dorked out, but then there was another vibration that shook the scrolls in their spots. Earthquake? I had no clue, but I knew that whatever it was wasn't good. I heard shouts somewhere else in the house and threw the scroll into a corner, taking off to find whoever was doing the shouting.

I ran into Fumie who was panting, out of breath.

"Oh, Kagome-sama! I was just coming to get you! Sesshou-"

"What's going on, Fumie?!" I asked, supporting myself against the wall as another pounding ran through the castle.

"I-I don't know, but Kaji-"

"Thanks, Fumie!" I ran past her, sprinting for the kitchen.

I burst through the doors, with the aid of another minor earthquake.

"Kaji-what on earth is-" I gaped.

Kaji was standing at the pot, stirring calmly, Maki handing her vegetables to put in, as bits of stew flew out with the shaking.

"Don't worry, Kagome-sama. It's just an oni. Though, my the sounds of it, it's a very large one. Sesshoumaru-sama should have a time with this one…" And she bent down to taste the stew. I threw my arms up incredulously and made way to the room where I kept my bow and quiver. As I was bolting out of the kitchen, I distinctly heard Maki say in a helpful tone

"It needs more spice, Kaji."

I paused for a moment, deeply puzzled at their lack of concern then ran as fast as I could, picking up my bow and arrows. But before going out to see what was happening, I made a swift trip to Rin's room. She was reading a book aloud and making all of the voices for the different characters, just like I did for her.

"Rin, I want you to stay in your room, ok? Just stay here for me and don't go outside, please. Follow anything Maki or Kaji tell you to do, but try to stay in your room." Without an explanation, I left, sliding the door shut behind me with a slam. I managed to work my way to the front of the castle, and made it to the castle wall. I cracked the giant wooden doors open slightly, to peak outside. A glimpse of white streaked across the sliver of vision I observed through, followed shortly by something big and black and bumpy. Naturally, I took a step back, but gathered up my courage. If Sesshoumaru needed me, I wouldn't hold back for anything. If Sesshoumaru needed me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a coward. But I'm the type of coward that will stop at nothing if my friends are in danger. So, I'm really more like a spineless rescuer. Yeah, that suits well.

I peered through the door again, trying to process as much information as I could, but it was difficult gather much of anything, peering through a sliver. So, when I was pretty sure nothing was headed in my direction, I gripped my bow and quiver and shoved one of the heavy doors open just enough to let myself through. I ran stealthily, I hoped, to a spot on the outside of the wall that was in shadows. There was something strange in the air, like a foul electricity. I chewed at my senses, gnawing at the pit of my stomach. The feeling felt very familiar, like it was a normal, everyday occurrence. Realizing that it probably had something to do with the giant ogre in front of me, I turned my attention to the battle being waged before me.

Sesshoumaru was, undeniably, the quicker of the two. The blur of his white form and silver hair passed before my eyes, back and forth. The ogre, though slow, deserved some credit. For something that big, it moved like lightning.

I watched as it made a giant sweep at Sesshoumaru with its enormous claws and Sesshoumaru dodged effortlessly. It was his turn. Sesshoumaru shot forward, sword drawn, appearing behind the ogre. He had successfully cut through the whole left side of the ogre. But, I watched on in horror as the gaping hole in the side of the monster began to crawl and squirm as the hole was filled with regenerated flesh. It was impossible, I thought. How on earth could a-

I gasped as Sesshoumaru seemed to have been caught slightly unaware of this fact also and unable to dodge correctly. I'm guessing the oni took a wild swing and just managed to make contact with Sesshoumaru, who seemed to recover quickly from the attack. Sesshoumaru made another slice, removing one of the one's arms from the elbow down, but once again, the slithering flesh grew back in a glow of dark light. Sesshoumaru did not bother to even recognize this fact before going in for another attack. But this time, the oni seemed to read his move and went on the offense, swinging wildly and I drew an arrow taught, ready to strike as Sesshoumaru had to dodge back. They were both busy and the massive creature hadn't noticed my small human being. I drew the arrow back as far as I could, and let it go, hoping for a true aim. It struck right as the ogre was about to back another attack, obliterating its right hand which was feet away from Sesshoumaru's head.

"You should not be here, Kagome." Sesshoumaru called, his voice calm, yet audible.

"You need my help."

"I need nothing."

"You do right now. Think of me as your knight in shining armor." I tossed out, mockingly.

The ogre had undoubtedly been set back by his injury. I mean, hell, his right hand just…disappeared. Good. It stood there and seemed to merely stare at its impediment, only to realize seconds later what had happened and strike with renewed force and a base hatred. He made another wild swing but missed his target as Sesshoumaru materialized below the giant beast and removed its right leg with a single swing. I watched on in awe and terror as Sesshoumaru darted in and out, and undetectable shadow of silver and white. I saw the ogre whirl around, confused by the shifting of Sesshoumaru, smashing trees from the nearby forest into the ground to splinter, staggering, then falling with an earth-shaking crash, before its leg had had a chance to regenerate.

"Kagome, look for glowing lights in the oni. Where are they."

I was utterly confused, but decided it was no time for questioning motives, so I concentrated on the colossal creature laying sprawled on the ground, smothering it with its mass.

"Um…" I concentrated, scanning my eyes over the ogre's form. "um…ah! There's one in its stomach, below its ribs! And…another one between the neck and the shoulder and another one in its left leg!"

Sesshoumaru nodded silently, and I watched, breathing heavily, as he approached the monster slowly, like a victor who knows he has won, or someone approaching the grave of a dead relative. I stood, arrow knocked in place, if the beast should rise to its feet, but I shouldn't have worried. It seemed that after so many wounds, its leg was taking a while to recover.

Sesshoumaru stood over it, gazing down at it and for just a moment, I thought he wasn't going to kill it. But then he shifted positions and made three quick cuts, glints of silver as cuts appeared across the creature's shoulder, stomach, and leg. I watched, scared, as blood streamed forth from the wounds and pooled on the ground. But with the black-red liquid, there was a tiny shimmer that fell from each wound. Sesshoumaru knelt down and picked one up.

"What are they?" I asked quietly.

"Pieces of a jewel that causes nothing but trouble. They were controlling it." He held the pieces out and I walked over to him, taking the pieces from his hands.

"You mean…it didn't choose to attack us? It was these jewel pieces?"

"Most likely not." he stated coldly. There was a bitterness in his voice. It mad me believe that he knew more than he was letting on.

"Will it die?"

"Most likely."

"Is there any way we can save it?" I asked, knowing what the answer would be. I just can't stand to have something die meaninglessly. Even if it had just tried to kill Sesshoumaru, especially if it hadn't wanted to kill Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru looked at me, his eyes open slightly more than usual. I almost laughed. Was that surprise on the Ice Prince's face? Just goes to show that any of us can be taken by surprise.

He seemed to hesitate. Then, without saying another word, he placed the sword he had been fighting the oni with back in its sheath and drew out the second sword that rested at his hip, one that I could not remember seeing drawn. He stood over the ogre and before I could stop him, made a quick slash of silver light across three spots of the monster. I ran to him, ready to yell at him, when I shrunk back, surprise now covering my face. The wounds on the ogre had completely healed. I stood, shocked, staring at it.

Sesshoumaru sheathed his sword and turned to walk back to the castle, passing me. I was staring at its recovering form.

"It will take time to fully recover." I heard Sesshoumaru's voice from behind me. I turned to chase after him.

"Sesshoumaru-how-"

"I advise you to stay away from it until it is fully healed. It will act like a cornered animal when injured."

"Sesshoumaru-" I tugged on his sleeve as we walked.

"I do not want to answer inquiries at this moment."

"Ok, but please answer just one question."

He stopped and turned to me, a blank but slightly interested look gracing his features.

"One."

"Great!" I looked up at him sheepishly and wolfishly at the same time. He was looking at me as if to ask what now. "Can we keep him?"

He didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

______________________________________________________________________

Yeah, life was finally seeming to smooth down a bit. I enjoyed everyone in the entire citadel, even the single, actual, gardener-Minori- who was hardly ever seen around, with his green attire which blended in splendid with the greenery he was usually shielded behind, but was friendly, nonetheless.

The giant oni had healed perfectly and seemed to acknowledge Sesshoumaru as having saved it and had went north where there was rumor that something might stir on the borders across from Sesshoumaru's territory which could then spread into his territory. It had gone to aid Sesshoumaru. I guess even monsters have consciences.

I had good meals every day, plenty of clothing, and ample space to roam about the castle. I had a little girl-Rin-, practically my own, to teach and watch over. I had the best and most personable servants ever heard of, and a husband that, let's just say, was very easy on the eyes even if he was a stiff. I had friends, too. Everyone there was a great friend to me and always patient and willing to come to my aid, no matter what time of day. It is definitely an understatement to say that I was well off.

On the whole, I was beginning to sincerely enjoy my time around the castle. One of my favorite periods during the day was when I could take Rin swimming or to pick flowers, a.k.a. Jaken Torture. In fact, sometimes _I_ wished Rin's studies would be over swifter, maybe even more than she did, so that I could take her swimming or play a new game with her. I relished my time with the sack of pure energy. I often wondered if one of the servants would sneak sugar into her meals. That type of energy just wasn't…natural.

And. Really, I didn't have much of a right to complain about Sesshoumaru anymore. He was far more agreeable to be around, and getting better. He slept with me every night, hands off, but there. Just his presence was comforting and the fact that he could restrain himself when no other men could was amazing. A part of me hoped he wasn't gay. But that part was slapped, because I could almost swear I could see the random glimmer in his eyes that my mind told me was a side effect of concealed desire. I had a husband who could contain himself, but who still seemed to want me. How lucky was I? Even if he was a jerk still sometimes. Yet, the fact that we were not 'together' perturbed me slightly. Ok, maybe a little more than slightly. I couldn't think of anything wrong. Really, it bugged me.

"Maki…" I pulled the old youkai to the side one day while she was passing my door and led her into my room to sit on my bed.

"What is it, Kagome-sama?" she looked at me calmly, expectantly. I wrung my hands.

"Is there-has Sesshoumaru ever told you about a 'condition' that I might have?"

"What type of condition would that be, Kagome-sama?"

I blanched. Did I really have to go into details?

"Uh..well…a condition so that I couldn't…you know…"

"I'm sorry, Kagome-sama, but I do not think I know."

I coughed. This was embarrassing. Like come to school in underwear embarrassing.

"You know…" I looked at her helplessly.

"Sorry…"

"You know!" I made a gesture with my hands.

"Oh. That." she remarked offhandedly.

"Yeah. That."

"I'm sorry, what was the question again, Kagome-sama?" screw going to school in underwear, this was going to school stark naked and painting yourself neon pink and green plaid. Every last inch.

I relayed my question.

"Hmmmmm…." she furrowed her brow thoughtfully. I could swear she was having a go at me… "hmmmmm…." I was practically in a sweat now. "no."

"Wha-?"

"Sorry, Kagome-sama, but I can't recall ever hearing Sesshoumaru-sama mentioning a condition of yours." If Red Lobster had needed a mascot to stand outside and advertise shrimp platters for half off, I would have been their girl, I was fuming.

"You mean to say-"

"But," Maki cut in quickly, a strange look spreading across her face. "if you are wondering of the reason Sesshoumaru-sama is distant in bed, it is because of his respect for yourself."

"what." I looked at her, underwhelmed.

"Yes, you see, you and Sesshoumaru-sama have not been binded long and you expressed your wishes to get to know Sesshoumaru perfectly and for time for you to settle in properly. Sesshoumaru-sama is honoring your request."

Cartoon impression. Jaw drops to floor.

"Really now?"

"Yes, Kagome-sama."

"Sure?" I squeaked. 

"Would I lie to you, Kagome-sama?" she asked, her eyes bright.

"O-ok. Th-Thank you, Maki. I'll leave you alone now. I'm sure you have plenty of work to do." I muttered numbly. I didn't know what to think.

A withered, kind hand rested on my shoulder and I looked up into Maki's crinkled, happy eyes. There was something akin to enjoyment and youth in them.

"When you are ready, you may tell him then. But do not think badly of him, for he is just doing as you wished. Be kind to him, Kagome-sama. He is hard to understand, but he needs someone who will try to. Keeping his promise is Sesshoumaru-sama's way of showing his affection. Do not be angry with him…"

I nodded dumbly and she rose to leave my bedroom.

"Oh, and Kagome-sama." I stared up at her, not quite seeing straight. "Do not tell Sesshoumaru-sama of your knowledge about this. It would serve better to be left unspoken. I believe you understand. And…it may embarrass him." she winked, sliding my shoji door open.

"Huh. Him, embarrassed? The only thing that would make him embarrassed is-oh, I know him too well, don't I, Maki?"

She smiled and slid the door shut behind her.

That afternoon, I decided that it was time to fulfill my wifely duties. Or at least test them out. The idea of losing my virginity still scared me. Perhaps I could just show him more affection…

_________________________________________________________

"Are you not supposed to be teaching Rin, at this moment?" his calm, smooth voice cut through the air of the library, but left no wound.

"She went with Kero and Jaken today to some town nearby to get some stuff. They took Ah-Un. They should be back in a couple hours.

"I see. Why was I not informed of this?"

"Well, control freak," I huffed "I am the lady of this house and I have taken Rin on like a daughter, so I may as well be able to be somewhat in charge of her. What would happen if you were to go off to battle of something? Would you leave the citadel in the hands of Jaken? I hope not. I would be watching over it. So until you figure out that I should have some say in things, I'll just do things without your knowledge. Reassuring thought, isn't it?" I smirked. He sighed; he looked tired, if that was possible.

"What are you reading?" I walked over to me and glanced at the children's book in my hand. It was Rin's favorite, the one about the mouse and the cat and I was comparing it to the old scroll that had showed so many similarities, not to mention testing whether I had memorized the whole story yet. I tucked the scroll away, wishing to rub it in on him at a later time when I had finished reading it.

"You wouldn't care if I told you." I turned a page of the children's book, scanning its colorful pages.

"You do not know that." he remarked placidly.

"Ok. I'll tell you, but you can't criticize it."

He nodded once in agreement. So, I summed it up for him.

"So there's this cat who's pressured by all these other cats to catch a mouse." Sesshoumaru was staring at me, unblinking. I know its brazen, but I saw my chance and moved slowly closer to Sesshoumaru on the floor, his golden eyes boring into mine, nearly hypnotizing me. "But one day a mouse saves him by warning him of an oncoming danger" I was a foot away from him now, he hadn't been that far away to begin with, and it was getting hard to think. All that filled my mind was 'if I kissed him, would I embarrass myself or him?'. "and the cat decided that it would kill that mouse because it did not want to be indebted to a mouse." I was half a foot away now, blinking into his unmoving eyes that were locked onto my face. "but through some coincidences, the cat gets to know the mouse and they became very good friends. Eventually, the cat falls in love with the mouse…" I was two inches from his face, leaning forward towards him, not of my own will anymore. Almost as if it were a command… his beautiful, entrancing eyes. "and when the time came, the cat could not kill the mouse because it had fallen to deeply in love." An inch away now, his almost undetectable breath warming my skin. "And the cat let the mouse go, out of pure friendship and love." I whispered, my lips brushing his for a second that seemed to last a minute. In my head, there was a dull pounding, asking me if I loved this person in front of me, if I could spend the rest of my life with him. I replied numbly that I had too, so I may as well love him. The dull pounding seemed to changed to dull laughter, laughing at me.

"It is a child's story, a meaningless fable." he responded, his lips brushing mine this time. I hadn't noticed that his arms had partially encircled me, not touching me, but there, trapping me, sheltering me.

"You said you wouldn't criticize it." we weren't even a breath apart.

"I lied."

"Not surprising." With that, I closed the distance between us and kissed him tenderly, a warmth coming from it that felt safe and comfortable. I didn't wrap my arms around him, I didn't entwine my fingers in his hair. I just gave him the most honest kiss I could with such a lack of experience, and hoped that he would understand my meaning.

I broke away from him, slightly out of breath. I stood and smoothed down my kimono-a lovely gray and green one-and walked to the door, tossing him the story as I left.

" I forgot that Rin's clothes need washing before she gets back. I need to take them to Kaji. And by the way," I pointed at the book resting in his hand " you could learn a thing or two from children's fables. Someday I'll have to read it to you with the character voices that Rin likes so much." I smiled warmly and left.

Silently, I wondered if it was surprising when I lied.

I hadn't talked to him the rest of the day and I was to nervous to even come close to him that night when his slid in my bed. I lay there, eyes shut, breathing slow, controlled breaths, hoping he would think I was asleep. I almost gave myself up when I nearly jumped as I felt his arms circle around my waist and hug my body to his. Then I became worried and forgot my game of play sleep. 

"What happened today?" There had to be a reason he was acting as he was.

"My half brother came to take something which he does not deserve."

"I'm sorry. Don't worry about it."

"I won't." His arms tightened around me. I kept my eyes shut, feeling nervous, an odd feeling of discomfort in my stomach, maybe even betrayal…? But why would I feel that, I was with my husband after all. It ate at me until I felt a hand run down my cheek and brush a strand of hair out of my face. I forgot the feelings of uneasiness and could feel only warmth as I snuggled into his body. Everybody deserves at least one easy night of sleep.

___________________________________________________________________

The rose bush had lost all its blooms, but new sprouts were growing in, bright and green, promising many wonderful things to come.

Maybe it was just my hope getting in the way, but it seemed that after that day, Sesshoumaru had become much more open with me. He began to tease me much less seriously and much more often and I couldn't help but smile and be shocked at his sometimes nearly content demeanor. It seemed completely out of place and it seemed to remind me of someone else, but it was relieving and I enjoyed the change. Somewhere, I hoped that I had helped bring out the change. But, it was almost scary how he could be so cold one second and have a devious, almost enjoyable expression the next.

"You know, when you smile, you're almost approachable…" I had commented lightly the one day at breakfast where I had made a smart comment about toad youkai antics. I guess he had found it amusing, because the most amazing thing had happened. He smiled. A true, genuine smile, albeit somewhat scary coming from him, but a smile nonetheless.

"Then I will be sure to never do so again." he had teased seriously.

"Yeah…your face might shatter into tiny little slivers almost as small as your heart."

"My dear Kagome, you are not one to speak."

"What do you mean! I smile a whole lot more than you do, Prince Personality!"

"I was not referring to how often you smile, Kagome. I was referring to your face. It has obviously broken at least once or twice…" the corners of his mouth lifted up again and he smiled as I steamed in my spot. The guy really knew how to push by buttons. But, that was what he wanted. "Yet, I do not understand your comment about my heart, for-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you don't have one at all…oops. Didn't mean to rub it in."

"Kagome, I will not tolerate disrespectful remarks in this household. Vile manners are punished." I was just about to tell him just how much of a hypocrite he was when I looked into his face. There was a devious smirk on his lips and his eyes were narrowed, like a panther waiting to strike its prey. It sent shivers down my spine that may or may not have been welcome. But I almost had to laugh. Sesshoumaru was playing with me. Sesshoumaru wanted a hunt. So, as any righteous wife would do, I'd give him a hunt. I dropped my chopsticks and was out of the dining room, streaking down the hallways in two seconds flat. I knew Sesshoumaru would be hot on my trail, he was a demon after all, and a dog demon to say the least. I hoped he didn't have any blood hound in him.

I took off, heading for the garden, flying past Maki.

"Good mor-"

"Morning, Maki!" I called back, throwing myself out of a door and into the garden. I ran over towards the vegetable garden where Fumie was working happily, digging up old earth and turning it over to reveal the rich, dark soil.

"Fumie-" I panted.

"Wha-what's wrong-" her eyes lit up worriedly.

"If Sesshoumaru comes, tell him I'm hiding in the garden. Over by the pond, please!"

"Of course-"

"Thanks, Fumie! You're great!" I took off in the opposite direction, slipping back into the house through a back door. I ran to the servants quarters and jumped in a pantry-like closet then back out, leaving my sent everywhere possible. Just as a door was sliding open, I slipped out stealthily and darted down the halls, full speed. Halfway to my room I ran straight into Jaken. I grabbed him by the collar as I went and carried him, while running as fast as possible.

"Jaken, tell Sesshoumaru I've run past you, heading towards my room. Just do it," I set him down on a passing table and turned a corner, sprinting the rest of the way to the library. 

I slid open the door, turned and closed it with a quick snap. I clutched my chest, gasping for breath and bent my head on the door, trying to subdue my racing heart. Suddenly, I screamed as an arm reached around my waist from behind. Another hand covered my mouth, muffling my cries.

"Punishment, Kagome, is even worse for those who flee it." he whispered quietly in my ear, sending chills through every last particle of my body.

_Observe as the Sesshoumaru in his native habitat plays the prey into his hands, watching it squirm in them before devouring it with the satisfying success of an accomplished hunter._

I growled lightly and bit down on his hand. He didn't jerk away, but dropped the hand covering my mouth.

I made to turn around and his hand provided me the leverage, but remained about my waist. If he thought I would give in easily just because he was…extremely sexy… and very strong, well he had another thing coming, even if I was his wife.

"You know…you're right…" I took a small step, closing the distance between us. I reached up and traced his jaw line slowly, finally bringing my fingers to rest on his lips. "your right Sesshoumaru…but…" I pressed my body against his and the hand around my waist pulled me even closer. I could feel the chiseled features of his chest against mine. I reached up and brought his face down to mine slowly, tracing my fingers back over his lips. I raised my head up until our lips were millimeters away. I could feel his breath on my face, warm. I moved my lips, barely skimming his.

"Unless you can flee successfully. Got you." With that, I shoved him back and took off, down the hall again. I ran with all my might, my heart pounding in my chest for more than one reason. I skidded to a halt in front of my room door and shoved the door open. I scrambled to shut it, but a hand shot out and stopped it, a good foot from being closed.

"Ah…Sesshoumaru…" I stepped back and he slid the door open, stepping inside, stoic face once again masking his emotions. "Heh heh…I uh…." He was scary like that, seemed like a walking statue, cold and unforgiving. He turned and slid the door closed behind him. "Um..about…" I backed away as he turned once again and started to walk towards me slowly, torturously. "Yeah, well you've had your fun, right! It's just a game…come on Sesshoumaru…you won." I had gotten back an ounce of bravery only to loose it immediately-he was the only one that could do that to me- as I realized that he may be mad now. In fact, he had every reason to be. But I was perfectly mistaken.

I backed up, amazingly, into a wall. Damn clichés! Cruel fate. I stood there like a cornered animal, waiting for the impending doom as Sesshoumaru approached. He reached a hand out and it cupped my face firmly yet carefully. He took another step forward.

"I'm not used to being bested, Kagome." He stared down at me, a calm, unreadable look in his eyes. One that I thought looked similar to the way he looked at Rin, but it was different. It was unique and new in a deeper way.

"Well, with me around, you better get used to it." I tried to smile mischievously, but it was wasted. The look on his face was completely serious. He placed a hand against the wall, forming a semi-cage around me. His thumb stroked my cheek slowly. I could feel the red rising in my face as he brought his lips down to meet mine. At first, I was so shocked I didn't know what to do. I stood there, completely numb. I was so nervous that my body began to shake. This seemed wrong, but I was his wife, and maybe it didn't seem so wrong when I thought about it. 

After a moment, my body betrayed my mind and I found myself responding to his kiss. He took my lenience as a welcoming and deepened the kiss, parting my lips to roam them freely. My heart pounded frantically in my chest as I welcomed the new sensations, squirming in all the new feelings. I wrapped my arms around his neck, entangling them in his hair as he intensified our kiss, running his tongue along my teeth. I reveled in the feeling as he explored my mouth greedily. I, in turn, responded, testing my mouth in his. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me across the room, placing me on the bed. I was almost quaking with nervousness. The thought that I was still young kept repeating in my head, but my reasoning quelled it. I was his wife, I was married, I would have to be mature, and…I had started to realize the last few days…I could love this man if need be. This enigma, this cold-hearted creature. I could love him. I didn't move as he slashed the top of my kimono with his claws then undid his own haori, his eyes never once leaving mine. He bent down and took my lips in his once again, chewing tenderly. I could taste the taint of copper as one of my lips grazed one of his sharp fangs. His hands worked their way down, reaching to slash apart the tie that held the rest of my kimono together, when-

"Sesshoumaru-sama, there-EEP!" Jaken stood, frozen, then seemed to realized what he had walked in on. "Please forgive this humble Jaken, Sesshoumaru-sama. I did not mean to-"

"Leave, Jaken." Sesshoumaru growled, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Y-yes, Sesshoumaru-sama!" The door shut-click-as fast as it had opened. 

I stared at the door, trying to get over the fact that this was the second time the toad had found me in a compromising position. He was getting way too much show from me. I felt eyes on me and turned my head back to look at Sesshoumaru. There was almost a pained look on his face, like he was fighting something. Sure, I was his wife, but that meant I should make sure he did what he needed to.

"Jaken wouldn't just come in without reason." I had threatened to skin him alive and hang his hide outside of my door as a warning to others if he ever came into my room again without knocking… 

I looked Sesshoumaru straight in the eye. "Something important is happening." He looked as if he were about to say something, but I stopped him, just in case. "Go check. It needs to be done."

Amazingly, no, astoundingly, he did not berate me for telling him what to do and he did not attempt to take charge of the situation. He merely got up and tied his haori on. He paused in the doorway, something slightly off about his movements. It scared me. Sesshoumaru was not one to seem unsure about his decisions. So, I smiled at his back and called out to him.

"I didn't know you cared!" I said jokingly. That's my habit. Whenever something's uneasy, I joke. It's not as much to reassure others, as it is to reassure myself. "Sesshoumaru, you shouldn't worry so much, I'm your wife. I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. I'll be right here!" I laughed as lightly as I could.

He turned to me, a look of utter seriousness on his face.

"That's what I'm worried about."

"You creep!" I threw a pillow at his head, missed, and got to watch him close my door, an almost contemplative look on his features, expertly covered by his smirking.

_____________________________________________________________________

"Yes, on the outskirts of your territories on the southern front line-the forest."

"Why was I not notified of this before?" I could hear the low tones of Sesshoumaru's words. Apparently Jaken was telling him something important.

"I-I was not informed until very recently, Sesshoumaru-sama, and then you were-"

"Does he seem stronger?"

"The Hanyou Filth? No, he appears just as he had last time we encountered him, although I believe he may have mastered a new attack of Tetsusaiga's."

My brain went 'clink' and I registered that I had heard that name before. Tetsusaiga. So familiar….

"Very well. I will leave shortly. Ready Ah-Un."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama."

Ah-Un…Sesshoumaru leaving…ok, so I had been eavesdropping. No, not eavesdropping, information gathering. Unfortunately, I didn't react fast enough when Jaken left, trying to walk right through me, who happened to be on the other side of the door. I slid over to the side, behind the door. Jaken, thank goodness, wasn't alert enough to know if a badger was latched onto his head. I was safe.

"Kagome, it is not suitable for you to hide behind walls." I gulped and stepped out to stare at his feet.

"You have to leave?" I asked, sounding more helpless than I would have liked to.

"Yes."

"Can I come with you? I'm handy with bows and healing." If I could list my advantages…

"Why would I need am archer or healer?"

"But aren't you going to some fight or battle, or something." Ok, I felt like a complete prat now.

"Yes."

"Well then? I promise I won't get in your way. You won't have to worry about me at all. I can take care of myself." At this he gave a reproachful nod. "And in case someone gets hurt…on scene nurse! And I want to see what you have to do, first hand. What do you have to lose?"

He studied my eyes for quite some time, but I never felt as if he actually saw them. There was conflict in his face. Again, it made me nervous. The evasiveness of his character had an uneasy effect on me. He was being careful about something. Too careful.

"More than you might think. You are not coming, Kagome. I will leave the castle in your care while I am gone. Watch over Rin and give orders if necessary. I will alert all servants of the change of authority. I should not be gone long."

I started to argue but he cut me off with that way of his that makes everything seem final.

"I can trust you, can I not, Kagome?"

I smiled. "All relationships need trust, Sesshoumaru. Promise me you wont let your pride lead you to stupid decisions. It's something an egotistic demon like you would do." I hugged him quickly and released him before his walked out of the door and to where I could only see with my imagination. 

I watched the door slide shut, his footsteps echoing in my mind. I knew he could defend himself. He was amazing. I had seen him practicing in the citadel dojo before and I know that there are few who could match him. Still, something did not settle right. Something ringed too many bells. I knew he would be fine, but I couldn't help it.

"Be safe. Come back."

_____________________________________________________________________

I went about my daily routine as usual. I gave Rin her lessons (I was teaching her poetry now-man, was that…interesting…I think her and Jaken should collaborate on a piece together), helped Fumie and Wakiko with any extra duties, and even managed to fit in a bath. But I no longer gave Rin swimming lessons, and the servants seemed to have things pretty wrapped up what with Kero's new help, so I had found an increasing amount of time to my self the few days before. Now, don't get me wrong, I treasure time to myself. It lets me relax and really think about things, sometimes from a different, better perspective. But in this case, I got to really thinking about things, things I really hadn't given the time of day before. It was amazing how in a house with so many nice, kind friends, I could feel lonely. It wasn't a normal, depressing loneliness, it was more as if something was missing. I'm not dense and I do not go into denial, so after a moment, I knew exactly what that something was that was missing.

In truth, I was usually busy keeping an eye on Rin or helping Maki and Kaji, and I really hadn't ever spent much of my day in the presence of Sesshoumaru. Really, he almost had no affect on my days, yet he had the biggest influence. All my memories that I still had included him. He was always there, underneath, a presence which, now matter how little, was there on the edges of my subconscious. Every move I made, was partly, a result of, him. It was sweet, maybe a tiny bit romantic, and very freaky. I would not be sleeping in the room that I called my own if it were not for him. I would not be sleeping in that room with him, if….it were not for him. In a way, I found his underlying presence reassuring, yet I did not like the fact that pieces of my life were controlled because I was his wife. Domino effect. One decision, on event, leads to another and so on and so on. Bleh. Not that the dominos had been at all unkind to me. But also, I knew that, just as the dominos lead to more dominos, they could also, with the slightest breath, fall and knock down all in the past and future, in a mere second, destroying all. Everything is delicate. Everything. I was aware of this, and decided that I would do my best to do whatever I could for the relationship between Sesshoumaru and myself. Not that I would give in to any of his hypocrite, I'm-so-above-you crap. 

Perhaps, I could love him.

__

________________________________________________________________

It must have been around midnight when I felt a body clamber into my bed.

"Hello, Sesshoumaru…" I muttered drowsily. Someone giggled sadly. I turned over to find great big eyes an inch from my face. I almost screamed and Rin giggled again. I caught my breath and let out a sigh of relief.

"What's wrong, Rin? Why aren't you asleep?"

Rin shifted a bit and looked at me, almost guiltily.

"I had a bad dream again. Can I sleep with Kagome-okasan?" She smiled almost dully.

"Of course, Rin. Tell me what it was about."

Rin shifted under the covers and pulled them up around her small form.

"It was the same one that Rin had last time I came to sleep with Kagome-okasan." She muttered, twiddling her fingers. I thought it was cute how she shifted in her talking between first and third person. An confused child who understood more than most people do.

"Do you want to tell me what happened in the dream? Sometimes that helps." I said as comfortingly as I could. She nodded quietly.

"Kagome-oksan….In Rin's, in my dream, Kagome-okasan…you leave Rin and Sesshoumaru-sama and Jaken-sama. You go away and you leave Rin alone and don't come back…" tears were forming in her large eyes and I hugged her to me, running a hand over her hair, smoothing it down.

"Rin-chan…you know I would never leave you. I may not always be here, but I promise to always come back to you. You should know that I would never abandon you or Sesshoumaru-sama or even Jaken-sama. I love you all too much to do that."

She looked up at me, pleadingly. "Promise?"

"Promise." I held out my pinky to her and told her about pinky swears-something that had come back with my memories of the future world- and in the end, we both made a pinky swear, she promising to always remember me, and I promising to always come back to her. 

She snuggled close to me and I felt a bit of the warmth that had been missing come back. I had gotten used to sleeping with somebody I cared for right next to me. It's odd, these small human comforts. I hugged her to me and stroked her hair until she fell asleep, snoring quietly into my nightclothes.

I wished with all my heart that I could keep my promise.

____________________________________________________________________

That night, no more than three or four hours later, a loud noise rang through the house and I felt someone shaking me.

"Kagome-sama…Kagome-sama wake up!" someone whispered hurriedly. I opened my eyes groggily to see Fumie staring down at me pleadingly. I clambered out of bed, careful not to wake Rin. Fumie pulled me outside into the hall and whispered a few hurried sentences into my ear. I stared shocked for a second and took off down the hallways, tearing through the doors and into the garden then to the front gate where Minori and Wakiko were opening the gate hurriedly. I slid through it as soon as I could and ran out, searching the dark for a white form. Finally I spotted it, coming towards me. I sprinted to it as fast as I could.

"Sesshoumaru!-" I cried out softly. I pulled his arm around my shoulder, hoping to support him.

"I'm fine, Kagome. I am able to walk." he muttered stiffly.

"Well I'm helping you." I bit out tersely. I supported him all the way until we got to the door of the castle, then called for Minori to help him. When Minori was there, I barked out orders to the servants.

"Maki, Kaji, I'll need some hot water." Maki and Kaji ran off to the kitchen wordlessly. "Wakiko, bring the yellow pack from my room into Sesshoumaru's…and don't wake Rin." She nodded and hurried off in front.

"Sesshoumaru, I'm sorry, but I have to get the right medicine." he nodded and I sped ahead to Sesshoumaru's room.

When I threw the door back, Wakiko had already brought in my back pack. I hurried over to it and began throwing out different supplies. I finally found a medical kit and rummaged through it, producing disinfectant and antibacterial medicine, just as Minori and Fumie were bringing in Sesshoumaru. They laid him down on the bed and removed his shirt. I contained a gasp at the wound in the left side of his stomach. It was bleeding pretty badly, so I grabbed the bed sheets and tore them into strips, placed them over the wound and applied pressure as fast as I could.

"Sesshoumaru…what happened to you?" I asked myself.

"Even I sustain injuries from time to time. It cannot be helped." he replied, making me jump. "I will be fine in a days time."

"I don't care how super-youkai you are, this is serious, and I'm taking care of it." I replied sharply, taking the bucket of water Maki and Kaji brought into the room. "Thank Kami-sama it looks like at least you stop bleeding sooner."

"Our blood produces natural coagulants sooner than a human's."

"That's good, because otherwise, you'd be dead by now, you dolt!" I felt warm liquid running down my cheeks as I lifted the clothes and began to sponge the wound clean of the dry blood. I hadn't realized I was crying.

It was still bleeding, so I covered it again and sat, my hands on his stomach for who knows how long, the warm tracks on my face never cooling.

I felt a hand cover my own and I looked up to see him staring at me, his eyes unmoving, but holding something that seemed to fight against him. His other hand rose to wipe away a warm track that a tear had left behind. I closed my eyes, bringing one hand up to cover his on my face, the other one still pressing on his wound.

"You know.." I brought his and my hand down, placing them both on the cloth that was turning red more slowly now. "I missed you, you cocky hypocrite." I smiled lopsided at him and he smirked back at me. "But then you had to come home like this and bloody up the floors…" I smiled even more. "I don't think I can forgive you for ruining my house."

"Your house?"

"My house. Although, perhaps we can somehow turn it into a motif. If Fumie and get to it while it's still wet, we could make that red flower design that you have on you hoari out of the blood you leaked everywhere." I smiled thoughtfully. "Yeah…"

"My thoughts on humans were correct. You are all mentally unstable."

"It's all relative, Sesshoumaru." I smiled. "One man's blood is another man's mosaic for the entry hall." I stated philosophically. His lips quirked.

"It's stopped bleeding."

"Huh?" I looked down at the rag which was now covered in dry red-brown. "Right." I soaked another rag in water and placed it on the ones covering his wound until they were wet and peeled them off, careful not to start the bleeding again. I washed up his wound and applied liberal doses of disinfectant- "more people die from infections than the actual wound in these times!"-and wrapped him up carefully, but tightly enough to stop any bleeding that might start again.

"Sesshoumaru, you try to get some sleep."

"I do not need the amount of sleep that you humans require."

"Did you sleep at all while you were gone?"

"No."

"Then even you, Inutaiyoukai, need it."

"I can not merely sleep when I wish to."

I stared at him for a few minutes, hoping to scare him into sleep or something, I guess, but it was futile. The man remained awake, staring at me.

"Fine." I huffed. "Then tell me about the battle. Tell me exactly what happened so I can tell you exactly how it would have been better if I were there." I crossed my arms and leaned back, waiting for his explanation."

"It is not necessary."

"No, but I want to know."

"It is not you business to worry about."

"I'm your wife." I spat out. He stared at me, stoically.

"It was a battle against a demon named Naraku."

I smiled triumphantly, with a win well acknowledged. 

"The very one who had his detachment erase your memory and who has performed many unacceptable mishaps towards myself."

I gasped. "How did you know about it."

He seemed a bit uneasy. He paused before answering. "I was informed by ones on the lookout for him." I didn't feel like pressing the matter, so I didn't say anything.

"Tell me what happened." I pressed on, checking his bandages.

"I arrived on the edge of my territory where I was told that Naraku was engaged in a battle, which he was. Seeing as I had wanted to destroy the filth for some time, I joined in." He then told me all of the details of the battle that I asked for, how he had been injured. It had actually been noble. He had attacked Naraku, distracting him while another delivered the last blow of the battle. Naraku had been blown to pieces losing all of the shards of the jewel Sesshoumaru had told me about after fighting the oni, but had escaped somewhere to regenerate.

"Who were the people you fought against him with?" I asked, realizing he had never relayed any names other than Naraku's which I had already known. He looked at me, his face covered with a mask that I could not read. I wanted to know, but if it was that difficult for him to tell me, I could forget about it, but I didn't get time to tell Sesshoumaru that.

"A houshi, Taijiya, and hanyou." he said slowly, calmly.

"Houshi, Taijiya, hanyou." I repeated back. Bells were ringing in my head, sounding something. The only thing I could think was that perhaps I had known these people. "What was the taijiya's name?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I do not know it."

"The houshi's?"

"I believe it started with an M." There was something wrong, Sesshoumaru had an odd look on his face. Perhaps he hadn't told me everything about the battle. Was he injured somewhere else?

"If there's something you're not telling me, please do. You're not hurt anywhere else, are you?" I scanned his body instinctively. He shook he head.

"One wound and you have taken well enough care of that." Reassured, I brushed that aside, returning to the unsettling feeling in my stomach.

"Did any of them..were any of them killed?" I asked, feeling pale.

"No. The monk was hit unconscious and the hanyou received a minor wound."

"Oh, that's good." I stated matter-of-factly. I wanted to know what was setting off alarms inside me. "What does the taijiya look like?"

"Black hair, carries a boomerang weapon. I do not pay much heed to mere humans, let alone taijiya." his tone was slightly annoyed now, but I pressed further.

"The houshi?"

Sesshoumaru was beginning to look slightly anxious, I had learned to read the tiniest changes in his face. Worried that perhaps his wound had started bleeding again, I checked it, but saw nothing wrong. Sesshoumaru sat up, the sheet sliding down to show his wrapped stomach and bare chest, his hair pooling over his shoulders. I turned completely to face him, bring my legs onto the bedding.

"The monk, what does he look like?" I was rubbing my hands together, for some reason anxious just like Sesshoumaru.

"Black hair, carries a staff, has a curse in his right hand. I do not give much attention to a houshi, either."

"And-"

"The hanyou."

"Yes, what does he look like?" Sesshoumaru sighed visibly, not bothering to disguise it in front of me. He looked me in the eye, but it wasn't a cold or hard gaze. There was something else there that I had never seen before. An emotion that I could not name, filling his movements, expressions, contrasting murderously to his normally stone qualities. It scared me and perplexed me at the same time. _What could possibly be wrong? Who are those people?_ But I would not bother him about it if it caused unwanted feelings. I can't stand seeing people upset, it upsets me also.

"Are you so bent upon learning of other men? Does being married to myself not satisfy you?" He questioned me strictly. I gaped, straggling for words.

"WHAT?!" I screeched at the top of my lungs. "Sesshoumaru, you know that's not what I meant by it! You know I don't think of any other man every hour I'm awake, no one else haunts me and scares me and makes me as happy as you do! I'm your wife, how could you accuse me of that!" I was outraged, and saddened that he would think of something like that. "I love you, you sardonic bastard!" I whispered. "And you go around making assumptions like that! It makes me wonder exactly how loyal of a husband you are!" I rose quickly, ready to leave and not speak to him for as long as it took. But a hand grasped mine and I allowed myself to be pulled back, into Sesshoumaru's embrace. Only then did I look at him and see a sad, happy smirk.

"Wipe that look off your face right now!" I yelled at him, pointing an accusing finger into his chest. "Or I'll-"

"What? Yell at me? You won't do anything, Kagome."

"And how exactly do you know that?!"

"You said it yourself. You love me."

I lost all steam, my heart rate slowed back to normal, and I wiped tears that, once again, I hadn't realized I'd been crying. I pulled back and glowered at him and he smirked at me, then pulled me into a tight embrace. He had decided something. The turmoil that had been there…he had broken it. There was something he had decided and it scared me.

"But you don't know, you don't remember. You don't understand what you feel." I listened to him speaking, but it didn't make any sense. He wasn't making any sense. He sighed, but I only knew because i could feel it run through his chest. "I'll tell you, Kagome." I was going to ask him what exactly he was going to tell me, but he didn't let me. "He has silver hair, the same as mine, and gold eyes, the same as mine." Something seemed to click in the back of my mind, but I couldn't tell what it was. "He has claws, and white, dog ears on his head." My mind was racing, tiny clips of something, someone flipping before my eyes like an unreadable book. "He wears red nu-hakama made from the fur of the fire rat and carries a sword made from his father's fang, the tetsusaiga. Pictures were now showing randomly, at amazing speeds. Glimpses of red and silver. Sesshoumaru pushed me back gently and bent down to kiss me. It was a soft kiss, much like the one I had given him in the library. There was hardly any substance, but more depth than anyone could imagine. He pulled back shortly and held me to him chest, his arms encircling me tighter than ever before, as if I would disappear. "His name.." He placed a hand on the back of my head and held me to him with the other. "is Inuyasha."

I shuddered, an immense pain threatening to split my forehead. Images of the hanyou that Sesshoumaru describes raced before my eyes, images of the hanyou fighting, sitting by a campfire. I clung to Sesshoumaru's back, my whole mind feeling as if it would break. Pictures of the hanyou with black hair and human eyes, clips of the hanyou with a monk and a taijiya, images of the hanyou with me. Of Inuyasha with me. 

I fell, my weight leaning against Sesshoumaru's form. I was sobbing into his shoulder, into his hair. I remembered. I was sobbing, crying with everything I had. I buried my face into Sesshoumaru's shoulder. 

My sobs quieted and stayed, clinging to Sesshoumaru's back. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but they were silent. Finally, my voice came to me, but I could only speak one word.

"Inuyasha."

I cried into Sesshoumaru's shoulder, but his arms had fallen from around me and lay on the bed, empty.

______________________________________________________________________

AN:Hello everyone. I'm really sorry this took so long to write but I kind of lost my thread and then I put it off. And the last week, I've been preparing projects for finals and so on. As a result, I gave you a very late, very bad chapter. I may rewrite it, better. I'm really sorry, but I promise that I'll make the last chapter as good as I can. So, look forward to the next and last chapter of TCTTW with a clean slate for me. But, please still tell me what you thought of this chapter. It was very difficult for me to write and Sesshoumaru is sooo out of character. Oh well. It was required. Next chapter: memories are stirred, feelings are suppressed, and what Kagome does with her life. See you then! The last chapter!

Japanese terms used:

Inutaiyoukai-basically, a very strong dog demon

Houshi-Buddhist monk/monk

Taijiya-demon exterminator

Obi- the large fabric thing used to tie a kimono


	13. Revelations of Wind and Stone

AN: Well, I would like to thank all of you ahead of time for your support. You've been wonderful and I've thoroughly enjoyed everyone's input and I'm very happy that this story has been enjoyed by so many. I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I have writing it.

This chapter is dedicated to Grandpa, J.R., and Aunt B who my family has lost this year and who I wish I could have known better…

hinezumi no koromo-Inuyasha's robe of the fire-rat

Oba-san-grandmother

Oji-san-grandfather

THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND_CHAPTER 13_ REVELATIONS OF WIND AND 

STONE

If those around us are the ones who shape us, do we control anything about who we become? Are we just clay in the hands of those that are in are lives, waiting to be sculpted, molded to their liking? Our experiences, all brought about by something before hand in the domino effect which is our lives, cut or smooth our edges out, trace our contour lines and fill in the details with our feelings which, more often than not, are not even our own feelings but those pressed upon us. So, are we in control of anything? Can we decided what type of person we are going to be, or is it left to fate and influence? I've asked this question often, seeing as how my life has been one of mountains and deep chasms, of roadblocks and clear freeways and of blue skies and thunderstorms. Can we not choose our traits, beliefs, personalities? Can we not at least choose the sculptors who shape our beings, I ask, plead. My answer is this. I choose to be alive, don't I?

That night I lay in bed, memories still brushing in every once in a while, finding their places in my mind. Inuyasha eating, no, gobbling, down a bowl of instant ramen. Inuyasha hugging me before pushing me back into my time for my protection. Inuyasha filled my mind and my body hurt for the wish to see him. To see Sango, Miroku, Kaede, Kirara. And the memories of Shippou. They came back also, along with a pain and emptiness in a certain piece of my heart. Another piece had been filled, though-the piece which had mourned the forgetting of my friends. 

With the recovery of my memories, the past two months had not faded from my mind in exchange. I remembered everything. Had the reason why I had taken so to the servants and others in this castle been only because I missed my other friends so much? I couldn't help but think that they had just been temporary replacements, reassuring myself that I had not completely forgotten my other friends. I was trying to justify the reason I had come to love people who had only provided harmful obstacles to my friends before. Yes, I had only come to love Maki and Kaji because they reminded me of Kaede. Fumie and Wakiko because they reminded me of Sango. It was obvious, I could never forget my friends and found them in others, obvious, that's what I told myself reassuringly. Inuyasha, the silver hair and golden eyes which I had loved, I had grown to love in Sesshoumaru because of their likenesses.

I usually consider myself a strong person, but I cried that night for many reasons, some I didn't understand and don't ever think that I will. 

Sesshoumaru didn't sleep in my room.

______________________________________________________________________

I didn't expect to find Sesshoumaru in the dining room the next morning. I didn't expect I would see him at all anymore. I don't know why. Perhaps I had convinced myself that it was all a dream, and now that I was aware of what had happened, they would all vanish, along with Sesshoumaru. 

I was going to leave when I caught sight of his silver hair and white haori. But then, the best way to deal with something is to face it head on, stand up to it and do the best you can. Problems don't fix themselves. My mother taught me that. I suddenly felt weak. My mother. What was she doing at that moment, five hundred years in the future?

I entered silently and took a seat across from Sesshoumaru at the table who was looking over a scroll of parchment while supposedly eating his breakfast which looked untouched. I shifted uncomfortably, uncrossing and crossing my legs beneath me on the cushion. There was a tension in the air and I wondered if he was aware of it or if I was making it. A servant-the young youkai Fumie-brought in breakfast for me and set it down before me. I caught a sad smile that tainted her face, and she left without a word. A memory passed before me of her and myself laughing at some insignificant thing. Her smile had been easy and warm. I recognized her as a kind youkai who had shown me a good character about herself and to be an admirable friend and a good servant of Sesshoumaru. But a servant of Sesshoumaru.

"Good morning, Sesshoumaru." I said quietly, but loudly enough not to be ignored. Even though I had recovered my lost memories, they had not pushed or blocked out my memories of what had occurred for the last two months or so. He had tricked me, even convinced me that I was someone who I was not, even made me believe that I belonged with these people. He was unpredictable. He didn't kill me, in fact allowed me to live with him, but I couldn't trust him. He proved more enigmatic than he had been when I had not known him. I lost my trust in him.

He did not look up from his parchment, but nodded curtly. I knew I was lucky to even receive that response from him, so I took it without complaint. I picked up my chopsticks and my rice bowl, lifting it up with my hand, but didn't bring it to my mouth. What would I do? No matter what, I couldn't stay at Sesshoumaru's castle any longer, I did not belong there and I had friends to find and a family to return to. I remembered the time I had asked Sesshoumaru to allow me to visit my family and he had not let me. Was that because he had been afraid I would remember? Somehow, that didn't seem to be it. Why would he care if I remembered anything, I had come to this castle of my own free will. That memory had come back and had a haunting, dark effect on me. I had gotten myself into all of this. But still, he had kept the illusions alive, he had made me believe that I was there voluntarily when he had said that any time-

"You are not eating." His cold, calm voice issued from behind the parchment and veil of silver hair. It seemed to die on the air as soon as he said it. He was right, of course.

"You aren't either." I stated plainly. He let out a low scoff and ignored my statement. I placed my untouched rice back onto the table and picked up my tea. I wasn't really hungry.

"When I first came back-to be your servant in exchange for you not killing my friends-you said I may leave whenever I wished." I am not one to dodge around anything for too long. My brother, Souta, always said I was pretty direct for a girl. That is, unless I don't want to do something. This, however, was not the time for skirting around topics. He shifted, picking up another piece of parchment and studying it thoroughly.

"I did. You are free to leave whenever you wish, but with the appropriate consequences. I will not refrain from attacking your colleagues when I deem necessary if you are gone."

"Of course…" Was this his feeble attempt to coerce me into staying, or was he merely reminding me of our bargain, which I was sure, still held fast in his eyes.

"I-I-Why did you do it?" I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell him. It was true, I wanted to go back, but I wanted answers first. It would be easier to leave then, with answers, breaking all connections, leaving nothing hanging between myself and them.

He set aside his documents and stared straight at me. "I do not know what you are speaking of." he stated smoothly. I couldn't believe it.

"You know! How you tricked me into staying here! How you fed me those lies and watched me soak them up, trusting you. I trusted you!" I yelled at him, my tea slamming the cup into the table, the glass shattering, cutting my hand. Sesshoumaru didn't flinch. I didn't feel it.

"Kagome, you delude yourself."

I sat there, shocked, leaning over the table, the broken pottery cutting into my fingers. 

"I can't believe this. I can't believe you. I trusted you, Sesshoumaru! I trusted you and look where it got me! Living in a house of strangers, my own family probably thinks I'm dead, and my friends probably believe I deserted them! If anything, I thought there was trust. You," I spread my arms about in a fury. "and everyone else here has misled me! The whole time, you were just keeping me here like some pet! This was all a lie. I bet every single thing that came out of your mouth was a lie!" I was fuming now and felt as if I would break down, but tears did not come, they refused to and I was proud.

" I never once told you anything that would make you draw such conclusions as you did. Think, Kagome. Did I ever say anything about you being my wife? I did not. Do not deride me, human. I am not the one who placed such delusions and fairy tales in your mind, that was your own doing. Because your shortcomings are numerous in quantity, do not hold myself accountable for your misconceptions." His voice came out sharp and freezing like ice. His so well contained anger was seeping out, infecting the room.

And he was right. I thought back to everything the servants and he had said, and they had never once uttered anything that was a lie.

"Everyone lies, Kagome. It is the only truth. But, mark my word, everything anyone here told you was the truth. My household is not one of deceit upon others unless they bring it upon themselves. Everything said here was the truth, though it may not have been the full truth, it was the truth. It was suggested for your own good that we did not correct you. Do not degrade myself and those around me for giving you the truth when you asked for it and letting you play out your fantasies."

I sat back, letting my hands fall off the table to my sides. My head dropped and I felt a numbing sensation spreading through my body. My head was a blurry-white, like when you drive through fog and can only see five feet in front of you. I felt like I couldn't see anything. Like everything that I had thought had been a twisted, warped version of a partial truth. And it was.

"What happened here?" I whispered, as I felt myself become void of emotion, or perhaps overcome with it.

"I do not know what you talk of." he bit out angrily.

"What happened here…I have two lives already. I can't take another one. No, I don't belong here. What am I doing here..this isn't right. I must be sick. Where is everyone…why am I here alone with Sesshoumaru…where's Inuyasha…my mom…"

Suddenly, flashes of memories flowed into my head from their locked away places, ones that hadn't stormed free yet. This time, I didn't collapse, I didn't fall to my knees.

"Sesshoumaru-"

"You are a disheveled mess, Kagome. You have not slept enough and you need to eat. Humans can not do this to themselves."

I looked down at myself. Again, he was right. Strands of hair had fallen in my face, stringy and disheveled. I felt the throbbing pain in my hands and looked down to see my kimono stained red where I had wiped them. 

I nodded, and somehow managed to stagger to my feet. I stumbled and Sesshoumaru's arm grasped mine, helping me up. I pulled away from it sharply.

"You've done enough for one lifetime, Sesshoumaru. You're more dangerous than I ever thought."

His arm fell to his side and he watched me make my way slowly to the door.

"And how is that." his voice was cold, reflective like an empty mirror that, no matter how hard you looked, never showed what you wanted to see.

"You wouldn't understand." I slid the door open and closed it behind me. It slid shut smoothly and quietly, and I hated it.

I made it up to my room fine, but didn't fall asleep for a long time. Instead, I lay, wondering why I was going insane, and how I was going to get out of there. Away from all of them, from him. I didn't cry, I didn't scream. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling.Sometimes we seem stronger than we are. Sometimes we are weaker than we seem.

_______________________________________________________________________

Sleep came and stayed for a day. When I woke, it was night, not a midnight black night, but a dark blue night. I looked up at the sky and decided that I could not go back to sleep, so I lay, restless, always turning back to the side where I could look at the sky. I shifted uneasily, my stomach making its emptiness well-known and my unease interrupting all chances of sleep. Many things were missing, and for once, I knew what they all were. Just as my short fit of insanity had come to me the day before, it had left leaving a clarity behind it that had never been there before. My mental break had let me look at all that had happened and I felt a small sense of calm, even if it was just momentary.

I decided that some fresh air would do me well since I had been inside for the better part of two days. I remembered the spot in the garden where I had gone so many times before, as Sesshoumaru's wife. The one with the rose bush. White roses which seemed to exude a pureness and perfection in such an imperfect time of war and struggle. It was like a freak, the rose plant, a pure impurity amongst native flowers where it did not belong. A freak or a miracle. It made me wish to see the time five hundred years ahead where a simple thing like a rose was not given a second glance, not weeded out from other flora. Trading outcast for insignificant. Which is worse?

The ground was cold and damp in the garden, but I sat anyways. It was beautiful and peaceful and seemed a safe heaven, a corner of paradise untouched by the troubles and worries of the time. I loved it, but also hated the sense of perfected falseness associated with it. It promised happiness, shelter, yet in the end, a garden would not protect you from pain. But I took comfort in it. Everything seemed clearer there, even if the sky caused a sense of disquiet in me. I had even started to forgive Sesshoumaru. I had realized that what he said was true, I had brought myself to my own conclusions and I had no right to blame him for any of my assumptions. He had taken care of me, even if I had originally been a servant, and made me into something far beyond a servant, or I made myself, depending on what way you look at it. I could not hold a grudge against him and those around him.

I stared at the sky, the very tops of the rose buds fitting in the corner of my view. The plant's bloom had shriveled and died, dropping brown and wrinkled to the earth, but new buds would take their place. Tiny green leaves were already unrolling to replace the dying ones, and it was reassuring, that no matter what, nature would always return to its beautiful ways.

I turned my head, addressing a slight rustle I had heard, to see Sesshoumaru walking towards me. He stopped and gazed at the rose bush then turned to me. He said nothing, just looked at me. It was a look that held meaning in it, although what meaning, I didn't know and couldn't tell. But I seemed to understand something in his movements, as minimal as they were. I held his gaze, not blinking, just staring into his golden eyes, trying to figure out where I fit in, in all of this. I looked at him a while longer, then turned to the comforting roses, then the uneasy feeling of the sky.

"It's a new moon tonight." I said quietly, talking to myself. That was why the stars held such apprehension for me. I wondered how Inuyasha was, if he was safe in his human form. I wanted to be there to help look after him and tell him that I liked him as a human and it was not a weakness to be one. I wanted to look in his large, young golden eyes, not the narrower, wiser eyes of his half brother. Yet, the fact that they were so alike was reassuring. They could be so different, and yet so similar. It was odd, but consoling.

"Why do you always come to this spot?" he said, also quietly, not demanding like I would have expected. Perhaps the garden had the same calming effect on him as it did myself.

"I like it here. Nobody annoys me." I looked pointedly at him, and I couldn't help but grin slightly as he raised an eyebrow. All that time spent with Inuyasha had made me sharp in my responses. I liked it though. It seemed Sesshoumaru also liked to play that game, as I remembered many a heated conversation between us over the last months. I admitted, reluctantly, that they had not been painful or taxing times.

"And I am considered a "nobody"?

I sighed. "I guess it depends on who you're asking. Everyone's somebody to someone, even if they don't know it."

"Yes, you're right, Kagome."

The way he said my name was so different than how anyone else had ever said it. It sounded like an extravagant, foreign word, yet simple and familiar at the same time. He always said it that way.

"That means we all are. Somebody. You're somebody, I'm somebody, hell even Jaken's somebody. It's perfect in a sour, twisted way, isn't it?" I smiled, but the smile twisted as my eyes began to get blurry. Memories of times when Inuyasha ran off after Kikyo came to mind, but they were battled with memories of his smiles at me and his hugs. Which would win, I wondered.

"Kagome-" his voice didn't ring through the night like mine, but seemed to die on the wind, as if the only thing that could hear it was me.

"I have to leave, Sesshoumaru." I turned from the new moon to look at him. Even if it didn't matter what he felt, I wanted to know it. He sat, still and motionless like a marble statue of a god of the classical times. He sat like that, looking at the rose bush for a moment, but turned to me, his whole being radiating complete silence.

I didn't want to hear him speak with that calm, stone, soothing voice. "I understand the consequences. You will be able to attack my friends. Just watch out for my arrows.." I smiled meekly but it faded like a passing breeze. "There are responsibilities I have. People I love that I need to see. I promised Rin I would always be with her. Can you tell her I'm sorry?"

"It would be best if you told her yourself. I don't believe she'd listen to me. You have had an astoundingly bad influence on her." He said matter-of-factly.

"Right." I replied slowly. Sesshoumaru rose to leave, but I stopped him.

"Inuyasha came for me twice. Why didn't you let him take me. I-could have-I-"

"We'll leave tomorrow morning after the sun rises. I will take you to Inuyasha's forest." There was a hollowness in his voice that spoke finality. He left and walked back in the direction he had come from. 

My kimono was soaked through from the wet earth and I shuddered at the cold.

________________________________________________________________

I collected myself and got up to go back to my room, seeing as how it was still night and I had no idea what time it was. I stopped though as a small figure came towards me.

"Kagome-sama…" It was and very cold-looking Jaken.

"Jaken…" Jaken bowed quickly, extending his hands in front of him where something was resting.

"A long while ago, you left this in the garden after speaking to Sesshoumaru-sama. Please forgive this Jaken! I meant to give it to you sooner, but it escaped my mind."

I took the white object in his hands and realized it was parchment tied with a ribbon. I was confused, but took it anyway.

"Thank you Jaken. Now go inside before Maki has to cook frozen frog legs for dinner."

"Of-of course, Kagome-sama." Jaken bowed and made to scurry away.

"Jaken?"

He stopped abruptly and turned around. "Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"Relax. You don't have to call me Kagome-sama anymore."

"But-"

"I'm not your lord's wife. You don't need to call this human woman that anymore."

"Kagome-sama, you may be a filthy human-"

"Thank you, Jaken."

"but you have proved to be…a smart and resourceful human. You took care of Sesshoumaru-sama's ward and I have you to thank for Kero's company. I didn't start calling you Kagome-sama because you were supposedly Sesshoumaru-sama's wife. It is a term of…" he grimaced "respect for you. You are a different human. Not annoying."

I smiled quietly. As rough as Jaken may seem, he's just a toad waiting for someone to show they care. He had been very respectful of me for a while now.

"Thank you Jaken." 

Jaken let a smile slip and I had to feel happier because of it, yet I almost wish he hadn't. There was a reason why Jaken didn't smile much. A very good, scary reason. "And Jaken…"

"Yes, Kagome-sama?"

"I'll miss you."

"Yes, Kagome-sama." Jaken bowed, his eyes shining, and scurried off to wherever he went at night.

When I got to my room, I lit a candle. By its light, I unrolled the small sheet of parchment and immediately remembered. It was the picture Rin had drawn of herself, Jaken, Sesshoumaru, and myself. I studied the picture slowly, scanning over the disheveled forms of those betrayed in splotched ink. It couldn't possibly be me. I looked so happy.

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I had hoped to escape unattached, without word, yet it seemed that news travels around a castle quickly and in the morning, I was greeted by the entire household, one by one. They would slip in while I was packing or talk to me as they served me breakfast. It was like I was dying, they all seemed relaxed, as if they new it had been coming all along. They all wished me luck with whatever came to me, yet none of them said goodbye. They gave me their best wishes and gave me food and small presents to set me off, but not one of them looked anything other than positively happy. Silently I wondered if I had been such a bad guest as to constitute happiness at my going away.

Jaken and Kero promised to come see me whenever they could, even though Jaken had some qualms about being anywhere around the "pathetic excuse for a hanyou" that was Inuyasha. My last visitor, however, was the most precious.

A small hand pulled me aside while the servants were placing my pack and belongings on top of Ah-Un's back. I wouldn't be traveling via Sesshoumaru's arms this time, and it was perfectly acceptable to me.

"Rin-chan! I didn't think I would be able to find you." I whispered. Rin smiled sadly. "What's wrong, Rin-chan?" I asked the girl who was staring at her feet. She reminded me so much of Shippou that I couldn't help comparing the two. Was that really the only reason why I loved Rin?

"My dream came true, Kagome-okasan. Kagome-okasan's leaving Rin and Sesshoumaru-sama and Jaken-sama. Kagome-okasan promised! Rin doesn't want kagome-okasan to leave! " she always reverted to her old grammatical ways when emotional and I thought it was adorable. My eyes instantly moistened and I felt like I would cry and Rin, the child, would have to support me. There was only one thing I could say.

"Rin-chan, you're absolutely right. I did promise to never leave you. I'm sorry, I really am, but think of it this way. I'm never really gone, Rin-chan. I'm always with you wherever you are and whenever you need anything, you can always send someone to get me. I promise I will come as fast as I can. Ok?"

She rubbed her eyes and sniffed then looked up at me, her big brown eyes shining brightly. "Promise?"

"Pinky swear!" I smiled, holding out my hand. We shook pinkies and Rin's demeanor returned to its happy state. I hugged her tightly. "Oh! I almost forgot!" I reached inside my kimono and pulled out the tale of the cat and the mouse with its colorful children's illustrations . "I'm giving it to you!"

"Really?!" she squealed delightfully. I nodded and she jumped up and down. "Wow, it's my favorite, Kagome-okasan! You're the best okasan there is!" She smiled happily.

"Now Rin," I said seriously, pointing my finger at her. "I want you to be able to read that perfectly by the next time I see you. And make sure you read it to Sesshoumaru-sama every night! He could use it!" Rin giggled and nodded. "Oh, one more thing." I drew out the piece of tied parchment. "This picture isn't quite done yet." Rin took the paper and unrolled it smiling when she saw her artwork. 

"What's wrong, Kagome-okasan?!"

"Well you see…you're going to have to add Kero in there by Jaken." Rin giggled and I gave her a swift hug. "I have to go now, Rin. You be safe and take care of everyone for me!"

"Ok!" she smiled and her great big eyes squinted as her gap tooth grin appeared. I waved as I walked backward to Ah-Un.

Sesshoumaru was standing by Ah-Un and picked me up swiftly from behind, throwing me onto the back of the dragon creature. I yelped but waved to Rin as Ah-Un started into the forest. And I realized that I didn't love Rin because she reminded me of Shippou, I just loved her even more for it. She was her own, smart, brave little girl, and there was simply no way you could not love her.

__________________________________________________________________

The trip took us about two days. My bag was fastened by straps to Ah-Un, containing everything that had been in there before, plus some kimonos that had been given to me. Sesshoumaru replied that there was no one else who would ever use them and they were worthless in his eyes anyways.

We hardly spoke a word the entire time. Sesshoumaru was frigid and even more distant and I did nothing on my part to shorten the gap between us. I probably encouraged it, in fact. I cooked, but he ate nothing and my appetite was failing. Once I tried to ask him a question, but he hadn't replied at all. He was like a living sculpture of ice and blood.

Once, he started to say something, and I was starving for conversation, but not from him. I had cut him off, asking about Inuyasha's forest. But even though we didn't say a word, my eyes never left his back. I seemed to be fixated on him in some incoherent way that disturbed and confused me. Something was telling me 'you're never going to see that hair again' and 'this is the last time you'll see those blue and red markings' and it scared me. I don't like the idea of anything just disappearing from my life. I deal with it well, but I can't stand change. As much as he caused confusion and problems, and a sickening security, I didn't want him to disappear from my life. It would be like losing another piece of my memories.

"We've arrived." were the two, cold, empty words I heard as I slid off of the back of Ah-Un. They cut like daggers.

Sesshoumaru stood, staring into the woods, motionless and I approached him from behind after removing my belongings from the two-headed dragon.

"Sesshoumaru…" I said uneasily, staring at the back of his proud form. "about Rin…"

" I will bring her to visit when or if I see fit." he answered for me. " Inuyasha is at the river of the nearby village. It is not far from here. Head east and you will run into him."

I nodded, my eyes closed. I felt two hands, one on each side of my cheek. The large hands tilted my head back and I felt his lips rest against my forehead. When I opened my eyes, Sesshoumaru was gone. I don't know how long I stood there, knowing that my life would never be the same.

I heaved my trusty yellow pack on and marched into the forest, finding difficultly walking through brush while wearing a kimono. I walked on for a few minutes, observing my quiet surroundings, when my eyes starting to sting and my vision blurred. I slumped against a tree and buried my face in my hands, tears streaming down them and spilling onto the dry, cracked earth, seeping into the ground that could not cry with me.

_______________________________________________________________________

Arms wrapped around me in tight embraces and voices blurred together. Someone was crying.

"Oh Kagome, I'm so happy you're alright! I missed you so much! We were so worried about you! We thought you'd never come back!" Sango's voice rang out, warm tears landing lightly on the top of my kimono.

"Yes, we were very worried for you Kagome-sama. We've all missed you very much." Miroku's hands clasped mine then pulled me into a friendly embrace, for once not bothering to travel south. After a while, Sango and Miroku pulled away, allowing me to cast a glance at Inuyasha. He was looking at me, an unreadable expressions across his features. It hit me just how much the two brothers looked alike. I smiled at him, unable to express the amount of happiness I felt, just standing there, smiling at him.

"Inuyasha, aren't you going to welcome Kagome-sama back?" Miroku questioned, stepping back from me. Inuyasha looked startled then his face went blank.

"Y-yeah. R-right. Welcome back." He turned away and headed off towards the village. Miroku and Sango looked after him confusedly, but turned back to me, filling me in on many a missed adventure.

"Kaede is in her hut. She'll be very happy to see you, Kagome-chan!" Sango buzzed as we followed behind Inuyasha, just like old times, to Kaede's village. I felt like a little child at her birthday, just about to open a heaping pile of presents. It was amazing, the effect my friends had on me and it made me realize just how much I had missed them, but Inuyasha's evasive and distant attitude disturbed me.

"Sango…is Inuyasha injured? Nothing happened last night, did it?" I whispered to her anxiously.

"No, I don't think so, nothing he's told us at least."

"Oh." I kicked a small rock as I walked. "He didn't ask me what happened."

"What?" Sango looked at me sideways. "What do you mean?"

"He didn't ask me what happened while I was gone. It's not normal. Usually, he'd be all over me, especially for being gone for so long. " I muttered, kicking another rock.

Sango stopped and turned to me, grasping my hand in hers. "Kagome-chan, Inuyasha wasn't himself while you were gone. He was impatient all the time."

"He's always impatient." I interjected.

"Yes, but this was different. He just wasn't the same without you, Kagome-chan. He was probably sad because you didn't tell him where you were going and he's probably just really glad to have you back. That's most likely why he didn't ask you about what happened… Does it bother you?"

I stared at my feet. "I hope you're right. No, it doesn't bother me, in fact, I don't really want to talk about it." I said, hoping she would relay the message to Miroku and I would be spared having to explain everything. I hoped that Sango's hypothesis to Inuyasha's lack of questioning was correct. But, somehow, it seemed to me that he had just matured. Like he could understand me more, when he stood there, looking at me with that blank expression. 

"It's ok." Sango put her hand around my shoulder as we caught back up to Miroku and Inuyasha.

"Ah, Kagome. It is indeed a blessing to see you again, child." Kaede smiled warmly, her eyes creasing at the ends. I realized how much I had missed that wise smile that always seemed to hold comfort.

"I missed you, Kaede-bachan." I hugged her and settled down on the floor of the hut, by the fire as Kaede bustled around, preparing something for dinner. I stared at the fire and the orange-yellow flames jumped and crackled at me either warmly, or accusingly, like a happy child or a scornful adult. Something can mean many different things, depending on your perspective. Maybe I was too quiet for too long.

"Do you wish to talk about it, Kagome?" her voice carried from the corner where she was cutting radishes for our meal.

"Not really, Kaede-bachan. But if I do, I'll tell you first."

"Whatever is best for you, Kagome."

"Kaede-bachan?" I asked without turning away from the flames which had taken over my attention.

"Hm?" 

"Thank you."

"Of course." She cut the top from a radish.

It was cool outside, almost cold. I was chilled, now that I was wearing my old school uniform instead of a long kimono. It was a tradition, and I felt like my uniform was part of my life with Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku. I had put it on immediately after dinner.

I walked across the town bridge and to the edge of the forest, hoping that the night would calm my nerves somewhat, and it seemed to work. The night was not a deep blue, but a speckled black. Even the sky was different in Sesshoumaru's lands and Inuyasha's forest. Yet, as different as they may be, each came and went without hesitation, right on schedule, and each brought sleep to those within them, even if they did not bring peace.

I hadn't been walking long when a form appeared, walking towards me, materializing out of the trees like a dark ghost.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha looked at me in the darkness and I wondered just how much more his keen doggy eyes could pick up than mine.

"Hi, Inuyasha." I said, less emotion in my words than normal. If he was going to be distant with me, I would let him.

"W-what are you doing out here? It's dangerous." he stuttered slightly.

"I could ask you the same question."

"But you're a human."

"You are two. Half, at least. And full, once a month."

"Not tonight."

"Last night."

"So?"

"Knowing you, Inuyasha," I berated him as he stepped forward and I could distinguish his red outline of the fire rat robe in the moonlight. He took another step and I could easily see his white ears and golden eyes. He was standing right in front of me. "You were probably out here last night, also." I was slightly annoyed at his hypocritical attitude. " And also knowing you-" 

"Kagome…" his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me against him in a warm embrace that made me feel I was the safest person in the world. I immediately lost all anger and melted into the hug and he rested his head on the top of mine. "It was so different…I missed you." he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. "At first, I didn't think it would matter, but then…I'm glad you're safe. I was scared, Kagome, and there was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do for you. I went crazy, trying to find you and then when I did find you I couldn't get you back. And now you're back and…" he pulled back from me and lowered his face to mine, kissing me softly, tentatively, his lips brushing over mine. It felt warm and safe and familiar and all I wanted to do was be able to stay like that, somewhere I knew, with someone I knew, that was special to me. So when the same feeling of uneasiness that I had experienced with Sesshoumaru came to me with Inuyasha, I shoved it back vengefully, determined to not let a small feeling of unease interrupt my time back with my friends, whom I had missed so much. I kissed Inuyasha back warmly, tears of happiness and relief leaking into his hinezumi no koromo. I had been crying too much the last few days. It was becoming a bad habit.

It went unspoken that I missed my friends dearly and wished to be around them as much as I could, but I had another life I desperately wanted to see, another family to go to. After the second day of being back in Kaede's village, I told everyone that I needed to go to my mother, Souta, and Oji-san. Sango had nodded happily along with Miroku, wishing me a happy reunion, and Inuyasha said nothing but nodded. I smiled, happily and squeezed him, relieved that he would not try to block my way back. I was right, Inuyasha had matured. If I had been more myself, I might have mused that I should leave more often, seeing the effects it had. But I wasn't myself, at least that's what I was hearing from, seemingly, everyone. 

When I went back through the bone eater's well, it was comforting, the purple glow that enveloped me and warmed me to the skin, something forgotten, but cherished. When I landed in the well shrine on the grounds of our shrine, is was empty and quiet. As desolate and deserted as the grounds seemed, they housed a warm familiarity that comforted me. Anything that was sure and known comforted me after what I had gone through. But still, it seemed empty and somewhat cold. In the castle, there had always been somebody doing something or going somewhere. I love peace and quiet, but after being somewhere that tending to have very little of it, I could only stand very little of it.

I didn't call out. Maybe I wanted to surprise my family, just drop in. _"Hi everybody! I'm back from visiting the past for who knows how long! Surprise, I'm not dead! Yet!_" Yes, I could see the look on my mother's face. _"I'm sorry, Kagome. We thought you would never come back, so we rented out your room. Hope you don't mind." _No, my family would never do that. The sound of twigs against stone. Brushing. What would I say when I saw them? Brushing. What was there to say?

"Kagome?" The brushing sound had stopped and my mother stood, the handle to a broom loose in her grip. She looked at me as if she wasn't sure whether I was real or not.

"Momma!" I ran, straight into her warm arms and wrapped mine around her, a sudden burst of emotion evading my mind. "Momma…" The broom clattered to the ground.

"I'm so glad you're safe, Kagome." Momma hugged me tightly in her way that said 'everything will be fine'. "I'm so glad you found your way back to us."

It had been the same with Souta and Grandpa. Happy, warm welcome back's. I knew that my home there would always be the same, always be there for me, and it was the most pleasing, happy thing I could have known at the moment.

The next night, Grandpa was working with chants and ofudas and Souta had gone to bed. Momma was washing dishes and I was drying them for her with a starched white towel.

"Momma…"

"Yes, Kagome?"

"I want to tell you about it."

"Hm? About what, Kagome?"

"What happened to me when I left Inuyasha's group those two times. Why I was gone so long…"

Momma turned off the water, turning to me.

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?" I don't know how Momma always knows what I'm feeling. She knew that I didn't really want to talk about it, but it needed to be said and I felt so safe with her.

"Yeah." I nodded, drying a rice bowl.

"I'll always listen, you know that, Kagome." And she always knew exactly what to say. That's all I needed, someone who would listen.

"Thanks, Momma." She dried her hands and we took seats at the dinner table. And I told her everything. Everything that had happened, everything that might happen because of what had happened. There were many people and things she didn't know, but I told her about them all as they entered the story, and she listened patiently. Immediately after I was done, I felt better, a sense of relief. We even laughed when I recited Jaken's poem.

Nobody on earth, past or present, could ever replace Momma. She just understands. I hoped that I could grow to be like her.

"You've changed, Kagome. You've gotten older."

"I'm sorry, Momma. I know I haven't acted the same. I would understand if you never wanted me to go back again. I'm sorry.

"Don't be sorry, Kagome. And I would never stop you from going back. You have your responsibilities and I think it is very noble that you look after them as well as you do. And you have changed, but you haven't. You'll always have us and we'll always love you, no matter what choices you make. You will always be Kagome. That will never change. She left for a second, then came back, carrying my yellow backpack, filled with provisions.

"Who am I to hold up the past?" She smiled. "Do what you need to do. Do what you want to do. Just come check in every once in a while. I'll always cook dinner for you." 

"Y-you want me to leave now? Is that alright?" I looked at her, scanning for signs of sadness she could have been covering. That was Momma's best and worst quality-she cared to much about others and not enough about herself.

"You have many more people there waiting for you, Kagome. I'll tell Grandpa and Souta that you've gone and give them you love. Your sweatshirt's inside you bag. Oh, and bring this Sesshoumaru fellow to visit sometime. I would like to meet the man who my daughter was allegedly married to for some time." she smiled warmly at me with a happy laugh.

I smiled widely at her and pulled out my blue sweatshirt and slipped it over my head, the world around me disappearing as I did so for one glimpse of time. I hugged and kissed Momma, then slung the pack over my shoulder. I smiled back at her and headed out the door.

"Kagome…" She called after me and I turned, wishing that my two lives were not so separate and so very different. "I'm very proud of you." she smiled at me, a smile that I will never forget as hers, for its understanding and acceptance.

__________________________________________________________________

Momma was right, I had changed. They wouldn't say it to my face because they didn't want to worry me, but I caught a glimpse of one of Sango and Miroku's conversations.

"I know that Shippou's death was very hard on us all, especially Kagome-sama when she first left, but I can't help but see how changed she seems now that she's back. She seems different from when she left us."

"Yes, Kagome-chan has changed quite a bit. She's quieter, not as outgoing, and more..removed. I catch her just staring off into space sometimes. We'll always care for her, yet I can't help but miss the happier Kagome."

"I know, Sango. But Kagome-sama has been through much. Naraku's trickery and imprisoning of her mind. Staying in the Saigoku. Perhaps she has dealt with much more than we can imagine." I wanted to kiss Miroku.

"What do you think happened there…in Sesshoumaru's territory? Do you think he took her prisoner?"

"It is hard to say, Sango, but right now, all we can do is be there for her. Kagome-sama is strong, she will get through whatever this is, and we can try to help her to the best of our abilities."

They were the best friend's I could ever wish for, and just for them, I would try to be as happy as I could.

We collected a number of shards over the following months, not including the one given to me by Rin, after it was mistaken for a 'pretty rock'. Which I guess, it really was. We went on, the gatherers of the shikon no tama, each for our own reason. Sometimes, I wondered if we were destined to wander, searching forever for the lost pieces of the magical jewel of four souls, like cursed characters in an ancient myth. Would we rewrite history or would history rewrite us?

It didn't matter. I enjoyed just being with my friends, maybe not safe, but happy. I reminded myself constantly that I was lucky just to be back with my friends and have my memories return. I didn't complain at all, no matter how much something bothered me. I was glad enough just to be with Inuyasha and with our time together, we seemed to grow closer, yet farther apart. I was reminded too often of his cynic half brother and he was reminded too often of a lost love that came back to haunt. It stretched us apart, yet I felt our bond tighten because of it. In our shared torments, we reached a mutual understanding. 

It wasn't until three weeks after I had returned to Inuyasha, but true to his word, Sesshoumaru brought Rin to see me. We had just packed up camp and were eating a light breakfast before planning on continuing eastward after the rumor of a stray shard. I was happy to see Rin, and she ecstatic to see me, but the very sight of Sesshoumaru brought back memories that, while with Inuyasha, I had tried to suppress. 

He hadn't said anything. Even when Inuyasha questioned him openly on the reason for his sudden appearance to our group, he said nothing, and I was forced to explain to Inuyasha that Sesshoumaru had brought Rin to see me. Sesshoumaru did not respond to Inuyasha's minimal comments, only watched on as Rin showered me with a barrage of questions and played with me.

An uneasiness occurred when I was caught, both of them-Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru- around me. I found myself finding that certain actions of one reminded me of the other and my mind was in a constant game of a gray game of tag between the two. So, I blocked it all out, shut it down, determined to have a good time with Rin while she was there. But, blocking out feelings is not a simple task, and forgetting them is even harder. They always come back. But, I did manage to hold them back from my immediate attention. 

I didn't really talk to Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha while Sesshoumaru was with our group, and they left late in the afternoon after Rin gave me my picture, complete with Kero and all. I didn't want her to leave, but she promised that she'd come back and Sesshoumaru said nothing, meaning he had no objections. I found it odd, for me to be taking comfort in the promises of a young girl, when I had been the one comforting, promising her just weeks before. When had I come to rely on our little friendship so much?

They visited often when they did, and when they didn't, it wasn't for a long time. Still, I was pleased at the amount of time Sesshoumaru was giving to Rin and myself. Jaken and Kero even came with Rin once or twice and I learned that they had become mates. I was very happy for the two of them. And then, on their second visit, Kero pulled me aside and gave me the great news that she was expecting. Twenty-five eggs.

"That's wonderful, Kero!" though I didn't know how many more Jakens the world could handle, I figured the world would be ok, considering all it had put up with so far.

"Thank you, Kagome-sama. It is all your doing, you know! We are very grateful to you!" She beamed at me, her giant eyes sparkling like headlights.

"Don't mention it! It's so rewarding, seeing you two happy together!" I kneeled down and hugged her, not caring if there was a risk of warts. This was a great thing for my friend, and I was happy for her. But, somewhere, to my shame, jealousy was eating at my heart. She had found the perfect, one person for her, and they could have each other forever.

It seemed, as time progressed slowly, that Sesshoumaru and Rin's presence became less bothersome, maybe even almost welcome. Despite his threats, Sesshoumaru didn't ever attack our group willingly again. In fact, he even put in his fair share of slices when Inuyasha had battled Naraku. Said he too had reasons for destroying the thieving and murdering hanyou. We all had our reasons, so it wasn't surprising. Just as I had my fair share of reasons for disintegrating the bastard with purified arrows. 

And Rin. Sango took to Rin quiet quickly, perhaps finding her to be like her brother Kohaku. And Miroku seemed to exude a fatherly warmth when she was around, except for when he commented on how beautiful of a woman she would be when grown up. Sango made sure he only said it once. But, Rin's presence seemed to bring out the parental tendencies of Miroku and Sango, let alone myself, and made me fully aware of how good my two friends would be with children. After all, most of the girls Sango's age had already been married. I wondered if she wished she had a life that included a husband and her own kids, as I'm pretty sure Miroku did. Or had she given up the idea of a domestic life in return for one of revenge and death? At one time or another, it seemed that all of our group was destined to continue on forever, never resting until death. And yet, sometimes I could feel our progress in our journey, taste the finish line, though I could never see it. Sometimes we seemed doomed. Other times we seemed destined. 

When Sesshoumaru and Rin were there, it was difficult. Sometimes there was the undertone of silence, but other times, it seemed natural. Inuyasha didn't provoke Sesshoumaru, and Sesshoumaru did not provoke Inuyasha. They seemed to have formed an unstable truce. And so, after some time, everything seemed peaceful enough. And yet, they always went back, Sesshoumaru and Rin, from the way they came. And sometimes they would not come back to see us for a month. I was never sure when the next time I would see them would be. The next day, the next month, it was unknown. And with them, left a certain comfort in me that would only revisit when they did. I had stayed where the always left me to go to. A part of me was there, in that castle, no matter what.

I was happy with Inuyasha. Our relationship was growing. We had become closer, better friends. He confided in me more, and I in him. He was constantly watching after me, guarding me and I was constantly cheering him on and providing as much support as I could. We had both changed and I found a deep, warm love growing for him, a different kind than ever before. A kind that was based on healing wounds, shared experiences, understanding, and the deepest kind of friendship. I understood now, I finally understood how Inuyasha could love two women, something which I had never been able to comprehend, was clear as daylight. He loved me for me, something that I had always wished for with all my heart, and he loved Kikyo for who she was. He loved me and was dedicated to Kikyo. I could sympathize and appreciate him loving two women because, I finally realized as my friendships grew, I loved two men. And I finally realized that perhaps it did not make us indecisive, unpractical, like I had often accused Inuyasha of being, or bad people for not singling out the one we really loved, it made us better because we could really love two people.

________________________________________________________________________

Cold, wet, and gray. It was raining, the day Jaken and Kero came to me. We had no fire because it would smolder and die out with a sigh whenever we attempted to start one. We rested under the canopy of tall trees in a forest somewhere west, scavenging for what little shelter we could find from the hazy rain which threatened to worsen very quickly.

Inuyasha heard the splattering of footsteps first and drew tetsusaiga, but replaced it soon when Jaken and Kero came running out of the bushes, their figures brown and wet from their close proximity to the muddied ground. They were breathing hard and I knew something was wrong. The world seemed to slow as I stared at the dripping faces of my friends. Something was wrong, I knew it. My heart froze and I couldn't speak.

"Jaken-sama, what's wrong?" Miroku questioned, rising to bring them under the protection of the trees, but they shook off his welcoming gestures and turned to me, breathing hard.

"Kagome-sama-the castle-you're needed-at the castle!!" Kero gasped out, rain drops running down her nose as she stammered between breaths. "Quickly!"

I stood, paralyzed by fear. Then, like a flash of dark lightning, my mind set to work.

"I need my backpack! Where's my backpack?! I stuttered hurriedly.

"Kagome-sama-Ah-Un- he's not far from here! But Kero and I-"

"It's alright Jaken, I'll be fine, Ah-Un knows where to go!" I gathered my belongings and stuffed them in my backpack which I had located quickly and slung over my shoulder.

"Miroku, Sango…" I looked at them, asking for their pardon. Sango just smiled.

"You're needed, Kagome-sama." Miroku said warmly. "You must help those that you can. We'll forgive you for now." he smiled. 

"Inuyasha…" I whispered hurriedly, not sure what I was asking or what I was expecting him to say. But he didn't say anything, just nodded and I was more thankful for that gesture than anything. "Thank you, Inuyasha." I whispered loud enough for his hanyou ears to catch as I ran into the trees in the way Jaken had directed. Ah-Un was exactly where Jaken and Kero had said it would be. I clambered onto his back with little difficultly and took the reins into my shaking hands. The sky was darkening, though it was midday.

Ah-Un took off into the sky, gray droplets splattering my face and plastering my hair to my head. The gray droplets turned to dark, heavy drops that streamed down my cheeks and made it impossible for me to see. And all the while, my mind was racing as I thought of what could be wrong. Rin, Sesshoumaru, Maki, Kaji, Fumie, Wakiko, Minori, anything could be wrong! My mind was in a panic and the only thing I could think of was how lost I would be without Sesshoumaru or Rin. Had Rin been poisoned again, past all help and hope? Would I be too late? Sesshoumaru's wound- it hadn't healed completely before I left them. Had it gotten worse, infected, did he lay, dying, on his bed in his castle, without me?! He couldn't die without me! He couldn't die with me! _He can't die!_ I screamed silently, tears streaming down my face, mixing with the dark drops, indistinguishable. "He can't die, he's the great taiyoukai of the West, he's Sesshoumaru, He can't die!"I muttered over and over again, the wind lashing at my hair, stinging my face, the minutes mutating into hours. All I could see was Rin's picture where we all stood, happier than we had ever been before, happy together. The drops turned to sheets of water, driving brutily down on me. My eyes were squinted against the dark onslaught of the stormy night, my heart racing, the tears mingling with the rain until it was impossible for me to see. Raining the whole world over, it seemed, in fast, harsh splatters of gray and brown, and black. Memories of my life with Sesshoumaru and Rin flashed before my eyes in time with thunder and lightning.

When I felt the jar of Ah-Un's unstable landing, I jumped to the ground and rushed off into the rain. After a minute of running blindly in the rain, I could see the dark outline against the black morning. I ran, sliding in the mud, my sight nearly dissolved in the night, my heart beating out of my chest. I ran as hard as I could, my body aching. I dashed through the gates and tore open the doors to the castle, a gust of wind signaling my stormy arrival and blowing sheets of rain into the entrance hall. I ran dashed down the hallway, turned the corner, and went crashing into a body.

"K-Kagome-sama! Thank-!" 

"Where is he, Kaji?! Where's Sesshoumaru?!"

"H-he's in his room, Kagome-sama!" she stuttered, confusion and anxiety covering her face.

If Rin was sick, he would have come to get me, he would have come. I knew that second that he was dying. I rushed down the hallways to the room I had never seen, his room, my heart jumping and breaking with every step I took, knowing I couldn't handle what I was about to find, yet dying to find him. Jerking to a halt in front of the shoji door, I jerked it open, the gray light casting black shadows in the dark room, illuminated by a candle resting on a table, casting shadows across the room to mingle with those made by the light of the hall. There he was, the light casting dark shadows over his perfect white marble face, making black rings under his eyes.

"Kagome…" the smooth, calm voice that I had missed so much.

"What's wrong, Sesshoumaru!! Tell me!" my pack slid off my shoulder, crashing to the ground, pulling my heart with it.

"What-" he began but decided against it. Sesshoumaru sighed and stood up from the table and walked over to me, gazing calmly into my face with unreadable features. "There is nothing wrong, Kagome."

"But they said-and I thought you or Rin were dying and-!"

"Everyone is fine, Kagome. No one is dying. Who gave you this message?" he spoke unbelievably calm and cool and it flustered me even more.

"Kero and Jaken! They came on Ah-Un-!"

"Kagome, calm down. No one is sick, no one is dying. What did Kero and Jaken tell you."

"They said I was needed at the castle and to come quickly and-" I began to see the ridiculousness of it, nothing was wrong. They had planned it all. But why?

"I think that if something were wrong, I could manage to keep it under control, Kagome. I will talk to Kero and Jaken and see that they never do something this absurd again. It's late and, looking at your state, you haven't slept. Go back to Inuyasha." his words echoed coldly in the dark room. I stared at him as my clothes dripped wet on the wooden floor, plastered to my skin and my hair dripping water down my nose and into my eyes, but I didn't blink. I stood, staring at him, and despite all the effort and strength I had, the tears came again, warm on my cold skin. They fell silently as I stood there, the water gathering in pools at my feet, reflecting the candlelight in luminous, silver patches.

"I'm so stupid. I thought something was wrong." I whispered, my voice slow and even. "I thought you were sick or dying." but I couldn't contain a cool manner like him. My voice broke and my chest was constricted, my breaths coming slowly and difficulty, nothing but the shimmer of tears themselves giving away the fact that I was crying. "I-I was scared, Sesshoumaru." I whispered quietly, wishing I could wake up.

"Kagome," he walked to me and stood in front of me, gazing down into my face, his golden eyes so full of the same emotion that had filled them when he told me about Inuyasha, knowing my memory would come back, knowing that I would leave. "go back. Go back to them, Kagome. You don't belong here." he said calmly and quietly. I looked up at him, a sadness and fear spreading within me, taking control. Why couldn't I belong? No. No.

"No." I whispered. "It's not true. No." I whispered, my dripping hair falling into my eyes.

"You're not being sensible, Kagome. Go back to Inuyasha where you will be happy."

"No…it's…." I faded off, my mind cold and gray and fogged. All I knew was that it wasn't true. I would have been lost if he had been dying. I wouldn't have known what to do, completely lost. Did he really think that? That I couldn't be happy except with Inuyasha. 

"Go back," he stepped forward and his hand raised to cup my cheek. "you don't belong here, Kagome. You will not be happy here." His thumb stroked my cheek and I realized that it wasn't that he didn't want me. He wanted me to be happy. He had told me about my friends, bringing back my memory of Inuyasha, despite what he wanted, because he had put me first.

"The roses…" I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks, stopping at his hands. 

"What are you talking about?" he looked at me, a calm anger seeping though. "Leave Kagome." But I realized something else. It wasn't anger in his voice any more, it was a plea and it filled me with a sad happiness that seemed wonderful and grave. It was the same plea that filled me unconsciously every time he left with Rin. The plea, the hope that he wouldn't return because every time, it brought a pain and loss that was impossible to deal with forever. 

"The roses. The roses don't belong here but they live here and they're beautiful here." I said softly. Sesshoumaru's face cleared and a look of surprise covered it, betraying the stoic mask. The surprise faded into a different look, one that I couldn't place and he bent down, his hand cupping my cheek as his lips met mine and kissed them softly, deeply, then eloquently. I closed my eyes, the last tears spilling from them as I put my arms around him and kissed him back, with a meaning that I had never felt before. 

He pulled back and I looked at him with red eyes. Hand lingered on my face, wiping away the glittering tracks left behind on my cheeks then turned away.

"I'll have Maki bring you dry clothes. You should return to your companions. They will be anxious about your sudden parting." He still didn't understand. I understood, but knew he was right, I could be happy with him, he didn't understand that, but did I belong with him? 

My head bent in a small nod and I smiled at him sadly. I turned and stepped outside the shoji door, leaving the person I had learned to love despite all the odds against us, along with a piece of me. I stopped, staring at the hallway, the gray light flooding into it through one small, bamboo-barred window across from Sesshoumaru's door, showing the garden that the castle was centered around. The rain had lightened back to a hazy, ethereal shower and the trees dripped slowly onto the earth, the rain drops taking a part of each one as they hit the wet ground. I turned to walk down the hallway, knowing exactly what and how much I was leaving behind. I knew exactly what I was losing and it was killing me. But I couldn't cry anymore.

"Kagome…" I stopped when he said my name, making it sound rich and calm like I remembered. I didn't want him to say anything. It would only make it harder to leave, if he gave me those few extra seconds to fall in love with him even more. I turned and walked back to his doorway, wishing it would all go away. The tears that I couldn't cry anymore, the aching in my chest, the way it all disappeared when he was there. Sesshoumaru stood there, his face blank, his eyes alive, glowing golden. He walked to me, the door way creating a false barrier between us that only served to remind me that I didn't belong with him.

"A human may not belong in the house of a demon lord, and no one is sick or dying, but there was truth in what Kero told you. You are needed here. Rin needs you, the servants need you, and I need you here. So, if it suits you, you may stay here." there was a sad apprehension in his face that told of the sacrifices he had made for me and thought he would make.

"Sesshoumaru…" I looked at him, maybe surprised, happy, miserable, or torn.

"Will you stay here, Kagome?" he asked me calmly, quietly, his golden eyes gazing into the blue of mine.

Was this what I had hoped for? For him to ask me to stay with him forever? Or had I wished that Inuyasha would put aside his past and love just me? I had responsibilities still with Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, and Kaede. I had to find the jewel shards. I had responsibilities with Sesshoumaru. I had a promise to keep to Rin and I had to teach her. I loved Sesshoumaru and I loved Inuyasha. I had my friends with Inuyasha. And I had my friends in the western citadel of Sesshoumaru. I had a second life with Inuyasha and a third life with Sesshoumaru. I still had responsibilities to see to, life to live.

I gazed at him, at Sesshoumaru. Everything, as confusing, muddled, twisted as it was, became perfectly clear, and it always had been.

I looked into his golden eyes and smiled a tearless smile. I knew exactly what my answer was going to be. 

Gentle winds will shape stone mountains

And roses will continue to bloom 

______________________________________________________________________________The End__________________________________________________________________

AN: Again, thank you to all of you who have supported me. I want to give special thanks to my mom, who I could never write without the ideas and input of. She is largely responsible for my writing this. Please tell me what you thought of the story as a whole now and the ending. Feel free to email me about anything. And be sure to check out my new stories. The first one is going to be very unconventional and is called Biography of Black. It's not Sess/Kag (OMG) or anything but it should be very interesting and very different. The second will be a S/K, so keep you eyes open for both. The first chapter of BB will be out very soon. Again, thanks to all of you! You've been an amazing encouragement! I hope you all walk away from this a little enlightened or just a bit more entertained than you were before. Bye!


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